man, i loved the movie Jaws as a kid (we will not speak of the sequels, though Jaws 3-D was kinda deliciously campy if you dig that kind of thing). iman, i loved the movie Jaws as a kid (we will not speak of the sequels, though Jaws 3-D was kinda deliciously campy if you dig that kind of thing). i haven't seen it recently to see how it holds up, but i do know that when applying for my ritzy Catholic private middle school, we had to write a theme on our favorite movie, and i picked Jaws. i ended up attending on scholarship, so it must have been a decent essay.
i don't often give one-star reviews -- i typically only give ratings to books i finish, and i rarely bother to finish something once i hate it -- but this was only about a ninety minute read, and like a Cold War SLBM launch warning, there wasn't enough time to make a considered decision. Jaws is one of the very worst, poorly-plotted, flat-charactered, inane, wandering pieces of fiction i've read in the past fifteen years. it was worse than Special Topics in Calamity Physics. it was worse than the Matrix, and possibly worse than the novelization of the Matrix. it was worse than my third forced reading of Tess of the d'Urbervilles, and indeed worse than the claptrap of Malcolm Gladwell. it was worse than Atlas Shrugged, though certainly shorter. it was not as bad as Left Behind, but nothing is.
Brody: gotta close the beaches Mayor: can't close the beaches. beaches get us that paper. Brody: gotta close 'em son Mayor: naaahhhh Brody: shark could still be here Mayor: shark might not be here Brody: tru, tru
seriously, there's a good thirty pages of this. brody's wife fucks hooper (richard dreyfuss in the movie) because she misses a blueblood debutante youth of which he somehow reminds her, nevermind that he smells like chum and has a marine biologist's salary. Ellen, said wife, seduces hooper with several pages of her rape fantasies, these being their first (and only) real conversation. brody hates him for the rest of the book due to some adultery sixth sense, almost erupting into fisticuffs. the movie wisely left this out because, who gives a fuck, more shark please. there's a ridiculous subplot involving the mayor's mafia ties that never gets fleshed out or concluded. a scrappy newspaperman serves the role of a greek chorus; mercenary fisherman Quint totally rips off Captain Ahab for a few pages; hooper....it doesn't matter: the book is execrable.
most unforgivably, it's never made clear how the shark dies. a case could be made that it lived. admittedly, the ending of the movie was pretty dubious, but at least you got some closure. christ.
also, there's some choice discussion of "faggot sex parties" and the threat of black men to white women, especially should the shark shut down the island's economy. this doesn't viscerally offend me or anything (it was forty years ago, whatever), but i'm sure it'll upset plenty of more delicate readers, and it certainly doesn't add anything to the novel.
with that said, Professor Daniel Massie of the Robert Gordan University recently published a paper entitled "Jaws: The Case of the Archetypal American Villain as Queer Dissident Attacking the Heteronormative". so, Jaws is pretty godawfully terrible, but at least it isn't as inane as academic sociology. listen to uncle nick, kids, and avoid both....more
I enjoyed this pretty thoroughly as a kid. It came up, of all things, while shooting the shit an in interview for NVIDIA's compiler team last month (?I enjoyed this pretty thoroughly as a kid. It came up, of all things, while shooting the shit an in interview for NVIDIA's compiler team last month (?!?), so I guess the lesson here is that even garbage comes in handy sometimes (for that matter, a brief biographical sketch of Robert Wilson I read a decade ago happened to come in handy talking to a Fermilab alum just last night, and my understanding of the female mind was largely shaped by Baby-Sitters Club, Cat Power lyrics and the Molly Bloom soliloquy from Ulysses so keep readin', kiddos!)....more
basic christian advocacy, nothing too thought-provoking. i was kind of insulted, even at 15, that someone would recommend this to me -- kind of a "youbasic christian advocacy, nothing too thought-provoking. i was kind of insulted, even at 15, that someone would recommend this to me -- kind of a "you have no idea what you're dealing with, sir" moment.
