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Oct 01, 2011
Oct 04, 2011
Okay, I do feel slightly sorry for all that I'm about to say in my review, because Fallon does honestly seem like a nice person......but this is just....more Okay, I do feel slightly sorry for all that I'm about to say in my review, because Fallon does honestly seem like a nice person......but this is just....just too much.
First off, I'm pissed. Excuse me for a second while I rant, here:
I'M SOOOOOO MAD!! GOD DAMMIT AWEOIARHW;EHRIBENAOR;IERU;EHBAROE;JARE! AHHHHHHHH!
Yeah that's right I'm mad!
You know why? Just let me say that, if you put my name into a book, and actually spell it correctly (It's CAITLIN, people, not Kaitlyn, Catelyn, Katelyn, Katelynn, or any of that other shit, it's CAITLIN) then that character had better be one of the awesomest people that I've read about in my whole life! I'm sorry, but if you put my name into a book, I can't help comparing myself to them and seeing how they stock up, and Fallon's character was a fail. She talked like a fucking middle schooler, and was in and out of a relationship with this bastard about five times during the whole book! She seriously talked like this:
Caitlin: I heard from Danny who told Molly who told Anna who told me that he kissed a girl! (seriously that's what she said; the names may have been different, but that's the gist of it) Whaaaa! I hate him! I'm breaking up with him!
Caitlin: I'm getting back together with him because I lurveee him!
Caitlin: Whaaaa I hate him!
Caitlin: I love him!
GAH! Let me tell you all something; I would never break down and cry so much over a guy and get back with that bastard about five times if he'd cheated on me. That little motherfucker is dead to me at that point. If he has the balls to do that, then he can go share what little he has left with some other bitch. Not. Me.
If you can't tell, I hate it when girls are so damn co-dependant on guys. Grrrrr. I refuse to call her by her actual name. She will now be known by the name potato. Anyways.... that brings me right up to my next point!
This. Book. Is. Twilight/New Moon/Breaking Dawn/Avatar. Shit. Pure fucking shit.
Okay....so let me tell you all a story of the main plot-line and see if it sounds even the tiniest bit familiar with a very popular book series and TV series:
And this is where shit gets crazy.
Twilgiht.... how I hate thee
I'll just continue from here in non-story mode. There are seriously so many Avatar/Twilight similarities ( I will bring up a couple more later as well )that it's crazy. She even goes into the Avatar state that sounds exactly like it was done in the show! Here, let me show you:
I suddenly realized that I was up in the air high above them. I appeared to be radiating a bright light. The air around me swirled until Icould no longer see the land. River water started rising up and spinning around me. Next the boats lifted, then some trees, their great roots torn from the earth by the brutal force emanating from me. It was a massive vortex, spreading out farther and farther until the riverbed was visible, the water swirling high above it. The boats and the trees that had been tugged up swirled so fast that their outlines became a blur. I saw the object of my rage running away. He was making for the woods, but I pushed out the great vortex of moving air and debris so that he stayed constantly in my sight. There was no way he could break through its impenetrable wall. “You,” I snarled.
My voice was not mine. It was a mixture of howling wind and cracking thunder. “You will pay.” I clasped my hand, as if to pick up his little body far below me on the ground, and he rose right into the air until he was at my level. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” he screamed, flailing his legs and trying to shield himself from my glare. “Too late for that.” My voice reverberated around the valley. I saw them waving up at me, but I was beyond caring what they wanted. The power inside engulfed me, took over my very core, and it needed vengeance.
Yeahhh she's the fucking Avatar.
Now, I normally start off with the girls when I talk about characters, but Adam just pissed me off so much more. At parts
“I’m sorry,” he said, shaking a little. “That’s never happened to me before.” He slumped into my arms and I held him. “What I feel is real; I just know it is,” he whispered. “Please believe me?"
“No, don’t stop.” “No. I shouldn’t have come in here.” He sat up. “Please don’t go.” “It’s just that my head gets so fuzzy when I’m with you.”
I'm not going to spend much time on him being a such a whiny girl, because his douchebaggery and rapist kidnapping annoyed me so much more, but does that quote honestly sound like something a guy would ever say? If anything, it sounds like what I hear female protagonists saying to their love interests! Honestly, I don't give a shit if she was trying to make him "more sensitive" she did it the wrong way. He comes across as needy and obsessive. And
Speaking of obsessive, I'm going to spilt up Adam's personalities into two categories:
1. Bastard Adam
"“whatever happens, we stay together. Fionn will fight to the death to protect you and what’s best for you—which, incidentally, is me,” he added with a sly smile.
"he gave me a wry smile. “Do you think I would hand you over for training if I didn’t think you were up to it?”
This side of Adam was probably the most annoying of all the three; first off, Adam, you've been dating this girl in the second quote that I listed for about one fucking week. You have absolutely no right to "hand her over" because she doesn't belong to you! She's her own person and doesn't need you, a controlling bastard, dictating her life and telling her what to do and who she can and cannot train with. She can train with whomever she wants to, so shut up before I fucking make you. And you are not the best thing for Megan; you're the one who got her into this insanity in the first place! She needs to decide what's best for herself not you telling her what's best. At this point, you've only been dating her for maybe a month and, I'm sorry, but there's no possible way that you could know her well enough to know is or isn't best for her.
" He pushed me up against a tree. “Oh, I have ways of convincing you that you chose right.” He kissed me with such passion it left me breathless.
I am pissed.
As a little aside, this is going out as a PSA to all girls: This is not and never will be romantic. If a guy that you've never really talked to before comes up and says "I have ways of convincing you that you chose right" pushes you up against a tree, and starts shoving his tongue down your throat, that is what most people around the planet like to call sexual assault, not romantic and passionate. And Adam. Stop being so much like Patch. Seriously; you do not walk up to a girl and do that. That is not in any way socially acceptable or right . Maybe the girls in Ireland like it that way (although, I must admit, Irish Traveler culture does have a tradition where a guy has to kiss a girl by the end of the day during festivals and gatherings) but you're not a Traveler and neither is Megan, so you have absolutely no excuse for doing that. And if you do, you should get a swift knee to your manhood, not have a girl fall in love with you!
