This book is fluff. It's very easy to say that relationships require forgiveness, pure love is altruistic, etc. Duh! Why, I could read that on a hallmThis book is fluff. It's very easy to say that relationships require forgiveness, pure love is altruistic, etc. Duh! Why, I could read that on a hallmark card. That doesn't help me when I'm feeling like strangling my partner....more
This woman is a little nutso. Like, she thinks men are unnecessary and if you just were to be on a lesbian compound long enough, you'd learn how to maThis woman is a little nutso. Like, she thinks men are unnecessary and if you just were to be on a lesbian compound long enough, you'd learn how to make babies without them. Because really, women are superior so of course we would figure out spontaneous asexual generation of offspring. I mean like, duh!
This book is very anti-monogamy. On the sole evidence that her personal relationship had gotten boring and robotic. Of course it couldn't be her, it had to be the entire idea of monogamous "relationShip". And it couldn't be a challenge and opportunity to grow, it had to be men's fault. (Even though it was a lesbian relationship).
Funny story: my ex-boyfriend raved about this book. He had read it right after a breakup and it really validated him about how messed up relationships can be. I read it and wanted to break up. HA, he was like d'oh.
Of course it wasn't really the book. It was the fact that I'm a lesbian. And he was a dude. It just took me a while to figure that out. (Not that he was a dude. I got that part. The other part.)...more
No grand theories, just solid advice - and fun! This book is about creating a nurturing relationship, not a perfect one. It's practical, and there areNo grand theories, just solid advice - and fun! This book is about creating a nurturing relationship, not a perfect one. It's practical, and there are a lot of different things to try. There is a handy index that lets you look up the problem you are having (anger, too much distance, resentment, etc), and it suggests which section of the book would help. It covers a wide range of issues, and gives a lot of creative ideas. My partner is somewhat couples-exercise-averse and she really liked it. ...more
Good information - a little dry. What I like best about it is that it is a collection of a la carte skills - no big grand theory to swallow first. I aGood information - a little dry. What I like best about it is that it is a collection of a la carte skills - no big grand theory to swallow first. I am a little burned out on grand theories that aim to explain the entire reason for relationships and how to fix everything about them. It never seems to really work out the way you hope. So this book doesn't do that so much. Huzzah. ...more
This is the book I've liked best out of the ones I've read on the Enneagram. It's practical - it applies the info to work and relationships rather thaThis is the book I've liked best out of the ones I've read on the Enneagram. It's practical - it applies the info to work and relationships rather than just offering abstract conceptual descriptions of your personality.
The book has two sections - the first describes each type in depth and the second explores how each of the types interacts with each of the other types, both on the job and in personal relationships. If you can get your partner or coworker to take an Enneagram test, it can give you a lot of insight into your interactions.
Like all good personality systems, it describes both the positive aspects and the struggles each type has. I also like how it explains not just the characteristics, but the logic behind them in each types brain. For instance, I am an 8, and it describes the worldview of an 8 as being preoccupied with truth, justice, and defending innocence.
"If undivided truth prevailed, control would be unnecessary."
I would never have come up with that description, but it hits a deep chord. That's exactly what I believe, which is why I'm preoccupied with truth - I want to expose, encourage, reveal, and remind people of the truth, because I believe it is what will heal the world and make everyone's lives better.
The Enneagram is a spiritual system and describes each personality in terms of the core wound we each have - and our personality's response to it. The 8's response is to recognize that innocence and vulnerability are seen as weakness and the strong dominate the weak, and thus they decide to be the strong ones, but also to defend the innocent - and, I think, innocence in general.
Besides understanding and validating yourself, the Enneagram is useful in becoming aware of the other types of worldviews out there - that yours isn't the only one (kind of a problem for 8s) - and to understand how to best interact with people to encourage their growth and avoid personality-based conflict....more
I'm somewhat embarrassed to like this book so much due to Laura's history of homophobic B.S. while she was doing her 5-year stint as an Orthodox Jew,I'm somewhat embarrassed to like this book so much due to Laura's history of homophobic B.S. while she was doing her 5-year stint as an Orthodox Jew, her "family values" empahsis, and that she also wrote a book called "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands". Blech. Plus on her show she comes across as kinda mean.
But it's a good book. It's straightforward and contains a lot of good examples from people who called or wrote in about what it takes to basically "grow up" - to accept that while you childhood sucked, and may have left you with various problems or permanent scars, it's your life now and if you want it to be good you've got to accept that you are responsible for your actions and your life period - no matter what happened to you as a child. To stop suffering requires you to accept that your parents were how they were, you can't change them and being mad doesn't help, and that if you choose to fail to get back at them you are only hurting yourself. And you always have a choice. The same is true of relationships - if you end up trying to get someone to change or love you and they just aren't able to or don't choose to - that's something you have to accept. You can't fight reality and win - but you can accept and deal with reality and make a good life for yourself no matter what other people are up to.
I also like how she emphasizes that recovery involves finding a focus outside of yourself - being involved with other people in some capacity where you give of yourself. I find that many self-help books tend to encourage the self-absorption with personal pain that people with problems already struggle with. And it's not about being of service out of guilt or trying to deserve something by being "good"--it's about choosing to be part of the human project instead of stuck in your head forever.
And she does this without sounding harsh or abrupt or simplifying complex situations - which I expected given her demeanor on her show. Perhaps she comes across better when she has more space to explain things, or perhaps it's just that she has this preachy tone on air that turns me off. In any case, the book is compassionate and clear.
Great book. And I guess Laura is "gay-friendlier" of late. So OK....more
This is a pretty middle-of-the-road, calm person's guide to relationships. As in, not going into the nitty gritty stuff, but suggesting counseling ifThis is a pretty middle-of-the-road, calm person's guide to relationships. As in, not going into the nitty gritty stuff, but suggesting counseling if you have nitty gritty stuff. It does provide a good overview of issues that come up with lesbians throughout the span of a relationship. I've gone back to it a few times to review the section on boundaries. ...more