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Jun 14, 2011
This review can also be found on my blog, Cait's Corner!
Shhhh! Do you hear that? It's the horrible screams of your money, doomed to spend the rest o This review can also be found on my blog, Cait's Corner!
Shhhh! Do you hear that? It's the horrible screams of your money, doomed to spend the rest of their lives with the shame of having been used to purchase this book, and my poor ten dollars are among them. In order to keep your money from the same sad fate, I have quite a few reasons why you should not buy this book, which turned out to be a huge disappointment:
1. The Writing
Throughout the whole novel her writing is extremely choppy and awkward; to me, it felt like Kate was having a veryyy hard time keeping her train of thought. And sadly, it's like that through the whole novel; Kate starts writing about one of Luce's time traveling experiences and has me mildly interested, but then she decides to shift gears because she feels like she needs to move on with the story, and does so with no literary grace. I put the book down several times and didn't read it again for hours because I just couldn't muddle through when she did that. Then to make things worse, I had to push myself just to get through the last half which I had hoped would be better, and that's never a good thing; it just really crawled along unbearably slowly for me. It was like finally getting to what you thought was the top of the mountain to find out that you aren't even a quarter of the way there yet. Then, there were quotes like this, that don't make any sense at all ( I also used this quote later on, that's how badly I got annoyed)
" at last" he breathed into her, finding her lips
"you found me"
There are several problems with this; for one, Kate never says that they are still not totally lip-locked, so, apparently, they are talking to each other without ever removing their lips from one another.
Just like this, except people, frozen in that position, talking .
I, for one, think that that's very weird and in real life probably would sound like: "ee ls" "oo foond e" "als". I don't know about you, but that's not exactly light-the-candles-turn-down-the-lights romantic. Secondly, the whole breathing into her bit. Just try it, breathing out the words, "at last" (which is stupid sounding enough), and hell, if you're with your girl or your man try it while finding one another's lips and simultaneously breathing it down their throat, which I am going to assume is the only rational way you can breathe into somebody without being naked, and if you don't find any of that awkward, then, well, I don't know what to say to that. Get some help, maybe? I hope you can see though just ONE quote that a scene that was supposed to be romantic is actually a total fail when you break it down and really think about it. Don't get me wrong, this book is a nice improvement compared to her first two, but it's still too much purple prose and she has a lot sentences like: Luce did this. Then this. Then they made out here. The only really well-written scenes that I could find were the first and second time traveling scenes and actually had me going and interested, but then it just never really came back fully. Definitely not something I should have spent my money on.
2. The Time Travel
Oh, God. This was literally so confusing. We don't even have an explanation about why she travels to the places she does until...oh...... halfway through the freaking book . That is way too long to keep your readers in the dark about something that is an integral part of the novel. I felt like Kate threw the time travel in there because it HAD to be, not because she wanted it there, which resulted in time travel that hurt my head and quite painfully, too. Then, to add to the already massive time-travel migraine, Daniel would randomly pop in some random fact about how it's her destiny to do this, to create the loop, and that he doesn't know what his destiny is, and yet, he does (which made the book okay for about two seconds, because he's having an ACTUAL struggle, albeit slightly confusing, but a struggle, nonetheless). But then Kate would be like that's enough of that, and have Daniel go skipping away in a field of roses and daises while I'm screaming, WHAT DESTINY?! WHAT'S GOING ON! I kind of understand why Luce can't know, but we're the readers for Pete's sake, and I think it would have made the book a lot better if at least I knew what was happening. It would have added the suspense that was sorely needed. But then, destiny took a really dangerous, and seriously annoying turn. Whenever Daniel would get somewhere conveniently right after Luce left, or he would only remember meeting himself in the past at the stupidest moments, he just chalked it up to destiny!
No. It doesn't make sense. Give us a reason and don't take the easy way out!
Now, I would like to present some real life cases of where having an excuse like destiny never works.
Case #1: What?! Your baby sister got run over by the insane ice cream man?! Why didn't you help her?
; It was my destiny not to!
Case #2: * I walk downstairs* " mom, I'm not going to school today; I'm actually going to go to a party and get drunk because it's my destiny!
The worse case; case #3: Girlfriend: "I love you sooo much baby, you're my everything! Happy two year anniversary!"
Boyfriend: " hey, girl, I'm sorry, but we just can't be together anymore"
Girlfriend: "WHAAATTT?!? WHY!"
Boyfriend: "It's not you, or me, it's destiny!"
* gets bitch-slapped and maybe shot*
Do you see my point? Just because you're an angel doesn't mean you can just leave it to destiny! If you want to read a good book about time travel, you should check out Timeless. It's pretty much everything good about time travel that Passion isn't.
3: What would amount to what I guess could be called a plot
When I said plot, I lied. There is no plot. No suspense, no action, no nothing. This is how the book goes in a nutshell.
Luce: I can't! But I must! But I can't!
Other characters: Yes, you cant! Just leave it alone, Luce!
Luce: But I must!
Other characters: *groan*
Daniel: I must find MY Luce! But, oh, look, there's a different Luce! I can't fall in love with that one! I can't! But I want to! But I can't! *paces for apparently weeks, months, days, he doesn't really know*
Luce: hey, I just befriended a weird gargoyle named Bill! I'm going to not trust my instincts and let him come with me!
Bill: heh heh I have a big secret, but Luce doesn't know that so shhhhhh.
Luce: oh...wow....look at all of these me's. I'm a bitch. ( I actually clap). But it's whatevs, I'm going to take control of their bodies and make out with Daniel! (I groan)
Bill: I'M GAY! Ohh...wait....wrong secret. Nevermind.
Luce: I'm going to kill my spirit! I must!
Bill: Yes you must!
Luce: But I can't!
Me and Bill: *groan*
Cam: *makes the book interesting for three pages*
Bill: I'm Satan! Muahahahaha! *hack*
Luce: I'll never give in to you! Ever!
