"I scowl with frustration at myself in the mirror." Thus begins one of the worst novels I have ever had the displeasure to read. I decided to read thi...more"I scowl with frustration at myself in the mirror." Thus begins one of the worst novels I have ever had the displeasure to read. I decided to read this book as an experiment, a study in contemporary popular "fad literature". I am aware that it started out as Twilight fan fiction, and it's extremely obvious. It's like a train wreck, and I had to see it through.
The lead female is literally an idiot — graduating college in 2011 and doesn't have an e-mail address or computer of her own...how? (That's just one example.) And the the male, well he is an absolute douchebag ('arrogant' and 'stalker' are both used to describe him). The inner monologue of Ana is frustratingly dull and I found myself skimming a lot, especially toward the end. The most exasperating thing about Ana's POV is the characterization of her 'subconscious' and 'inner goddess', with phrases like "my subconscious sneers at me," and, "my very small inner goddess sways in a gentle victorious samba." (I. WHAT??) The author's use of subconscious does not mean what she thinks it means. Her eye-rolling and lip-biting is pretty ridiculous, too, as is her clumsiness (it's really not cute at all).
Whoever is responsible for editing this book should be ashamed. There are so many overused words and phrases. For example, the word 'murmur' occurs 197 times — averaging about twice a page. That one was by far the most irritating. Perhaps the author could have benefited from this list. She uses the phrase, "he cocked his head to one side," so much that I started picturing a velociraptor (which is actually an improvment).
The author never goes beyond using 'erection' to refer to the male anatomy — is Christian perpetually hard? If so, perhaps he should see a doctor; as they say on those 'male enhancement' commercials, an erection lasting more than four hours is something to be concerned about. Vagina is mentioned twice, and any other time it's just 'there' or 'my sex'. Quite frankly, I'm surprised 'clitoris' appears ten times, since Ana is not only a virgin, but has never masturbated either. Also, you cannot orgasm from nipple play.
The characters use condoms until Ana goes on the pill, which is fine, however there are a couple of problems. Firstly, there are times where Christian is described as exploding inside her whilst wearing a condom. Um...did the author forget? Secondly, as soon as Ana starts her period and we get that totally gross period sex scene, they stop using condoms. Not only has she not been on the pill for a full month yet, but you can still get pregnant while on your period.
While I'm certainly not an expert in BDSM practices, even I can easily tell that the scene is severely misrepresented in this tome.
This novel is basically a guide for what not to do when writing, ever. I had to take frequent breaks to read things that didn’t irritate me. I finished the book wondering how in the hell there's going to be a movie adaptation that isn't X-rated, especially as everyone in the book murmurs, whispers, mutters, and mumbles, which would make it very hard to understand.