Up until around page 320 I was resigned with giving this book 2 stars, but thanks to a well placed plot twist, Bloodlines gets and upgrade to 3 stars....moreUp until around page 320 I was resigned with giving this book 2 stars, but thanks to a well placed plot twist, Bloodlines gets and upgrade to 3 stars.
I think it's important to point out I am a fan of Richelle Mead's work. I really enjoyed the Vampire Academy series (even with the second half less than stellar) and equally enjoyed the Succubus series. I enjoy Mead's witty writing style. It's both entertaining and down right hilarious at times.
However, with the exception of Last Sacrifice, I usually do not see where the plot is heading until it is revealed. Unfortunately, Bloodlines will sit right up there with Last Sacrifice on my shelf of predictability.
I won't retell the book here, but the gist is that Sydney, along with Eddie and Adrian, travel to a prep school in Palm Springs, California to keep Jill safe while she is in hiding. While they are expecting clear skies and smooth sailing, we all knew it wouldn't be that easy. A new problem arises for our gang which includes a threat no one expects...vampire hunters.
I think one of the biggest problems with this book lies with the fact that most readers have already read the Vampire Academy series. As such, we already understand the world Mead is describing through Sydney's eyes. This often led to me guessing at the plot's outcome before Sydney even realized something was off in the beginning. I think this book could have scored more points with me had I never known the back story of Adrian, Rose, Jill, Eddie, and Lissa. As a result, Sydney is left to look incredibly slow on the uptake, which is kind of ironic because she is supposed to be depicted as a very intelligent person.
What saved this book, as I mentioned before, is the plot twist that seems to be setting the tone of the series as a whole. I'm actually looking forward to the next books in the series for this reason. One thing I have noticed from reading Mead's works is that she does very well plot wise mid-series. I'll be very interested to see where she goes with this new concept.
While I was looking forward to read Bloodlines simply due to is being a VA spin-off, I was not looking forward to being in Sydney's head. When we first met her in Blood Promise she seemed dry, boring, and stuck up. I'm happy to say, I didn't get any of those vibes while reading this book. Now, Sydney's head is not as fun to be in as Rose. Not by a long shot, but it wasn't as bad as I originally thought it would be. Sydney is analytical in every sense of the word (except when she couldn't put the pieces to the mystery together, that is. -_-), thus approaching every scenario she encounters with a scientific explanation. It was so bad, she couldn't tell when a boy was trying to ask her out. Basic human, social interactions went right over her little blond head. Hey, there's another piece of irony for you...While Sydney was busy thinking of the vamps as unnatural sins against nature, they seemed to have a better understanding social norms and she remained in the dark. Now, I know other reviewers regarded Sydney as discriminatory and racist against the vamps, but I'm going to slightly disagree with that. This is not another ethnicity or race Sydney was dealing with. It's another species that feeds off of humans.
Let's say you are a human and you meet a vampire. Would you:
Bring him back to your place of dwelling and cuddle him, swapping secrets?
Frolic around in the forest on his back while he adoringly refers to you as "Spider Monkey?"
Daydream of him biting you, turning you into his undead lover?
Oh you would, huh? Well, perhaps the Alchemists need to send your crazy ass to a re-education center.
If you are sane, then perhaps your reaction would be similar to mine:
I'd spare no haste in hightailing my ass right outta there.
But, the one thing I will say about Sydney is that her reaction to Vampire magic makes no sense when she has their blood tattooed on her skin. Call it a necessary evil all you want Sydney, but I'll call it BS.
Lissa-----wait, scratch that----Jill seemed to almost be a carbon copy of a previous character. I just can't seem to put my finger on it. Oh, that's right! Lissa. I'm really hoping that this is just my first impression of Jill on our first date. Maybe when we get to know each other better, I'll feel differently. I also found her to be a bit whiny and many times her and Sydney's relationship resembled a mother daughter relationship.
I was really happy to see Eddie again. It's weird, even though he was there, I don't feel his character was remotely explored enough. I'm hoping this will change too.
Adrian, Adrian, Adrian. He still remains my favorite character. Damn you Rose for breaking him!! He is rather depressed in Bloodlines, but he still maintains that cocky little grin we have all come to know and love.
As usual, Mead's dialog never disappoints me. There were plenty of times I chuckled at the banter between Adrian and Sydney.
-------- Now, let's talk about some things I didn't really like. First and foremost is Sydney and her OCD tendencies about her weight. I didn't like how she constantly strived to be paper thin like Jill. There is a part in the book where she is upset that her uniform is a size 4 instead of size 2 (her old size) or even a size 0 (which is Jill's size, thus further infuriating her). Add this to the fact that she is described as just moving her food around on her plate or not eating much at all and it becomes quite disturbing. It's just not healthy. I just feel it's going to send the wrong message to young girls.
