I can't recall where I found out about this book - perhaps browsing the internet late at night, and I believe I found their forums page. Guys on thereI can't recall where I found out about this book - perhaps browsing the internet late at night, and I believe I found their forums page. Guys on there talking about "opening," and "transitioning," and so on. It was a whole other language.
Apparently, this is how self-help is marketed to males. It's a "system" and it has all of these codewords for things and situations, perhaps for other dudes to feel that they're all in this together. Slick.
But it's all the packaging. Read the actual book, and it's a self-help book that is rather laughable in parts, squicky in others, and yet, some of it makes sense.
There is a section about staying well-groomed, which is sensible. If you look like a slob, no one is attracted to that.
However, the insane bits are what I highlighted, so let's look at those.
At the beginning of the book, they stress that they "don't want women manipulated into having sex." And through a model of behavior I'll explain in a minute, they claim that women will not feel this way.
This model is called "avoid/blur/distract." The basic gist is that the guy does not allow the women to engage her brain logically to think about her having sex with you, because then she might start to doubt herself, and no one wants that:
For example, when you take her home, talk non-stop. Don't talk fast or appear nervous, but don't let a moment of silence come in. Keep her mind occupied with her words. Your monologue will distract her from the fact that she is coming home with you.
That sounds kind of sinister to me, written out in this way. Especially when this is followed up later by the author alluding to the fact that women will tend to wait to engage in intercourse with a man whilst she assesses if he is really who he professes to be. This could take up to three dates or more. But he tells his readers not to worry, because "we have a system for compressing or bypassing this process." Pardon me while I shudder; this is CREEPY. If you're not going to give a woman time to decide about you, and you keep pressing, she's going to shut your ass down. At least if it's me in this scenario. I don't have time for your "game."
By the way, he insists that most men should get surgery or wear contacts because men don't look good in glasses. I LOVE dudes in glasses. Most of the time, it's because they need help picking the right frame for their face, but that's true for females, too.
I won't even get into some of the absolutely ridiculous routines he gives. I think this needs to be a blog post. ...more
Perhaps this book went over my head, but I feel like I really didn't grasp it as well as I should have. I don't know if it is me, or how it is writtenPerhaps this book went over my head, but I feel like I really didn't grasp it as well as I should have. I don't know if it is me, or how it is written.
When a member of my book club suggested this for our next selection, I read the description and was intrigued. I had heard great things about this author, and I thought that the events were timely for the climate of the world today.
However, the book cost me a lot of time to read. I'm generally a quick reader and this took me a week to finish. It wasn't that hard to put it down, either, which is lacking, to my mind. Perhaps because there wasn't much to make me care about any of the characters. Especially the protagonist, Ka. He is a whiny little child and never changes.
In fact, everyone in this book is a cardboard cut-out. There is no nuance to them.
Also, perhaps this is a minor thing, but all of these poems that he writes in Kars during the three days he is there. Nineteen poems! So much of the book is taken up with Ka sitting right in the midst of . . . whatever . . .when his inspiration strikes him and he pens lines fully-formed from his head. And of course, not a one is in this book!
Perhaps this wasn't the right Pamuk novel to start with. I see that this book is rather polarizing in its reviews. Some really love it, some hate it. I didn't outright hate it, but there were times when I was rather bored. ...more
I liked this but I feel like I'm missing something. The time skips were at times confusing. I enjoyed the writing style, though. Perhaps I'll have morI liked this but I feel like I'm missing something. The time skips were at times confusing. I enjoyed the writing style, though. Perhaps I'll have more to say after our book club discussion. Edit: after thinking about it a little more this evening, I think the major problem I have with it is there are so many voices. In the main, it is the three generations of Cuban WOMEN, but there are also snippets from the grandson, and I think it just leads to it being more disjointed than cohesive. I know that it's not supposed to be streamlined, but I think some more focus on fewer narratives would have immensely helped the . . . jerky feel of the novel. ...more
Gets an extra star for the story itself, as Betty Lou Beets was completely crazy. However, this took me a few days to read because it's not very wellGets an extra star for the story itself, as Betty Lou Beets was completely crazy. However, this took me a few days to read because it's not very well written. It appears that this is the only book written about this black widow, who was married five times and disposed of the final two in her own backyard. What's worse, she coerced her children to help her move the bodies. Absolutely insane....more
I am not really of an age to know The Mamas and the Papas, although of course I have heard the hits; my mother used to always have CBS-FM on, theDamn.