And basically every time they kiss, he ends up grabbing her roughly and doing "passionate kisses" even if it's basically about jack shit. Their relationship basically goes like this:
Megan: Hey, I moved fire about a foot!
Adam: OMIGOD THAT'S AWESOME LET'S MAKE OUT!
Megan: Hey, I just stopped you from destroying a whole city because you kidnapped me!
Adam: OMIGOD THAT'S AWESOME LET'S MAKE OUT!
Megan: Hey, I just took a shit!
Adam: OMIGOD THAT'S AWESOME LET'S MAKE OUT!
Megan: Hey, I-
Adam: I DON'T GIVE A FUCK LET'S JUST MAKE OUT!
Oh, and get this: at one point in this book there's a scene where Adam and Megan, after having only been dating for around a week, are asked to not be a couple because of The Great Separation Fail ( I'll talk about this soon). Megan begins to move away from him about two feet to try and figure things out for herself when Adam flips his lid. He begins shaking, sweating, and he grabs her by the arm and refuses to let her go, so; basically, this guy is kidnapping her. To further support said kidnapping he then demands that they let him out with her "or else" and drags Megan outside with him, regardless of whether or not she wants to.
And there you have it, my friends. This is the guy you're supposed to love, be obsessed over, and believe is truly respectable boyfriend without rape fantasies. Do you think I do?
How about you just guess my answer to that question.
Now we finally get to the MC, of this story. Megan. She is literally one of the most copy-cat Bellas that I've ever read about in a novel. She doesn't pay any attention to anything-or anyone- around her except for Edward/Adam:
"Áine then proceeded to tell me all about every shop.. giving me every last detail about a pair of killer heels she had bought. I listened, feigning interest, but kept a close eye on Adam
She can't stand to be apart from him for more than twenty minutes, even one week into their relationship:
"There was a knock at the door. “I wonder who that could be,” Áine said, rolling her eyes. I ran to the door, needing to see him. I pulled the door open and fell into his arms. I breathed a sigh of relief. “Adam.
She believes that for anyone older than 30 to have sex is incredibly weird; especially if it's her dad:
" I was thankful the timer started going off, and I ran to drain the pasta. I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or be horrified. My father? Sex? Yikes.
And at every small touch and gesture, she literally explodes:
“With you here, I’m ready for anything,” he said quietly, and kissed me softly on my mouth. I reeled from the sensuous touch.
Here's a picture to further illustrate said explosion:
She also gets pains whenever she's away from her hubby:
Everything else paled in significance. I could not live without him. As much as it upset me to hurt the others, it was nothing compared to the stabbing pain I felt when I thought of being parted from him.
And, oh, my personal favorite is when Adam admits to stalking her and sending the crow to watch her while she was naked in the shower, but she's more concerned about the crow than what Adam just admitted:
"I’ve been watching you … stalker style, even when I couldn’t see you.” “He even had me hounding you,” Áine put in. “As you surely have guessed by now.” “The crow!” I looked at her in astonishment. “He was watching me."
Do I really need to say anything more? The proof is in the quotes, my dears. We might as well take out the M,G, and N, and replace them with B and two L's, then she will be just like her!
Okay, so I've been holding off on this next little tidbit of information, but I can't any longer. Fallon seriously has the worst form of plot continuation/what is supposed to put a "block" between the love interests EVER.
"The scribes tell of a twenty-five-year pregnancy, which devoured Bébinn as the creature within absorbed her element and every drop of life she had in her. Then it launched itself on the world in the form of a plague—a plague that wiped out half of Europe.”
Oh, dear Lord have mercy.
Are you trying to tell me, Fallon, that because two previous marked had sex, they made a baby that stayed in the womb for twenty five fucking years and became the black plague?! And that's why Adam and Megan can't be together?!!?! No. Nonononononono. That is not even remote possibility that I will accept. If the baby kept growing like a normal one would, then do you know how huge the mother's stomach would have to be to contain that!?! It would have to rip first long before the baby even came out! And what the hell did the baby do? Wouldn't people, you know, maybe notice some huge-ass creature walking around killing people? Maybe, just maybe that would come up in a daily conversation? I don't know; like this, maybe:
Pesant #1: Lookith o'r yonder at that!
Pesant #2: *gasps* I seen thine beast! *shouts* 'ere it comes!
Pesant #1: To pitchforks! To arms!
All: YAAAGHHHHHH! FOR
Oh and did I fail to mention that also because these two people were in love they made an ice age! So interesting...
The last thing I'm going to talk about, here, is Fallon's total fail at describing any kind of description for the reader. Whoever was the editor to this book, I would just like to say to them:
Seriously. It's bad.
"I think you’re beautiful, and I think I’m mentally stable.” He laughed, then made a crazy face.
Okay seriously, Fallon, give me a hand, here. There's only so far I can go with that! What kind of crazy face did he make? Did he do something with his mouth, screw up his nose and squint his eyes, what? I had to try to look up my own crazy face, and this is what it got me:
Yeahhh I'm pretty sure that's not what he looked like.
Through this whole damn book, I'm practically begging Fallon, with big kitty-cat eyes, to give me better description of others and what they do.
And I'm pretty damn irresistible in the cuteness department, I can tell you that.
But what do I get? More and more and more shit that Fallon used because she couldn't think up anything else to say.
“Let’s see if we can spot the White Lady.” He put on a ghoulish laugh.
Everyone burst out laughing. I made a face.
she made a puking sound
Does anyone else notice how.... elementary these descriptions sound? I made, she made, he made, he put on, etc. Fallon, you
To end this review, I'l give you all a quick recap of what I thought in picture form.
Everyone was a Twilight re-make:
This book had me alternating between laughing my ass off and falling asleep because of how slow it was.