this book would resurface many years later, though, as the title of my dread Interview 1911 at Reflex Security! tee hee....more
Freely available online at http://developer.nvidia.com/object/gp.... Going through this since I've been doing so much GPU-offloading of multibody simuFreely available online at http://developer.nvidia.com/object/gp.... Going through this since I've been doing so much GPU-offloading of multibody simulation code recently, and the project I'm starting regarding red blood cell flow will make extensive use of Tesla supercomputers....more
Definitely the APitUE for NT. I'm so happy not to have needed to use closed source software this past decade. --- need to read up on IOPC for my thesis.Definitely the APitUE for NT. I'm so happy not to have needed to use closed source software this past decade. --- need to read up on IOPC for my thesis. not very happy about it....more
Read the free version last night available from http://www.george-orwell.org/Keep_the.... The first few chapters are absolutely hilarious, and almostRead the free version last night available from http://www.george-orwell.org/Keep_the.... The first few chapters are absolutely hilarious, and almost had me falling out of my chair. It decays pretty rapidly after that, though. Worth spending forty minutes on. --- whoa, i didn't know there was george orwell material i hadn't read!...more
Just wanted to note this title, which could be the first volume in the Reader's Digest Shorter Works of Awesome along with "Introduction to Skiing MagJust wanted to note this title, which could be the first volume in the Reader's Digest Shorter Works of Awesome along with "Introduction to Skiing Magma Flows" and "Principles of Velociraptors and Velodromes", a comprehensive text for advanced undergraduates and first-year graduate students that'll have you giving those uppity Daystar-worshipping circle-fetishists all the workout they want. Wouldn't this self-improving asswipe be more tolerable if he were hauling ass and bike alike away from a pack of dromaeosaurids? They're drinkin' PBR and making merry like Christmas, and then SMACK he runs right into the point man -- they say it's the quiet ones you have to watch out for, and he hasn't said shit for a few minutes now -- and obviously it ends with his head atop a pike ripped from the cycle, so that they might be united forevermore the end....more
Despicable. Insipid. Nauseating. I could go on like this for a minute, but doubt you really need me to. Reading this at 15 set me up for a lifetime ofDespicable. Insipid. Nauseating. I could go on like this for a minute, but doubt you really need me to. Reading this at 15 set me up for a lifetime of not ever wanting to sound like Henry David Thoreau....more
I'm a bit too upset by the forced #2 position of what was and always will be, to me, the first book of the series, yeah yeah yeah I know what Lewis'sI'm a bit too upset by the forced #2 position of what was and always will be, to me, the first book of the series, yeah yeah yeah I know what Lewis's position is on the subject. Let's say Lewis decides, later in his life, that he's a Mormon. He's shedding tears about all the preëxistence lost, calculating the tithe complete with compounded back interest, throwing out all his tea bags. He's been reborn, is working to Restore, and plans to rename himself C.LDS. Lewis. The whole 9 yards and 3 heavens, capiche? And he declares that the Voyage of the Dawn Treader is now the Voyage of the Rvnd. Brigham Young, and they're sailing not to the End of the World but to Salt Lake City, and Repicheep takes all the merpeople as wives. What would you do? Accept it, make like Winston Smith and handle the order to narnchron 3 boatname dawntreader doubleplusungood refs unship rewrite fullwise upsub antefiling? Well, you can take your Narnia rewritten fullwise, and you can cram a 15-ton statue of Felix Edmundovich Dzerzhinsky right up your ass with walnuts, buddy....more
Hrmm, probably the first seriously-themed book, aside from the Bible, I ever read (possibly beaten out by A Wrinkle in Time or Number the Stars; no reHrmm, probably the first seriously-themed book, aside from the Bible, I ever read (possibly beaten out by A Wrinkle in Time or Number the Stars; no records of this era exist, entrepreneurial verve not having yet leaped from the pages of Horatio Alger and settled in Otis Chandler's head as GoodReads) -- we hunkered down over this one in the fourth grade. I remember only two things, really:
(a) the textbook's ownership record, with its "White-White-White-White-White-White-black". Our teacher pointed out the negative lack of capitalization, but I was meanwhile learning the value of a minimal user interface. I distinctly recall thinking something along the lines of, "if these buttheads had just printed two columns and had people X their color, they wouldn't need to worry about this scheme at all, which people are just going to screw up along the way in any case, and besides if the whole objective has to be pointed out to the readers I don't think this was terribly effective oppression in the first place. I mean, more than anything, you just don't mix up grammatical agendas with hate agendas; didn't we learn from "God?" and having to worry about capitalizing pronouns of Holy Antecedent, did these rednecks seriously want to fuck their syntax up what with planting season coming etc."
