9/10 .... Lizzie, our protagonist, is a modern minded 15 year old woman, and I do mean woman, stuck in an era and town not capable of understanding her...more9/10 .... Lizzie, our protagonist, is a modern minded 15 year old woman, and I do mean woman, stuck in an era and town not capable of understanding her lifestyle and strong mind. She is a feminist in a time when that kind of thinking and behaviour was not only discouraged but even categorized as a mental illness. Violet, her older sister, is the picture of femininity and correct social graces and is, of course, devastatingly embarrassed by Lizzie's complete disregard of proper etiquette. However, Lizzie could give two shits about her own reputation, Violet's reputation or the reputation of the family.
Alys, Always is a novel about a manipulative woman named Frances who schemes her way to the top of the professional and social ladder. I...moreMay, 2012 5/10
Alys, Always is a novel about a manipulative woman named Frances who schemes her way to the top of the professional and social ladder. In doing so she lies and cons everyone around her, taking advantage of every situation. Not one person in her life, family, coworkers or "friends," catches on to the deception. You can't really call someone a friend if you have scammed them from the very beginning, can you? Anyways, so far it sounds like the plot of a delicious betrayal filled with twists and backstabbing atrocities BUT (and I am sad to say this is one but of many) the book overall was a draaaaaag.
The Domino Effect is a coming of age story about Danny Rorro, an Italian kid from Queens who just can't seem to catch a break. Now I HATE the phr...more7/10
The Domino Effect is a coming of age story about Danny Rorro, an Italian kid from Queens who just can't seem to catch a break. Now I HATE the phrase coming of age but until there are better synonyms than fecundity and virility it will have to do. Anyways, we follow Danny through his high school life as he struggles with the common teenage annoyances: shitty schools, unstable friends and painful romances. Ugh, I'm so glad high school is over. *
The book is unique in the way it's organized. It starts with the first three years of Danny's high school life, with each chapter representing a separate year. The events go by quickly but we get a detailed understanding of Danny's family and school life that sets us up nicely for the main part of the book: his fourth year at Hamden Academy. The rest of the book slows right down and is the conclusion of Danny's high school/adolescence.
Danny's father, though not a main character in the book, was my favourite. At a time when Queens was struggling to accept the new immigrants moving into the neighbourhood, Danny's father embraced them, made friends and even spoke to them in Spanish. He taught ....
Well, this has never happened to me before. I am confused as hell, which doesn't feel totally bad, but I also feel like I've read a book I'm not intel...moreWell, this has never happened to me before. I am confused as hell, which doesn't feel totally bad, but I also feel like I've read a book I'm not intelligent enough to understand. It's exactly how I felt after watching the movie Donnie Darko…...confusion mixed with the overwhelming feeling that I was so close to grasping a concept so profound but that my feeble mind couldn't/wouldn't be able to fully absorb its true meaning.
It's like waking up from a dream so vivid that it takes you a moment to realize that you are awake, and when you focus on the details they make just enough sense that you get goosebumps but not enough sense that your conscious mind can unravel the overall meaning. This explains exactly how I feel right now.
Now this sounds bad, but I'm not sure it is.
The first chapter of Four D is a complete mystery to me. It almost put me into an early grave, I kid you not I almost didn't make it through. It was like reading
...Mr. Nick has quite the baggage. He shows up on Lily's doorstep one night, bloodied and disorientated, in need of some serious downtime- and not the...more...Mr. Nick has quite the baggage. He shows up on Lily's doorstep one night, bloodied and disorientated, in need of some serious downtime- and not the sexy kind. So Lily helps him out, and allows him to hide out for a while until she can assess whether or not he is a threat. Lily's baggage is just as heavy as his, as her need to help strangers has put her in some shady shit as well. Their shared history of questionable judgement creates the perfect bridge for the two to bond. Like a good recipe, love needs a cup of murder, a dash of drug cartel and a pinch of sexual assault. I told you the plot was great. ...
This gem of a novelette is a delicious 69 pages of steamy narrative. The main character is a woman named Kip, who is successful in life but not in lov...moreThis gem of a novelette is a delicious 69 pages of steamy narrative. The main character is a woman named Kip, who is successful in life but not in love. Her fantasies all centre around an old flame named Dylan who took her virginity and then spread the story around their high school. Nothing like "whore" being yelled at you during your valedictorian speech to ruin any fond memories you may have had of your senior school years. Despite her resentment of him she still uses the blue eyed hunk of man meat as lead male in her solo love sessions…eight years later. Chapter one ends beautifully with an intense masturbation scene in an SUV. Here's a little glimpse:
"To hell with hesitation! She’d wriggle out from under him and demand that he get naked, now. No, in fact, she’d peel his clothes off under the Christmas tree herself, like a kid on Christmas morning hyped up on cocoa and candy canes. Kip hadn’t been fucked—really fucked—like she’d wanted it in a long, long time. And, damn it, this was her fantasy and Dylan would be lucky if he got out it without suffering from exhaustion. He owed her."