Second, it seems we are going to dive further into the machinations of Spirit users and what they can do. That's great and all, but I noticed a little hole in that: (view spoiler)[When we find out Lee was restored, Sydney mentions he can't use his magic (air) anymore. At the end, Ms. Karp is sent out to help with the research regarding this issue. But how can she use her magic, if she too was restored?? Am I missing something here? (hide spoiler)]
And lastly, some parts of the book were a little dry. It wasn't to the point that I would stop reading, but it was there nonetheless.
Overall, it was an ok read, which will probably be a hit or miss for fans of the original series.
More reviews and more at Cuddlebuggery Book Blog.["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>(less)
*sigh* I don't know what it is. Maybe it's the fact that my taste in YA novels are changing. Maybe it's because since reading the first MI book in 200...more *sigh* I don't know what it is. Maybe it's the fact that my taste in YA novels are changing. Maybe it's because since reading the first MI book in 2009, I have read so many better book series. Whatever the reason, CC just does not impress me. The writing is bad and she has poor use of similes.
I didn't feel the love Jace felt for Clary. If anything, I felt downright embarrassed that Jace was pinning over his "sister" and pretty much not caring. All the while, Simon is in the corner about to be sick. It was awkward.
Wow, there's four days of my life spent reading this book that I'll never get back. And it normally doesn't take me that long, but I had to self motiv...more Wow, there's four days of my life spent reading this book that I'll never get back. And it normally doesn't take me that long, but I had to self motivate myself with promises of chocolate ("If you just read one more page..."), just to get through it.
I usually don't give too many books only 1 star. In fact there is only one book I can think of that angered me this much and that was The Vampire Diaries: The Return. I only got 50 pages deep into it before I flung it across the room. So I am very proud that I was able to finish this POS to write a review.
There is NO reason this book should have a higher rating than Mockingjay, a few Harry Potter books, and The Pride and the Predjudice. NO REASON.
After all of that, I have one question for Cassandra Clare:
Was this some sort of sick April fool's joke? Why was this even published?
Now before the fangirls come out to defend their master , let me explain.
I actually liked the original 3 books. I wouldn't say I loved them or call them literary masterpieces, but I *did* find them entertaining.
City of Endless Angst City of Fallen Angels picks up 2 months after City of Glass left off. One would think the conflict between Jace and Clary was over, but no. CC has the nerve to regress her characters. And there lies my biggest problem with the book: WHERE WAS THE PLOT? While everyone was busy fawning over each other, Shadowhunters are being murdered! But, alas, no one gives a shit.
How would I describe our characters in CoFA, you ask? Well a picture is worth a thousand words:
DracoJace: Bordered between and Wangsty teen and a cocky prick And yes kids, he actually says he is better than everyone.
Clary: "He loves me. He loves me not."
Simon: I really liked him in the orignial trilogy. I found him funny. Sadly, he was boring. He wandered around this book with not a clue what was going on.
Alec and Magnus: *sigh* They didn't even show up until half the book was over. And when they did all they did is bitch about Magnus' past sex life. Yes, more and more angst.
The gang is supposed to be investigating the murders of the shadowhunters, but there isn't much investigating going on. Instead, they are too busy ignoring each other, going to Simon's band gigs, and ripping each other's clothes off in an alley. Speaking of Simon, he is apparently dating Isabelle and Maia at the same time. Yet, he doesn't know how it happened. Ya, Simon, we already established that you are confused.
What's driving Jace and Clary apart? Well, Jace starts having these nightmares where just as he and Clary are ripping away their clothes, he kills her. He decides to ignore her, so as not to hurt her. Why Clare, why? Why did you have to play the "I love you, can't you see it's killing me?!" card? Stephenie Meyer already cashed in on that lotto ticket amoungst other recent, pathetic YA novels.
To top it off, we have evil minions in gray track suits and sneakers and a badass villain killed in the most shitty ending I have ever read. And that cliffhanger! Not everyone who dies has to come back to life, Clare. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if Valentine makes an appearance in the next two books.
Clare is also very inconsistent with her storyline. When Kyle is first introduced to us he has black hair. However, two pages later he has brown hair. Jace doesn't believe in God, yet has the most angel blood in him that anyone else. The *Pepsi* sign is blue and red, not Coca Cola. Jace doesn't understand any of the pop culture references Simon quotes, but Jace spews Shakespeare lines off like its second nature. Seriously, why didn't the editors catch this?
Does my review seem like it's all over the place? Well, good cause that's exactly how this book was. ALL.OVER.THE.DAMN.PLACE.
A few days ago Clare posted a FAQ about the book and ending. She is basically validating why she, Almighty Author, is a genius and you, lowly reader, are an idiot. You can read it here if you haven't already. http://cassandraclare.livejournal.com...
And you know what I have to say to her little condescending FAQ? Cassandra Clare, I'm calling you out on the bull shit. It's time to stop riding J.K. Rowling's cash cow. Get off, the ride is over!
