This is the story of a highly educated woman who chooses her family over her career. Although she knows this is the right decision, being married to a...moreThis is the story of a highly educated woman who chooses her family over her career. Although she knows this is the right decision, being married to a busy husband leaves her with emotional emptiness. She longs to be heard and validated, to feel connected and worthy.
I love books that get inside the mind of the protagonist and put the reader in touch with the many nuances that drive motivations and behavior. A THOUSAND TINY CRACKS does a superior job of this.
As an author myself, I found myself envying Ms. Maddox's style and candor.
Page 162: "Something within me longs for him to comprehend the damage he has created."
Page 170: "The truth is that he never did know all of me. He just found the one portion of me that no one else could reach."
Page 177: "When I expected nothing, Tad gave all. But when my expectations overwhelmed him, he fled."
Page 177: "His silence insulted me. It was a slap in the face. My insecurity and anger overshadowed every other emotion."
As a reader, you'll appreciate this moving, engaging story. You'll connect with the characters and how they interact and what compels them to do what they do. Ms. Maddox's words will stay with you long after you've closed the book.(less)
SOME WOMEN ARE LUCKY. They talk to their mother every day. They go shopping or on trips with their mother. They make special meals. Share garden plant...moreSOME WOMEN ARE LUCKY. They talk to their mother every day. They go shopping or on trips with their mother. They make special meals. Share garden plants, books, recipes, jokes. Some mothers and daughters have a very special bond--a combination of family and friendship, blood and water if you will.
I'm not one of those women. I don't have a bond with my mother. For reasons I've never understood, the bond just isn't there and never has been. Fortunately I have a close relationship with my sister. She and I have spent a lot of time commiserating and exploring the reasons why our mother was never a mother and the emotional scars we deal with because of this.
Linda Joy Myers is another of the unlucky women. She grew up with a mother who was unavailable emotionally and physically. Her memoir Don't Call Me Mother chronicles her life from earliest recollections onward. Train stations, waiting... Hoping that the sight of her mother would erase the accumulation of doubts, longings and hurts.
A mysterious liaison exists between Linda's mother and grandmother. When Linda's mother is unable or unwilling to care for little Linda, grandmother takes over but the job is fraught with her own inner turmoils. The result is that Linda spends her childhood being abused in ways that no child should ever have to endure.
Today, Linda is a vibrant woman with a gift for writing and encouraging others. And more importantly she has broken the chain of mother-daughter abandonment that spans several previous generations. She is a fully-engaged mother of her two grown children. I applaud Linda for sharing her story. How she was able to turn her turmoil into triumph is inspiring. (less)
EXCELLENT. This book provided the tools I needed to write my memoir. I highly recommend it to anyone who has questions about how to go about the proce...moreEXCELLENT. This book provided the tools I needed to write my memoir. I highly recommend it to anyone who has questions about how to go about the process. (less)
Bebe & Friends, is a collection of short stories detailing real-life pet perils and how kindhearted humans rescue these poor babies and provide th...moreBebe & Friends, is a collection of short stories detailing real-life pet perils and how kindhearted humans rescue these poor babies and provide them with the love and warmth that all animals deserve. And of course, the animals return the favor by loving their people.
At a time when our world is so full of craziness and corruption, it feels really refreshing to get a glimpse at the goodness and decency of humanity. Countering the dreaded doom of daily news with Bebe & Me will make anyone's day brighter. (less)
Humans can bear an incredible amount of pain if we don't feel alone with it. -- Cate Shepherd
Emotional Orphans: Children who are abused and neglected...moreHumans can bear an incredible amount of pain if we don't feel alone with it. -- Cate Shepherd
Emotional Orphans: Children who are abused and neglected and for self-preservation have turned off their trust instincts and no longer have a connection with adults. Believing no one cares about http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/16..., they often act out either by hurting themselves or others and are often incorrectly diagnosed with behavior or mental health pathologies. This is my definition after reading Dr. Cate Shepherd's book.