And, I desperately need Alphonse to save my soul because of how horrible this book was; all of its idiocies made me want to die:
And I guess there's just one thing one thing left to say, after Fallon has made me use practically all of my word limit. Again, I'm sorry, but if I could talk to this book and say one thing to it, it would probably be this:
Notes are private!
Oct 16, 2011
Apr 11, 2011
Sep 27, 2011
Sep 27, 2011
**spoiler alert** This review can also be found at my blog, Cait's Corner!
Laides and Gentlemen, gather 'round! welcome to......*trumpets blare* Cai...more **spoiler alert** This review can also be found at my blog, Cait's Corner!
Laides and Gentlemen, gather 'round! welcome to......*trumpets blare* Cait's Review of Mara Dyer!
The profound, prolific, and purely dramatic prologue. *lights dim and a single spotlight focuses on me; a narrator's voice comes out of the loudspeakers*
Cait doesn't think The Unbecoming of Mara Dyer can get any more terrible than reading Twilight and having no memory how she read that without imploding.
She believes that there must be more to this book with the beautiful cover that left her friends squealing and biting their nails in anticipation and left her mysteriously excited.
She doesn't believe that after everything she's read about this book, she can't not instantly fall in love with it.
The Unbecoming of Mara Dyer is everything I hoped it wouldn't be, and even more. Not the good kind of more, but the oh-dear-God-please-no-make-it-stop-I-can't-take-this-anymore- kind of no. Now having said that, though, I really can understand how some people would like this book; the writing is fine and there are actually some good quotes like:
I twisted my arm to curl him behind me and he unfolded there, the two of us snuggled like quotation marks in his room full of words.
Mara does have some pretty good quips and comments especially at the beginning of this book; I actually did gigglesnort a couple of times.
The pacing is actually pretty fast; I went through this book a lot quicker than I ever thought that I would, and it did, for the most part, hold my attention. However, it held my attention for almost all the wrong reasons. Here, let me explain:
First up, everyone, we have our maestro of this disaster, Mara DYER (hint, hint, people about her speshul-ness)
I know that I've said that people have been insane before, but this girl literally is one of the most insane characters that I've ever read about. Until at about this point in the book I at least had a small grasp on the belief that she hadn't totally lost it, but, at these lines, I totally abandoned any support for this character. I know that some books are meant to have the MCs bust a nut, like Katniss from the Hunger Games, but Mara's break with reality was not believable and somewhat scary/absurd especially because we're supposed to believe that she's not insane. :
"This must be very difficult for you."
You have to admit, the paranoia was humorous. What could the detective possibly know? That I thought Morales should die and she died? Crazy. That I wanted the dog's owner punished for what he did to her and he was? Laughable. Thinking something does not make it true. Wanting something does not make it real.
"Yes, it is very difficult." I said, nodding again, making the hair fall farther over my face to mask my insane grin.
"I'm sorry for your loss," he said. My shoulders trembled with the attempt to stifle my laughter.
Back it up, you crazy-ass bitch. I will kill you if you come one step closer.
How in the hell am I supposed to defend and believe in the fact that she's not insane when she does things like that? There are also other times ( I believe 4-6 other times) to support this where she just stands somewhere for up to two hours and has no idea what she did there and why she just stood there for so long. Her "ability," which I will talk about later, should not attribute to any of these "episodes" that she has. I can't even comprehend any of what she does; it's all so random, and put in the worst situations that make me anything but like Mara Dyer. I wouldn't touch that girl with a ten-foot pole if I saw her in real life. Call me cruel, but after you kill someone then you start maniacally laughing about it; about how funny it all is, then I will not be friends with you or even equate myself with you. Ever.
Oh, and another thing that really annoyed me? How much she complained about her "perfect brother" this and "he should be less perfect" that. All she ever does is gripe about how perfect he is, and not in a joking manner either. She means it as in the teenage angst why does he have to be so perfect while I'm not kind of way. You know what, Mara? Your brother has been nothing but kind, gracious, and covering your sorry little ass every step of the way! Let me list them, here:
1. He talks and convinces your mother several times to let you come out and hang out with people your age, while your mom thinks you're too mentally unstable to do so
2. When he does convince your mom he has to promise to not leave your side and basically alienate the rest of society; even the girl he really likes, to stick by you to make sure you don't go crazy and start laughing manically by yourself in corners about killing people.
3. He drives your sorry ass to school every single day even when you're being depressed and in that typical Bella Swan kind of "oh, woe is me my life sucks I hate everyone" moods which, by the way, happened a lot.
4. He is constantly out for your best welfare, and apologizes to you right away if he's done something, in your definition of it, "wrong". Most of the time it isn't even his fault and really shouldn't apologize to you, but he swallows his pride anyways.
5. He's basically the prefect blend of being attentive to your needs and not being over protective (like your mom is) and still letting you still do your own thing without judging you.
So, why in the hell are you whining about how perfect he is and wishing he do something bad in his life to lower himself to your sorry level? Without him, you'd have probably killed yourself by now. You wouldn't have been able to do half of the things that you did without him! Just for once, be grateful for the amazing gift your brother has given you by staying with you through thick, thin, and always has you covered. I just......I just.....*snaps*
STOP BEING SUCH A LITTLE BITCH, MARA!
I would rather have read a book just about Daniel and his girlfriend than read about you.
Also, whenever Mara's with her family, she's on this constant, never-ending loop with them. Their dynamic never changes even after several tragedies, and it's just so.......stagnant. It goes something like this:
Mara's mom freaks out. Mara gets mad at her mom for freaking out
In short: Mara is annoying, selfish, self-centered, and insane. I'm not one of those kind of people that tends to enjoy that kind of writing, characterization, and repetitiveness. If you truly do
And now, we have our illustriously lame, ineffable man-whore, Noah!
But you've had sex with people before!" (Mara)
"That was just for fun" (
Nothing more needs to be said about.....about that. I have thoroughly insulted you with French insults, now.
