My daughter loves Spongebob. One day I took her on a little trip with me to Boarders and out of the entire children's section what does she find? Spon...more My daughter loves Spongebob. One day I took her on a little trip with me to Boarders and out of the entire children's section what does she find? Spongebob. I think we read it about 3 times before we even left the store. Needless to say, she still loves it and I'm still reading it to her a year later.
Please, save me! If I have to read about Spongebob or his pants one more time...I'm gonna lose my mind! Your pants are stinky. I get it.
Alas, it is one of the many joys of parenthood to read books you detest over and over with a smile on your face. And I do. I read that book with such vigor, but on the inside I'm thinking thoughts I'd dare not think out loud.
So, if you excuse me I have a certain yellow sponge to torture little bedtime story to read...(less)
Actual rating: 1.5 stars. Believe it or not, there are actually a few books that are worse than Twilight.
Ok, funny story. I was sitting on my couch wi...more Actual rating: 1.5 stars. Believe it or not, there are actually a few books that are worse than Twilight.
Ok, funny story. I was sitting on my couch with my husband last night finishing up Twilight. I slammed the book shut and began rubbing my temples. Then, my husband goes, "So you finally finished, huh?" "Yes. I can't believe I used to like this book," I said. "Hahaha! Yeah, I remember you were on Twilight's ballshard." Yeah, yeah, yeah...
There isn't a single book on my shelf that has fluctuated between all ratings besides Twilight. No, your eyes do not deceive you. I actually have read Twilight 4 times. I used to hail from Shelfari.com and the first rating I ever gave Twilight was 5 stars. After I made the switch to GoodReads, I decided to give it 4 stars instead. So, recently I was browsing my GoodReads shelf (I often do that to clean up ratings), I noticed Twilight was sitting pretty at 4 stars and was on my "favorites" shelf. At the time I thought, "Wow, that's not accurate at all. Maybe it deserves 3 stars?" But I quickly decided, no, no, no...I'll just do a fun little project and re-read the series and give them all better ratings. If your curious about the details of the project, stop on over here: Project: Hindsight. And hey, if you like what you see, won't you subscribe? Yes? /end shameless self promotion.
The coolest thing about re-reading Twilight is that it has caused me to create really cool new shelves such as:
"Kill me now"
"This is *not* literature"
And my personal favorite: "Where's my chocolate?"
One of the first things I noticed during this re-read was how incredibly boring it was. Bella is dull as a doorknob. And the first few chapters of the book are essentially a 'Bitch, Moan, Complain' session. So, we have Bella moving to Forks, WA because she wants her mother to be happy (more on that later). And she's all like, "Ohhhh, I hate this place. It's green. Ewww, it's wet. Fuck my life." And what's one of the first things Bella does when she arrives in Forks? She cooks Charlie dinner.
No, I don't have an issue with a female character enjoying cooking, but it is practically thrown in my face that Charlie can't fend for himself; Bella has to cook. Well, what the hell was he doing before she arrived?! Oh, ya, did anyone else realize that despite the fact that she says she is not allowed to call Charlie by his first name; she almost always calls him Charlie? WTF.
Bella goes to school and during lunch she first cast her eyes on the Cullen family. (view spoiler)[(hide spoiler)] Her next period happens to be Biology (because that's where you'd meet a vampire, right?) and as she walks past the fan Edward goes: And she's like, "WTF. Do I smell?" Little does she know that Eddie just wants to devourer her little, ivory skinned ass. His reaction is so off-putting that she cries when she gets back to her truck. All because Eddie doesn't like her. Who the hell cares, Bella? Conceded much? Get over yourself. But no, she just obsesses with it.
"Edward Cullen didn't come back to school. Everyday, I watched anxiously until the rest of the Cullens had entered the cafeteria without him."
Meanwhile, poor Mike is trying to put the moves on Bella and invites her to a beach trip. Speaking of the beach trip, here is something the editors should have picked up on. When the beach trip is first brought up it's supposed to be happening in two weeks. But, as Bella goes on and on about nothing in particular, a few pages later she mentions
"...just because he'd happened to look at me for the first time in a half-dozen weeks."