I've always had an interest in psychology. I am intrigued with how people think and the ways in which our core beliefs affect our attitudes and behaviors. As an emotional orphan myself, when I discovered Dr. Cate Shepherd's poignant book Emotional Orphans: Healing Our Throwaway Children, I knew it was a book I had to read.
In Emotional Orphans, Dr. Shepherd takes us inside her thriving therapy practice and we meet several of the emotional orphans she's counseling. They start out rough around the edges, often downright scary but Dr. Shepherd is not only astute but incredibly compassionate as she wisely looks beyond the hardened facades of these emotionally damaged children in her care. Through consistent validation of not only their deepest hurts but also their dreams and gifts, she is able to break down the self-protecting barriers and get her patients to trust her and bond, often for the first time.
But if life weren't challenging enough, Dr. Shepherd must also deal with headstrong supervisors and twisted office politics and worse, her own painful past. She finds help with wise mentor Dr. Harry Young. (We should all be so lucky.) As a trusted colleague, he offers pointers on how to help her patients but also becomes her therapist as she seeks to come to terms with the horrific pain she suffered growing up.
This book offers tremendous insight into human behavior and the emotional needs we all have. Dr. Shepherd deftly shows how parents foist their unhealed traumas upon their young, repeating the cycle of abuse. She also humanizes the figures we see--and often avoid--every day. The thug with tattoos and leather waiting at the bus stop. The young mother at the 7-11 with a toddler on her hip and a cigarette between her fingers--society's emotional orphans.
Of the many takeaway messages within this highly relevant book is that all humans have the same basic needs. We need to be loved and validated. We need to feel safe and respected. Dr. Shepherd shows us that people's sometimes terrifying outward behaviors are actually desperate cries for help. She then shows us how she gifts her patients with her respect and consistence with life-changing results.
I wish every person on the planet could read this book. What a difference it would make in how we treat one another. (less)
HAVING SPENT THE BETTER part of two decades immersed in extreme religion, I always welcome the opportunity to familiarize myself with stories of other...moreHAVING SPENT THE BETTER part of two decades immersed in extreme religion, I always welcome the opportunity to familiarize myself with stories of other survivors of this particular set of abuses. Recently I had the pleasure of reading Michele Ulriksen's memoir Reform At Victory. (Pizan Media, 2008)
At 16, Michele is like most teenagers, pacing her looming adulthood by progressively distancing herself from her parents and their rigid lifestyle and rules of conduct. One night, while slinking back into her bedroom after hours of drinking, her parents catch her in the act. Next thing she knows, chain link barricades her dejected spirit as the family car speeds off in a trail of dust. A year at the fundamentalist, Baptist, all-girl, locked-down, Victory Christian Academy will get Michele right with God.
As you can imagine, Michele is both devastated and traumatized. She feels intensely rejected by her parents and intensely angry at the abusive staff who waste no time confiscating her personal freedoms in an effort to expedite conformity.
Ms. Ulriksen does a stellar job of describing the gamut of feelings and reactions to what she describes as "prison life." While sequestered in the dark closet of the "Get Right" room, with Christian music and then the voice of Jerry Falwell blaring just outside the door, she contemplates suicide. Instead she bites her nails down until they bleed.
Her disdain for Brother Patrick is palpable. Although she alters the physical characteristics of the players, the reader still gets the fact that Brother P is not an attractive person in any way. He believes he's doing God's work and apparently has no qualms about referring to the girls in his charge as "whoremongers" "drug addicts" and "brats."
As the months drag on and Michele has very limited contact with her family, she begins to soften somewhat. She makes friends and climbs the ranks to the status of trusted and coveted Helper. However, although Michele conforms for appearances, she can't or won't adopt the mindset of the people who have imprisoned her. What she does do, however, is successfully parse religion from God. Her disgust for organized religion fuels her passion to understand God.