Okay, just one more thing. By saying that comment am I not in any way against sex. If you want to do that with a person and you're just doing for "fun" then by all means. If you are, however, with a girl and tricking them into believing that you are some chaste saint, even though you've had sex with the entire female student body; going through them like used condoms, no less, then you can still say stuff like....like that and have them still like you; then that's just messed up. Again, I'm not going to stand by your relationship, or with you as a person if you go around saying shit like that to a girl. Especially if all you want to do is "fix" said girl; take her on as your little project to make into the person you want her to be. Saying you want to help and fix someone is fine and cute if used sparingly, but when the person messes up that you're trying to help and you take is as your own failure because your obviously didn't "fix them enough" that's when it becomes a problem. Mara is her own person and should be treated as such
" Is that how you see this working? I'll screw up and you'll take care of it, right?" I was just another problem that could be solved if only we threw enough time or practice or money at it. At me. And when I failed, he would just blame himself.
Otherwise, though, Mara was about as dull as a fruit fly when it came to their relationship.
I already talked about Mara, though, so back to Noah!
I guess the one thing left that I would like to delve into about Noah was how Hodkin changed the normal dynamic (view spoiler)[ with the girl is the magic healer and the boy is the destroyer. (hide spoiler)] Now in this book that's the opposite; (view spoiler)[ Mara is the killer ( mean, come on, Mara DYER?) and Noah has the healing powers. (hide spoiler)] I can imagine Hodkin sitting in a chair if I interviewed her going
Me: So, Hodkin I would like to talk to you about Mara.
Hodkin: Yes, yes, sure! About how much you loved her?
Me: Uhhhhhhh we'll......no. I actually had some problems with-
Hodkin: Sure, yeah, right. Did you notice how I made Noah the one with the healer powers?
Me: That wasn't my question but, yeah, sure, if you want to talk about that I-
Hodkin: Wasn't it awesome! It's so different and cool!
Me: Well, actually, I do agree with the fact that it is different if you do it correctly, but I felt like there wasn't enough of a backbone to it, and the only time he used it was on Mara, (many times just to find out if she was lying when he asked inmate questions) and he really didn't seem to focus on helping people. Or anyone but himself, really. He didn't even notice Mara sometimes. He just wasn't much of a healer, so it didn't really work for me.
Me: You still alive in there, Hodkin?
Hodkin: But....but he's sooooo hawt! The rest doesn't matter!
Hodkin: He's such an awesome healer! It's soooooooo different!
Me: Goodbye, Michelle Hodkin.
And last, but certainly not least, the poorly-written, non-preferable, plot!
Although I said this book was a quick read, it wasn't a fun read. There were so many in-between points where it was just an endless repetition of the same exact scene, but just slightly different. She probably could have cut a solid quarter of the book if she or her editor had noticed. I understand that there has to be a certain word count to publish a work for certain publishers, but if you can't get enough words in then you probably shouldn't submit it, or, if it's just that good, you'll submit it below the word count and they'll just like it that much. I would really rather not have to re-read the same lines or plot threads about ten times in one book. It's just not.......not what I want to do when I spend ten dollars on a book, obviously.
Oh, and there's a quote on the back of this book where an author who is supporting this book said at points you need to "hide under your bed covers" so, I tend to assume that that means there will be some scary/gruesome parts in this book. Was there? NO. There was never a single point in this whole novel that made me feel like I needed to hide or was going to pee my pants. The three times when people do die are not in any way terrifying; one is just a normal news report and we are only given details that her body is "horribly mutilated" and hear about a picture that was leaked on the internet. That's all. The two deaths we do actually see first hand are not overly graphic, and any other scenes that I would have expected to be scary weren't. It was almost over-dramatized, in way. Mara freaks out and becomes absorbed with soooo many small, insignificant things, that any horror or scariness disappears. When you read this book, expect a slightly darker theme, harsher language (there were actually a couple of fucks in there!) but that's it. Don't go into this having your breath catch in suspense or fear. Not gonna happen.
Like I said earlier, I really can understand why people would like this book. The common tropes like sleep-in-bed-with-your-love-interest-without-the-parents-knowing, and everything else that I listed is a lot more subtle than other novels like Halo, Hush, Hush, or Fallen, but my main point? It's. Still. There. Having said that, the masochist in me will read the next book; hopefully there will be more character development and the plot will get going.
Now here's a non-boring picture of the Doctor!
In the end, go ahead and read this book, but do so cautiously. You may be like me and hate it, you may be like some of my other friends and enjoy it. This review is just going out as a general warning to be careful. ["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>(less)
Notes are private!
Oct 30, 2011
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Notes are private!
Nov 22, 2011
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Nov 22, 2011
As a pre- P.S. I didn't give this book a rating. 'Nuff said.
I hate this book. I hate it with such a passion that I want to burn it, t...more As a pre- P.S. I didn't give this book a rating. 'Nuff said.
I hate this book. I hate it with such a passion that I want to burn it, take some of its DNA, clone it, then burn all of the clones to use a kindling for the rest of my existence, and then pass it to my children who can pass in onto theirs so they can also use it to fuel their fires to the end of their days.
Yeah, I honestly detest the book that much. Right off the bat, then, let me give you one of the special little gems that Holder
Cordelia’s entire demeanor changed. She lifted her chin and squared her shoulders, as if she was proud of what she was going to say. Then a cloud passed over her face,and she exhaled long and hard.
I know that Holder probably meant something along the lines of, "her face clouded over," or, "a cloud of indecision passed over her face," but because she doesn't use that verb tense and uses absolutely no descriptive terms whatsoever, the only way we rational humans and the laws of grammar and conjugations demand that we take it is that a cloud literally passed over her fucking face. Not a cloud's shadow, not fog, a whole fucking cloud, people.