**Don't click the spoilers if you haven't read the book.**
I think it's time to admit to myself that The Mortal Instruments and Infernal Devices series...more **Don't click the spoilers if you haven't read the book.**
I think it's time to admit to myself that The Mortal Instruments and Infernal Devices series are just not for me. I suppose it's not a secret I'm not a huge fan of Cassandra Clare's work, but I won't deny that there were some things I did enjoy with each series. However, this was a disappointing read for me. I originally liked the premise of the first book in the Infernal Devices series, but this installment seemed to focus more on the character's relationships rather than the plot. It's the same problem City of Fallen Angels had, except I do think Clockwork Prince was LOADS better than that.
In Clockwork Prince The Shadowhunters in the London Institute find themselves in a serious bind. Due to the startling turn of events in Clockwork Angel, Charlotte is threaten to be removed as head of the institute unless she and the others can discover what the Magister is planning and capture him. The Shadowhunters immediately get to work diving into the Clave archives, searching for clues to the Magister's past. Unfortunately, it is not just his secrets that are exposed as the loyalties of the institute members are also revealed.
That sounds fairly interesting, right? So what's my issue? Why couldn't I love this book? Well, if I put it bluntly: It was boring. The beginning took way to long to pick up and if I had to guess, I'd say nothing exciting happens until around page 250. Um, I don't know about you, but that is way too long to keep me hanging. It took me 15 days to read this book. 15 days. At one point I just had to put it down for a few days and read something else because every time I picked up the book it would put me in this kind of mood:
Sure the Shadowhunters did things, but every time they were about to go on a mission we are given unnecessary descriptions of what Tessa is going to wear or how Sophie did her hair or how silver Jem's eyes looked that day. Who cares? The suspense leading up to the mission died while Tessa was taking her sweet ass time getting dressed. Speaking of Tessa, she is a pathetic heroine. She is good for one thing only: changing her appearance. She's not a fighter and despite her being trained in this book, she was virtually worthless. Yet, they always had to take her along on missions. When they actually used her power she manages to screw it up. They attend a "bad guy's party" (Just go with it. I don't want to spoil it for you.) and Tessa screws up her disguise because she drinks some type of spiked warlock lemonade. Yeah. I don't know about you, but when I'm crashing a bad guy's party, I never drink the punch. So she's walking around as herself and none of the evil dudes seem to notice or care. HUH? But she's an idiot, so I don't expect much from her. However, Will drinks it too. At that point I'm thinking, "You've been a Shadowhunter for how long exactly?" That scene made no sense.
Even though the book was boring, that's not even my biggest issue with it. While I was reading I always felt disconnected to the characters. The only character I did care about was Jem and that's probably because he's the only one who didn't seem like a direct rip-off from the Mortal Instruments series. I felt flashes of these characters in Clockwork Angel, but now I'm fully convinced that Draco/Harry Will is Jace, Hermione/Ginny Tessa is Clary, ect.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice--Nope. I see what you did there.
Will Jace. I hate this guy. He reminds me of the Jace in City of Fallen Angels. "I can't be with you because it will kill you! So I'm going to act like the shitiest person on earth so you will hate me!" Sound familiar anyone? Seriously, there are only so many times you can recycle a plot twist before you become predictable. I'm not sure you can even call it a plot twist anymore. So not only is he a carbon copy of Jace, but he goes through the same tortured character issue too? No, I'm not buying that. He was the reason why I almost didn't finish the book. He's such a prick and Tessa knows it, but she still loves him "because there is just something about him!" *eyeroll* Yes, I'm well aware of the curse, but that entire situation never seemed real to me anyway. (view spoiler)[It was so obvious that the curse was a fake. "Everyone who loves you will die! Muahahaha!" What kind of lame curse is that? And why did Will think no one loved him? Charlotte's love for him was just pouring off the pages. He didn't think it odd that she was still alive? Does anyone besides Jem use their brain in this series? (hide spoiler)]
So when I finally get to the "good part," some things happen that are supposed to shock me, I guess. There is this big revelation made right before the fight scene. (view spoiler)[We find out Nate and Tessa aren't brother and sister. (hide spoiler)] WAIT. Didn't you use that revelation is City of Glass, Clare?? Please stop putting you plot twists through the laundry wash cycle. It doesn't make them new again. *sigh*
After the fight scene, there is still a good 75 pages left and I was hoping for more action. But, of course, there is none. Most of it is filled with more relationship drama that surprisingly made me happy. However, it will most likely piss off fans of the series. LOL. (view spoiler)[That's right, Will! You are shit outta luck! (hide spoiler)] There is a cliffhanger at the end of the book, but by that time I was so through with it all, that it didn't move me one bit.
The writing was difficult for me, but I've never really jived well with Clare's style. Death to those bloody commas! My eyes are waving little white surrender flags! O_o Another thing I found strange was that Tessa is supposed to be American (right?), but it seemed like she still sounded English. In other words, all of the characters spoke very similarly. There was only one time when Tessa used an American slang term and it felt odd and out of place. And how many times must the word 'quite' be used? "Oh, you are quite right!" "This is quite uncomfortable." "I don't think you quite understand." I'm pretty sure 'quite' is used every few pages and it's annoying. The characters are trying so hard to sound English. It just didn't work for me.
