Surely this can't be real. Mr. President, I know you're super duper busy with trying to get re-elected, but spare a few mi...more Wha... What? What is this?!
Surely this can't be real. Mr. President, I know you're super duper busy with trying to get re-elected, but spare a few minutes to way in on this. Please!
Do you have your listening face on?
Is this legit?
NOOOOO! What? What do you mean it looks funny?! Perhaps I should just read you a passage. That'll change your mind.
I want you to see this. Then you’ll know everything. It’s a cookbook,” he says and opens to some recipes, with color photos. “I want to prepare you, very much.” This isn’t just about getting me hot till my juices run clear, and then a little rest.
Well? What do have to say about that, Mr. President?
Sam? Sam! I know you'll see reason. Prepare for torture!
There’s pulling, jerking, stuffing, trussing. Fifty preparations. He promises we’ll start out slow, with wine and a good oiling . . . Holy crap. “I will control everything that happens here,” he says. “You can leave anytime, but as long as you stay, you’re my ingredient.” I’ll be transformed from a raw, organic bird into something—what? Something delicious.
What is wrong with you people?! Is it me? Am I just not reading this right?
Like Anastasia Steele, Miss Chicken finds herself at the mercy of a dominating man, in this case, a wealthy, sexy, and very hungry chef.
I growl with frustration at my reflection in the mirror. Damn my hair – it’s fifty shades of fucked up. The situation I’m in is fifty shades of fucked up. I’m supposed to be studying for my finals; my roommate, Kathleen, should be the one fussing with her hair in front of the mirror right now. Instead, I’m trying to brush my hair into submission. Why is my hair so kinky? I need to stop sleeping with it wet, because it always ends up out of control. As I brush my long, brown hair, the girl in the mirror with blue eyes too big for her head stares back at me. Wait...I don’t have blue eyes! Then I realize I haven’t been looking into the mirror. I’ve been staring at a poster of Kristen Stewart for five minutes. My own hair is actually fine.
Well, that was something I don't read everyday. I don't think I've ever read a book that had the ability to make me laugh out loud on one page and cri...moreWell, that was something I don't read everyday. I don't think I've ever read a book that had the ability to make me laugh out loud on one page and cringe on the next. When I first picked up Sh*t My Dad Says, I had no idea it originated from Halpern's twitter page. Hindsight being 20/20 and all, I can see why the twitter page, which compromised of random quotes from Halpern's dad, would be a hit. It's just the right amount of comic relief you may need while wasting precious hours of your life scrolling through twitter. It's sort of like following Yoda, Darth Vader, Snape or my personal favorite, Lord Voldemort, on twitter.
His tweets are mildly offensive, but admit it. You lol'ed, didn't you? So, in that context the quotes found in Sh*t My Dad Says are funny. But what happens when you put it all in one place? The short answer is simple: It's not very funny. Okay, wait. Some of the quotes are funny and in the beginning I did laugh quite a bit, but as I got further and further into the book, the novelty wore off. What was once humorous as an occasional tweet, turned into just a very vulgar book.
My biggest issue with Sh*t My Dad Says is that most of the quotes were directed towards Halpern when he was a child. This did not sit right with me at all. Cursing at and shaming children is wrong on so many levels and I failed to see the humor in that. It totally killed the entertainment factor when his dad is directing the F-bomb at his young son left and right. And I was sitting here waiting for an adult to correct this guy, but it didn't seem like it was anyone's issue but mine. It was very shocking because if my dad had said half of the things Halpern's did to me, I would cry a river. I'm not saying his dad didn't love him or care about him, but wow. I just don't understand how someone could show so little respect and talk down to a child like that.
So as far as I'm concerned, these quotes would have been better off remaining on twitter and not in a book. Sh*t My Dad Says is the perfect example of the age-old rule: If it ain't broke, don't fix it!