So, I’ve just finished watching the movie, and it sucked. I’d rather watch pterodactyl porn than go through another two hours of Breaking Dawn. I can'So, I’ve just finished watching the movie, and it sucked. I’d rather watch pterodactyl porn than go through another two hours of Breaking Dawn. I can't even fathom why I wasted my money on that shit. Anyway, it’s been more than a year since I last reread a book from the Twilight series so I decided to give Breaking Dawn another try. I got through about five pages before I started skimming the book and highlighting the parts that doesn’t make any bloody sense. Most of them about sex.
One of the things that I can’t understand is how Edward, the fairy-vampire hybrid, got an erection. I mean, he’s a freaking corpse. How could a corpse get an erection, not to mention semen to impregnate Bella.
Oh, and I’ve always wondered: Edward is over a hundred years old, and he’s still a virgin, so he must be one hell of a wanker to have endured that long.
There’s also Bella, our sadomasochistic necrophiliac. The recently wed vampire-to-be who engaged in BDSM with a sparkly corpse that magically produces semen. Bella is oh-so-overly prone to accidents that Edward had to buy a missile-proof Mercedes Guardian just to ensure her safety. Talk about overkill.
One of Bella’s love interest is Jacob, a Native American shapeshifter that never fails to make those sexually frustrated Twilight Moms drool.
So, Bella and Edward got married blah, blah, blah, and they honeymooned on this secluded island in the middle of somewhere-I-can’t-remember, and they had wild mind-blowing sex that turned their bed to dust.
Then Bella realized that she is pregnant and they had to get back to Forks and she had to drink blood, shit, and stuffs. And I’m now getting bored so I’ll skip the parts that I can’t remember. Anyway, Bella discovered that the baby would kill her and claw her way out of her vajayjay
And the vampires performed caesarian on her and Edward injected his saliva to her heart and she turned into a bloodsucker and I’m so bloody bored now. And Jacob saw Bella’s baby, and he felt like
The bloody pervert’s got a fetish for newborn half vampires. What a pedophile.
Anyway, Alice saw that the Volturi is going to attack them and the vampires gathered allies and, as the saying goes, sharpened their claws.
The Cullens, their allies, and the werewolves almost got in a fight but that didn’t happen because Meyer’s a pacifist and a couple of tribal vampires saved the day. Diplomacy won. What the hell.
Anyway, the book ended in Edward and Bella having sex and I felt like kicking Meyer in the face because her book sucked.
Oh, and the ending left me crying from laughter because it’s just so bloody ridiculous.
And to all hardcore Twilight fans, this is for you
I'm so bloody drunk right now so I'll just go to sleep... CIAOOO :)
ANITA'S A FILTHY HOEBAG THAT SCREWS EVERY GUY THAT SHE MEETS. CALL ME A CHAUVINIST, BUT I REALLY HATE WOMEN THAT USES THEIR – PARDON MY FRENCH – PUSSYANITA'S A FILTHY HOEBAG THAT SCREWS EVERY GUY THAT SHE MEETS. CALL ME A CHAUVINIST, BUT I REALLY HATE WOMEN THAT USES THEIR – PARDON MY FRENCH – PUSSY AND TITTIES TO MANIPULATE GUYS INTO DOING THINGS THAT THEY WANT.
ANITA IS LIKE THAT, A WHORRIBLE SKANK THAT USES HER BODY AS A WEAPON.
SHE’S A NECROMANCER, SO, OBVIOUSLY, SHE HAS POWER OVER THE UNDEAD (VAMPIRES & ZOMBIES), SHE ALSO HAS SUPERHUMAN STRENGTH, SPEED, STAMINA, AND A DOZEN OTHER ABILITIES. SHE ALSO PARTICIPATES IN ORGIES, SADOMASOCHISM, BDSM, NECROPHILIA, BESTIALITY, AND LESBIAN SEX.
THIS SERIES IS JUST TOO FUCKING DISTURBING. I DON’T HAVE ANYTHING AGAINST HOMOSEXUALS, BUT THE UNSETTLING AMOUNT OF INFORMATION ON MALE-TO-MALE SEX IS MORE THAN ENOUGH TO MAKE A STRAIGHT MAN QUEASY. HELL, IT’S BEEN MONTHS NOW AND I STILL CAN’T RID MYSELF OF THE IMAGE OF TWO CORPSES BUTTFUCKING EACH OTHER.
OH AND THAT’S NOT THE ONLY THING THAT DISTURBS ME. THERE ARE ALSO PARTS THAT FEATURES ANITA HAVING SEX WITH AN ANIMAL, COMPLETE WITH AGONIZING DETAILS. WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND ANYWAY WOULD WANT TO READ ABOUT A WOMAN HAVING SEX WITH A BLOODY TIGER ?
TMI MUCH HAMILTON. YOUR NOVELS DOESN’T TURN ME ON. IT MAKES ME WANT TO PUKE MY GUTS OUT.
ANYHOW, THIS IS PROBABLY THE LAST BOOK IN THIS DISGUSTINGLY HORRENDOUS SERIES THAT I WOULD READ. THE WRITING IS SO DAMN TERRIBLE, WITH POOR, REPETITIVE DIALOGUES, AND USELESS TÊTE-À-TÊTES THAT DOESN’T EVEN HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE PLOT. I CAN’T EVEN FATHOM HOW I REACHED BOOK 20....more
I didn't finish this book and has no plans to finish it. Besides, based on the reviews, I'm not really missing much. I've been trying to enjoy Nichola
I didn't finish this book and has no plans to finish it. Besides, based on the reviews, I'm not really missing much. I've been trying to enjoy Nicholas Sparks books for years now but I just can't get myself to like his works. They are just so damn predictable. I don't really have any problem with that, most of the books these days are the same anyway, but what I don't like is how almost all of his books have the same backbone and structure. It leaves the reader no room for discovery. His books are essentially the same story. End....more