JANUARY PROJECT = COMPLETE! FEVERISH JAWS-APPLAUSE!!
this is my january review-project, so it's gonna resurface throughout the month as i work my wayJANUARY PROJECT = COMPLETE! FEVERISH JAWS-APPLAUSE!!
this is my january review-project, so it's gonna resurface throughout the month as i work my way through the book
okay, so this is what has happened so far!!
first of all, i am using my shark pencils to draw sharks, because i'm told that is how famous artists do it.
then i enlisted the help of sean of the house because he is good at drawing and i have never used a drawing book before (because i am a natural!) and even though there were instructions at the beginning of the book (that suggest you begin by tracing the examples), i was confused by "why do i have to draw lines i'm just gonna erase and why do i have to jam a bunch of shapes together instead of just drawing a shape like a shark??"
and sean was all "plumb lines" and "negative space" and goya quotes and i'm like MMMM, FRIJOLES!! because like a shark i am impatient and bad at listening and hungry and needing to be on the move gnash gnash gnash.
so finally i just said DRAWING TIME NOW and i drew a really chubby shark.
Great White Shark
and then i drew a somewhat better shark.
and now it is time for shark number two!!
Great White Shark
i'm not sure i even like the way sharks look in this book - they seem to have too many extraneous lines. why so many chins, shark? but whatever, i drew it anyway:
and then i colored it in all fancy:
i have decided to do just one "take" for all these sharks. i figure if i can't get it right on the first attempt, i don't deserve to be a shark sketch artist. and from here on out, i'm not gonna give away any more farms. i'll post the book's finished sharks, but not the steps on how to get there. that way, you can judge my ability to follow directions, but still hafta buy the book yourself to show off how much better than me you are. at things.
can you even tell which is mine and which is from the book?? hint - i am a girl!!
my mako shark is not the sharpest fin in the ocean, but he means well. derrrrrr...
i don't understand the mouth, i just draw it...
let's hope a basking shark never commits a crime, because it would totally get away with it if the shark police were relying on my drawings to apprehend the culprit.
my nurse shark is also a vampire! and a civil war enthusiast.
this shark is angry about the state of that modesty-fin by his genitals. "what have you done to me, karen??" he wails.
i've been taking some liberties with color. it wasn't until after i'd finished this one that i realized i'd been channelling he-man's cat cringer:
a pox on thee, zebra shark!!
the blue shark is a terrible snob.
Crested Bullhead Shark
thank god there are other fish in the sea. because this fish sucks.
i don't think i am going to be able to fit all these sharks in the review space!! so many more to come!
a regrettable frankenshark. can't win 'em all...
okay, this is the weirdest shark in the book. true, the goblin shark is already crazy-looking:
but this drawing looks more like riff raff than a goblin shark.
and i am now pleased to respond to a special request and present the goblin king shark:
which i am further pleased to note, fortuitously replicates the goblin king bulge.
SAW SHARK SMASH!!
Wobbegong (Carpet) Shark
so many triangles!
i feel a certain kinship to this one. we are bellowing buddies.
Prickly Dogfish Shark
this shark lives in fear of being flushed down the toilet when he dies.
now there's your tim burton shark, erma! and there's my chubby version of it. my sharks have always just come from a very satisfying meal.
Sawback Angel Shark
this one required me to draw a square!! NO ONE SAID THERE WOULD BE SQUARES!!!
the cookiecutter shark wears lipstick to draw attention away from her freakish external vagina.
Blacktip Reef Shark
looks like SOME little shark got his fingies into the jam pot!
Sand Tiger Shark
poor sand tiger shark has clearly been dropped on the floor and glued back together all wrong.
am i just being shark-racist or are all these sharks starting to look the same?
Velvet Belly Lantern Shark
what is it with this guy and shark crotch-bulge?
phew - photobucket is back up again! (knock wood) was that worth waiting for? i feel like maybe it wasn't. i'm supposed to be getting better at this, not worse! maybe photobucket was doing me a favor being down all day...
wheeee!! the dance of the penultimate shark!! tomorrow's the last day, guys!! snif.
Australian Ghost Shark
oh no, a ghost shark!! with - yes - a weird bulge going on back there. the perfect FINale to my journey.
so, that's the end of the january project, folks!! i have drawn all the sharks there are in the world! feel free to praise/mock/rank my sharks OR get them tattooed on your body.
just not on your bulge.
MY VERY OWN OCEAN
of course, before i was able to photograph this colorful school of sharks, the most apex predator of them all wandered into frame
made herself comfortable
and ate a few sharks. r.i.p., bull shark!!
see you in february!
************************** thank you, netgalley!! now i am going to be able to draw ALL KINDS of sharks!
this is how i draw sharks now, before reading the book:
so if you haven't gotten him his secret santa present yet, you can get righ
you know who would like this book??
aquaman. aquaman would love this book.
so if you haven't gotten him his secret santa present yet, you can get right on that.
although this book lacks the opportunity for the hilarious dirrrty jokes that can be made with its (different author/different publisher) feline counterpart Wet Cats, and probably smells worse, it's still pretty fantastic.
in fact, there are SO many great pictures, including some great before-and-after shots:
and one celebrity appearance:
that it was hard to narrow down which ones to showcase in this review. so i asked myself "WWAD??" and decided to just post aquaman's favorites. these are the ones he would be friends and colleagues with. and don't get all mark watney/mammal-hating on me. i have seen ghost shark, and in ghost shark, i learned that as long as there's water - in a swimming pool, on a slip n' slide, in a glass of water, or in a fire sprinkler-system, you can be attacked by a ghost shark. and since aquaman has to at least be as powerful as a ghost shark, he can control/pal around with/infiltrate anything that's wet. so watch out, GM!