Wait, what? Anyone notice something? Six weeks have passed and the beach trip is where? Not only that, but the girl's choice dance was also two weeks away and here six weeks have passed...
"I was surprised he would remember the name; I'd mentioned it just once, almost two months ago."
Anyway, moving on. Some random shit happens causing Edward to swoop in and save danger prone Bella. The worst thing about Twilight is how incredibly dependent Bella is on Edward. When she's not with him, she is always thinking about him. And that doesn’t make any sense. She barely knows him. They've had like two or three conversations and she has thoughts like:
"And what was my other choice--to cut him out of my life? Intolerable. Besides, since I'd come to Forks, it really seemed like my life was about him." "It would cause me physical pain to be separated from him now." "You are my life. You're the only thing it would hurt me to lose."
And then, because Edward must always prove to Bella that he loves her more than she loves him, he pulls this line:
"Don't you see? That's what proves me right. I care the most because if I can do it---if leaving is the right thing to do, then I'll hurt myself to keep from hurting you, to keep you safe."
Are you kidding me? This is not love. But how could it be, with Edward torn between eating her and making out with her? Edward is a controlling creepy creeper. He had been watching her sleep for weeks before they started talking! Meyer are you condoning stalkish behavior?! Not.Fucking.Cool.
I once read that Stephenie Meyer had a dream and that is how Twilight was born. She says she actually started writing from chapter 13 (The Meadow) to the ending. (view spoiler)[Oh, ya, that's where we find out Edward sparkles in the sun! (hide spoiler)] Then, she went back and wrote the first half. It totally shows. While it's true the entire book is a shit storm in action, the second half is noticeably worse. The first half can easily be summed up as "Bella's Bitch Fest meets Creep-ward" and believe me when I say, it's really not as bad as the second half. How is that even possible? I have no idea, but Meyer pulls that shit off flawlessly. And ya know? I have a theory on that. Because Meyer had a dream about Bella and Edward and their 'true love' and she went to work on the second half before the first, there is all this raw emotions, strange pet names, and banter that's supposed to be romantic but fails miserably. I just felt terribly uncomfortable reading it. And to top it all off, it was so bad, like, eye bleeding bad! It made me so angry I actually pulled out a pen and started marking this damn book up. Don't believe me? LMAO, seriously folks, I took notes. Feast your eyes on my personal copy of ToiletteTwilight(view spoiler)[That's French for toilet, stolen from Haleema. But I think the French word works pretty well. Hey, if you say it fast enough it sounds dangerously like Twilight. Just saying. (hide spoiler)].
I've also noticed a trend with Meyer. She doesn't write fight scenes. There was a huge build up for a fight with James and we see nothing of the fight. Bella is informed of what happened after the fact. Good job, Stephenie. You totally ripped off your readers there. So, Carlisle is sitting there fixing up Bella on the ground (and he randomly has Morphine, by the way -_-) and Bella is in the process of passing out. But first, Carlisle has a little conversation about Bella's mom and she somehow finds the will to mention to Alice what she knows about James. Like, really? Go to sleep Bella. You talk too much.
I won't bore you with the details of the ending. I'm sure you already know. But I do want to say that Bella's mother is the most selfish character (next to Bella, of course). First she ships her off to Forks so she could be with her new husband. And no, do not tell me Bella chose to do that. Renee is the parent and it's *her* job to make sacrifices. Then, when Bella is in the hospital after the fight with James, she acts like she can't be bothered to stay with Bella.
Then she sighed and glaced guiltily over her shoulder at the big, round clock on the wall. "Do you need to go?" She bit her lip. "Phil's supposed to call in a little while...I didn't know you were going to wake up..."
Really?? Really, Renee?! Your daughter almost died and you are seriously acting like this? Un-fucking-believable. Oh, but this shit gets better:
"I'll be back soon. I've been sleeping here, you know," she announced, proud of herself.
Huh? Do you want a cookie for that? It's your job!