* I actually start getting interested for a couple pages* until.....
" at last" he breathed into her, finding her lips
"you found me"
Me: AHHHHHH EAHROEIA;REUIARHOWEI NOOOO!
*epilogue giving Kate an excuse to write another book and jack millions more dollars off of people*
May I just say, that Always is kind of like her always using the word "destiny". IT'S NOT THE ANSWER! She used that God-forsaken word about 15 times in the las couple of chapters as the answer for their love, and I just couldn't stand it!
4. The characters
Long, unbearable story short, Luce and Daniel suck. Luce is as self absorbed as ever and just goes galavanting through time, wreaking who knows what kind of havoc, and decides to take control of her past selves' bodies so she can watch them burst into flames and know what it "feels like". Which, might I add, is advice from a gargoyle that hides from the angels who are the supposed good guys in the novel, which doesn't strike Luce as strange at all. If a gargoyle went up to me and said, "hey, you've never met me before, but I'm a good guy, and I want you to go to the empire state building and jump off! Don't worry, you'll be fine!" I would run away as fast as my legs could carry me, but not our Luce, because she's such a keeper. And by keep, I mean throw into a dumpster. She's a TSTL heroine at its finest. Then for a little, I felt like she was actually getting somewhere trying to find her answers, which included defying Daniel! *gasp!* But then Kate takes the easy way out and just falls back on "destiny" and "eternal love" *gag* (for any future writers out there, don't you dare do this. It will kill any sort of action and suspense you've built with one fell blow). Also, I didn't like some of her past selves and how different they were to her present self. Sure, they were born in different times, but I thought at least their personalities would be the same as the current Luce's. Sadly, most of them were even more pathetic and dumb like her chinese past; some don't even look like Luce at all. ugh. Coming back to her chinese past, I just don't understand how on earth she could have gotten away with killing the emperor; even with her wearing his clothes! I can't believe that they took such a second grade excuse as "I'm sick so my voice sounds funky but I'm totes him" It's not like I could go into the white house, stuff Obama in a closet, wear his suit, and get away with it! People just aren't that dumb, so don't make them sound that way. Luce also gets the top prize for most controlling, obsessive girlfriend I've ever read. In one scene, she is literally jealous of the very ground that a past Daniel is walking on . Oh my God, Luce! If you're that jealous just go lick Daniel's toes or something! Will really show that dirt!
Here you go, Luce! Maybe you can use it to scoop up some of that dirt!
And Daniel is the worst tortured soul character I've ever had the pain of reading. Sure, there were some points that might have slightly poked at my heart-strings, but those were very few and far between. He kept important things from us and from Luce, which made me dislike him even more than I already did. I really wanted to be let in on some things that he wouldn't say from Luce's perspective, but he never does. I know Luce would burst into flames if she knew, but it's not like if I read it I'm going to spontaneously combust, and neither is Daniel. It's always just Luce, Luce, Luce, death, Luce, Luce, jumping off cliffs, Luce, Luce. There's rarely any real development going on with him, which made his chapters the hardest to read. I know Luce's an idiot, but at least she's doing something, unlike Daniel, who seems to be only capable of watching himself. Can I just say, narcissist much? And the part in Heaven where Daniel goes up to God and says hey, I'll let you have Luce die and die and die for thousands of years because out love is just so true! Woah woah woah, Daniel, hold on a second. Did you ever ASK the first-ever Luce if that's what she would have wanted? To have excruciatingly painful deaths for the rest of her reincarnated existence? No. The douchebag. You don't make a decision like that without asking the person it's going to effect! Let me teach Daniel a lesson that he should have learned a loooong time ago. In life, people that you love most whether they're you're husband/wife, family, or friend, and that you can't possibly live without are going to die, no matter how much you don't want them to. And then to not have the guts to go " I just need to let her go because I love her" makes him look like a pussy. To add onto that he makes Luce suffer through not just the pain of death with his choice, but all of the family and friends that cared for her for however long she lived and now have to live with that ache of losing a loved one for the rest of their lives is just.... totally selfish, uncaring, and so centered on himself with the boo hoo I want Luce I can't live without her that I seriously, if I ever saw him, would punch him in the face. That is such a big no-no that I don't know how God didn't smite him where he stood for being so selfish.
Did anyone else find it, oh....I don't know..... strange that Daniel was magically able to change his body form to look asian, mexican and white? Unless angels are the best plastic surgeons around and were somehow able to change his eye shape and color, skin color, height, and just general body form when we have only developed the technology for any kind of body-altering plastic surgery within the last 60 or so years, I don't see how any of it was remotely possible. And if it somehow was, I'm pretty sure one thing didn't change from its small size, and if you can guess what it is; you get a silver star. Hint, hint, it rhymes with chick. And if you still can't guess then either you're slow or I've got a dirty mind..
Probably the latter ;)
I was very upset by something else, as well. Cam was only in about twenty pages of the book! He was the best character for me in this whole novel and he only ever made very short, cameo, appearances. Even then, Daniel was trying to avoid him at all costs when he did pop up, so he barely talks at all in this novel. She essentially destroys his character and turns him into this:
Hey, I'm Cam, I'm cool. Look at me! I'm leaning against a tree!
Hey look I'm leaning against a house!
Hey, I'm getting married! But awwww, I didn't!
Hey, guess what I'm doing again? Leaning against a house!
And it's kind of sad, because he was still my favorite character in the whole book even with the character degradation. He was the only one, when he did sparsely talk, that actually made a slight amount of sense.
Oh, and the whole twist about him being Daniel's brother? What the hell was that? Kate never really even explained it well! She just said; hey, they're brothers, and left us readers to fend for ourselves. When she did try to explain she used about three teeny tiny paragraphs on the whole brotherhood reveal and then had two really short scenes where they were still all lovey dovey bromance with each other, thinking that that would be enough, but it wasn't. It definitely wasn't. She also doesn't spend any time with their backstory, how they were together in heaven, zilch, zero, nada. Come on, Kate! If you're not going to spend time on something that's as big of a deal as you're trying to make it (even though ALL angels are related but whatever), don't even try it!