and we're off:
this dog is aquaman's closest pal, and he's always pranking the big a. here, he is disguised as aquaman's trident and it's gonna be hilarious when he reaches for it and it all of a sudden goes ROOF!
this is aquaman's most trusted advisor. he doesn't have his monocle in right now, but if he DID, you would see how worthy he is of the role. he knows so many things, but he has a tendency towards condescension and pooping on the rug.
these are aquaman's sexxiest colleagues, and the subject of much "will they or won't they" speculation. spoiler alert - they probably will, but never at the same time. it will all begin with some well-timed leg-humping. initiated by aquaman.
this is aquaman's in-house alchemist. he lives in a coral tower stirring up batches of drought-fighting elixirs and also lentil stew. he's a little creepy, but chicks dig him.
this is anemone-dog. he mostly just swims around in aquaman's entourage looking pretty and fluttering his fur dramatically to assist with those grand entrances. he enjoys a good belly-rub.
this is old man seaweed bones. he used to be a pirate, but now he sits in the sandbar all day, telling stories about the old days when sharks were really scary and you had to swim against the current both ways and etc. aquaman goes to him when he needs a long rambling story to illuminate the solution to some problem that's been keeping him up nights, rattling around in his head. he also enjoys a good sea shanty.
these two are moderately-reformed villains that aquaman has on the payroll, keeping an eye on the darkest parts of the seafloor, where all the weirdest-looking things scuttle. they still dabble in petty crime, but it's more of a habit than eeeevil.
aquaman keeps this guy around for when he's having a hard day. he's kind of like a court jester, kind of like a stoned hippie optimist. it's just really hard to stay emo when this guy's around. even batman has difficulty keeping in his giggles when he comes to visit.
this dog is used for when aquaman needs an undercover agent in the local fur seal population. he can totally control the seals because of ghost shark-logic, but sometimes he just needs an inside man, okay? don't fight me on this.
this guy? i don't know why this guy is around. he's just really damn cute. aquaman's a sucker for cute, you know?
and that's how we keep our word. mwah!
oh, and why am i referring to all these dogs as "guys?" am i sexist? no, but i'm not about to go researching dog genitals right now, and too many dogs have gender-neutral names, so everything's a boy until i see it pee. the end....more
"Ballet makes you all so sad. You never used to be like this."
i won this book at the bookriot live thingie by answering a question about thomas bernha"Ballet makes you all so sad. You never used to be like this."
i won this book at the bookriot live thingie by answering a question about thomas bernhard during the "ask the audience" portion of booknerd jeopardy. which is likely the first and last time thomas bernhard and Tiny Pretty Things will appear in a sentence together.
this book is a jumble of strengths and weaknesses, so it's a pretty solid middle-three stars for me.
in the strengths column, i thought it provided a fascinating look at the mean-girl flipside running underneath all the pretty pink froth of the ballet world. kind of like how monstrous dancers' feet are beneath those pretty shoes
all the sweat and jealousy, the racism and politics, the sexual favors and bitterness and competitiveness and eating disorders and pill-popping and stress twirling gracefully around in little pink tutus. i enjoyed the peek behind the curtains and knowing i dodged a bullet by not pursuing a career as a ballerina, instead spending my one and only ballet recital scowling and scratching my chest which was SO ITCHY from those sequins that it was all i could think about.
i appreciated the three different perspectives -
*bette is a perfect blonde "music box ballerina" following in her older sister's footsteps by any means necessary - clawing out eyes (figuratively) and manipulating her admirers into bullying the competition until they break (sometimes literally)
*gigi is new to the school and new to new york, bringing her friendly and laid-back california attitude and her african american skin coloring into this environment of bette-clones and providing a different kind of role model to young girls.
*june is half-korean, and all-starving - fading into the background; lonely, fatherless, overlooked; pushing herself past safe limits, quietly determined to be noticed and validated.
the book is mainly concerned with pressure - from family, from self, from very specific standards of beauty, and it's about how girls respond to this much pressure when they are isolated from their families and from the larger, non-dance world.
as for the weaknesses, they mostly just have to do with depth. the book is a very quick read - skimming from one episode to the next, without slowing down long enough to let the events sink in. everything feels rushed as romances begin and end with no development, pranks and bullying result in serious injuries and there are no repercussions, adults breeze in and out as obstacles or comforts, but contribute little else to the story, subplots go unresolved.
overall, i didn't feel like this was a self-contained book. there's not much in the way of resolution; it ends by introducing a new complication without wrapping up the previous ones. there's a second book coming out this summer, but i'm not certain that was a given before this book was released, so it's pretty bold to leave so many things up in the air without that guarantee. i will be reading the second book, because i kind of want some answer: huge discoveries are made, and nothing comes of them. major events occur, and we don't really know who's to blame. i don't mind not knowing who to trust while reading a book, i do have an expectation that i will know by the end, second book or no.
so, we'll see. the amount of detail about ballet is impressive and fans of dance or people who know this world intimately will no doubt love it, but while i liked it enough to want to find out some answers, i'm not gasping for it.
and although i don't have any pictures handy of the recital (and the scratching) itself, here are some other pictures of ballet-karen, because adorable