(b) struggling to take the book seriously as a novel of the South. I'd not yet learned that beyond our amniotic (if inaccurately-named) Great Circle aka Interstate 285 lay lands where men fear to tread, valleys of death with names like Macon, Jackson, Oxford in Mississippi, Mobile-Birmingham-Auburn -- hell, everything from about Kennesaw to Arkansas, really -- Valdosta and five hellish weeks of annual August football camp, an inviting tourist destination called Locust Grove (and no, they didn't lose a war or anything. This is why you ensure your Council of Commerce is properly remunerated, people), Douglasville (where I was once invited to shoot steroids and, an hour or so later, an assault rifle -- "just wherever you want man, that way over there"), hellish roadkill incineration facilities that involve multiton cranes, powerful oxidizing agents, and in all likelyhood several million free-floating ppm of neuromaculating prions -- my dad would inspect their hoists four times a year. miphitis would advertise the day's handiwork, a dark shroud moving in oleaginous ascent, and to this day i hate myself for being unable to run over and hug the man in all his pungency, hug him for waking up at 0400 to leave the Circumscribed City, climb 200 feet in the air over chemically-stoked fires packed with various states of the whole shitty Southeast's mangy roadkill, inspect hoists of 1960's American vintage (companies and manufacturing floors and grim furnaces of steel smelting and NASA -- poor NASA -- raised up like Appalachians and left barren as the moon's face), hoists for which manuals never existed and he's rebuilt twice anyway, all the while huffing fat tokes of prions and musk du felinefuego so that I could go to an Atlanta catholic school instead of a cherokee county shithole. "Somebody's gotta burn the possums and puppies, young Nicky, somebody's gotta burn the cats and rats, and they all need cranes" he'd recount in a jovial singsong (after a few showers), and we'd laugh about all those possums and puppies we'd smelled together.
...kinda went on a tangent there, sorry. Anyway, visit Atlanta. We're not like the rest of this place. FLY DELTA JETS....more
if any of the characters from this book had been born two centuries earlier, they'd have died any number of Oregon Trail-like deaths or perhaps been sif any of the characters from this book had been born two centuries earlier, they'd have died any number of Oregon Trail-like deaths or perhaps been sensibly culled in armed conflict. they'd have had a right to bitch up this bitchstorm like three bitches in a bitchboat, but unable to find publication, because Victorian England had the good breeding and stiff upper lip to send squealing little piglets like Bridget Jones into the convent, and her tribe of gormless chav fratboys would have been too busy dodging impressment gangs and learning euclidean geometry to engage in all this raffishness.
I only award it a third star because I one time was at this horrible party, and the following conversation ensued:
intolerable guy: I feel silly but I'm reading Bridget Jones's Diary; unoffensive SO of iTG just read it--- uSO-iTG: I loved the movie and then I thought the book was great--- iTG: so I borrowed it when she was done--- nick black: y'all went and saw a movie version of Bridget Jones's Diary?!?! jesus?! do you support the doctrine of racial holy war? all: ??? nick black: you know, 14 words, etc...i mean, i'm not the one reading Bridget Jones's Diary... all: ??? nick black: oh! my goodness! excuse me i thought you meant The Turner Diaries, William Luther Pierce's controversial white power thriller. hah! i don't know what i could have been thinking. iTG: no. nick black: right right, Bridget Jones is about fornication, not extremism!
so yeah, that conversation was pretty much derailed....more