She actually pulls over in a snow storm to rub one out on her way to her family's cabin for Christmas. She's spending Christmas there alone with her pink dildo, to drink wine, eat comfort food and diddle in peace. That's self-pleasuring dedication (I love this woman). After buying a Christmas tree and getting set up she realizes that she has no firewood and desperately tries to find someone in town who will deliver on Christmas Eve in a blizzard… and then the fun begins.
I love romance books. You always know what you are going to get; the delicious internal struggles of an awkward woman and rugged man who fight and dou...moreI love romance books. You always know what you are going to get; the delicious internal struggles of an awkward woman and rugged man who fight and doubt their burning passions for one another until they both snap and rip each other's clothes off. Throw in a dash of plot, a pinch of insecurity, a cup of sexual tension and stir in meddling families, physical danger and, of course, boners and you've got yourself a romance.
The Other Guy's Bride had all of the above romance-book qualities with a historical and exotic flare. The plot is rich and well developed… that's right, a romance with a plot! Ginesse Braxton, the awkward, stubborn, accident prone but very intelligent protagonist comes from a long line of famous Egyptologists. The story unfolds on her way to Egypt to find the lost city of Zerzura. She steals a woman's identity to gain an escort across the desert to discover the legend and hopefully make a name for herself based on her achievements and not her family background. Her escort, of course, is dangerous and handsome and almost hopelessly damaged. Their relationship is built on lies from the start, I mean the title tells us the dilemma: The Other Guy's Bride. Jim Owens, our yummy half American escort, believes that Ginesse is actually Mildred Whimpelhall who he was entrusted to bring back to her fiancé, and major ass, Lord Pomfrey....
Finally a fairy tale for grown ups. Want a good bedtime story that will make you laugh with wet panties? This is the book for you. With 39 pages The P...moreFinally a fairy tale for grown ups. Want a good bedtime story that will make you laugh with wet panties? This is the book for you. With 39 pages The Princess and the Penis is the perfect length (ahem) for you to read in bed before you tuck yourself in. It has a familiar story line: a beautiful, kind and vurtuous princess, an overprotective father and a gigantic phantom penis… wait, what? Yep, you heard me. This is more than your knight-in-shining-armour fairy tale. With chapter titles like A Lump in the Rump, The Phantom Phallus and The Wacky Wizard, this book is hilarious and saucy from start to finish. I actually laughed out loud as I read. A very witty take on an old fashioned story that would make your grandma blush.
I'm always happy when I read a second book by an author that I enjoy as much as the first. This is not a naughty fairytale remake, but it is as funny...moreI'm always happy when I read a second book by an author that I enjoy as much as the first. This is not a naughty fairytale remake, but it is as funny as The Princess and the Penis. I was laughing out loud while I was reading, plus the ending was a total shock.
What if you could stop time, travel through it, and change the past? Would you do it? And what would be the final repercussions? Chance Sowin is about...moreWhat if you could stop time, travel through it, and change the past? Would you do it? And what would be the final repercussions? Chance Sowin is about to find out...
This story reads like an adolescent hyperactive genius wrote it. Really. The main idea, time travel and altering history to create alternate realities, is AWESOME. Unfortunately, I'm not well-versed enough in science or science fiction to understand all the technical stuff. I mean, this is an excerpt from the book: "Quantum mechanics is full of dynamic flexibility, thought experiments in which cats in safes with poison vials and unpredictably radioactive atoms propose greater logic problems than Zen koans. Consider again an electron the certainty of which, in terms of speed and position, can only be determined by firing a photon - a tiny quantum of light - at it, and then realize that doing so will alter both." Tell me I'm not justified in having trouble with that.
Talia is a frustrated 9-year-old girl with some rage issues. When she discovers a malevolent book of unimaginable power, Talia finally finds a way to...more Talia is a frustrated 9-year-old girl with some rage issues. When she discovers a malevolent book of unimaginable power, Talia finally finds a way to express herself, much to the misfortune of those who cause her grief.
I wanted it to be longer. I wanted more details, I wanted to read more about Talia and her activities, and I DEFINITELY want to read the next book. The writing was pretty excellent (only ONE possible typo!) and the characters were well-rounded and realistic. I liked that you would see characters from their own point of view and then Talia's; the differences in perception were intriguing. The only character I had trouble with was Talia herself. I can't say that I actually liked her. At all. She started out a bitch and really only developed into a bigger, angrier, more violent bitch.