First off, that's just straight up impossible; considering the setting of this scene between our MC and her "friend" is indoors. And even if they weren't inside, it's impossible for an entire cloud to do that, and unless ( spoiler alert, people because the cover and synopsis weren't obvious enough *eye roll*) werewolves have a new power that allows them to fly miles into the air, then that possibility would also never happen.
And since we're talking about this quote already, Cordelia is just about the worst "friend" that I've ever read in a novel. We're supposed to believe that she's some beautiful, exotic, peppy and amazing girl, but they are almost never used as our main descriptors of her through Unleashed. This is how her looks are described the first time:
A tall, slender girl with shoulder-length auburn hair, dark blue eyes, and perfect movie-star looks stood, organized her belongings, and flashed her a kind smile.
However, the rest of the time this is all I get when it come to Cordelia's descriptives:
she was pale and was moving slowly.
she suddenly looked pale
said with a smile, but her voice sounded a little strained.
Cordelia looked positively green.
Then, she's fake:
Cordelia’s eagerness seemed forced.....
Cordelia’s face fell. Then, just as abruptly, she smiled her fake smile again.
"Oh. Uh-huh,” Cordelia said, obviously forcing enthusiasm.
Basically what I'm trying to say here, Holder, is just because you one time write about how beautiful a girl is won't matter if, the rest of the damn time, you talk about how weak, manipulative, and fake the the exact same character is, then that's how I'm going to always see her. Not as some strong, beautiful, bullshit-rejecting, awesome chick, but a weak, fake, and a wuss. She is so huge of a wuss, in fact, that she leaves Katelyn without even a second glance to fend for herself with her deranged father
What? I didn't say anything.....
Then we have Katelyn, who has got to be the most poorly written girl protagonist that I have ever read. Yes, even worse than Bethany; she may have been a brainless, idiotic, and incredibly self-centered, but at least I know that she was written that way, albeit accidentally and horribly. Adornetto just didn't know anything about how the world really works, and what relationships are and are not okay. Katelyn and Holder? She's a victim of a writer who doesn't know jack shit anything involving writing, and that's just about the worst kind of author a person can get. We get very little info to her backstory besides she likes to dance, she has one friend back in Cali (who isn't much of a "bestie" she stops talking to her after the first week), and we know that her mom died in a fire, but Holder has her shut down about anything emotional before she even allows Katelyn time to think about it. What are we left with, then, if we get no emotional attachments? A shell of a character, that's what; with all of the undesirable traits highlighted. She's always interrupting a conversation with others or even herself with comments that left me dumbstruck:
“Trick,” Ed said in greeting. Was his name Trick, or was he playing a trick?
“You know the rules, Dr. M.,” he said. “You have to invite me in.”
“You have to be invited in?” Katelyn asked. “So, what? Are you a vampire?”
Eugh. Reminder for the next set of quotes with "in greeting" It is obviously his name/nickname if he is greeted that way. Who in the hell would walk up to someone and greet them by saying Trick unless it's actually their name?
“You missed supper,” Ed told him as he led the way toward the fireplace.
“Didn’t cook the bird?” the guy asked.
“Wait,” Katelyn said. “Is your name really Trick?”
Bleh. And also note that the bolded part of "the guy" quote is to let you all know that it has already been introduced to Katelyn and us, the audience, that his name is Trick, but Katelyn so adamantly refuses to believe that, even with all of the evidence, that she calls him the fucking guy. Bleh again.
Ed snorted. “Tough guy. That’s the sort of talk landed you in hot water.”
He shook his head, looking suddenly serious. “Lies landed me in hot water.”
“If you had a lick of sense, you’d stick with your own kind and leave them boys alone.”
Katelyn’s eyes widened. His own kind? It was obvious Trick wasn’t completely Caucasian. Could that be what her grandfather was referring to? Was Ed a racist?
Oh my God I think my head is going to explode from all of this stupidity.
Seriously; how old is Katelyn? Four? How naive and stupid can one girl be?! And the worst part about her obvious empty-headedness is that she's so adamant that she's above everyone in her knowledge, and keeps on remarking that she's moving to "hick town." She thinks that she's so much more intelligent that everyone else, but it's kind of obvious from just those juicy little tidbits that I showed you she clearly isn't. Saying that her grandfather, a man that she has known for many years, is racist just because he told a guy that he's obviously close friends with that he should stick more, "to his own kind?" in a way that was quite obviously showing that Ed was concerned for Trick's health? And Holder, through Katelyn, has some of the most confusing descriptions of a guy that I've ever seen. This is the descriptions of one of the love interests (yes that means there's a love triangle. I'll get to that, as well). Let me remind you that he's supposed to be asian
"his oddly colored green eyes were light against his cocoa-colored skin. They were almond-shaped, and his cheekbones were high, giving him hollows in his cheeks. He had a square jaw and a nice, wide mouth.
So he has the coloring of an African American and the bone structure and eye-shape of an Asian.
is was obvious Trick wasn’t completely Caucasian.
Now he isn't that dark.
She was mildly surprised that he wasn’t Native American or something.
Now he's Native American?
“Actually, it’s Vladimir, but no one has called me that in forever.”
“My last name’s Sokolov,” he said. “Russian.”
“Are you from Russia?”
Do I even need to say anything else, here?
Oh, and here's one little gem that should describe this guy's whole personality:
“Just FYI, Kat, I’m not androgynous.”
“My name’s not Kat,” she replied, hiding her own smile.
“It is now."
And the plot? I'm not even going to bother with a description of the plot because there wasn't one. At all. I knew what was going to happen from the very first page, and everything was so plainly obvious that you could almost see Holder making some kind of bullet points about how she wanted the book to go and just adding words around it. Nothing shocked me, nothing made me think that Holder was in any way clever; if anything, it just annoyed me half to death. It was so basic and rudimentary that it was nonexistent. She might as well have not even written the damn thing. It didn't do anything to help this book; if anything, it was harmed because of this lack of plot.
