In the footsteps of Vonnegut (but with slightly larger footprints, I'm sure), this book is fresh, inspiring, and funny. "Leaving the Neighborhood" is...moreIn the footsteps of Vonnegut (but with slightly larger footprints, I'm sure), this book is fresh, inspiring, and funny. "Leaving the Neighborhood" is a glimpse into the past--a past that may or may not have happened, depending on who you ask and how much money you had to pay them.
The thing is, I haven't had this much fun with a book since I accidentally singed my eyebrows last March as I tried to burn a large stack of books, comprised entirely of copies of "The Last Templar," while cursing the Baphomet, Jacques DeMolay, and Renaldo, who had just eaten the last of my marshmallow cream. (Note to consumer: Marshmallow cream makes for a tasty, yet ultimately ineffective, war paint).
Reading this book is like being a man with cataracts who's strapped to the back of a sprinting cheetah--it'll have you seeing spots it's so fast-paced and exciting. (Note to consumer: Always exercise caution when attempting to ride a cheetah. Don't chase the cheetah; instead, cover yourself in marshmallow cream and let the cheetah come to you).
And if I had to rate this book, I'd give it five thumbs up. (Three of those thumbs would be provided by guys who owe me money, assuming they still refused to pay). This is an excellent book, with a rather unique perspective on life, and it's highly worth your while to check it out. (less)
I once read a farewell letter that said, "Goodbye my love. I'm starving and trapped in the mountains. I want to write you a longer letter, but now, ou...moreI once read a farewell letter that said, "Goodbye my love. I'm starving and trapped in the mountains. I want to write you a longer letter, but now, out of desperation, I'm forced to eat my other arm. My only two regrets in life are that I couldn't have spent my final moments with you, and that I am wearing my brother's shirt right now and I've managed to get blood all over it. After they find my body, do you think you could have this shirt dry cleaned and return it to him? Well, I've got to go--it's lunchtime. Now I wish I had taken Orafoura's advice and kept packets of ketchup in my wallet at all times."
Do you know who wrote that letter? My brother. (Yes, I did get my shirt back, and yes, the stains did come out).
Well, Scott Gandert's book reminds me a lot of my brother, except his book doesn't have shaggy blonde hair, a wooden leg, an eye patch, and a parrot on his shoulder. Wait, that was a generic description of a pirate, which is something my brother definitely did not look like. But if you could reverse-personify a person, and make that person into an inanimate object, my brother would have been like this book: Funny, sweet, and short (my brother was only 62 pages tall).
But after reading this book, I am convinced that Scott Gandert is the Steve McQueen of literature. This book has a hip, free-flowing style that makes "On The Road" feel like a series of speed bumps. And I have a confession to make. I actually don't have a brother. But this book made me wish that I did have a brother, one like Scott, and that my memories were more like his memories. Real or imagined, his recollections serve to bring you closer to home, even if you never lived there. (less)
Certain books are written without any consideration to page length, and lack forethought as to what dimensions constitute the perfect height for utili...moreCertain books are written without any consideration to page length, and lack forethought as to what dimensions constitute the perfect height for utilizing the book as a leveling tool on the floor under the leg of a wobbly table or chair. This book is not one of those books. Not only that, but if you take the amount of pages this book has, divide by Pi, factor in the Fibonacci sequence, and multiply by Orafoura you get the Kepler Triangle found in the Great Pyramid of Giza.''
As Pythagoras probably once noted, "a2 + b2 is not for the illiterate." Geometry is the alphabet soup of math, and "Dolph and Erasmus" is the chicken noodle soup of eggrolls.
If you like adventure, I mean really, really, really like adventure, as in you think Shackleton was a sissy, then this book is for you.
Plot summary: (WARNING: Plot spoiler) A gritty cop, John McClane, (played by Bruce Willis) arrives in the Big Apple to spend Christmas with his main squeeze (played by Doris Orange). Upon entering her office building he discovers that it, like Poland in 1939, has been invaded and occupied by a German genius with a mustache.
This evil mastermind, Hans Gruber, (played by Severus Snape from Harry Potter) turns out to be only interested in money, much to the chagrin of McClane's wife, who has fallen madly in love with him in what psychologists refer to as Stockholm Syndrome (named after the city in Germany following the kidnapping of Poland in 1939).
Wait, maybe that's not a synopsis of "Dolph and Erasmus" at all, but rather a description of the movie "Das Boot," which means, loosely translated, "The Shoe," or more precisely, "The Boot."
Some books are meant to be read, expanding our mind with every clever turn of phrase, while other books only let us reach greater heights by being stacked up and stood on. This book is not to be stepped on, except mentally, like an escalator, as it takes us to places we have never been before.