Still, the isolation takes its toll. Once her tenure is over, she admits,
I find myself judging people by their bumper stickers and the way they look. I hadn't done this before going to Victory. In a way, judging people is what we were taught to do. In every sermon, Brother P would put people down who were different from him... He said they were all lost.
Understandably, despite Michele's release from Victory, she's not happy. It takes several more miles down the bumpy road of life before she comes to a place of healing. Her purpose for writing the book is to alert parents of what really goes on behind the gates of such facilities--commendable indeed.
My only complaint about Reform at Victory is that it could have used more editing. Although for a self published book it flows well and the writing is good, a grammarian could have polished the scattering of smudges.
~~~~~
After posting the above blog entry, I went online to find Ms. Ulriksen to let her know I posted a review of her book. I discovered that she died in February of this year of an apparent overdose. I'm in shock.
Michele, May you finally have the peace that passes all understanding. Your legacy will live (less)
Laura Dennis is one of the names I'm familiar with from the world of Internet memoir writing forums. She's very smart, with movie star good looks and...moreLaura Dennis is one of the names I'm familiar with from the world of Internet memoir writing forums. She's very smart, with movie star good looks and she's an American expatriate, living in Bosnia with her husband and family. I can't remember where I won her book but several months ago my name was picked from a random drawing. Lucky me!
Laura's memoir, Adopted Reality is a page-turner. The story begins with a tornado of events that sound as if they're right out of a spy novel. But this is real--a perfect storm that was seeded decades earlier when Laura was adopted into a family with strong Catholic convictions. With a verbally abusive father and the church fueling her burgeoning fears, Laura strives for perfection and acceptance, unwittingly alienating her peers and feeding her self-doubts about belonging. Eventually she is drawn into the world of dance with all of its physical and mental demands--perfect for her high-energy and drive towards perfectionism.
There is no disputing that society still has a problem with mental illness. Regardless of where the stigma originates, it's fueled by ignorance and intolerance. Better information is the way to change that. When the events of a person's life are laid out as succinctly and dramatically as they are in Adopted Reality, it becomes understandable how an otherwise normal person could succumb to a mental breakdown. This is the take-home message of this absorbing memoir.
Stories like Laura's need to be told. If for no other reason, so the rest of us can develop more compassion and understanding for the hurting among us. Put this one on your "to read" list! (less)
I'VE NEVER STOOD FACE to face with Cami Ostman but we "met" several months ago when I followed up on a lead for a potential writing project. Cami was...moreI'VE NEVER STOOD FACE to face with Cami Ostman but we "met" several months ago when I followed up on a lead for a potential writing project. Cami was issuing a call for submissions on women who've experienced extreme religion. Fast forward to now and I'm thrilled to say that Cami liked my essay and it will be published in an anthology due out next spring. I'll post more on this later.
With a pile of "to read" books stacked on my nightstand, I finally read Cami's fascinating memoir, Second Wind: One Woman's Midlife Quest To Run Seven Marathons on Seven Continents (Seal Press, 2010). I'm glad I did.
I was once a fairly dedicated runner. My most extravagant jaunt took place in the middle of a blue Caribbean ocean as I propelled my then-thin body around the uppermost deck of a Princess cruise ship. But I've got nothing on Cami.
In 2001, after a failed marriage, Cami began questioning many of the religious beliefs she'd grown up with. Struggling with deep depression, she found that running offered a way for her to clear her head and find her way.
It takes a tremendous amount of physical as well as mental and emotional endurance to run 26 miles. Sore muscles are normal and expected. A marathoner must summon inner strength to override the body's desire to hang it up. Crossing the finish line affirms the runner's tenacity and can't help but build her self esteem.
Not only does the reader go with Cami to seven continents to tackle these tremendous challenges, but we go inside her head to understand what drives her, what hinders her and ultimately what she learns about her life. She calls it a "Vision Quest."
I liked the way Cami personified her many-faceted psyche. Along the way, we are introduced to the "Bitch," "Inner Wisdom," the "Warrior" and the "Princess." All are vital in helping Cami succeed. And all of us have these same parts of ourselves whether we run marathons, tend a garden, change diapers or help the homeless. You don't need to be a marathoner to "get" Cami's book, to hear the message and apply it inwardly.