Will I read Clockwork Princess? I don't know, maybe. The only reason I'm remotely curious is because I want to see what's going to happen to Jem. I like that guy. Yeah, I know. The volcanoes in hell are freezing over because I actually really like one of Clare's characters. Amazing.
Oh, and before I forget: (view spoiler)[Did anyone else notice anything familiar with how the Shadowhunters vote? Um, Goblet of Fire anyone? (hide spoiler)]
More reviews and more at Cuddlebuggery Book Blog. ["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>(less)
What a complete disappointment. I had high hopes for Afterlife. Particularly because I really enjoyed the third book in the series, Hourglass. I am an...moreWhat a complete disappointment. I had high hopes for Afterlife. Particularly because I really enjoyed the third book in the series, Hourglass. I am an original fan of the first book and I eagerly awaited each book's release. However, for me, Afterlife fell flat.
Afterlife picks up exactly were Hourglass left off: we are waiting for Lucas to arise as a Vampire. And right off the bat, I had a sinking feeling I wasn't going to like this book very much. Why? After Lucas rises, he immediately takes on the role as (what I consider) the "tortured soul" character. And Bianca turns into, more or less, his psychiatrist. Lucas spent almost the entire book loathing his existence, while Bianca constantly kept telling him, "You are stronger than this," "It will get better," "It's going to be ok." It's weird, because even though this book is told through Bianca, it seemed to be all about Lucas' personal struggle with himself. I didn't need to be constantly reminded about it. It got old very fast mostly because it was the same dialog over and over.
Another thing would have to be the grudge Bianca held against Balthazar. Literally, in almost every chapter (until Balthazar confronts Bianca) Gray mentions something along the lines, "And wasn't it Balthazar who lead Lucas to his death?" It almost seemed forced. Either way it annoyed me.
This book also seemed to be very anti-climatic too. There were a few revelations, but nothing that blew my mind. It pretty much gained the reaction of, "Oh, really? Ok."
However, my biggest problem with the book would have to be the ending. First off, it seemed rather rushed. Secondly, I would have liked to have seen the reunion of Christopher and Mrs. Bethany. I was actually looking forward to that part and it pretty much happened off scene. There was a small glimpse if them, then the cabin burns down and they die. Wow.
There were so many open ends for the characters. What happens to Vic, Randolf, and Maxie? I guess they just went home. *shrug* What was the whole thing with Skye? Her being able to sense the wraiths. I really thought Gray was going somewhere with that. But she just goes home too. Dana and Raquel just go back to their motel? Balthazar goes to tend the Evernight stables? Lucas decides to pretty much forget about his mom?
The biggest upset? Lucas is mortal and Bianca remains a wraith. They briefly have a conversation about the future knowing he will one day die and she will continue to live on. Bianca says she will cross that bridge when she gets to it and that she would rather have him for 50-60 more years then mourn him for all eternity. So he says something wack like, "You will live forever and being remember for eternity by you is all the immortality I need." Ummm...what?! Is that supposed to be comforting? What an awful way to end a book.
I wish I could have loved it, but I didn't. I found myself wanting to stop reading it several times and take it right back to the public library. (less)
Actual rating: 1.5 stars. Believe it or not, there are actually a few books that are worse than Twilight.
Ok, funny story. I was sitting on my couch wi...more Actual rating: 1.5 stars. Believe it or not, there are actually a few books that are worse than Twilight.
Ok, funny story. I was sitting on my couch with my husband last night finishing up Twilight. I slammed the book shut and began rubbing my temples. Then, my husband goes, "So you finally finished, huh?" "Yes. I can't believe I used to like this book," I said. "Hahaha! Yeah, I remember you were on Twilight's ballshard." Yeah, yeah, yeah...
There isn't a single book on my shelf that has fluctuated between all ratings besides Twilight. No, your eyes do not deceive you. I actually have read Twilight 4 times. I used to hail from Shelfari.com and the first rating I ever gave Twilight was 5 stars. After I made the switch to GoodReads, I decided to give it 4 stars instead. So, recently I was browsing my GoodReads shelf (I often do that to clean up ratings), I noticed Twilight was sitting pretty at 4 stars and was on my "favorites" shelf. At the time I thought, "Wow, that's not accurate at all. Maybe it deserves 3 stars?" But I quickly decided, no, no, no...I'll just do a fun little project and re-read the series and give them all better ratings. If your curious about the details of the project, stop on over here: Project: Hindsight. And hey, if you like what you see, won't you subscribe? Yes? /end shameless self promotion.
The coolest thing about re-reading Twilight is that it has caused me to create really cool new shelves such as:
"Kill me now"
"This is *not* literature"
And my personal favorite: "Where's my chocolate?"