"I can stay if you need me." "No, Mom, I'll be fine. Edward will be with me." She looked like that might be why she wanted to stay. "I'll be back tonight." Its sounded as much like a warning as it sounded like a promise, and she glanced at Edward again as she said it.
And what does she think Edward and Bella are going to do? She has a broken leg, broken ribs, and cracks in her skull. C'mon now!
Then Edward takes Bella to prom, he kisses her neck. The fucking end. Would I recommend this? Bahahahahahah! You're shitting me, right? I'm about to go do this to my bookshelf:
But I'll tell you what I recommend. I recommend we all do this to our copies of Toilette. Amen.
More reviews and more at Cuddlebuggery Book Blog.["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>(less)
Stephen King once said, "Stephenie Meyer can't write worth a darn. She's not very good." I couldn't agree more, Stephen. With that, we shall kick this...more Stephen King once said, "Stephenie Meyer can't write worth a darn. She's not very good." I couldn't agree more, Stephen. With that, we shall kick this off with a joke:
I'm sorry folks. I just could not get through this shit book another time. However, since I've already read it a few times, I feel extremely confident in skipping to the review. But first, can someone please explain to me why this book is 563 pages?! Seriously, how is it possible a book with almost no plot can be so long? When I first read New Moon back in 2008, I didn't like it. In fact I'm not even sure why it had three stars because I remember being super frustrated. Even though Edward and Bella's relationship deeply disturbs my soul, Bella is so incredibly boring without him. I'm not even sure how Stephenie Meyer managed 563 pages. Truly, I'm amazed because I can sum up New Moon in one big picture:
But let's get on with it, I'll go into some detail for ya.
The book starts off on Bella's 18th birthday, a day she has been dreading for months only because in her mind she will be one year older than Edward. So, she makes a huge production about people not celebrating her birthday, but the Cullens ignore her and Alice plans a party. Before Edward forces her to attend they watch Romeo and Juliet (the book's supposed theme) and they have merry little conversation about Edward's contingency plans once Bella dies. Now, let's not forget they've only been dating for a few months. Yet, here they are making out and talking about killing themselves in the event of the other's death. How romantic. Don't even ask me the logic behind how they can even kiss when his teeth are supposed to be "venom coated." Stephenie Meyer gives some bull shit excuse she must have learned from ass-grab 101. But I digress...
Finally, they make it to the birthday party. Bella gets a paper cut and Jasper almost single-handedly ends this series on page 29.
Unfortunately, to my dismay his attempt was foiled by Edward. Eddie pushes Bella out the way and she crashes into the glass plates, slashing up her arm. Pause, let's think about that scene a bit: Who's bright idea was it to have glass plates? With a human. In a room full of vampires. That drink blood. Isn't Alice psychic? Why didn't she see Bella cutting her finger on the wrapping paper? Wait, don't think about that because if you spend all your time contemplating the stupidity, we'll never get through this review.
Obviously, Eddie is not happy with the events that went down at his place and Bella further irritates him by apologizing for...wait for it...being human. Bella, you know you've been hanging out with mythical creatures too much when you start thinking your humanity isn't normal. But anyway, Eddie does what any loving boyfriend would do after their girlfriend is attack by their brother: he ignores her. And because Eddie is "Alpha Male Edward" and Bella is "Submissive Mary Sue Bella," she doesn't confront him about it. Instead, she waits for him to be ready. On the third day of ignoring her, he drags he into the words and chucks up the deuces. The exchange goes a little like this: Alpha Male Edward tells Submissive Mary Sue Bella firmly, "No, I don't want you to come. You're no good for me." And she pretty much agrees realizing how much of a waste of space she is. Then Edward just pours salt all over her open wound and tells her:
"Don't do anything reckless or stupid," he ordered, no longer detached. "Do you understand what I'm saying?...I'm thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself--for him." I nodded helplessly.
Wow. Relly? You're just going to let him order you around like that? How about you look after yourself FOR YOU first, everyone else second? Awesome Bells. Can I call you Bells? Not only do you have ZERO self-preservation skills, but also no self-confidence. Just awesome. There's only about a million or so girls looking up to you as a role model. No pressure to be a strong female character. You could have walked away from this with grace, but no, instead all your dignity flies out the window when you pull a bitch move and run after Edward through the woods. Then, she defaults back to "Fuck my life" mode and slips into a depression for four fucking months. I find it kind of funny her depression was longer than their actual relationship. Heh. But this wasn't just any depression, it was some serious shit.