Oh, and the last horrible and awkward thing that this book presented me that I will talk about, anyways, is its "love triangle" I say "love triangle" because I suppose that it was going to be a love triangle, maybe even a decent one (as far as a "decent" love triangle can be) somewhere down the line, but it just ended up being confusing and damned painful. It ended up being more like a love......blob. First, Katelyn meets the first love interest,
Trick: Hey, I'm an Asian/African American/Native American/Russian; I'm kind of in a severe identity crisis. Watch as I seductively take of my boots. You know what they say about a man's feet in proportion to other things........
Trick: *takes off his boots to reveal......feet...... with socks on them!*
Katelyn: OHMIGAWD THAT'S SO WRONG YOU'RE SHOWING ME YOUR FEET!?!?!?
Trick: Yeah. I'm so kewl.
Ed: Hey, bud! I've missed you; do you want to have some dinner? You should stop being upfront, though. Stick with your kind more!
Katelyn: OHMIGAWD THAT'S SO WRONG YOU'RE A RACIST, GRANDPA!
Ed: Herp de derp.
Katelyn: Okay, goodbye!
Trick: Bye, babe. Oh, and by the way, your name is Kat, not Katelyn now.
Katelyn: .........I think I'm in love.
Trick: Hey, I knew this one kid who was friends with this one girl that I know who knew this one guy who was dating this one girl and she died and I'm all sad about it, so I'm deep! I also have this thing where I'm mysterious so I may or may not be a werewolf but it's never told in this book so it gives me an added air of awesome! Go to a party with me!
Ed: As long as you bring her home safe! My granddaughter is important to me!
Katelyn: Ignore him, Trick, he's racist. Okay, mah lurrrveeee!
Trick: *ignores Katelyn at the party*
Trick: *continues to ignore Katelyn at the party*
Katelyn: Trick....maybe you could just.....
Trick: *ignores her again*
Katelyn: maybe you could just stop ignoring me?
Trick: OHMIGAWD YOU'RE SO ANNOYING I'VE BEEN PAYING ATTENTION TO YOU THIS WHOLE TIME!!1 DRIVE YOURSELF HOME!
Katelyn: I'm so horrible! (view spoiler)[ gets attacked by a werewolf (hide spoiler)]
Then, we have Justin, who makes Katelyn stop being a chaste wuss and turns her into, well, a whore.
Justin: Hey. I'm sooooo hawt.
Katelyn: I think I'm in lust. *stares deeply into his eyes and almost starts to kiss him*
Cordelia: GO HOME KATELYN! I'M SICKLY AND IN EMOTIONAL DISTRESS SO GO AWAY!
Justin: *drops by Katelyn's house* Get on my motorcycle.
Justin: Start making out with me even though you've only known me for two minutes.
Katelyn: Alright! *shoves her tongue down his throat*
Cordelia later: He has had a girlfriend for two years.
Katelyn: OHMIGAWD I'M SO HORRIBLE!
Katelyn: I just kissed Trick, the man I love, and he left me again. I obviously did something wrong. WHAAAAA! *runs into Justin* Oh, hey, Justin. I just wanted to tell you that you're such a man-who-
Justin: Make out with me.
Katelyn: Like, okayyyyyyy!
Justin: Byyyyeeeeee! I'm going to have sex with my girlfriend, now!
Katelyn: Byeeeeeeeee!..... OHMIGAWD I DID IT AGAIN!
Katelyn: *whines* Who do I pickkkk? I'm so physically attracted to both of them! One left me to die from a wolf attack, and the other uses me as his extra when he doesn't get all he wants from his girlfriend! Help me, Caitlin!
I don't give a fuck about her, I don't give a fuck about anyone from this book; hell, I don't give a fuck about this book. I will never pick up this book for the rest of my existence, and don't even start me on the next one. I'm still debating wether or not I can stop heddesking myself....
She remembered that Arkansas was landlocked and for a moment a deep panic shuddered through her as she imagined herself on a map of the United States, trapped inside a box of land.
She's scared of land? And even worse she compares the whole state of Arkansas to a box of land?! It's not even square!!
Nope; not done yet, folks.
Did I read that right? This one part, in the synopsis?
"new trilogy with the passion of Twilight and the grandeur of Fallen."
I.....I think that they meant this:
" the total opposite of the lust-crazed psychotic fuckery of Twilight and the epic failure of Fallen"
Yeah, I think that that's what they meant, because if I'm wrong and that's true.... we're in for a hell of a bumpy ride.
Notes are private!
Nov 22, 2011
Nov 25, 2011
Jul 14, 2011
Aug 21, 2012
Aug 21, 2012
I just want to tell you all: this is the first book I really considered quitting not once, not twice, but three times. I am so happy that this serie...more I just want to tell you all: this is the first book I really considered quitting not once, not twice, but three times. I am so happy that this series is over and that I will never pick up any of these books from this series again for as long as I live. I am the definition of done. Also, spoilers will be abound and aplenty throughout this whole review, and this is going to a a mostly Supernatural gif-filled extravaganza, because A). That is how angels/demons/etc. should be done and B). I can. So if you do not like spoilers or Supernatural, leave now, because shit's about to get ugly up in here
I do not even really know where to start in the shit-fest that was Heaven, but I suppose where I started with all of my other reviews of this series, and the root of most of these book's problems: Bethany.
And even with her I don't really know where to start! First off, this is what Adornetto tries and make us believe that Bethany is going to be like in Heaven:
I let the timid girl I’d once been shrink into the shadows like a wallflower at a dance and allowed the new Beth to take over. I didn’t know her too well, but somehow I felt like she’d been there all along, waiting in the wings, an understudy ready for her moment to shine.