In the near future, everyone is thin and fattening foods are not only shunned, they're actually illegal (at which point I would kill myself). Good Hum...moreIn the near future, everyone is thin and fattening foods are not only shunned, they're actually illegal (at which point I would kill myself). Good Humor Men live to destroy these evil foods, but Louis Schmaltzberg, original Good Humor Man, retired liposuctionist, and son of the man who liposuctioned Elvis himself, begins to doubt his current career. When a macabre piece of his family legacy draws the attention of a myriad of powers, Louis goes on the run and attempts to save the world.
Fuckin' weird. Not senselessly weird, like Carlton Mellick III (not that he's not incredible in his own right) or British humor (I just don't get that shit) but weird like... I don't know what, exactly. The closest approximation I can come to is... Sideways Stories From Wayside School.
In the tiny Irish village of Wake Wood, the residents welcome newcomers only if they're a certain type of people, as they live in a very... special pl...moreIn the tiny Irish village of Wake Wood, the residents welcome newcomers only if they're a certain type of people, as they live in a very... special place. Patrick and Louise have just lost their daughter in a horrific accident, and are living shattered shells of their former lives, barely hanging on to any semblance of their former selves. And Wake Wood is welcoming them with open arms.
This book is what would happen if Pet Sematary and Village of the Damned got together for a cheap one night stand and had a baby made of paper and ink. Literally. Only the names seem to be different. I mean, I don't think I can really complain; when I read the synopsis on the back of the book, I thought, "This sounds just like Pet Sematary! I LOVED that shit!" and then whisked it up to the insane Boxing Day line-up at Chapters, where I then witnessed a crazy lady scream, "I'm not leaving without my KKKOOOOOBBBBBOOOOO!" and then got chased by the managers and security as she ran screaming through the store, and eventually got dragged out to the waiting police. It was a good time.
A military man faces the Zombie Apocalypse, and must do whatever necessary to ensure the preservation of himself, and his soul.
This is one of the fir...moreA military man faces the Zombie Apocalypse, and must do whatever necessary to ensure the preservation of himself, and his soul.
This is one of the first zombie books I've read where the human protagonist isn't a complete mess of an idiot. This guy is a military man, intent on survival and actually possessing the skills to make it happen. He knows how to handle guns, clear a room, fly a plane, and rescue others who aren't as adept at fending off the undead as himself. He's willing to take risks I wouldn't (Rescue trapped survivors? Well, those zombie hordes look mighty hungry, and my bunker here at Chapters is pretty cozy... maybe I'll just turn this radio off...) but this wasn't like most zombie books where I would find myself yelling, "Why are you leaving safety to look for your wife?! She was trapped in the city 100 miles away when this whole thing went down 3 weeks ago! You're going to get eaten, or lose friends who stupidly agree to go with you on this suicide mission, asshole!
Our hero is back, with more responsibility than ever.
THE FUCK. The first book in this series was definitely badass; while it seemed male-centric, the...moreOur hero is back, with more responsibility than ever.
THE FUCK. The first book in this series was definitely badass; while it seemed male-centric, the protagonist was fuckin' SMART, and I respected that. NOW? This book? Buddy's transformed from clever survivalist with a military background to total military robot. Really, he doesn't even seem human anymore. He's completely detached from everything going on around him; even though he's got a hot survivor woman who wants a piece, she's relegated to being mentioned a few times in a couple of paragraphs. Like I said, our protagonist is a robot. No fun.
The Pendleton is a stately old mansion that has been converted into luxury apartments for the wealthy elite. It boasts Oriental rugs, a full swimming...moreThe Pendleton is a stately old mansion that has been converted into luxury apartments for the wealthy elite. It boasts Oriental rugs, a full swimming pool, and a horrific past dredged in bloodshed and insanity. But don't be deceived, because 77 Shadow Street is no mere haunted house, and the current residents are about to be thrust into a world overseen by something far more terrifying than ghosts...
The Zombie Plague has ripped through the nation, but the survivors are beginning to pick up the pieces; a tentative government has been established, r...moreThe Zombie Plague has ripped through the nation, but the survivors are beginning to pick up the pieces; a tentative government has been established, rules are being put into place, and trained teams of volunteers are clearing out the undead, section by section. As Mark Spitz exterminates the stragglers, the horror of the past and the horror of the present create a pervasive static trauma, but he's well prepared when the shit REALLY hits the fan...
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