I always had nightmares now, every night. Not nightmares really, not in the plural, because it was always the same nightmare. You'd think I'd get bored after so many months, grow immune to it.
Or how about this:
Even my outsides looked different--my face sallow, white except for the purple circles the nightmares had left under my eyes. My eyes were dark enough against my pallid skin that--if I were beautiful and seen from a distance--I might even pass for a vampire now.
Once again I find myself asking the question: Where are her parents?! Why did Charlie let this go on for FOUR months?! She should have been in counseling or something. But Meyer thinks she can just pacify readers by Renee sending a random e-mail here and there or Charlie just suggesting she seek help, only to be shot down by Bella. Fail. So much fail.
All that considered, that's not even the biggest problem I have with this book. Bella soon figures out she can conjure up hallucinations of Edward if she does something reckless or suicidal. This is where Jake comes into play. Bella uses Jake (like everyone else) to get what she wants by asking him to fix up two motorcycles she found and giving her riding lessons. She figures it will be the perfect thing to help her see more of Edward. I suppose she simply forgot how big of a klutz she is and once the bikes are fixed the lessons commence. The first time she gets on she falls off and Jake (the only one with common sense) thinks they should call it a day before she gets hurt. But Bella thinks this is BK and she can have it her way, and gets back on the bike. Chick has gone batshit crazy and she promptly busts her ass. But she doesn't care because her mission was a success! She got to see and hear Edward! Her next brilliant idea is to throw herself off a cliff during high tide. The first time I read this I was secretly hoping she would drown, but the other two books already were published, so it was a hopeless wish. Oh and I almost forgot to mention the actual plot. LOL. Funny how that happens when there isn't one, huh? LOL. The She-vamp, Victoria, is scoping out the area trying to get to Bella. But her part is VERY small in this book (like the plot), so we don't really need to talk about her. I suppose the wolf pack is worth mentioning: They're pretty much a bunch of wannabe werewolves that run around with their shirts off. That's all you really need to know about them.
So, finally Alice shows up in chapter 18 because she thought Bella was trying to commit suicide (close enough Alice). And through a nice little exchange of "he said, she said" BS, Edward is off to Italy to kill himself. This causes Bella to go into "hero" mode and race to Italy and save Edward. I really don't care enough to give my thoughts on the race to Italy. That entire part was rushed and anti-climatic. There isn't even a fight scene. Instead here is a timeline courtesy of Reasoning with Vampires (Thanks for the link Cait and Jen!):
Anyway, they get back to good old Forks and Bella composes a vote on everyone's thoughts of her joining team undead. Edward is at a steady "no" along with Rosalie. But everyone else says, "Hell yes!" Like becoming a vampire is a party or something. Funny thing is when Bella asks Jasper he goes: And she's all: Hmm, yeah, that's not weird at all. Not the least bit creepy.
In the last few pages Edward and Jake have a little pissing contest and Edward proposes to Bella. The End. Yawn. Thank God it's over.
More reviews and more at Cuddlebuggery Book Blog.["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>(less)
About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a stalker and a creeper. Second, there was part of him — and I didn't know how potent...more
About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a stalker and a creeper. Second, there was part of him — and I didn't know how potent that part might be — that suffered from Manic Depression. And third, I was strangely and unashamedly entertained by it all.
I know what you are probably doing. Right now, you may have your head cocked to the side with your eyes squinted, wondering if you read that last part correctly. I will repeat: I was entertained. First, let me clear the air. I was not entertained by the story or the writing. Shit Heavens, no. For the same reasons why some found Midnight Sun disturbing, I found it unintentionally comical. I can't tell you how many times I snickered or LOL'ed. Well, that's a lie, I probably could, but it'd be an awful long review.
However, I will touch on a few standout parts that really tickled my pickle. OMG, did I really just type that? Project Hindsight is melting brain cells.