One of the first things I noticed during this re-read was how incredibly boring it was. Bella is dull as a doorknob. And the first few chapters of the book are essentially a 'Bitch, Moan, Complain' session. So, we have Bella moving to Forks, WA because she wants her mother to be happy (more on that later). And she's all like, "Ohhhh, I hate this place. It's green. Ewww, it's wet. Fuck my life." And what's one of the first things Bella does when she arrives in Forks? She cooks Charlie dinner.
No, I don't have an issue with a female character enjoying cooking, but it is practically thrown in my face that Charlie can't fend for himself; Bella has to cook. Well, what the hell was he doing before she arrived?! Oh, ya, did anyone else realize that despite the fact that she says she is not allowed to call Charlie by his first name; she almost always calls him Charlie? WTF.
Bella goes to school and during lunch she first cast her eyes on the Cullen family. (view spoiler)[(hide spoiler)] Her next period happens to be Biology (because that's where you'd meet a vampire, right?) and as she walks past the fan Edward goes: And she's like, "WTF. Do I smell?" Little does she know that Eddie just wants to devourer her little, ivory skinned ass. His reaction is so off-putting that she cries when she gets back to her truck. All because Eddie doesn't like her. Who the hell cares, Bella? Conceded much? Get over yourself. But no, she just obsesses with it.
"Edward Cullen didn't come back to school. Everyday, I watched anxiously until the rest of the Cullens had entered the cafeteria without him."
Meanwhile, poor Mike is trying to put the moves on Bella and invites her to a beach trip. Speaking of the beach trip, here is something the editors should have picked up on. When the beach trip is first brought up it's supposed to be happening in two weeks. But, as Bella goes on and on about nothing in particular, a few pages later she mentions
"...just because he'd happened to look at me for the first time in a half-dozen weeks."
Wait, what? Anyone notice something? Six weeks have passed and the beach trip is where? Not only that, but the girl's choice dance was also two weeks away and here six weeks have passed...
"I was surprised he would remember the name; I'd mentioned it just once, almost two months ago."
Anyway, moving on. Some random shit happens causing Edward to swoop in and save danger prone Bella. The worst thing about Twilight is how incredibly dependent Bella is on Edward. When she's not with him, she is always thinking about him. And that doesn’t make any sense. She barely knows him. They've had like two or three conversations and she has thoughts like:
"And what was my other choice--to cut him out of my life? Intolerable. Besides, since I'd come to Forks, it really seemed like my life was about him." "It would cause me physical pain to be separated from him now." "You are my life. You're the only thing it would hurt me to lose."
And then, because Edward must always prove to Bella that he loves her more than she loves him, he pulls this line:
"Don't you see? That's what proves me right. I care the most because if I can do it---if leaving is the right thing to do, then I'll hurt myself to keep from hurting you, to keep you safe."
Are you kidding me? This is not love. But how could it be, with Edward torn between eating her and making out with her? Edward is a controlling creepy creeper. He had been watching her sleep for weeks before they started talking! Meyer are you condoning stalkish behavior?! Not.Fucking.Cool.
I once read that Stephenie Meyer had a dream and that is how Twilight was born. She says she actually started writing from chapter 13 (The Meadow) to the ending. (view spoiler)[Oh, ya, that's where we find out Edward sparkles in the sun! (hide spoiler)] Then, she went back and wrote the first half. It totally shows. While it's true the entire book is a shit storm in action, the second half is noticeably worse. The first half can easily be summed up as "Bella's Bitch Fest meets Creep-ward" and believe me when I say, it's really not as bad as the second half. How is that even possible? I have no idea, but Meyer pulls that shit off flawlessly. And ya know? I have a theory on that. Because Meyer had a dream about Bella and Edward and their 'true love' and she went to work on the second half before the first, there is all this raw emotions, strange pet names, and banter that's supposed to be romantic but fails miserably. I just felt terribly uncomfortable reading it. And to top it all off, it was so bad, like, eye bleeding bad! It made me so angry I actually pulled out a pen and started marking this damn book up. Don't believe me? LMAO, seriously folks, I took notes. Feast your eyes on my personal copy of ToiletteTwilight(view spoiler)[That's French for toilet, stolen from Haleema. But I think the French word works pretty well. Hey, if you say it fast enough it sounds dangerously like Twilight. Just saying. (hide spoiler)].
I've also noticed a trend with Meyer. She doesn't write fight scenes. There was a huge build up for a fight with James and we see nothing of the fight. Bella is informed of what happened after the fact. Good job, Stephenie. You totally ripped off your readers there. So, Carlisle is sitting there fixing up Bella on the ground (and he randomly has Morphine, by the way -_-) and Bella is in the process of passing out. But first, Carlisle has a little conversation about Bella's mom and she somehow finds the will to mention to Alice what she knows about James. Like, really? Go to sleep Bella. You talk too much.
I won't bore you with the details of the ending. I'm sure you already know. But I do want to say that Bella's mother is the most selfish character (next to Bella, of course). First she ships her off to Forks so she could be with her new husband. And no, do not tell me Bella chose to do that. Renee is the parent and it's *her* job to make sacrifices. Then, when Bella is in the hospital after the fight with James, she acts like she can't be bothered to stay with Bella.