I am not really of an age to know The Mamas and the Papas, although of course I have heard the hits; my mother used to always have CBS-FM on, the "oldies" station, when I was young, and I absorbed all of these tracks and more. One Day at a Time was also before my time, but I know about it, unlike other people my age, because I know a lot of random things. This is the long way around to say, I would have recognized her half-sister, Chynna, before her, because I was a Wilson-Phillips fan.
Anyway, what a crazy story. I'm always amazed by these stories of addicts like Mackenzie, because . . . how is it possible that you are still alive, with all of the tons of drugs you have ingested?
And her son is seriously lucky - doesn't appear to have any problems even though she was still doing lots of cocaine whilst pregnant.
I cringed through lots of scenes of needles, much like I do when I try not to see them in movies. They make my veins literally ache. I will never understand this. I'm glad that she is getting her life back on track, especially with the specter of her father and all of the sordid things he did to her. Despite her accepting some of the blame for the relationship, he was still the adult in that situation, so it was his responsibility to, you know, not climb in bed with his daughter. *sigh*...more
I am nowhere near engaged at this point in my life. I'm not even dating anyone! However, I was curious to see what sort of questions were included inI am nowhere near engaged at this point in my life. I'm not even dating anyone! However, I was curious to see what sort of questions were included in this book. And there are some good ones, very thought-provoking - some of which, I'm embarrassed to say, I never thought to ask in my previous relationships.
The book is written from a Christian point of view, so bear in mind that there will be some religious questions. However, not as many as I thought....more
This book broke my heart, only to mend it, then break it again. Mr. Masters is an unfortunate casualty of a broken system. And even more tragically, hThis book broke my heart, only to mend it, then break it again. Mr. Masters is an unfortunate casualty of a broken system. And even more tragically, he is not alone. Although he was originally incarcerated for crimes he did commit, he was put on death row for something of which he claims to be innocent. I'm unsure if his defense team is still working on this, as the book was published several years ago. I shall have to investigate. At any rate, it is there, on death row, in solitary confinement that he begins to learn Buddhist teachings. It's uplifting to read that this man, who thought he was so hardened forever, could learn the way of the Buddha....more
Some solid advice here. Unavailable does not mean, necessarily, that the person you are after is not physically present. Unavailability can also stretSome solid advice here. Unavailable does not mean, necessarily, that the person you are after is not physically present. Unavailability can also stretch to emotional, as well. The book could have been a little shorter, however, as some of the middle part, with the descriptions of the various types of Mr. Unavailables, seemed redundant. In addition, this book did not appear to have had a proofreader. Poor grammar abounds - especially mistaking plurals for possessives, which is a personal peeve of mine.
