So, today is my birthday and my fans, Tracy and Amy have requested that I write a review of this demented book. I find it amusing that the directions...moreSo, today is my birthday and my fans, Tracy and Amy have requested that I write a review of this demented book. I find it amusing that the directions for posting a review includes the phrase "What I learned from this book" (as if we're kindergarteners just back from summer vacation)... but in this case it's actually helpful...
One year ago at Christmas time I was shopping with my latest charming, psychotic, former crack dealer boyfriend... and suddenly the cover of this book loomed up at me from the "gift book" table. I thought I must have read it wrong at first (I spend inordinate amounts of time reading/writing pornographic fan fiction, finding subtext in every show since The Honeymooners, and imagining strangers in their underwear... imagining a title like "Three Incestuous Sisters" is so not even beyond me). But no... it was as if the gods of bookstores knew my soul... I had stumbled across the wrongest book ever to be fashioned.
When I opened the cover to this atrocity, what I learned was that I am a twisted, perverse person who can be turned on even by something as insanely wrong as the idea of shagging ones own sisters.
Now... just so you understand... I am not normally attracted to my sisters. Yes, there are three of us. Yes, we each have differently colored hair. Yes, we have all slept in the same bed together. But... and I must emphasize this... we have NEVER known each other in the biblical sense. I reserve my incestuous behavior for cousins and members of my extended hippie family. I only play the banjo on the porch on alternate Thursdays. Most of us have all our teeth.
But this book... with it's delicate, elegant illustrations, as if for a children's bedtime storybook... well, it took me to secret, Freudian places that I didn't volunteer to travel to. I was dragged, kicking and screaming... in the middle of a public store in Berkeley... and when my brain did the flip into bizarroland... I started giggling maniacally. People were staring... and the book is large, okay? It's not like you can disguise the fact that you are staring at lesbian incest porn and getting off on it. Good thing it was Berkeley... they're used to this sort of thing.
My date wandered over to see what I was losing my freak over, and then backed away slowly. Even a former crack dealer thought there was something wrong with me.
So... there you have it. You are forewarned. This book, with it's evil ways, will take you down the rabbit hole of kinky wrongness. If you have sisters... just be prepared. If you don't... well... be glad. You get to be a voyeur to kinky wrongness without the guilt later while you sit around the dinner table and flashback to the dirty panels while talking to your unknowing sisters.
Someday I will get bored and buy this book for my sisters for Christmas. Then they will hate me and curse me and whisper between each other about how they worry I may crack one day. They will consult their psychics and their astrology charts to see where I went wrong. Okay... they already know where I went wrong. But I will have the last laugh... because no one can resist the power of the kink.
Curse you Audrey Niffenegger. You sick, kinky, freak of a girl. You are my people.(less)