Then she sighed and glaced guiltily over her shoulder at the big, round clock on the wall. "Do you need to go?" She bit her lip. "Phil's supposed to call in a little while...I didn't know you were going to wake up..."
Really?? Really, Renee?! Your daughter almost died and you are seriously acting like this? Un-fucking-believable. Oh, but this shit gets better:
"I'll be back soon. I've been sleeping here, you know," she announced, proud of herself.
Huh? Do you want a cookie for that? It's your job!
"I can stay if you need me." "No, Mom, I'll be fine. Edward will be with me." She looked like that might be why she wanted to stay. "I'll be back tonight." Its sounded as much like a warning as it sounded like a promise, and she glanced at Edward again as she said it.
And what does she think Edward and Bella are going to do? She has a broken leg, broken ribs, and cracks in her skull. C'mon now!
Then Edward takes Bella to prom, he kisses her neck. The fucking end. Would I recommend this? Bahahahahahah! You're shitting me, right? I'm about to go do this to my bookshelf:
But I'll tell you what I recommend. I recommend we all do this to our copies of Toilette. Amen.
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Stephen King once said, "Stephenie Meyer can't write worth a darn. She's not very good." I couldn't agree more, Stephen. With that, we shall kick this...more Stephen King once said, "Stephenie Meyer can't write worth a darn. She's not very good." I couldn't agree more, Stephen. With that, we shall kick this off with a joke:
I'm sorry folks. I just could not get through this shit book another time. However, since I've already read it a few times, I feel extremely confident in skipping to the review. But first, can someone please explain to me why this book is 563 pages?! Seriously, how is it possible a book with almost no plot can be so long? When I first read New Moon back in 2008, I didn't like it. In fact I'm not even sure why it had three stars because I remember being super frustrated. Even though Edward and Bella's relationship deeply disturbs my soul, Bella is so incredibly boring without him. I'm not even sure how Stephenie Meyer managed 563 pages. Truly, I'm amazed because I can sum up New Moon in one big picture:
But let's get on with it, I'll go into some detail for ya.
The book starts off on Bella's 18th birthday, a day she has been dreading for months only because in her mind she will be one year older than Edward. So, she makes a huge production about people not celebrating her birthday, but the Cullens ignore her and Alice plans a party. Before Edward forces her to attend they watch Romeo and Juliet (the book's supposed theme) and they have merry little conversation about Edward's contingency plans once Bella dies. Now, let's not forget they've only been dating for a few months. Yet, here they are making out and talking about killing themselves in the event of the other's death. How romantic. Don't even ask me the logic behind how they can even kiss when his teeth are supposed to be "venom coated." Stephenie Meyer gives some bull shit excuse she must have learned from ass-grab 101. But I digress...
Finally, they make it to the birthday party. Bella gets a paper cut and Jasper almost single-handedly ends this series on page 29.
Unfortunately, to my dismay his attempt was foiled by Edward. Eddie pushes Bella out the way and she crashes into the glass plates, slashing up her arm. Pause, let's think about that scene a bit: Who's bright idea was it to have glass plates? With a human. In a room full of vampires. That drink blood. Isn't Alice psychic? Why didn't she see Bella cutting her finger on the wrapping paper? Wait, don't think about that because if you spend all your time contemplating the stupidity, we'll never get through this review.
Obviously, Eddie is not happy with the events that went down at his place and Bella further irritates him by apologizing for...wait for it...being human. Bella, you know you've been hanging out with mythical creatures too much when you start thinking your humanity isn't normal. But anyway, Eddie does what any loving boyfriend would do after their girlfriend is attack by their brother: he ignores her. And because Eddie is "Alpha Male Edward" and Bella is "Submissive Mary Sue Bella," she doesn't confront him about it. Instead, she waits for him to be ready. On the third day of ignoring her, he drags he into the words and chucks up the deuces. The exchange goes a little like this: Alpha Male Edward tells Submissive Mary Sue Bella firmly, "No, I don't want you to come. You're no good for me." And she pretty much agrees realizing how much of a waste of space she is. Then Edward just pours salt all over her open wound and tells her:
"Don't do anything reckless or stupid," he ordered, no longer detached. "Do you understand what I'm saying?...I'm thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself--for him." I nodded helplessly.
Wow. Relly? You're just going to let him order you around like that? How about you look after yourself FOR YOU first, everyone else second? Awesome Bells. Can I call you Bells? Not only do you have ZERO self-preservation skills, but also no self-confidence. Just awesome. There's only about a million or so girls looking up to you as a role model. No pressure to be a strong female character. You could have walked away from this with grace, but no, instead all your dignity flies out the window when you pull a bitch move and run after Edward through the woods. Then, she defaults back to "Fuck my life" mode and slips into a depression for four fucking months. I find it kind of funny her depression was longer than their actual relationship. Heh. But this wasn't just any depression, it was some serious shit.