However, if you notice a pattern to your relationships, and they are all fraught with various issues, then you are part of the problem. You are the fallback girl. And until you learn this and how to fix it, you will continue to have unsatisfying relationships....more
2.5. Men and women are soo different, so how they function after a breakup is naturally dissimilar. Men will jump right into another relationship. Wome2.5. Men and women are soo different, so how they function after a breakup is naturally dissimilar. Men will jump right into another relationship. Women will close off to stop themselves from getting hurt again. The book is separated into three parts. The first is general information about how to heal one's heart and that we must feel all the important emotions equally - fear, anger, sorrow, etc. Otherwise, we don't fully heal and bring hidden issues into our next relationship. The latter two sections are separated into Mars and Venus, of course, and how each one approaches healing. Some of this got repetitive. Some also didn't apply. What if people do neither of these things? Does that mean they are not human? I think it's too easy to just draw a demarcation line between the sexes and use that as our excuse or explanation, especially as recent studies show that these 'gender differences' are not necessarily hardwired from birth....more
Some really good insights here. Gentle but no nonsense. The spiritual enlightenment angle was nice, too. The last section of the book is a seven day rSome really good insights here. Gentle but no nonsense. The spiritual enlightenment angle was nice, too. The last section of the book is a seven day ritual that would be very useful if your failed relationship is still very raw. For those of us who have healed a little, but still have our broken moments, there is advice for us as well. This book also made me realize that I would benefit from meditating again on a regular basis (I used to, but fell out of the habit). Bottom line - unlike other books that tell you to be constantly upbeat and push negativity aside, the author encourages you to own your feelings. Don't wallow, but invite your inner demons to dinner and look them in the face. By doing so, you will emerge much stronger....more
I don't want every man to want me, but I have to give her props for a catchy hook. The preface reads like a bad infomercial (are there good infomerciaI don't want every man to want me, but I have to give her props for a catchy hook. The preface reads like a bad infomercial (are there good infomercials? Probably not). "What if I told you that I could make magic happen in an hour's time? What if I taught you how to harness the magnet that resides inside every woman to pull men out of thin air and towards you RIGHT NOW? I'm going to share the secret of being so irresistible that you will change your life no matter what!" I'm only being slightly over-the-top here, by the way. In case you were wondering, the author has been a Jill-of-all-trades - life coach, fitness personality, relationship expert, stock car driver . . .
So, how do we become irresistible? Ms Forleo says that the first and most important step is being in the present moment. "Make ISness your business." What does this mean? No matter what happens, roll with it as if you wanted it to happen. She gives the reader an "action challenge" (these are sprinkled throughout the book to put the ideas in the chapters into practice in your life) - for 24 hours, no matter what happens, observe the shit going wrong and say, "And this is what I want!" Your printer breaks - that's okay, it's what you want. You're stuck in traffic which makes you late for work - breathe easy, for it's what you want. Okay. What if the traffic that makes you late gets you fired? In this economy especially, that is NOT what you want. If you go to the doctor and you are told you have a tumor, is that okay, too? Don't worry - cancer is what you want! I'm being glib, but it's quite easy to go down that road.
Being in the present moment is not a new concept - Buddhists speak of "is-ness" as well. And I understand that this is not supposed to be a very deep book, but the flippant way the author goes about it bothers me.
Moving on. There are five truths every irresistible woman needs to know.
1. A relationship will not save you. I agree with this. The Hollywood ideal of someone else "completing" you is always shoved in our faces, however, and we grow with this idea. Classic Disney movies - someday, my prince will come and rescue me. And don't we all have this fantasy, anyway, no matter how intellectually unsound we KNOW it is? It's not acting on it that is the lesson to be learned here. You do not need someone else to be complete; you are complete all by yourself.
2. Relationships are spiritual opportunities, not a needs exchange. A relationship with another person is the path to spiritual growth. However, isn't this also a need? Abraham Maslow, an early proponent of humanistic psychology, drafted a Hierarchy of Needs, of which "self-actualization," loosely defined as spiritual growth and change in order to recognize one's full potential, was at the top.
Maslow posited that once the basic, physiological needs have been met, one can advance to the next level. So, in brief, spiritual growth between two people, according to this view, would be a "needs exchange." Therefore, this point contradicts itself.
3. Life is now - this is it.
See earlier, about living in the present.
4. Men are "as-is" merchandise - love 'em or leave 'em, baby!
Fairly self-explanatory; don't try to change men. If this is a fundamental truth, though, why does society always shove exceptions in our faces? It's easy to blame society, I know, but it can have a very big impact on how such things are perceived. Add that many of the general population are easily swayed by such things and voila, preconceived notions! Men are guilty of this, too.
