**spoiler alert** I wasn’t going to review this one, but damn it, I’ve been reading it for two months straight now exactly (according to goodreads) an...more**spoiler alert** I wasn’t going to review this one, but damn it, I’ve been reading it for two months straight now exactly (according to goodreads) and I deserve it.
Since I’ve been reading it for so long, you’d think I’d have enough time to mull over whether I like it or not, yet I still don’t really know. I want to like it, I really do, and there were some times I did. There were a few times I was so into it I was nearly angry when I was torn away from it by pure necessity (missing my bus stop, for instance). But, sadly, there were also days I dreaded to pick this tome up, and that’s partly why it took me so long to finish it. Every aspect of this book for me was a mix of good and bad, from the characters to the plot to the writing.
The way this book was structured was vaguely irritating, what with all the POV switches. There were some characters I found quite entertaining and always wanted to read more about (mainly Tyrion, Jon, Dany and occasionally Arya and Bran), and whenever things got really interesting, their chapter would end, and then I’d be thrown into a chapter with a POV I didn’t want to read about, and I’d groan and put the book down. By the time I was revisited by the story arc I was interested in, I already half forgot what it was that happened because it was 70 pages ago. I guess it’s good that I was interested in several stories, but it was constant frustration wanting to know what was going on in other places. For some people, I’m sure this style worked, always being on the edge of their seat, but nothing was ever resolved. I was so stoked when the zombies FINALLY showed up, for example, but then it never really came up again.
Speaking of that, there were quite a few things that never showed up again. There’s all this build up in this book, the pages are just oozing with “shit is about to go down, guys” which is awesome, but ... nothing really came to fruition. It takes until about page 500 for things to get *really* bad. That is way too long for things to get bad. And when things DO get bad, it’s kind of random. King Robert dies in a boar accident. How convenient. This book is a very plot driven book, things always happening because the author wants it to happen at a certain point, and it doesn’t really flow naturally. How convenient is it that twice Ned’s kids just happen to waltz in on a super-special important conversation? That someone stood up for Tyrion saving his life? That he later walks into the woods and finds a bunch of barbarians for the upcoming battle? That Bran FORGETS he was pushed off the ledge? The villains are cartoon characters, which drives the plot forward in a very specific way. Everything that happens in this book is driven by outside forces, not because of the characters’ strengths and abilities, which really irritates me.
Most of the characters I didn’t mind too much, except the main two (of course), Catelyn and Eddard. Eddard is just boring in that I’m-the-protagonist-and-I’m-always-honourable sort of way (can’t say I’m too sad to see him go), but I despised Catelyn with a black hatred, solely because of the way she treats Jon. She blames a fourteen-year-old boy on existing but not her precious husband who cheated on her with a whore? Yeah, that’s fair, BITCH. It doesn’t help that Jon is probably my favourite character, with any sort of complexity whatsoever. Tyrion is repugnant, but witty as hell. He made me laugh out loud several times. Arya was a cliché in a box until she actually started being tough, and then I liked her. Bran isn’t bad, poor kid, but his POV was kind of pointless. Sansa can go die on a spit in hell. Dany was quite enjoyable most of the time, she was pretty tough with the crappy cards handed to her; besides the abundance of sex scenes in her chapters I liked them.
That was another thing that was annoying, now that I think about it, and yes, that was the excess of sex and violence in this. Look, I’ve always been a bit of a sexist, and that’s a weakness of my character but I swear, sometimes I don’t want to read books written by men because of this very reason. Women are always objectified in disgusting ways in these books. In nearly every chapter whores and whorehouses are mentioned with a flippant attitude, like the girls aren’t people. I know that rape happens, I do, but I don’t want to read about in a FANTASY book. I don’t want to read about a thirteen-year-old getting sodomized. And it’s weird that the author writes SO many scenes on this topic. I don’t want to hear about a woman sleeping with her brother. I don’t want to read about a dragon nursing on a human girl (WTF?). The violence is even worse, with graphic details galore on several occasions. It was completely unnecessary and just made me grimace. A guy gets killed by having a melting pot thrown on his head and he burns alive. Oh, but it’s okay, because he was a douchebag. Weird body parts get chosen to be cut off. Yes, Martin, I GET IT. These guys are really really evil!
I would have preferred this book SO much more if it was about half the size. If the crux of the story had gotten there faster, without that pointless 400 page lag in the middle where people go from one place to another without any sort of moving forward in the plot, it would have been pretty great. Unfortunately, there is too much talking of plans that never actually get carried out. We’re told what happens before it happens, so there’s no suspense. We know Bran was pushed of the ledge by Jaime, and we have to wait patiently while everyone spends hundreds of pages figuring it out. We’re told of how Robb is going to invade Winterfell, but then we have to suffer through the long battle anyway from Tyrion’s POV, knowing how it’ll go down. Why the HELL would any author choose to do it this way? He is making things purposely predictable, it makes no sense! You know what else doesn’t make sense? WHY IS IT IN THIS GENRE? This is my first epic fantasy book and I figured there’d actually be some – y’know – MAGIC IN IT.
I’m being incredibly generous with three stars here, but I spent so long on this book, and I paid for it, damn it, I’m going to like it BY FORCE.
P.S. haha The next book is 1008 pages? NO THANK YOU.I wonder what I could possibly be missing. Will I find out if Jon Snow is a bastard? What about - the Tullys have red hair, right? I *think* they do, I'm not sure. Golden auburn possibly? And I think it was brought up once or twice that "winter was coming"? And is Tyrion a dwarf? I figure he is, because he's called an Imp on occassion, but I just can't TELL. Martin isn't OBVIOUS enough, he doesn't REPEAT things enough. I mean, I can't even tell if whores ever crop up in the story. They might. And all the Tullys ... it's RED hair they have, right?
I only picked this up because all my books were missing and I was too lazy to wait for something at the library, so I went fo...moreArgh, finally it’s over.
I only picked this up because all my books were missing and I was too lazy to wait for something at the library, so I went for it. It’s definitely better than I expected, but it was NOT worth the slog.
There is not one surprise in this entire book. I’m that kind of person who won’t watch romantic comedies because I figure, if you know how something is going to end up and exactly how they’re going to get there, what’s the point in watching it? Same as this. After a while, this book sort of became the how-far-can-Ayla-push-the-boundaries? Book, and the answer was – as far as she wants. She does one unorthodox thing after another, and of course, she always gets away with it, and you KNOW she’s going to get away with it. Why exactly, isn’t really specified, as the clan is so freaking rigid. Ayla is just so perfect and good and awesome it becomes annoying after a while, she’s the exception to everything, and her only real nemesis only hates her because he’s jealous of her.
I should also bring up that this isn’t the type of book you need to read every word to seep in the atmosphere. Half of this book is describing trees, and how to cut down trees and the complicated process of making trees into useful products. You can replace trees with anything found in a forest. After about three hundred pages, I decided just to read dialogue, which was a good strategy. The only time anything is happening is through conversations, so that worked out pretty well. I kind of skipped entire pages though. Scratch kind of. It’s clear the author loves what she’s writing and finds it really interesting, which is great – always good to be passionate about your art – but she needs to realize not everyone else is as interested in herbal remedies as she is.
I’m not saying it was horrible, it was okay. The family dynamics were really warm and sweet, albeit kind of simplistic. I also thought the premise of the book was quite interesting and different, and it kind of was. It just moved way, way, WAY too slowly. But for some reason, at the very end, after everything that happened I knew was going to happen happened, there was a little voice in the back of my mind that said “Huh, I kind of want to read the next one now”. *headdesk* (less)