Manic Depressed, murderous vamp with feelings:
Like I mentioned earlier, Edward definitely suffers from manic depression. He first starts off as an extremely condescending vamp, but as soon as he lays his eyes on Bella and gets a whiff of her sweet-smelling blood, he quickly becomes a murderous hunter. Now, this I can understand to a degree because vamps, ya know, drink blood and all. BUT, as he is thinking of various ways to murder everyone in his biology class and eat Bella, he starts whining. He literally has a "woe is me, fuck my life!" moment.
Why did she have to come here? Why did she have to exist? Why did she have to ruin the little peace I had in this non-life of mine? Why had this aggravating human ever been born? She would ruin me.
It's all about him, isn't it? He isn't the one who's *thisclose* to being eaten, but here he is singing the, "Why cruel world?!" song. And his bitch fest continues...
Who was this creature? Why me, why now? Why did I have to lose everything just because she happened to choose this unlikely town to appear in?
*sigh* Are you done?
Why had she come here!
Sometimes people move, Edward. It happens! Man the hell up!
I didn't want to be the monster! I didn't want to kill this room full of harmless children! I didn't want to lose everything I'd gained in a lifetime of sacrifice and denial!
I wouldn't. She couldn't make me.
You tell that little human, Eddie. *Pats back* Feel better now?
Then, the next page over he gets back to work plotting Bella's murder. You know who Edward reminds me of best in the beginning of Midnight Sun? Have you ever seen The Smurfs? Remember old Gargamel and how he was always either planning some lame attempt to catch and eat the smurfs or crying from failing so hard?
*Evil crackle* Yessss...I'll get those little blue smurfs! I'll sneak into their village while they sleep and boil them alive! Won't we Azrael?
(view spoiler)[ Hmmm...what a weird coincidence. I found a pic of that on Google... Oh, fangirls. Still feel like swooning now? (hide spoiler)]
Okay, now imagine Eddie just like that while he says,
She would go home to an empty house. Police Chief Swan worked a full day. I knew his house, as I knew every house in the tiny town. His home was nestled right up against thick woods, with no close neighbors. Even if she had time to scream, which she would not, there would be no one to hear.
Conniving little bastard, isn't he? ^_^
Of course, then he runs off to Alaska and throws himself one hell of a pity party. Then, he goes back to Forks and falls head over heels in love with the most "mouthwatering""beautiful""selfless"INSANE girl. This is how I envisioned Edward for most of the partial draft *wink* book:
*sigh* Eddie, Eddie, Eddie. You need help, son.
And there is also another human who had the misfortune to make Edward's personal hit list: Mike. I actually felt sorry for the douche bag in Midnight Sun. If Edward wasn't thinking about eating Bella, gently caressing her lips (LOL, who does that?), or how she looked in that damn blue blouse, he was thinking of "annihilating" the "obnoxious boy." Oddly enough, that too, had me LOL'ing. I know, I know. I'm a strange one. Heh. And when he said, "I wasn't going to stand around arguing with the wretch," I fell out. LOL.
He creeped, He perved, He stalked:
The creepiest thing, yet hilarious to me, about Midnight Sun is when Edward watches Bella sleep.
I was repulsed by myself as I watched her toss again. How was I any better than some sick peeping tom?
LMAO, you fucking aren't! This book is a Stalker's Handbook. In five easy steps you can become the best stalker eva!
Step 1: Wait until you beloved and her loved ones are fast asleep. It would be uncool to be found snooping around your one true love's house during some ungodly hour. This is especially important if there is a loaded weapon on the premises.
Step 2: The window or entry of your liking may creak. Don't forget to bring along a can of oil! This is imperative to your stalking success! You must be unseen and unheard. Like a ninja...a really creepy ninja.
Step 3: Watch your honey bunny sleep. Maybe she's dreaming of you. Stay awake, lest you miss the action. For maximum effectiveness drink a 5-hour energy drink. By all means, snoop around her room. This is your show. You run this!
Step 4: Leave before the stalkee awakens. I can't even begin to tell you how awkward it would be if you are discovered!
