Terrible. Absouletely terrible. I don't think I'd wish for even my worst enemy to read this. It literally took me OVER 6 MONTHS to actually finish thi...moreTerrible. Absouletely terrible. I don't think I'd wish for even my worst enemy to read this. It literally took me OVER 6 MONTHS to actually finish this. I'm not even kidding. The only reason I even touched the book? It was required on a list.
So plot. Girl meets guy. Guy turns out to be a sparkly vampire. Girl and guy falls in love. Girl meets other vampire. Vampire wants to drink Girl's blood. Vampire comes to the rescue, just in time for Vampire #2 to bite Girl. Vampire sucks vampire-turning-posion from Girl.
I think that was my best effort to make the plot actually sound interesting.
Let's meet the absouletely charming characters shall we? Bella? Stereotypical teenager girl? Check. Whiney? Check. Angsty? Check. Plain and nothing special, according to herself? Check. So pathetic that she can't live without her boyfriend? Check. Clumsy (apparently, we're supposed to find this endearing?)? Check. And yet, still has 5 different guys in love with her? Check. And Edward? He's a vampire. If you could call it that. He drinks animal blood (The entire definition of vampire is drinking human blood people. We eat animal blood too, from meat.)and sparkles like a diamond in the sun. He's an angsty vampire, totally in love with Bella. And James. Despite his cliche vampire-hunter-ness, he's my favorite character by far. Probably because he nearly got to killing Bella.
The bad things: Flat. Boring. No plot whatesoever. A not-so-great twist in vampire mythology. Slow-paced. Terrible, dull writing.
The good things: This was a sad little book. In fact, it was so sad, I found parts of it absouletely hilarious. Like it took Bella's poor, stupid, little brain 195 pages before she finally realized Edward is an angsty vampire. And then it occurs to her THAT HE JUST MIGHT CRAVE HER BLOOD. Um yeah. He's a vampire, remember? Or do sparkly, human-loving vampires don't count? Don't forget Bella can trip on air. Marvelous. Oh right and the major one? Her heart stops. Repeatedly. Literally, the heart monitor stops when Edward kisses her. *Sighs* Oh right and how can we forget our lovely, lovely Edward. Beutiful Edward and his beutiful sparkly-ness(Bella's words. Not mine.). For a few hundred years old vampire, he's pretty stupid. And immature. And he've seen beutiful women craving him, yet the one who catches his attention is our endearingly plain Bella. Oh and the best part about Edward? He's a stalker. A full-blown, creepy stalker that happens to have ninja skills to help his stalkish activities. You know, like watching a girl sleep. For several nights. For the entire night. No honestly. That part had me cracking up.
Anyways, enough of my rant. This book sucked. Majorly. I think that pretty much summarizes everything..(less)
And I thought it couldn't get any worse from the first book.... *sighs*
So why I read the book: It was on a book challenge read. I can't resist a chall...moreAnd I thought it couldn't get any worse from the first book.... *sighs*
So why I read the book: It was on a book challenge read. I can't resist a challenge. *sighs again*
Plot: Edward (oh how I've missed this sparkly vampire...can you hear my sarcasm?) ditches Bella, finally. Of course, Bella being Bella, gets all emo and tries to kill herself with her new best buddy, Jacob Black. (Cause we totally needed another love triangle in YA books.) And Edward, who was also feeling mopey and all suicidal-ly goes to the vampire rulers to kill him. And Bella comes to save the day. Except she actually doesn't while everyone else do all the work, because how could you forget? she's a total weaking, but basically, she goes all hero-y and saves Edward. Sort of. And then yeah. She whines some more about her boyfriend not letting her become a vampire. And then, the end.
I sincerely applaud Stephanie Meyers for stretching this plot for 563 pages. Seriously.
Oh Bella darling, what do we do with you? I'd feel pity for her, EXCEPT I STILL DON'T CARE ABOUT HER. Still stupid, vapid, whiney, and irritating as ever. Except it gets worse. Now she's mopey and suicidal. (Or would that be an improvment? In that case, Yay! Go Bella!) Her thoughts: MY SPARKLY VAMPIRE BOYFRIEND DITCHED ME AND SAID HE DIDN'T WANT ME ANYMORE BECUASE IM A USELESS PIECE OF JUNK. OH WELL. I HAVE NO SELF-ESTEEM WHATSOEVER, SO I GUESS HE'S RIGHT. I'LL JUST SIT HERE AND MOPE LIKE A EVEN MORE USELESS PIECE OF JUNK. *MONTHS LATER* OMFG HE'S NOT COMING BACK. MY TRUE LOVE I KNEW LESS THAN A YEAR FOR. *WAILS* YOU KNOW WHAT? BRILLIANT IDEA. I'LL KILL MYSELF. *GOES ON MOTORCYCLE, DESPITE HITTING HER HEAD* ALMOST DYING ISN'T ENOUGH. SO I'M GONNA JUMP OFF A CLIFF WITH MY NEW BEST BUDDY! And so forth.
Edward: OMFG, MY STEP-BROTHER ALMOST KILLED MY GIRLFRIEND. PROBABLY BECAUSE HE'S A VAMPIRE AND SHE WAS A BLEEDING HUMAN, BUT SCREW THAT. I'LL JUST DITCH HER, MOPE FOR DAYS, AND GO KILL MYSELF BY EXPOSING MY SPARKLY-NESS TO THE WORLD. HURRAH! That is all.
Jacob: BELLA, OH MY TRUE LOVE BELLA! COME JOIN ME AND DITCH THAT UGLY VAMPIRE! COME BE MY MATE FOREVA! LALALA! ACTUALLY, I GUESS I'LL JUST DITCH YOU LIKE YOUR VAMPIRE BOYFRIEND CAUSE I'M ACTUALLY A WEREWOLF. RAWR! OH WAIT, YOU WANT TO KILL YOURSELF? BAD IDEA, BUT HEY! I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU SO I'LL DO ANYTHING FOR YOU! OMFG VAMPIRES CAME BACK! *ANGER, ANGER* GRRR. I'M A MUTT. GET AWAY, VAMPIRE. YOU STINK! (literally. apparently vampires smell really bad to them.) And I swear. the only reason Jacob was a werewolf? So he can totally show off his badass, hottie abs to Bella. I'm not even kidding.
........did that show enough of my disgust with this book?(less)
Great book. John Green is a hilarious author, and had me cracking up out loud. The is-she-crazy? stares were worth it though, since I truly enjoyed re...moreGreat book. John Green is a hilarious author, and had me cracking up out loud. The is-she-crazy? stares were worth it though, since I truly enjoyed reading the book.
Colin has fallen in love, dated, and got dumped by 19 girls so far. All named Katherine. To take his mind off from being dumped by the 19th Katherine, Colin's best friend decide to take him on a road trip, where Colin falls in love and discovers his own self-worth.
Yes, I realize the plot is cliche and generic. But that's the amazing thng about John Green. He takes a basic plot that any regualar teenager might be in, and turns it into a great book full of life messages and hilarious moments. I would definitely recommend this book to any YA readers.(less)
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