Cami has a Facebook page with lots of cool photos of her travels and triumphs. As a licensed therapist, Cami's website and blog reveal her passion for helping others achieve their best as she has so admirably done. You'll like this book. (less)
I have a strong interest for the memoir genre. I like the drama of a real-life story. I get a thrill out of reading how everyday people overcome adver...moreI have a strong interest for the memoir genre. I like the drama of a real-life story. I get a thrill out of reading how everyday people overcome adverse circumstances and develop a richer understanding of life. I admire memoirists because they're not wimps. They're gutsy.
Recently, I "met" gutsy Marion Witte online and just finished reading her memoir, Little Madhouse on the Prairie: True Life Story of Overcoming Abuse and Healing the Spirit. (Angel Heart Publishing 2012) It tells the story of a sweet little girl who grew up on the North Dakota prairie. Deemed a "willful" child, Marion's mother took her discipline methods much, much too far. You can see the effects of that extremism on Marion's kindergarten photo both in her sad eyes and the bruises on her cheeks and forehead.
While Marion's mother was exacting her rage on her children, Marion's father was either out working the farm or out working on another drink at the town bar. Marion was abandoned.
The resilience of a little girl who grew up having never received tenderness amazes me. But Marion grew and despite a phase of self-destruct during high school, devoted herself to creating a better future. College coursework was easy for Marion and she earned a degree in accounting. Eventually though, the unhealed trauma of her youth became too much and in order to move forward, Marion had to go back. She shares the many methods and insights she learned to come to grips with her past and heal the emotional wounds.
As heartbreaking as it is to read, this book will offer hope and encouragement to anyone dealing with similar issues. There is hope in the message. And an understanding that, if Marion can survive and thrive, I can too.(less)
WHEN I DISCOVERED THAT the setting for Karen Spears Zacharias' memoir, A Silence of Mockingbirds: The Memoir of a Murder was Corvallis, Oregon, I had...moreWHEN I DISCOVERED THAT the setting for Karen Spears Zacharias' memoir, A Silence of Mockingbirds: The Memoir of a Murder was Corvallis, Oregon, I had to get my hands on a copy. Corvallis is where I spend a good deal of my daytime hours. In other words, it's where I work and is just a few miles from where I live.
Of course, like any good book, once I got started, it was difficult to put down.
When Sarah Brill was a teenager, she lived with Ms. Spears Zacharias (heretofore referred to as "Karen"). Karen loved Sarah as much as her own children and sought to be a positive influence in this young woman's troubled life. Eventually, Sarah launched out to find her way in the world. She married David Sheehan, an engineer at HP and the two settled in Corvallis. Not long after, she gave birth to a daughter, Karly.
Years passed. One day, a providential reunion brought Karen face to face with Sarah. When asked about Karly, Sarah was evasive and would only say, "She's dead." Desperate for an explanation, Karen's training as an investigative reporter took over and the next thing she knew she was rifling through court documents, scheduling interviews and listening to a hysterical 911 tape.
Karen's passion for the truth is evident throughout her book. Leaving no stone unturned, she seeks and finds answers to the myriad questions inevitably raised with such a complicated set of circumstances. The reader is right there with her while the jury hears testimony that will eventually convict the perpetrator of a horrific crime.
You'll have your own opinions about the complicity of Sarah in the murder of her daughter. You'll feel Karly's father, David's pain and frustration. Once you're finished with the book, you'll still be haunted by it and grieve the senseless loss not only of dear sweet Karly but all victims of child abuse.
Karen tells of David's efforts to memorialize his daughter. At Avery Park, just a few blocks from where I work, is a plaque attached to a lively play structure built in Karly's honor. The setting is beautiful. Green grass, bird song, tall trees swaying gently with the afternoon breeze.