And Bill! I know some people say that they liked him and he was a good surprise, but, again, she never explained any of his behavior: the turning into other people, only being visible to Luce, etc. Luce never questions him or his motives, which made him very frustrating especially when we find out that (view spoiler)[ he's satan! (hide spoiler)] I mean what?! His attitude, especially being a seamstress doesn't match what I thought of him at all! He's like a (view spoiler)[ gay satan! (hide spoiler)] "Hey, while I'm saying all of my evil plans to you, you should totally not go with that outfit at all, it soooo clashes" No. I know he's not supposed to reveal his full personality to Luce, but Kate doesn't even give us any hints to who he is, so it's such a 360 turnaround that I couldn't fully get into it. I knew he was a bad guy that much was obvious, but did she have to make that big of a jump? And his "big reaveal?" gah. The only thing big about that was the enormity in the fail of describing him. It didn't make me scared, or give me any kind of shivers, I actually giggled a little bit. Poor guy probably became who he was because nobody up in heaven would produce his newest line of togas/robes because of how butt-ugly he was. You know those fashion types, always holding a grudge.
I kind of agree with God, it IS a little much.
And all of the other smaller characters in each of her past lives? They were very cookie-cutter characters. They didn't make me feel anything, they were never memorable; she didn't describe them well at all. If anything, they detracted from Luce's past lives. I know that she didn't spend a lot of time in each past, but if she has made those small characters better, I think I would have gotten more involved in the novel than I actually did. They just weren't good character foils due to, again, the lack of description. And don't even get me started on Miles. I can see that "lurve" triangle coming from a mile away, even though he was only in about two pages of the book. And Lilith? I say to her," go , girl!" Yes, Kate screwed up how Lilith ACTUALLY I guess you could say "broke up with Adam", but she was the only one with enough of a spine to actually defy the angels. Do I actually see a little bit of feminism, here? Honestly, that's what I think Luce should have done with Daniel in the first place; just curse his ass! But we all know that that didn't happen and now we're stuck with lots more lust. *sigh*
Oh, and I thought that it was just hilarious that we pretty much read over four-hundred pages of "love", but we still never get any answers! Really I was just giggling because nothing is ever explained, ever. The whole reason I stuck around the last hundred pages was to see the scene when Daniel and Luce first met but we never get to see that! Luce would repeatedly
But I digress.
So anyways, in the end, I was really hoping that this book would be better than it was, but it turned out to be a disappointment for me.
Why did I rate it two stars instead of one? I guess there were still moments that were cute and touching like the funeral and cliff scenes, but you had to dig so hard for them through the rest of the crap that when they did finally pop up, they weren't as heartfelt anymore. Whether or not you believe me, this was my favorite of the whole series; I was honestly hoping that it would turn out better than it did. I am going to read Rapture because of the big difference between her first and third book; who knows, maybe I will even rate the next one three stars since it IS the last book and she will, whether she wants to or not, have to give us all of the answers I've been waiting for.
Notes are private!
Jun 15, 2011
Jun 16, 2011
Apr 11, 2011
Sep 27, 2011
Sep 27, 2011
**spoiler alert** This review can also be found at my blog, Cait's Corner!
Laides and Gentlemen, gather 'round! welcome to......*trumpets blare* Cai **spoiler alert** This review can also be found at my blog, Cait's Corner!
Laides and Gentlemen, gather 'round! welcome to......*trumpets blare* Cait's Review of Mara Dyer!
The profound, prolific, and purely dramatic prologue. *lights dim and a single spotlight focuses on me; a narrator's voice comes out of the loudspeakers*
Cait doesn't think The Unbecoming of Mara Dyer can get any more terrible than reading Twilight and having no memory how she read that without imploding.
She believes that there must be more to this book with the beautiful cover that left her friends squealing and biting their nails in anticipation and left her mysteriously excited.
She doesn't believe that after everything she's read about this book, she can't not instantly fall in love with it.
The Unbecoming of Mara Dyer is everything I hoped it wouldn't be, and even more. Not the good kind of more, but the oh-dear-God-please-no-make-it-stop-I-can't-take-this-anymore- kind of no. Now having said that, though, I really can understand how some people would like this book; the writing is fine and there are actually some good quotes like:
I twisted my arm to curl him behind me and he unfolded there, the two of us snuggled like quotation marks in his room full of words.
Mara does have some pretty good quips and comments especially at the beginning of this book; I actually did gigglesnort a couple of times.
The pacing is actually pretty fast; I went through this book a lot quicker than I ever thought that I would, and it did, for the most part, hold my attention. However, it held my attention for almost all the wrong reasons. Here, let me explain:
First up, everyone, we have our maestro of this disaster, Mara DYER (hint, hint, people about her speshul-ness)
I know that I've said that people have been insane before, but this girl literally is one of the most insane characters that I've ever read about. Until at about this point in the book I at least had a small grasp on the belief that she hadn't totally lost it, but, at these lines, I totally abandoned any support for this character. I know that some books are meant to have the MCs bust a nut, like Katniss from the Hunger Games, but Mara's break with reality was not believable and somewhat scary/absurd especially because we're supposed to believe that she's not insane. :
"This must be very difficult for you."
You have to admit, the paranoia was humorous. What could the detective possibly know? That I thought Morales should die and she died? Crazy. That I wanted the dog's owner punished for what he did to her and he was? Laughable. Thinking something does not make it true. Wanting something does not make it real.
"Yes, it is very difficult." I said, nodding again, making the hair fall farther over my face to mask my insane grin.
"I'm sorry for your loss," he said. My shoulders trembled with the attempt to stifle my laughter.