No. Just no. She is vapid, she is stupid, she is judgmental and critical of other females, she complains about every single thing that happens to her, and even when it's not about her and she's not even directly effected by it, she still somehow turns it around and makes it all about her. She is only "strong" when it is convenient for her to be, which is normally at the worst times literarily possible. Like this tidbit, for instance, right after she gets married to Xavier in a church with a priest, and first off, what the fuck is the priest even doing marrying them? It is told to us that he clearly knows what Bethany is and what they are doing and the repercussions of such actions, but he does it anyways? And what are the two of them even doing getting married in such an extremely religious way, anyways? They are already basically giving God a one-finger salute, and if they thought getting married in this way was going to somehow sooth the man upstairs, they were incredibly wrong. If anything, that's adding not only the one finger salute, but adding fireworks, a ten-piece band, and a huge, fluorescent sign with the words, "FUCK YOU" emblazoned onto them. So, the priest basically gets murdered by this reaper
“Beth, what have we done?” he whispered. “We killed someone.” “No, we didn’t.” I knelt down beside him and took his hands in mine. “Listen to me, Xavier, this isn’t our fault.”
“Get in,” she commanded. “Now.” “No,” I objected, pulling feebly away from them. “I’m sick of everybody telling us what to do!” “You have betrayed the laws of Heaven and caused the untimely death of a man of the cloth,” my sister said through clenched teeth. “Have you no regrets?” “We didn’t know that would happen!”
We just wanted to be married. Why is that so wrong?” “In the eyes of Heaven it is,” Ivy said, her rainstorm eyes meeting mine calmly for the first time. “That’s not fair,” I protested, and at the same time felt tears threatening to spill.
Are you kidding me?!?! Are you fucking kidding me, Bethany?! How is it not your fault?! Because you two
“You do not experience emotion, Bethany— you wallow in it, you are controlled by it, and everything you have done is based entirely on self-interest.”
“Just because you don’t understand love doesn’t make it wrong!” “This isn’t about love anymore. It’s about obedience and responsibility. Two concepts you appear not to understand.”
First off, as a little aside, that made me want to like you Gabriel but then Adornetto had to go and mess it all up. As usual, which I will be talking about later. And everything Bethany says just makes me want to puke:
“We’ve never talked about it, you know,” he continued in a tentative voice. I knew he didn’t want to push me. “The time you spent in…” Xavier petered out. But I wasn’t afraid to say it. “Hell?” I prompted. “There’s not much to tell. It was everything they say it is.”
I saw a poster on a door that read WE LOVE OUR REBELS. I stopped for a moment and thought about it. Maybe I would fit in here because that was who I’d become now. A runaway. A rebel. But not without a cause.
Really, Bethany? Because everyone knows that Hell is full of nightclubs with massive sex orgies and 5-star hotels with suites where the demons and super speshul (AKA hot people from the orgy club) evil people can hang out with one another, and don't forget the random deserts here and there. We only saw the way Hell is normally portrayed once! Once! And that was for what? Ten pages? Maybe? First off, adding the "not without a cause" made everything before that sound so tacky that I couldn't even take any of it seriously. And what does Bethany think? That they are actually a bunch of rebels? Ole Miss is a very preppy southern college; just because that's their mascot/saying does not mean that the class populace are a bunch of nonconformists! And if anyone is actually questioning whether or not Bethany is actually as stupid as I say, here's a real gem for you:
“What’s wrong?” I was seized by a wave of self-consciousness. Had I done something wrong? I wracked my brain, trying to remember every move I’d made so far, but I’d been too lost in the moment to remember. “We don’t have protection. I didn’t think we’d need it.” “Forget it.”
Yes, Adornetto, just tell your young, female, audience that it is okay to have sex without protection, because love and your hubby's ability to pull out quick enough will see you through!
And nothing bad still really ever happens to her through the whole damn book! Right after they are uprooted from Venus Cove, first they stay in a five-star resort cabin, and then guess where she gets to go, in case you guys couldn't tell, she gets to go to Ole Miss. And, what makes it all worse, is that they change identities and guess what they are listed as? Brother and sister. So guess what happens? Tons of judgmental attitude and slut-shaming from Bethany as Xavier gets hit on by every girl on campus, who it isn't even their fault that they didn't know that they were married, but Bethany hates them all, anyways:
“I’m glad you did,” Mary said in a high-pitched, fluty voice. I rolled my eyes behind her back. It was starting already. The female attention that Xavier received was going to get on my nerves fast.
Stop it, Bethany. But does it? Nope. Because not only does the slut-shaming continue, but Bethany literally goes crazy:
I slept fitfully from then on. I dreamed of Peyton and Xavier’s wedding, full of rapturous guests and bouquets of flowers just as it should be instead of substitute rings and a dead priest like ours had featured. Xavier’s entire family was there and Peyton’s father gave her away at the altar. Mary Ellen was there too, tugging on my sleeve incessantly and crying this bitch is fucking crazy when Xavier failed to acknowledge her presence. Then the scene shifted and I watched as Wade proposed to Molly. I saw her accept without hesitation and he carried her across the dance floor. She seemed to be dancing while standing on his feet so he was propping her up like a ragdoll. None of the moves she made were her own and her head lolled eerily to one side like she was a puppet full of stuffing. When her vacant eyes met mine, they were looking right through me because this was all a dream, and did I mention I'm crazy?.
"[I] snapped. I was not going to let this happen. Xavier and I had been through enough and there was no chance I was going to let some frivolous freshman screw up the one place that was still safe for us. I pointed a finger at Mary Ellen’s mouth and a second later a thick layer of skin began to creep across her lips
“Was that really necessary?” he hissed into my ear as he helped Mary Ellen to her feet. Ordinarily, I would have felt regret or guilt over what I’d done, but today I looked into Mary Ellen’s alarmed face and frightened eyes and felt nothing. Yes, it was necessary.
Yes I added parts for creative allowance, but can you really blame me? This girl is off her rocker. A few pears short of a fruit basket. You guys get what I mean. And, yes,
And, of course, Bethany is absolutely useless without Xavier. She literally cannot do anything without him, and threatens that she will kill herself if anything happens to him so many times that I wanted to puke my guts out (which I will also talk about later). But you know what really got to me? The way people treated her!