Without being preachy, the book is a wake-up call. All of us need to be aware of the signs of child abuse. And we need to be brave enough to report anything that looks amiss. And we need to have diligent lawmakers and experts protecting the most vulnerable citizens. 'Nuf said. Thank you for listening.
You can see photos of Karly and her father and read more about the author by going to: http://karenzach.com/(less)
I hope to write a more in-depth review in the coming weeks.
Marilyn (or Maya) Mendoza has lived a difficult life but she's no victim. Growing up, she...moreI hope to write a more in-depth review in the coming weeks.
Marilyn (or Maya) Mendoza has lived a difficult life but she's no victim. Growing up, she is battered with horrific assaults about her appearance but after getting to know her through her words, you'll sense what a beautiful person she is. She chronicles her ups and downs in her well written memoir and puts to rest the demons that have haunted her.
The reason I didn't give it 5 stars was more about being a self-proclaimed Grammar-Nazi than anything. The publisher should have taken a little more time with proof reading and editing. (less)
I live on the west coast in a smallish town in western Oregon--about as far removed from New York City as you can get. Up until this book came out, I...moreI live on the west coast in a smallish town in western Oregon--about as far removed from New York City as you can get. Up until this book came out, I didn't know who Tania Head was. Although I was aware that a new building is being erected at ground zero, for the most part I was ignorant of much of what happened on 9/11 and I was certainly ignorant of the ongoing activity surrounding the survivors and families. I'm pretty sure I'm not alone. I think this book was written for people like me. Reading it has not only been an education in the agonizing events that transpired that day but also an illuminating window into how human nature works. Tania Head was no dummy. She did her homework and must have spent hours honing her story. The people in her life believed her, despite the discrepancies because they needed her. And she needed them. And no one wanted to be skeptical of someone who seemed so dedicated to the cause of helping others. I think all of us can relate to this and had we endured similar circumstances, we would have handled this situation the same way. I think we're wired to trust.
The easily-digestible narrative of The Woman Who Wasn't There, skillfully places the reader right in the thick of it. It's easy to feel empathy for the survivors. Perhaps some won't or can't feel sympathy for Ms. Head but I do. She must have endured some monumental difficulties earlier in her life to craft such a meticulous ruse. Mostly though, I'm so glad that the survivors had each other to lean on after learning they'd been so supremely duped.
I always enjoy reading a book that sheds a light on human nature and serves to unite us as a society.
I think everyone should read this book if for no other reason, for the survivors. (less)
What is love? Is the warm fuzzies we feel while embracing our husband of 30 years under a moonlit sky? Is it opening a small, exquisitely wrapped pack...moreWhat is love? Is the warm fuzzies we feel while embracing our husband of 30 years under a moonlit sky? Is it opening a small, exquisitely wrapped package to find a diamond of commitment?
It Rains In February: A Wife’s Memoir of Love and Loss, written by Leila Summers, answers this question without even trying. It is the true-life account of one woman’s struggle to help her mentally ill husband.
Set in exotic South Africa, Leila and Stuart meet, fall headlong in love, get married and have two daughters. But behind Stuart’s artistic, somewhat eccentric demeanor lies a skewed view of reality, likely stemming from a chemical imbalance in his brain. Once he lays eyes on cinnamon-skinned Amanda, his affection for his wife takes a backseat to his unrequited obsession.
Perhaps Amanda is flattered, even titillated by handsome Stuart’s flirtations, we don’t really know, but she doesn’t leave her husband for Stuart. And despite Leila’s numerous urgings, Stuart refuses to resume first place in her life and continues to decline, ultimately taking his own life.
Leila is a gifted writer. The book is a poignantly candid love letter written to deceased Stuart, detailing the events and emotional difficulties during the months and years of their relationship. Despite the enormous stress of trying to keep Stuart from fulfilling his own demise, Leila’s unconditional love for him never wavers. To me, this is the take home message.