Back it up, you crazy-ass bitch. I will kill you if you come one step closer.
How in the hell am I supposed to defend and believe in the fact that she's not insane when she does things like that? There are also other times ( I believe 4-6 other times) to support this where she just stands somewhere for up to two hours and has no idea what she did there and why she just stood there for so long. Her "ability," which I will talk about later, should not attribute to any of these "episodes" that she has. I can't even comprehend any of what she does; it's all so random, and put in the worst situations that make me anything but like Mara Dyer. I wouldn't touch that girl with a ten-foot pole if I saw her in real life. Call me cruel, but after you kill someone then you start maniacally laughing about it; about how funny it all is, then I will not be friends with you or even equate myself with you. Ever.
Oh, and another thing that really annoyed me? How much she complained about her "perfect brother" this and "he should be less perfect" that. All she ever does is gripe about how perfect he is, and not in a joking manner either. She means it as in the teenage angst why does he have to be so perfect while I'm not kind of way. You know what, Mara? Your brother has been nothing but kind, gracious, and covering your sorry little ass every step of the way! Let me list them, here:
1. He talks and convinces your mother several times to let you come out and hang out with people your age, while your mom thinks you're too mentally unstable to do so
2. When he does convince your mom he has to promise to not leave your side and basically alienate the rest of society; even the girl he really likes, to stick by you to make sure you don't go crazy and start laughing manically by yourself in corners about killing people.
3. He drives your sorry ass to school every single day even when you're being depressed and in that typical Bella Swan kind of "oh, woe is me my life sucks I hate everyone" moods which, by the way, happened a lot.
4. He is constantly out for your best welfare, and apologizes to you right away if he's done something, in your definition of it, "wrong". Most of the time it isn't even his fault and really shouldn't apologize to you, but he swallows his pride anyways.
5. He's basically the prefect blend of being attentive to your needs and not being over protective (like your mom is) and still letting you still do your own thing without judging you.
So, why in the hell are you whining about how perfect he is and wishing he do something bad in his life to lower himself to your sorry level? Without him, you'd have probably killed yourself by now. You wouldn't have been able to do half of the things that you did without him! Just for once, be grateful for the amazing gift your brother has given you by staying with you through thick, thin, and always has you covered. I just......I just.....*snaps*
STOP BEING SUCH A LITTLE BITCH, MARA!
I would rather have read a book just about Daniel and his girlfriend than read about you.
Also, whenever Mara's with her family, she's on this constant, never-ending loop with them. Their dynamic never changes even after several tragedies, and it's just so.......stagnant. It goes something like this:
Mara's mom freaks out. Mara gets mad at her mom for freaking out
In short: Mara is annoying, selfish, self-centered, and insane. I'm not one of those kind of people that tends to enjoy that kind of writing, characterization, and repetitiveness. If you truly do
And now, we have our illustriously lame, ineffable man-whore, Noah!
But you've had sex with people before!" (Mara)
"That was just for fun" (
Nothing more needs to be said about.....about that. I have thoroughly insulted you with French insults, now.
Okay, just one more thing. By saying that comment am I not in any way against sex. If you want to do that with a person and you're just doing for "fun" then by all means. If you are, however, with a girl and tricking them into believing that you are some chaste saint, even though you've had sex with the entire female student body; going through them like used condoms, no less, then you can still say stuff like....like that and have them still like you; then that's just messed up. Again, I'm not going to stand by your relationship, or with you as a person if you go around saying shit like that to a girl. Especially if all you want to do is "fix" said girl; take her on as your little project to make into the person you want her to be. Saying you want to help and fix someone is fine and cute if used sparingly, but when the person messes up that you're trying to help and you take is as your own failure because your obviously didn't "fix them enough" that's when it becomes a problem. Mara is her own person and should be treated as such
" Is that how you see this working? I'll screw up and you'll take care of it, right?" I was just another problem that could be solved if only we threw enough time or practice or money at it. At me. And when I failed, he would just blame himself.
Otherwise, though, Mara was about as dull as a fruit fly when it came to their relationship.
I already talked about Mara, though, so back to Noah!
I guess the one thing left that I would like to delve into about Noah was how Hodkin changed the normal dynamic (view spoiler)[ with the girl is the magic healer and the boy is the destroyer. (hide spoiler)] Now in this book that's the opposite; (view spoiler)[ Mara is the killer ( mean, come on, Mara DYER?) and Noah has the healing powers. (hide spoiler)] I can imagine Hodkin sitting in a chair if I interviewed her going
Me: So, Hodkin I would like to talk to you about Mara.
Hodkin: Yes, yes, sure! About how much you loved her?
Me: Uhhhhhhh we'll......no. I actually had some problems with-
Hodkin: Sure, yeah, right. Did you notice how I made Noah the one with the healer powers?
Me: That wasn't my question but, yeah, sure, if you want to talk about that I-
Hodkin: Wasn't it awesome! It's so different and cool!
Me: Well, actually, I do agree with the fact that it is different if you do it correctly, but I felt like there wasn't enough of a backbone to it, and the only time he used it was on Mara, (many times just to find out if she was lying when he asked inmate questions) and he really didn't seem to focus on helping people. Or anyone but himself, really. He didn't even notice Mara sometimes. He just wasn't much of a healer, so it didn't really work for me.
Me: You still alive in there, Hodkin?
Hodkin: But....but he's sooooo hawt! The rest doesn't matter!
Hodkin: He's such an awesome healer! It's soooooooo different!
Me: Goodbye, Michelle Hodkin.
And last, but certainly not least, the poorly-written, non-preferable, plot!
Although I said this book was a quick read, it wasn't a fun read. There were so many in-between points where it was just an endless repetition of the same exact scene, but just slightly different. She probably could have cut a solid quarter of the book if she or her editor had noticed. I understand that there has to be a certain word count to publish a work for certain publishers, but if you can't get enough words in then you probably shouldn't submit it, or, if it's just that good, you'll submit it below the word count and they'll just like it that much. I would really rather not have to re-read the same lines or plot threads about ten times in one book. It's just not.......not what I want to do when I spend ten dollars on a book, obviously.
