This is the worst smut I've ever read. And I've read some pretty bad smut. These people are actually the worst. Ana meets this guy who is a TOTAL ASSH...moreThis is the worst smut I've ever read. And I've read some pretty bad smut. These people are actually the worst. Ana meets this guy who is a TOTAL ASSHOLE, but omg, he's soooo handsome. He finds out where she lives and where she works, traces her cell phone so he can find out where she is. She tries to be mad about his stalking, but OMG HE IS SOOOOO HANDSOME. When he finally gets her back to his place and tells her he wants her to sign a contract and be his submissive, she thinks that's a little weird, but you know what? He's really handsome.
Ana is the worst damned Mary Sue character ever. She's so innocent and virginal and good. She's never had sex, never been kissed, never even masturbated. And Christian Grey is a dick. A real piece of shit. Ana tells him she doesn't want to be spanked, but he's just gonna do it anyway because, well, those are the rules. And she's just gonna let him because of how RIDICULOUSLY HANDSOME he is.
Ana goes to Georgia to visit her mother and spend some time away from Christian to think things through, and guess what? He shows up there. He knows she's gone there to work out how she feels about him, but he just can't stay away. Ana's thrilled, of course, and goes back to his hotel room with him, where he pulls out her fucking tampon and sexes her all night.
Ana falls in love with this asshole because of course she does. Then she lets Christian give her a "punishment" spanking (as opposed to an erotic spanking) because she thinks if she does this for him maybe he'll let her touch him (he doesn't like to be touched, except, apparently, on his dick). The spanking hurts like hell and is not sexy at all, and Ana realizes she can't take it so she leaves. And that's the end of the book, but there are two more so I'm guessing she'll remember how handsome he is and go back to him.
Repeated phrases that are SO ANNOYING: - "my inner goddess" - Look, what is this shit? What are you talking about? - "my subconscious" - Ana's subconscious is often at odds with her inner goddess. - Constantly refers to her vagina as "down there" or "my sex." Seriously? Are you twelve? There are so many other words you could be using. - Edward Christian saying "Come." As in, "Come, let's eat." Or, "Come, it's time for your spanking." What the hell is that about? - I don't know, I know there were more, but I can't remember them now. My brain is mush and I hate myself for actually finishing this book.
EDIT: I forgot to mention the incessant email conversations between Ana and Christian. OMG SHUT UP. Why are they emailing? Have a text conversation or get on instant messenger. (less)
I've never read fan fiction in my life, but I kept seeing people talk about this on tumblr so I thought I'd give it a shot. It's actually a beautiful...moreI've never read fan fiction in my life, but I kept seeing people talk about this on tumblr so I thought I'd give it a shot. It's actually a beautiful story. Could do with some polishing/editing, which is the only reason I'm giving it 4 stars instead of 5.(less)
Scientology scares the hell out of me. Though the book is very badly written, it's definitely a page turner. I guess I can't blame the author for her...moreScientology scares the hell out of me. Though the book is very badly written, it's definitely a page turner. I guess I can't blame the author for her writing, seeing as she didn't get much in the way of actual education. Staring at portraits of L. Ron Hubbard and reciting his policies for your entire childhood isn't going to teach you much of anything worth knowing.(less)