5. If you want guarantees in love, you don't want love.
Yes, I know, nothing lasts forever. People fall out of love all the time. However, without hope or faith that people will keep long-term promises, why even bother? Why get into relationships? Why fall in love and get married? Live in the moment - will that be the new excuse when partners cheat? "Sorry, honey, you know I love you, but I live in the moment, and at that moment, he was there, naked and ready!"
Next up, the seven habits of highly unattractive women. I'll make this brief.
1. Don't be needy.
2. Don't be insecure. (Isn't that kind of the same? Usually needy people are already insecure, so now you have TWO strikes, ladies)!
3. Don't be a "clueless communicator." Be an active listener - no judgement, no filling in the other person's sentences whilst they talk. Really hear what they are saying as if it is the most interesting thing they will ever say.
4. Don't be sloppy or unkempt-looking.
5. Don't be hard and bitter.
6. Don't be catty and critical, especially of other women.
7. Don't be boring in bed.
Yawn. Haven't we heard all of this before? And yet, I can think of several people I know who fit one or more of this "seven unattractive habits" and guess what? GUYS FLOCK TO THEM. Usually because they fit society's image of attractiveness - stick thin and gorgeous. So, whatever, lady.
The next section is broken up into eight chapters, each with the different secret on how to magnetize men. The first one is to ditch your rules. I agree that those Rules books are destructive, and only reinforce charades and games that trick men. However, she also says to get rid of your "perfect man" list.
To this I say, nay.
I suppose it depends on what is on your perfect man list. If it reads, "6'5", blonde hair, green eyes, et cetera," and mainly focuses on physical characteristics, I agree that it should be tossed. However, if you're like me, you have certain personality traits you look for, such as a sense of humor that matches your own; and you have dealbreakers, such as "must be able to live with a cat." She thinks we should get rid of those, too, because you are boxing yourself in, and limiting interesting people you can meet. Have fun! Date all kinds of people! That is good advice . . . if you're still partying it up and in your mid twenties.
I'm single in my early thirties; I have no patience for random dates. If I need a list to help me pare down idiots who are still living the bachelor lifestyle, so be it.
I agree that you should have your own life and interests, and make sure you keep those interests and hobbies active whilst you are in a relationship. Sadly, I have to admit I have not always followed this advice in my own life and it's something that I need to change.
However, she has another glib chapter about parents not screwing you up, because it's probably your own perception. Of course, she backpedals and says that some people really DO have major abuse and such in their lives, but hey, so did Oprah, and she overcame it; why can't you?
I finished the book, but it just gets more ridiculous from there. I think it's because the book cannot decide what it wants to be. It has a light, humorous tone, but you're not going to find anything earth-shattering here, although she certainly paints it that way.
So, SO close to four stars, if it weren't for the last chapter.
This is the first time I've read anything by Mr. Llosa. This novel is ambitious and crSo, SO close to four stars, if it weren't for the last chapter.
This is the first time I've read anything by Mr. Llosa. This novel is ambitious and crazy and strange and also real. If all of that doesn't sound correct, let me try to explain.
There are really two stories here, told in alternating chapters. The first is semi-autobiographical and deals with young Mario and his relationship with his aunt (who is only related to him by marriage, I think, so not quite as scandalous as it may appear at first). However, she is divorced in a fairly Catholic country, and she's also fifteen years older than Mario.
Mario works for a radio station, whose sister in broadcasting features daily radio serials (in those days before television). It is here that Mario meets Pedro Camacho, who is nearly manic in the way he tosses off script after script daily. The other chapters deal with the fantastic plots of the radio dramas, which slowly start to become troublesome.
Is this the artist's intention? Will he be able to keep up the frenetic pace? And what of the two lovers? What does the future hold for them? How will these intertwined stories end?...more