Oh, and there's a quote on the back of this book where an author who is supporting this book said at points you need to "hide under your bed covers" so, I tend to assume that that means there will be some scary/gruesome parts in this book. Was there? NO. There was never a single point in this whole novel that made me feel like I needed to hide or was going to pee my pants. The three times when people do die are not in any way terrifying; one is just a normal news report and we are only given details that her body is "horribly mutilated" and hear about a picture that was leaked on the internet. That's all. The two deaths we do actually see first hand are not overly graphic, and any other scenes that I would have expected to be scary weren't. It was almost over-dramatized, in way. Mara freaks out and becomes absorbed with soooo many small, insignificant things, that any horror or scariness disappears. When you read this book, expect a slightly darker theme, harsher language (there were actually a couple of fucks in there!) but that's it. Don't go into this having your breath catch in suspense or fear. Not gonna happen.
Like I said earlier, I really can understand why people would like this book. The common tropes like sleep-in-bed-with-your-love-interest-without-the-parents-knowing, and everything else that I listed is a lot more subtle than other novels like Halo, Hush, Hush, or Fallen, but my main point? It's. Still. There. Having said that, the masochist in me will read the next book; hopefully there will be more character development and the plot will get going.
Now here's a non-boring picture of the Doctor!
In the end, go ahead and read this book, but do so cautiously. You may be like me and hate it, you may be like some of my other friends and enjoy it. This review is just going out as a general warning to be careful. ["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]> ...more
Notes are private!
Oct 30, 2011
Nov 06, 2011
May 14, 2011
Aug 31, 2010
Honestly, I think when I read this book, my brain cells died a little bit.
First of all, Bethany is a total idiot and is so clueless that I don't know Honestly, I think when I read this book, my brain cells died a little bit.
First of all, Bethany is a total idiot and is so clueless that I don't know how she even remembered to breathe when she woke up every morning.
Bethany: *wakes up in the morning and starts turning blue and thinks, ohhhh what am I supposed to do? It's really important...... *
Me: yes! Die, Bethany, die!
Bethany: *body begins to spasm as it's deprived of air it's on the tip of my tongue.... *
Me: No you don't! It's all a dream; you don't need anything!
Bethany: * Oh, yeah, I remember! Breathe...or whatever! body takes a huge racking breath*
Me: Awwww dammit.
That's not even an over-exaggeration people; this is one idiot narrator. She doesn't even know what freaking toothpaste is for, or how to even brush her teeth! And her boyfriend has to remind her to drink water because she can't possibly remember that herself. Then, to add insult to injury, every other page she gets those "cramps" in her chest whenever she's far away from her hubby. You know what those pains really are Bethany? I'm
Please just die.
And what the hell (pun half intended) is up with the name Bethany? Even her
5. Bath Kol
Wasn't that easy, folks!
Now, I understand that if you enrolled into a normal, 21st century school with a name like Bath Kol, Barbelo, or Anahita, that you would be given many stares and probably wouldn't be best if you're trying to stay "under the radar" *gag* and change it to a more common name like Bethany. Sadly, Bethany never says she has a different name, and that's what she was given by God, so obviously Adornetto didn't have the foresight to think that up. I guess the poor guy upstairs has just been around too long to care about what he names his angels, who just aren't that important anyways, right?
While we're talking about upstairs, may I just say that Adornetto failed in describing it and the angels who I guess floated around up there. From what I've read in the Bible, whenever people meet angels and see their true forms they are completely, totally, and utterly terrified and the angels have to calm them down. The way Adornetto describes them, as big floating balls of light or essence or whatever isn't exactly terrifying. If an angel came down from heaven whose name was Bert and said "do not be afraid" as a big ball of light, I'd probably snigger and then one of my younger cousins would think it's a huge firefly and trap it in a jar. Then I'd have to tell the poor fella to let Bert go, because he has more important angelic things to do, like watch himself glow.
Hey, guys! Bert's back to play!
Coming back to how she described Heaven, I guess you could say more like the lack of description. Yay, a lot of puffy clouds, so it must be Heaven!
Her description of it reminds me of my little sister. We have a town near us that ends in "haven" but my sister-being only five-thought it said "heaven" so whenever we got close to the sign of it on the highway, she'd go, "are we in heaven yet?" Now we'd all say "awwww" because it was freaking adorable, but we know it's wrong. That's how it is with Adornetto; it's kind of cute that she tried (not even nearly as adorable as my sister), but she just missed the mark. By a mile.
See, even the puppy agrees with me! It's just a no, Adornetto. You can't argue with the cute.
While we're still on the topic of Adornetto's heaven I'd honestly be pretty scared if Bethany was my guide to Heaven since that's what she describes her job as. She'd probably pick up my little ball of light and let it slip through her fingers and I'd fall back through clouds. That's probably why she got sent down to Earth to find all of the little balls of light that she dropped, the klutz.
Yeah, I kind of hate this chick.
Since we're on the whole mission subject, there's one big thing that I don't understand: why on Heaven and hell and Earth above would God send one of the highest Archangels, Gabriel, to a sleepy little costal town when, according to them, this is only a slightly important place and there are much bigger battles being fought around the world? Throughout history there is one main constant during war: you send your best men to the most important spots of battle because the big battles like Normandy, Gettysburg, Stalingrad, and so on are the fights that can be the "turning point" of the war. You just do not send someone with the strength like Gabriel supposedly has to somewhere like that. And he didn't even do anything! He just "learned to be a human" How does learning to be a human have anything to do with saving the world from darkness, exactly! I mean if that's all it took I could just learn to slither around like a snake, be high and mighty like a cat, totally ignorant to the what's going on around like a dog, and become the President of the United States. Oh, wait.........