I always had nightmares now, every night. Not nightmares really, not in the plural, because it was always the same nightmare. You'd think I'd get bored after so many months, grow immune to it.
Or how about this:
Even my outsides looked different--my face sallow, white except for the purple circles the nightmares had left under my eyes. My eyes were dark enough against my pallid skin that--if I were beautiful and seen from a distance--I might even pass for a vampire now.
Once again I find myself asking the question: Where are her parents?! Why did Charlie let this go on for FOUR months?! She should have been in counseling or something. But Meyer thinks she can just pacify readers by Renee sending a random e-mail here and there or Charlie just suggesting she seek help, only to be shot down by Bella. Fail. So much fail.
All that considered, that's not even the biggest problem I have with this book. Bella soon figures out she can conjure up hallucinations of Edward if she does something reckless or suicidal. This is where Jake comes into play. Bella uses Jake (like everyone else) to get what she wants by asking him to fix up two motorcycles she found and giving her riding lessons. She figures it will be the perfect thing to help her see more of Edward. I suppose she simply forgot how big of a klutz she is and once the bikes are fixed the lessons commence. The first time she gets on she falls off and Jake (the only one with common sense) thinks they should call it a day before she gets hurt. But Bella thinks this is BK and she can have it her way, and gets back on the bike. Chick has gone batshit crazy and she promptly busts her ass. But she doesn't care because her mission was a success! She got to see and hear Edward! Her next brilliant idea is to throw herself off a cliff during high tide. The first time I read this I was secretly hoping she would drown, but the other two books already were published, so it was a hopeless wish. Oh and I almost forgot to mention the actual plot. LOL. Funny how that happens when there isn't one, huh? LOL. The She-vamp, Victoria, is scoping out the area trying to get to Bella. But her part is VERY small in this book (like the plot), so we don't really need to talk about her. I suppose the wolf pack is worth mentioning: They're pretty much a bunch of wannabe werewolves that run around with their shirts off. That's all you really need to know about them.
So, finally Alice shows up in chapter 18 because she thought Bella was trying to commit suicide (close enough Alice). And through a nice little exchange of "he said, she said" BS, Edward is off to Italy to kill himself. This causes Bella to go into "hero" mode and race to Italy and save Edward. I really don't care enough to give my thoughts on the race to Italy. That entire part was rushed and anti-climatic. There isn't even a fight scene. Instead here is a timeline courtesy of Reasoning with Vampires (Thanks for the link Cait and Jen!):
Anyway, they get back to good old Forks and Bella composes a vote on everyone's thoughts of her joining team undead. Edward is at a steady "no" along with Rosalie. But everyone else says, "Hell yes!" Like becoming a vampire is a party or something. Funny thing is when Bella asks Jasper he goes: And she's all: Hmm, yeah, that's not weird at all. Not the least bit creepy.
In the last few pages Edward and Jake have a little pissing contest and Edward proposes to Bella. The End. Yawn. Thank God it's over.
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About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a stalker and a creeper. Second, there was part of him — and I didn't know how potent...more
About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a stalker and a creeper. Second, there was part of him — and I didn't know how potent that part might be — that suffered from Manic Depression. And third, I was strangely and unashamedly entertained by it all.
I know what you are probably doing. Right now, you may have your head cocked to the side with your eyes squinted, wondering if you read that last part correctly. I will repeat: I was entertained. First, let me clear the air. I was not entertained by the story or the writing. Shit Heavens, no. For the same reasons why some found Midnight Sun disturbing, I found it unintentionally comical. I can't tell you how many times I snickered or LOL'ed. Well, that's a lie, I probably could, but it'd be an awful long review.
However, I will touch on a few standout parts that really tickled my pickle. OMG, did I really just type that? Project Hindsight is melting brain cells.
Manic Depressed, murderous vamp with feelings:
Like I mentioned earlier, Edward definitely suffers from manic depression. He first starts off as an extremely condescending vamp, but as soon as he lays his eyes on Bella and gets a whiff of her sweet-smelling blood, he quickly becomes a murderous hunter. Now, this I can understand to a degree because vamps, ya know, drink blood and all. BUT, as he is thinking of various ways to murder everyone in his biology class and eat Bella, he starts whining. He literally has a "woe is me, fuck my life!" moment.
Why did she have to come here? Why did she have to exist? Why did she have to ruin the little peace I had in this non-life of mine? Why had this aggravating human ever been born? She would ruin me.
It's all about him, isn't it? He isn't the one who's *thisclose* to being eaten, but here he is singing the, "Why cruel world?!" song. And his bitch fest continues...
Who was this creature? Why me, why now? Why did I have to lose everything just because she happened to choose this unlikely town to appear in?
*sigh* Are you done?
Why had she come here!
Sometimes people move, Edward. It happens! Man the hell up!
I didn't want to be the monster! I didn't want to kill this room full of harmless children! I didn't want to lose everything I'd gained in a lifetime of sacrifice and denial!