Step 5: Congrats! You have done it! You've stalked your soul mate! Now repeat these five steps again and again to receive your Jedi Master level of stalking badge.
Edward loses his mind and everybody knows it:
The star of this book for me was Emmett. He always said what everyone else was thinking. The "voice of reason," if you will.
"Kid's lost his mind." "Lost his mind, poor kid." "This is getting weird." "You sound like a crazy person, do you know that?" "Exactly like a crazy person." "You're pathetic."
And my favorite part is when Charlotte and Peter (Jasper's vamp friends) come to visit and Edward is there in a corner looking crazy again.
And they all sort of stare at him, yet Emmett sums it up perfectly, "Madman."
Oh and I can't write a Twilight review without throwing in a few hits at Bella. I just love it how Edward knows she has got to be crazy, but still wants to be with her. Maybe he finds it endearing like her inability to stand on her own two feet with out her face kissing the pavement. *shrugs* I really don't know what goes on inside the head of Edward. There is one part where he sits down and questions her sanity. He even goes as far to think about having her institutionalized:
How was I supposed to protect someone so...so...so determined to be unprotected?
She possesses zero self-preservation skills. Give up, Ed.
I supposed that I could arrange for her to receive the best care available... Carlisle would have the connections to find her the most skilled doctors, the most talented therapists. Perhaps something could be done to fix whatever it was that was wrong with her, what ever it was that made her content to sit beside a vampire with her heart beating calmly and steadily. I would watch over the facility, naturally, and visit as often as I was allowed...
I now truly believe both of these clowns are meant for each other. Crazy is as crazy does.
Even though I may have liked Twilight and Eclipse at one point, I feel the same way I felt about Midnight Sun the first time I read it, "Is this a parody? This can't possibly be legit. It is? Bahahahaha! Somehow that just adds another layer of LOL'ing!" If you are looking for quality YA literature, this ain't it folks. Run away! If and when this book is ever finished and released, it will only be good for one thing:
(view spoiler)[ That pic is so creepy...it's perfect!(hide spoiler)]["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>(less)
Let's see if I can write this review without calling this book ridiculously cute!
Janie Jane is one lucky little girl who gets puppy one day on her bir...moreLet's see if I can write this review without calling this book ridiculously cute!
Janie Jane is one lucky little girl who gets puppy one day on her birthday, Sir Yips-a-lot. The two are a happier than two pigs in a blanket and are inseparable until Janie Jane's birthday rolls around again and she's given a kitty as a present, Lady Meow-Meow. Janie Jane's attention begins to shift from her first pet to the newest. Lady Meow-Meow is the "shiny new toy" and Sir Yips-a-lot stars feeling the beginnings of jealousy.
My kids and I really enjoyed this book. The artwork was in comic book style, sometimes with arrows showing the sequence of pictures. It made it easier for my kids to follow along and understand the story. Not to mention the illustrations were just SO CUTE! :D
I also loved the message and believe Cute & Cuter would be the perfect book to read to a child expecting a new sibling who may feel left out during the adjustment period of an expanding family. It would be a great opportunity for a child to open up about their feelings and for the child to be reassured that he/she is not forgotten.
The only downside to Cute & Cuter is that now my daughter seems to think she's owed a puppy, kitty and an octopus. I blame Janie's parents for buying so many cool presents!
If Snakes on a Plane (view spoiler)[I'm tired of these MOTHERFUCKING snakes on this MOTHERFUCKING plane!! (hide spoiler)] and Mother Goose's Nursery R...more If Snakes on a Plane (view spoiler)[I'm tired of these MOTHERFUCKING snakes on this MOTHERFUCKING plane!! (hide spoiler)] and Mother Goose's Nursery Rhymes had a baby it would be this audio book. It was pure genius to have Samuel L. Jackson narrate. I mean, who's inner Samuel L. Jackson doesn't come out when they are sleep deprived, right?