But anyways......that's not good battle strategy and shows what little sense that Adornetto has.
I take that back; she has no sense at all.
Another proof of her having no sense is the whole stinking ending. I mean, wow, how.....zomg amazing! Their lurve is so high for each other that it burns so bright through Bethany that it saves the day! She couldn't have done it without him, who is supposedly a normal human, and she obviously couldn't escape the bonds herself, because only twu lurve conquers all!
......excuse me while I go throw up all of that garbage.
Okay, Bethany is all weak for a little while because of her new human body (because balls of light are so strong, too), but you can only use that excuse for so long and by the time she's kidnapped, I think she should have at least been able to break out of them herself. Sadly, that's not what happened because, according to Adornetto, that would make Bethany seem too strong and girls aren't able to do anything, not even think, without a big, capable guy like Xavier by her side! That's too much feminism for her! Not even Gabriel could have done it, who is higher up in the ladder in Heaven than Jake Thorn is in Hell, only Xavier could, our
This quote from the synopsis really bothered me, especially one specific part. "They must work hard to conceal their luminous glow, superhuman powers, and, most dangerous of all, their wings, all the while avoiding all human attachments."
Can you guess it?
If you guessed "luminous glow" you're right! I understand that they might have to slightly strain themselves to hide the rest, heck, if I was an angel I'd probably have a mini-romance with my gorgeous wings, but their luminescence? Unless they have no self control I don't think it's that hard to hide light. They'd be (and they were) pretty awful undercover agents if they can't snuff out a simple light. It's not like in Unearthly (which is everything Halo isn't) where she can't tell when she's going to suddenly burst into light, these guys in Halo just have a soft, cutsey little light that shouldn't require that much strain; they're heavenly beings, they should probably have enough control if they were picked for this!
And don't even get my started on the "avoiding all human attachments" part. If you can't tell from the rest of my review; that's the biggest piece of bullshit I've ever heard.
Ugh. Curse stupid plots that don't make any sense.
Xavier and Bethany's "love" was what really got me. You meet the guy one time on the beach and you talk to him a couple times in/out of school and that automatically qualifies him as someone who is "trustworthy" enough to show him your true identity and is your "one twu love". Since Adornetto once again didn't study up on angelic lore, I'll fill you guys in:
If you're an angel, God is your one and only love and if you even get slight feelings for anyone else, well, God is a jealous dude and will banish your sorry ass from Heaven for the rest of your existence. So, in all actuality, the very second that Bethany even felt the teeny tiniest feelings of like or love for Xavier, God would have stripped her of her wings and banished her. Then Bethany would have had to spend the rest of eternity pouting and not realizing why she did what she did was so, like, wrong! I guess not even the big man upstairs wanted to curse Earth with that and just let her do whatever the hell she wanted, even reveal her true identity to Xavier! If God gave her a name like Bethany, he's probably too busy with the rest of the Berts and Jim-Bobs getting trapped in jars around the Earth to notice such a huge infraction.
.......I think I'm going to be sick again.
I have a question. Why were all of the angels in this story only white? It kind of reminds me of how many churches and television shows picture Jesus: as a white man. If I remember correctly from the Bible, he was born in Bethlehem, Jerusalem and whether or not you believe he was Christ, just a prophet, a crazy person, or someone that never even existed, if he had been born in that region of the world, he definitely wasn't white. He would have had much darker skin and pretty much what you see when you look at your average middle-eastern man today. The only reason he went all Michael Jackson when you see pictures and such of him now is the church and the racist sentiments of people during that time. They couldn't possibly imagine the person they viewed to be their savior as, in their opinion, some dirty, savage, middle-eastern man, so in order to make him more popular with the rest of Europe and spread the religion they turned him white.
So, if God's own son wasn't white, what's to say the angels up in heaven aren't from multiple races? I think it's just very closed-off of Adornetto to only make the angels that we have seen thus far white. Would it kill her to make even some part of her book good? Not all people in this world who are right and just are white people. And that can be proven by just walking down the street of wherever you live, so for her not to include people of other races as angels just makes her seem very naive about how the world actually works.
I'll finish the rest of this review later when it's not almost one in the morning. But, yeah, I hated this book with a passion. ...more
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Jan 19, 2011
Jun 28, 2011
Aug 01, 2011
Aug 01, 2011
Notes are private!
Aug 24, 2011
Jan 01, 2012
Aug 21, 2012
I just want to tell you all: this is the first book I really considered quitting not once, not twice, but three times. I am so happy that this serie I just want to tell you all: this is the first book I really considered quitting not once, not twice, but three times. I am so happy that this series is over and that I will never pick up any of these books from this series again for as long as I live. I am the definition of done. Also, spoilers will be abound and aplenty throughout this whole review, and this is going to a a mostly Supernatural gif-filled extravaganza, because A). That is how angels/demons/etc. should be done and B). I can. So if you do not like spoilers or Supernatural, leave now, because shit's about to get ugly up in here
I do not even really know where to start in the shit-fest that was Heaven, but I suppose where I started with all of my other reviews of this series, and the root of most of these book's problems: Bethany.
And even with her I don't really know where to start! First off, this is what Adornetto tries and make us believe that Bethany is going to be like in Heaven:
I let the timid girl I’d once been shrink into the shadows like a wallflower at a dance and allowed the new Beth to take over. I didn’t know her too well, but somehow I felt like she’d been there all along, waiting in the wings, an understudy ready for her moment to shine.