Should you purchase this book? In the immortal word of Peter Sellers, "Buy." Yes, buy this book. That's my advice and recommendation. (less)
After reading Crisis Investing, I realize the value of commodities. Not being able to afford gold or silver, I bought the next best thing: silverware....moreAfter reading Crisis Investing, I realize the value of commodities. Not being able to afford gold or silver, I bought the next best thing: silverware. If I ever open up a soup kitchen I'll have plenty of forks to go around.
But seriously, how should one invest?
The road to hell isn't paved with gold, it's paved with faith. Faith in a dollar that's backed by a belief that people have faith in other people's belief in it.
The Bernank might not be able to grow our economy, but he can sure grow a heck of a beard.
I agree with Casey that the US economy is overregulated. Consequently, the market has more distortions than a house of mirrors, and its body image should be suffering for it. America is morbidly obese, yet she dresses in skin-tight hot pants as though she were Twiggy at 20.
If you want to know what to invest in and why, not specifics, but more the fundamentals, then this book is definitely for you. (less)
Thus Spoke Zarathustra is a difficult book to read, particularly if you are asleep. But I wasn't asleep, I was only pretending to be asleep! You know,...moreThus Spoke Zarathustra is a difficult book to read, particularly if you are asleep. But I wasn't asleep, I was only pretending to be asleep! You know, to take advantage of those who claim to be awake.
Channeling his inner Christ, Socrates, and Orafoura, Nietzsche gave voice to a mute mystic named Zarathustra. Chronicling his spiritual development and preemptively establishing the modern notion of postmodern ennui and apathy that accompanies everyone being at once anonymous and also mentally famous, Nietzsche was generations ahead of the World Beard and Mustache Competition.
Me, me, today it's all about me, so make me into a meme! Remember my name because you'll be forgetting it later. Lose your religion, your mind, and finally your identity as you find yourself without a home, taking shelter under the glorious mustache of a 19th-century intellectual giant.
Live in a cave as a caveman might live, but remember: You are not a caveman, despite the assurances of your mother that your derelict father was a caveman. The truth is, you are so modern you are primitive. You alone stand above man because you are Overman!
You shine like a gold-star sticker, and I'll distribute four of them to you for being so super. So in the spirit of Orafoura and handing out stars, I give this book five stars.
And remember, just because you're Superman, doesn't mean you don't have to wear a condom. In the immortal words of Nietzsche, "Syphilis? Is that some ancient Greek philosopher I've never heard of?" (less)
Nicholas Sparks is the flame of love. I think I speak for all women when I say I don't speak for all women. So let me speak from the heart: I heart Sp...moreNicholas Sparks is the flame of love. I think I speak for all women when I say I don't speak for all women. So let me speak from the heart: I heart Sparks, Nicholas.
I consider "The Notebook" to be one of the best books I've ever watched on television. If you were to ask any of my friends (that is, if I had any friends to ask), they'd tell you I'm as romantic as a man whose left eye always tears up because his right eye isn't a glass eye, but rather an onion.
Put it this way: If Cupid weren't a flying midget in diapers, I'd consider that myth to be about my life. Not that I'm not completely convinced it's not.
But even if I were Cupid, and I probably am, I still couldn't write as romantic a story as Nicholas Sparks. He is the master of romance. And since he is the master, I am wondering if he is seeking an apprentice.
Nicky, baby, if you're reading this, shoot me a heart-tipped, arrow-shaped email to firstname.lastname@example.org. You make me swoon. (less)
This book was exceptional! There were over 363 great quotes in this book (364 to be precise). The only quote that I found inferior was of course my ow...moreThis book was exceptional! There were over 363 great quotes in this book (364 to be precise). The only quote that I found inferior was of course my own. Still, it is an honor to be included among the funniest, wittiest, and most brilliant people to walk the face of the earth (to my knowledge, no physically handicapped people were included in the book).
But seriously, Mr. Kushner did a great job editing and collecting all these fine quotes, and he himself proves to be intellectually on par with all the people in the book with his magnetic sense of humor.
Buy this book. If for nothing else, buy it for me. (less)
3. Vladimir Putin washes his underwear in warm milk.
2. Thomas Edison’s eyebrows always argued, and could ne...moreSeven Reasons Why You Should Buy This Book:
3. Vladimir Putin washes his underwear in warm milk.
2. Thomas Edison’s eyebrows always argued, and could never simply meet in the middle.
1. Francis Bacon loved his women like he loved his breakfast: in bed—the same bed he kept in Shakespeare’s kitchen.
5. As per Descartes’ personal instruction, this slot does not exist. At least I think it doesn’t.
6. Nietzsche rode a stationary unicycle to stay in shape. It had no seat, and he always exercised naked.
7. I once showed up to my internet date’s house for our first date wearing only a filthy, unbuttoned raincoat and an elongated display of my eagerness to please. She called the cops, but never called me again.
4. Orafoura gave this book his stamp of approval, and he even let me lick the aforementioned stamp (it tasted like warm milk). (less)