When I'm sleepy, I'm the nastiest person you would ever have the misfortune of meeting. But somehow fate would have it that I'd be cursed blessed with the world's worst sleepers. Where are all those people that told me all babies did was sleep and eat? After having two little monsters lovelies of my own, I no longer believe such babies exist. -_-
Last night at the ripe hour of 3 am, my 13 month old (who we have affectionately dubbed "Destructo" for his uncanny ability to destroy anything he gets his hands on) felt it was the perfect time to play with mommy and daddy. After one extreme acrobatic nursing session, our night went a little something like this:
*Destructo plays in between mama and dada on the bed*
Me: I can't function. The Mister: I told you not to put him to bed early. Now he won't go back to sleep. Me: IT WAS BEDTIME! The Mister: Shhh! You'll wake the Diva. Me: No I won't. She's done for the nig---
*In walks the Diva*
Me: Damn, damn, damn! The Mister: I told you so. Me: Shut up. Go put her back in bed.
*Destructo's toe lands in my eye and he appropriately laughs*
The Mister: She's back in bed. Me: Good. Now handle your son. The Mister: He doesn't want me. He wants to go play.
**Suddenly, the voice of Samuel L. Jackson fills my mind.**
You know where you can go? The fuck to sleep!
Me: Amen! The Mister: What? Me: Nothing.
*We head downstairs. He plays. I curse my life in the corner silently.*
About 2 hours later we finally got Destructo back to sleep. Around here sleep is more precious than gold. So if you ever happen to visit during bedtime, we have a strict OCD like ritual you must adhere to. We turn the portable fans on for white noise. If this makes you cold, tuff ninnies! Don't use the microwave. Cold food wont kill ya. Put your damn phone on vibrate. And for the love of all things cheesy, don't flush the fucking toilet! Goodnight.
I have a confession to make. I actually bought this book without reading any reviews. That is highly unusual for me because I rarely buy any books (I'...more I have a confession to make. I actually bought this book without reading any reviews. That is highly unusual for me because I rarely buy any books (I'm a library girl through and through) and when I do, it's under two circumstances: 1) I've read it before, loved it and would read it again or 2) It comes with the highest recommendations from my most trusted reviewing friends. Chopsticks is a bit of an enigma for me because out of all the books to choose from at Books-A-Million, I chose it simply because of its first impression. I was just about to leave out the door, unable to decide on which book to invest in or which one to waste my money on, when this huge "photo novel" with the weird title caught my eye, sitting on the end of a top shelf. One glance through the book and I knew it was for me: The entire story is told in photos of everyday things. It amazed me in five seconds, so I bought it.
When you first look at the cover, what do you think it's going to be about? Well, for me I thought it was going to be your usual girl meets boy, yada, yada, yada. But Chopsticks is so much more than that. You see, depending on how you interpret the novel, it could actually tell two different stories. It could tell the simple contemporary story of sixteen-year-old Gloria "Glory" Fleming, a piano prodigy, who falls in love with Francisco Mendoza, a boy who becomes her escape from her stressful life. Sounds fluffy, right? Well, it can also tell the deep and dark story of a lonely, broken, child star pushed so hard to perform to perfection that she slowly loses her mind, causing you to question everything you see in the book or thought you saw. Do I have your attention yet?
Chopsticks is simply brilliant. The amount of time and skill it took to arrange the photos to tell this mind-bending story is commendable. The phrase "a picture is worth a thousand words" definitely fits the bill here because there are hardly any narrative text in the book, yet I felt a very strong connection to the characters. This book really doesn't need the extra words. Instead, the reader must follow the pictures of Francisco's drawings, Glory's concert programs, family photos, letters and images of household belongings. Chopsticks is very intimate in that way because it feels like you've been peeping into someone else's life for eighteen months in only 272 pages. It's the kind of book that you could zip through in thirty minutes, but by the ending it'll make you go back and re-read it more slowly. It's that easy to miss something.
I went out on a limb and purchased Chopsticks and I'm so happy I did. It took me on what I thought would be a simple fun read to an involved story that I couldn't stop thinking about after I finished. I know I could read again and still have a healthy appreciation for the complexity of the story. So, if you are a visual person like myself and you're looking for something totally different from your usual fair, Chopsticks may be the book you've been looking for.(less)