No. Just no. She is vapid, she is stupid, she is judgmental and critical of other females, she complains about every single thing that happens to her, and even when it's not about her and she's not even directly effected by it, she still somehow turns it around and makes it all about her. She is only "strong" when it is convenient for her to be, which is normally at the worst times literarily possible. Like this tidbit, for instance, right after she gets married to Xavier in a church with a priest, and first off, what the fuck is the priest even doing marrying them? It is told to us that he clearly knows what Bethany is and what they are doing and the repercussions of such actions, but he does it anyways? And what are the two of them even doing getting married in such an extremely religious way, anyways? They are already basically giving God a one-finger salute, and if they thought getting married in this way was going to somehow sooth the man upstairs, they were incredibly wrong. If anything, that's adding not only the one finger salute, but adding fireworks, a ten-piece band, and a huge, fluorescent sign with the words, "FUCK YOU" emblazoned onto them. So, the priest basically gets murdered by this reaper
“Beth, what have we done?” he whispered. “We killed someone.” “No, we didn’t.” I knelt down beside him and took his hands in mine. “Listen to me, Xavier, this isn’t our fault.”
“Get in,” she commanded. “Now.” “No,” I objected, pulling feebly away from them. “I’m sick of everybody telling us what to do!” “You have betrayed the laws of Heaven and caused the untimely death of a man of the cloth,” my sister said through clenched teeth. “Have you no regrets?” “We didn’t know that would happen!”
We just wanted to be married. Why is that so wrong?” “In the eyes of Heaven it is,” Ivy said, her rainstorm eyes meeting mine calmly for the first time. “That’s not fair,” I protested, and at the same time felt tears threatening to spill.
Are you kidding me?!?! Are you fucking kidding me, Bethany?! How is it not your fault?! Because you two
“You do not experience emotion, Bethany— you wallow in it, you are controlled by it, and everything you have done is based entirely on self-interest.”
“Just because you don’t understand love doesn’t make it wrong!” “This isn’t about love anymore. It’s about obedience and responsibility. Two concepts you appear not to understand.”
First off, as a little aside, that made me want to like you Gabriel but then Adornetto had to go and mess it all up. As usual, which I will be talking about later. And everything Bethany says just makes me want to puke:
“We’ve never talked about it, you know,” he continued in a tentative voice. I knew he didn’t want to push me. “The time you spent in…” Xavier petered out. But I wasn’t afraid to say it. “Hell?” I prompted. “There’s not much to tell. It was everything they say it is.”
I saw a poster on a door that read WE LOVE OUR REBELS. I stopped for a moment and thought about it. Maybe I would fit in here because that was who I’d become now. A runaway. A rebel. But not without a cause.
Really, Bethany? Because everyone knows that Hell is full of nightclubs with massive sex orgies and 5-star hotels with suites where the demons and super speshul (AKA hot people from the orgy club) evil people can hang out with one another, and don't forget the random deserts here and there. We only saw the way Hell is normally portrayed once! Once! And that was for what? Ten pages? Maybe? First off, adding the "not without a cause" made everything before that sound so tacky that I couldn't even take any of it seriously. And what does Bethany think? That they are actually a bunch of rebels? Ole Miss is a very preppy southern college; just because that's their mascot/saying does not mean that the class populace are a bunch of nonconformists! And if anyone is actually questioning whether or not Bethany is actually as stupid as I say, here's a real gem for you:
“What’s wrong?” I was seized by a wave of self-consciousness. Had I done something wrong? I wracked my brain, trying to remember every move I’d made so far, but I’d been too lost in the moment to remember. “We don’t have protection. I didn’t think we’d need it.” “Forget it.”
Yes, Adornetto, just tell your young, female, audience that it is okay to have sex without protection, because love and your hubby's ability to pull out quick enough will see you through!
And nothing bad still really ever happens to her through the whole damn book! Right after they are uprooted from Venus Cove, first they stay in a five-star resort cabin, and then guess where she gets to go, in case you guys couldn't tell, she gets to go to Ole Miss. And, what makes it all worse, is that they change identities and guess what they are listed as? Brother and sister. So guess what happens? Tons of judgmental attitude and slut-shaming from Bethany as Xavier gets hit on by every girl on campus, who it isn't even their fault that they didn't know that they were married, but Bethany hates them all, anyways:
“I’m glad you did,” Mary said in a high-pitched, fluty voice. I rolled my eyes behind her back. It was starting already. The female attention that Xavier received was going to get on my nerves fast.
Stop it, Bethany. But does it? Nope. Because not only does the slut-shaming continue, but Bethany literally goes crazy:
I slept fitfully from then on. I dreamed of Peyton and Xavier’s wedding, full of rapturous guests and bouquets of flowers just as it should be instead of substitute rings and a dead priest like ours had featured. Xavier’s entire family was there and Peyton’s father gave her away at the altar. Mary Ellen was there too, tugging on my sleeve incessantly and crying this bitch is fucking crazy when Xavier failed to acknowledge her presence. Then the scene shifted and I watched as Wade proposed to Molly. I saw her accept without hesitation and he carried her across the dance floor. She seemed to be dancing while standing on his feet so he was propping her up like a ragdoll. None of the moves she made were her own and her head lolled eerily to one side like she was a puppet full of stuffing. When her vacant eyes met mine, they were looking right through me because this was all a dream, and did I mention I'm crazy?.
"[I] snapped. I was not going to let this happen. Xavier and I had been through enough and there was no chance I was going to let some frivolous freshman screw up the one place that was still safe for us. I pointed a finger at Mary Ellen’s mouth and a second later a thick layer of skin began to creep across her lips
“Was that really necessary?” he hissed into my ear as he helped Mary Ellen to her feet. Ordinarily, I would have felt regret or guilt over what I’d done, but today I looked into Mary Ellen’s alarmed face and frightened eyes and felt nothing. Yes, it was necessary.
Yes I added parts for creative allowance, but can you really blame me? This girl is off her rocker. A few pears short of a fruit basket. You guys get what I mean. And, yes,
And, of course, Bethany is absolutely useless without Xavier. She literally cannot do anything without him, and threatens that she will kill herself if anything happens to him so many times that I wanted to puke my guts out (which I will also talk about later). But you know what really got to me? The way people treated her!