I held the elevator door for a woman carrying a cardboard box piled with pillows and picture frames. “Oh, I can wait,” she said emphatically. “You’re so nice and pretty, I don’t wanna mess you up.”
No real person who was actually struggling with their stuff would wait a whole extra elevator just to "not mess Bethany up!" And how would she even mess her up, anyways? It's walking into a goddamn elevator; just go stand in the corner so you don't run into anyone! Jesus! Adornetto does not need to make Bethany so special!
I need to move on, so now I will go to Gabriel and Molly.
Yup, that's right, I said Gabriel and Molly. I wanted to like Gabriel so badly, since him and Ivy were basically the only ones that told Bethany how it actually was, but then Molly has to walk in with absolutely no redeeming qualities:
“Oh, just little things, Like how I should dress and how I shouldn’t speak to men who aren’t my husband.” She waved her hands at Xavier. “Don’t worry, you have a wife so you don’t count.” “Molly…You don’t have to believe everything they say.” “Well, actually, Wade is my fiancé. And I have to be obedient to him.”
She is so incredibly stupid, and is in an incredibly abusive relationship with this jerk-off named Wade most of the book. Now, I am not against Angel-people romance, hell, I fell for it hook, line, and sinker with Angelfall, and in Supernatural I enjoy Cas' curiosity about sex
“My life is governed by rules,” Gabriel said, almost to himself. Before any of us knew what was happening, Gabriel took Molly’s face in his hands, leaned down, and kissed her.
At this point I was so done with this book if it hadn't been on my computer I would have chucked it across the room, but I'll just leave my final thoughts about this to the real Gabriel:
Now, we get onto the writing. Everything that was supposed to be funny was not and everything that was supposed to be hilarious I found annoying. And let me tell you something; Adornetto is one of the worst sex writers I've ever seen:
Our first night as husband and wife felt like exploring a magical underwater world where nothing existed save the two of us.
..I still felt like I was diving from a great height. The same feelings from last night washed over me as I descended back into the coral sea of vivid colors and warm sensations, a place where only the two of us existed in a fantastical dimension.
BAHAHAHAH ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS LIKE WHERE THE FUCK ARE WE THE LITTLE MERMAID OOH HO HO HO IT'S SO FUCKING WET LET ME JUST DIVE INTO YOUR DICK HERE XAVIER.
And when Mary saw the two of them making out in the locker rooms (they were supposed to be brother and sister), and The Seven, who I realized were basically just Slendermen just made me burst out laughing and go:
And I was never able to take anything seriously in this book ever again.
And the stuff that was supposed to be funny? Like when this scene happened?
“Reckon they’re vampires?” I heard one whisper. “Girl, you have got to stop watching True Blood,” her friend said, shaking her head in mock concern. Molly and Xavier shared a chuckle while Gabriel and I looked on blankly. Xavier patted my knee. “I’ll explain later.”
I did not find funny at all.
And just the whole damn plot was ridiculous. Like I said earlier, nothing bad ever really happened to Bethany. Ever. The only thing that happened that I felt was actually horrible, Bethany losing her wings, was completely down-sized by Adornetto because Bethany wanted her wings off and, as she liked to whine about for the last ten percent of the book, hated Heaven and didn't even want to be there. So what the fuck bad actually happened to her. Really? Nothing, that's what. And the amount of loopholes when it came to Xavier; like the time that he died and this happened:
“I don’t know what I can do. He’s already gone.” “What!” I almost screamed at her. “You’ve done this before, you’ve brought people back! I've seen
you do it!” “People who were close to death,” my sister said. “On the brink. But he’s … past that point now.” “No…” I cut her off. “If he dies, I die.” " Okay."
You can't just make loopholes like that! Just because Bethany threatens Ivy with suicide when Ivy said it was impossible does not make it automatically able to happen! And just everything with Xavier period. First he's dead, then he's fine, then he's possessed, and then he turns out to be some half-angel?! This just makes me so upset. Why can't just one person be a normal, intelligent, human being? Why is anyone that is special/smart not human? I don't like that some authors make people think they need to be angels/vampires/other creatures to be important or worth anything. Not that I don't want them, but just they way Adornetto objectifies humans and angels really bothered me.
So, I hated Heaven, and am going to end my review with this:
Something I just saw in this books synopsis is incredibly pissing me off; two parts of it, actually. First off, this quote:
" Only sixteen when she started the series, Ally Adornetto knows how teen hearts beat.."
No. And if you don't get it yet, fucking no. She does not know how teen hearts beat, if anything, she knows how to make teen hearts stop beating because their books literally kill you with their idiocy. I'll just direct you my review of Hades and my review of Halo to show you my rage over those two books, and you'll just have to scroll for not even two seconds to see the absolute hatred of what Adornetto has done in these books and with this series. I don't know who wrote that synopsis for this book, but either they've never really read the books or is being paid a lot of money to write something that would clearly be incredibly painful for me or just about anyone else I know.
And then, just the rest of the damn synopsis! I mean, what the hell!
What in the Hell is this?! They're actually going through with getting fucking married?! Just kill me now, because I can already tell that this book is going to be one of my most hated this year, if not the most hated. The plot in this already leaves me with questions. What in the hell happened with Hell?!?! Last time I knew,
Fucking. No. I understand the need for creative license and all that, but she's taking it too far. Honestly, I'm rooting for those "rouge" angels! They're the only ones actually doing the job they're meant to do! Seriously, though, they should be called the "correct" angels, and everyone else who's just rooting or even passively ignoring this stupid relationship like God apparently is should be the rouge ones. All of them, besides those seven angels, are failing at the job of being angels. I hope they drag Bethany's ass to Heaven and hopefully God suddenly remembers the fucking Bible and punishes that idiot. This fills me with so much rage I think I'll just let Sokka explain my feelings for this. Sokka?
Thank you, Sokka.
Notes are private!
Nov 26, 2012
Nov 30, 2012
Sep 05, 2011
Oct 23, 2011
Oct 23, 2011
Notes are private!
Nov 26, 2012
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