I can’t help but contrast the long suffering devotion Leila exhibited for her husband in a far from ideal marriage to many of today’s marriages that quickly dissolve when things take a turn for the worse. Leila constantly reassures Stuart of her love for him and tries desperately to get him to seek psychiatric help. She writes honestly about being pulled in different directions, caring for their daughters and trying to make a life for herself. Despite the worst possible outcome, Leila survives and ultimately thrives. (less)
I am one of the contributors to this heartfelt anthology. My story titled, "This One's On Me" chronicles my ten-year friendship with my best friend Va...moreI am one of the contributors to this heartfelt anthology. My story titled, "This One's On Me" chronicles my ten-year friendship with my best friend Valerie. Her suicide in 2005 left me devastated. Searching for answers and peace of mind, the day came that changed everything. A whisper from beyond? Maybe. (less)
I found this book extremely interesting given that much of it took place in my old stomping ground of Portland, Oregon. The public history is mixed wi...moreI found this book extremely interesting given that much of it took place in my old stomping ground of Portland, Oregon. The public history is mixed with the personal reflections of the author's family and the reasons why his brother went from an innocent child to a distressed and angry teen, eventually becoming a murder. I think this should be required reading for all mental health practitioners and maybe every parent too. (less)
When I discovered this book I was intrigued by the mixed reviews. To be honest, it was those strong opinions that caused me to seek it out and see for...moreWhen I discovered this book I was intrigued by the mixed reviews. To be honest, it was those strong opinions that caused me to seek it out and see for myself what all the hype was about.
Some people feel that it was a mistake for the author to humanize her abuser because it would cause readers to sympathize with him, thereby excusing his egregious behavior. I disagree.
I believe this books is important. It illustrates how manipulation works and how vulnerable children are, especially children who are not receiving the love they need from their parents.
This book is an in depth study of human behavior. I believe it should be mandatory reading for all mental health professionals.
This book illustrates the devastating effects of a mother and a father who unwittingly misplace their grief over a lost child. Understandable since it...moreThis book illustrates the devastating effects of a mother and a father who unwittingly misplace their grief over a lost child. Understandable since it was many years ago, before we understood the grief process and mental health the way we do today.
Rather than go through the proper grieving process for their deceased child, the author's parents decide to have another baby, hoping that it will fill their ache. The author is that baby. She grows up with parents who are too wounded to give her the emotional stability she needs.
This is a fascinating, tragic story. If you're like me and enjoy a true story with insights into the way humans interact and deal with hurts, this book is well worth the read. (less)
Years ago when i read this book, I wished I would have had a therapist like the author's. The story of recovery is insightful and significant but I ha...moreYears ago when i read this book, I wished I would have had a therapist like the author's. The story of recovery is insightful and significant but I have to wonder how the author was able to remember the dialog during the sessions with her therapist. As a writer myself, I know that capturing the essence of what was said is most important and perhaps the author kept copious notes of the sessions to refer to.
Whatever the case, this book is well written, full of insights into the author's identity and the messages she's believed about herself.
Rather than the author, the real star is the therapist. (less)
I discovered Ricki Grady's blog a few years ago and have been a regular follower ever since. She is a delight to read and I consider her a kindred spi...moreI discovered Ricki Grady's blog a few years ago and have been a regular follower ever since. She is a delight to read and I consider her a kindred spirit. When she announced the publication of her book, I was first in line to grab a copy. I love it. It is written in a highly readable, conversational style that is immensely enjoyable. Ricki gardens in the mild Pacific Northwest but her approaches are universal. She offers advice she's learned through many years of toiling the soil. With chapters on composting, design, wildlife, and much more, this is a book that will delight both new gardeners as well as the old timers like myself. If you'd like a sampling of Ricki's writing, visit her blog:
This book was fascinating. Three generations, the author is the middle generation. Her story is heartfelt and candid and well worth the read. If you'r...moreThis book was fascinating. Three generations, the author is the middle generation. Her story is heartfelt and candid and well worth the read. If you're looking for an expose on Courtney Love you should probably look elsewhere. This story is much more. (less)
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