I held the elevator door for a woman carrying a cardboard box piled with pillows and picture frames. “Oh, I can wait,” she said emphatically. “You’re so nice and pretty, I don’t wanna mess you up.”
No real person who was actually struggling with their stuff would wait a whole extra elevator just to "not mess Bethany up!" And how would she even mess her up, anyways? It's walking into a goddamn elevator; just go stand in the corner so you don't run into anyone! Jesus! Adornetto does not need to make Bethany so special!
I need to move on, so now I will go to Gabriel and Molly.
Yup, that's right, I said Gabriel and Molly. I wanted to like Gabriel so badly, since him and Ivy were basically the only ones that told Bethany how it actually was, but then Molly has to walk in with absolutely no redeeming qualities:
“Oh, just little things, Like how I should dress and how I shouldn’t speak to men who aren’t my husband.” She waved her hands at Xavier. “Don’t worry, you have a wife so you don’t count.” “Molly…You don’t have to believe everything they say.” “Well, actually, Wade is my fiancé. And I have to be obedient to him.”
She is so incredibly stupid, and is in an incredibly abusive relationship with this jerk-off named Wade most of the book. Now, I am not against Angel-people romance, hell, I fell for it hook, line, and sinker with Angelfall, and in Supernatural I enjoy Cas' curiosity about sex
“My life is governed by rules,” Gabriel said, almost to himself. Before any of us knew what was happening, Gabriel took Molly’s face in his hands, leaned down, and kissed her.
At this point I was so done with this book if it hadn't been on my computer I would have chucked it across the room, but I'll just leave my final thoughts about this to the real Gabriel:
Now, we get onto the writing. Everything that was supposed to be funny was not and everything that was supposed to be hilarious I found annoying. And let me tell you something; Adornetto is one of the worst sex writers I've ever seen:
Our first night as husband and wife felt like exploring a magical underwater world where nothing existed save the two of us.
..I still felt like I was diving from a great height. The same feelings from last night washed over me as I descended back into the coral sea of vivid colors and warm sensations, a place where only the two of us existed in a fantastical dimension.
BAHAHAHAH ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS LIKE WHERE THE FUCK ARE WE THE LITTLE MERMAID OOH HO HO HO IT'S SO FUCKING WET LET ME JUST DIVE INTO YOUR DICK HERE XAVIER.
And when Mary saw the two of them making out in the locker rooms (they were supposed to be brother and sister), and The Seven, who I realized were basically just Slendermen just made me burst out laughing and go:
And I was never able to take anything seriously in this book ever again.
And the stuff that was supposed to be funny? Like when this scene happened?
“Reckon they’re vampires?” I heard one whisper. “Girl, you have got to stop watching True Blood,” her friend said, shaking her head in mock concern. Molly and Xavier shared a chuckle while Gabriel and I looked on blankly. Xavier patted my knee. “I’ll explain later.”
I did not find funny at all.
And just the whole damn plot was ridiculous. Like I said earlier, nothing bad ever really happened to Bethany. Ever. The only thing that happened that I felt was actually horrible, Bethany losing her wings, was completely down-sized by Adornetto because Bethany wanted her wings off and, as she liked to whine about for the last ten percent of the book, hated Heaven and didn't even want to be there. So what the fuck bad actually happened to her. Really? Nothing, that's what. And the amount of loopholes when it came to Xavier; like the time that he died and this happened:
“I don’t know what I can do. He’s already gone.” “What!” I almost screamed at her. “You’ve done this before, you’ve brought people back! I've seen
you do it!” “People who were close to death,” my sister said. “On the brink. But he’s … past that point now.” “No…” I cut her off. “If he dies, I die.” " Okay."
You can't just make loopholes like that! Just because Bethany threatens Ivy with suicide when Ivy said it was impossible does not make it automatically able to happen! And just everything with Xavier period. First he's dead, then he's fine, then he's possessed, and then he turns out to be some half-angel?! This just makes me so upset. Why can't just one person be a normal, intelligent, human being? Why is anyone that is special/smart not human? I don't like that some authors make people think they need to be angels/vampires/other creatures to be important or worth anything. Not that I don't want them, but just they way Adornetto objectifies humans and angels really bothered me.
So, I hated Heaven, and am going to end my review with this:
Something I just saw in this books synopsis is incredibly pissing me off; two parts of it, actually. First off, this quote:
" Only sixteen when she started the series, Ally Adornetto knows how teen hearts beat.."
No. And if you don't get it yet, fucking no. She does not know how teen hearts beat, if anything, she knows how to make teen hearts stop beating because their books literally kill you with their idiocy. I'll just direct you my review of Hades and my review of Halo to show you my rage over those two books, and you'll just have to scroll for not even two seconds to see the absolute hatred of what Adornetto has done in these books and with this series. I don't know who wrote that synopsis for this book, but either they've never really read the books or is being paid a lot of money to write something that would clearly be incredibly painful for me or just about anyone else I know.
And then, just the rest of the damn synopsis! I mean, what the hell!
What in the Hell is this?! They're actually going through with getting fucking married?! Just kill me now, because I can already tell that this book is going to be one of my most hated this year, if not the most hated. The plot in this already leaves me with questions. What in the hell happened with Hell?!?! Last time I knew,
Fucking. No. I understand the need for creative license and all that, but she's taking it too far. Honestly, I'm rooting for those "rouge" angels! They're the only ones actually doing the job they're meant to do! Seriously, though, they should be called the "correct" angels, and everyone else who's just rooting or even passively ignoring this stupid relationship like God apparently is should be the rouge ones. All of them, besides those seven angels, are failing at the job of being angels. I hope they drag Bethany's ass to Heaven and hopefully God suddenly remembers the fucking Bible and punishes that idiot. This fills me with so much rage I think I'll just let Sokka explain my feelings for this. Sokka?
Thank you, Sokka.
Notes are private!
Nov 26, 2012
Nov 30, 2012
Sep 05, 2011
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