I wouldn't. She couldn't make me.
You tell that little human, Eddie. *Pats back* Feel better now?
Then, the next page over he gets back to work plotting Bella's murder. You know who Edward reminds me of best in the beginning of Midnight Sun? Have you ever seen The Smurfs? Remember old Gargamel and how he was always either planning some lame attempt to catch and eat the smurfs or crying from failing so hard?
*Evil crackle* Yessss...I'll get those little blue smurfs! I'll sneak into their village while they sleep and boil them alive! Won't we Azrael?
(view spoiler)[ Hmmm...what a weird coincidence. I found a pic of that on Google... Oh, fangirls. Still feel like swooning now? (hide spoiler)]
Okay, now imagine Eddie just like that while he says,
She would go home to an empty house. Police Chief Swan worked a full day. I knew his house, as I knew every house in the tiny town. His home was nestled right up against thick woods, with no close neighbors. Even if she had time to scream, which she would not, there would be no one to hear.
Conniving little bastard, isn't he? ^_^
Of course, then he runs off to Alaska and throws himself one hell of a pity party. Then, he goes back to Forks and falls head over heels in love with the most "mouthwatering""beautiful""selfless"INSANE girl. This is how I envisioned Edward for most of the partial draft *wink* book:
*sigh* Eddie, Eddie, Eddie. You need help, son.
And there is also another human who had the misfortune to make Edward's personal hit list: Mike. I actually felt sorry for the douche bag in Midnight Sun. If Edward wasn't thinking about eating Bella, gently caressing her lips (LOL, who does that?), or how she looked in that damn blue blouse, he was thinking of "annihilating" the "obnoxious boy." Oddly enough, that too, had me LOL'ing. I know, I know. I'm a strange one. Heh. And when he said, "I wasn't going to stand around arguing with the wretch," I fell out. LOL.
He creeped, He perved, He stalked:
The creepiest thing, yet hilarious to me, about Midnight Sun is when Edward watches Bella sleep.
I was repulsed by myself as I watched her toss again. How was I any better than some sick peeping tom?
LMAO, you fucking aren't! This book is a Stalker's Handbook. In five easy steps you can become the best stalker eva!
Step 1: Wait until you beloved and her loved ones are fast asleep. It would be uncool to be found snooping around your one true love's house during some ungodly hour. This is especially important if there is a loaded weapon on the premises.
Step 2: The window or entry of your liking may creak. Don't forget to bring along a can of oil! This is imperative to your stalking success! You must be unseen and unheard. Like a ninja...a really creepy ninja.
Step 3: Watch your honey bunny sleep. Maybe she's dreaming of you. Stay awake, lest you miss the action. For maximum effectiveness drink a 5-hour energy drink. By all means, snoop around her room. This is your show. You run this!
Step 4: Leave before the stalkee awakens. I can't even begin to tell you how awkward it would be if you are discovered!
Step 5: Congrats! You have done it! You've stalked your soul mate! Now repeat these five steps again and again to receive your Jedi Master level of stalking badge.
Edward loses his mind and everybody knows it:
The star of this book for me was Emmett. He always said what everyone else was thinking. The "voice of reason," if you will.
"Kid's lost his mind." "Lost his mind, poor kid." "This is getting weird." "You sound like a crazy person, do you know that?" "Exactly like a crazy person." "You're pathetic."
And my favorite part is when Charlotte and Peter (Jasper's vamp friends) come to visit and Edward is there in a corner looking crazy again.
And they all sort of stare at him, yet Emmett sums it up perfectly, "Madman."
Oh and I can't write a Twilight review without throwing in a few hits at Bella. I just love it how Edward knows she has got to be crazy, but still wants to be with her. Maybe he finds it endearing like her inability to stand on her own two feet with out her face kissing the pavement. *shrugs* I really don't know what goes on inside the head of Edward. There is one part where he sits down and questions her sanity. He even goes as far to think about having her institutionalized:
How was I supposed to protect someone so...so...so determined to be unprotected?
She possesses zero self-preservation skills. Give up, Ed.
I supposed that I could arrange for her to receive the best care available... Carlisle would have the connections to find her the most skilled doctors, the most talented therapists. Perhaps something could be done to fix whatever it was that was wrong with her, what ever it was that made her content to sit beside a vampire with her heart beating calmly and steadily. I would watch over the facility, naturally, and visit as often as I was allowed...
I now truly believe both of these clowns are meant for each other. Crazy is as crazy does.
Even though I may have liked Twilight and Eclipse at one point, I feel the same way I felt about Midnight Sun the first time I read it, "Is this a parody? This can't possibly be legit. It is? Bahahahaha! Somehow that just adds another layer of LOL'ing!" If you are looking for quality YA literature, this ain't it folks. Run away! If and when this book is ever finished and released, it will only be good for one thing:
(view spoiler)[ That pic is so creepy...it's perfect!(hide spoiler)]["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>(less)