Blythe, Haleema, and I gave each other the old internet elbow to the gut to get our shit together and read this book, finally. I'm glad that I finally...moreBlythe, Haleema, and I gave each other the old internet elbow to the gut to get our shit together and read this book, finally. I'm glad that I finally got motivated, because this is a pretty good read considering that Susan Ee published this shiz herself.
I didn't want to read this. I saw that it was about angels and, when you consider the quality of the existing breadth of ya lit with angels in it - for the record, I still hate your entire existence, Becca Fitzpatrick - probability was high that this was going to be another steamy, smelling thing to scrape off the heel of my favorite shoe. And to be honest with you, it kind of started out that way.
We're introduced to Penryn and her wheelchair-bound sister, Paige, and her paranoid schizophrenic mother. They quickly find themselves in a street where a bunch of muscle-bound angels are having a who's-got-the-bigger-sword contest. (A small note here: have any of you seen Tom Jones these days? This is him. I don't know how to explain this exactly, but he always seems to resemble a toddler in a suit to me - it's like his limbs are too short for his torso. I mention this because Ee's initial descriptions about the angels remind me of toddlers in suits. #kanyeshrug.) So, basically, one of the angels gets his wings cut off, Penryn gets herself involved and throws the dude his sword thinking that it would distract this other angel off of her family, and gets her sister kidnapped.
I don't know. I found maybe the first fifty percent of this book completely incongruent with the last half. The first half is your standard post-apocalyptic novel, complete with rebels in a sketchy camp constructing nefarious plans to 'get back' at the angels for the apocalypse they brought upon the world, but then things started to get good.
Weird creatures scramble around the woods trying to eat people. It's all very weird until Penryn infiltrates the aerie where her sister is being held and discovers how creepy the angels actually are. I don't know, read it. It's good.
So, basically, Ee did spin a good yarn, particularly given that she did it all by herself and I'm looking forward to book two. This is also the first book in a while where I both really liked the heroine (she decidedly did not suffer from the Bella Swan complex) and also the evolution of the obvious relationship with Raffe - they had good rapport with each other and he didn't have to be rapey in order to accomplish it (not that he was trying to).
What I'd like to see more from Ee is more of the weirdo stuff that was going on in that garage in the last half of the book. I'd also like some more back story on the evolution of the whole apocalypse, too, because she sort of dropped us in a world with absolutely no context as to how things started or got so bad. All in all, a good read, and I did sign up to get notice of when the next book is finished. Maybe angels can exist in ya lit.
Anyways, Tom Jones thanks you for your time:
Edit #1: I FORGOT TO SAY THAT THE SCHIZOPHRENIC MOM NEEDS HER OWN BOOK SERIES. Okay, I'm done now, freals.
Edit #2: Another thing that I forgot to mention is that it always weirds me out how a centuries-old being (be it angel, demon, vampire, etc.) can have romantic feelings for a teenage girl who is comparatively an infant. Ee did a good job of making me forget that, but the thought burbled up a couple of times despite. Gives a new meaning to robbing the cradle.(less)
I will say it right now: I lament giving that extra half a star to Divergent, because book, oh, have you let me down.
There were problems all over the...moreI will say it right now: I lament giving that extra half a star to Divergent, because book, oh, have you let me down.
There were problems all over the place in the book, some of which were new and some of which were the problems from book one redux. Basically, Roth still supplies an endless stream of tertiary characters without fleshing them out in the slightest, leaving me super confused about who everyone is. She also didn't really introduce much of a plot until the last fifty pages of the book, exactly like Divergent. Tris and Four are very cute together, but maybe I have a heart made out of solid ice, but I just didn't get it.
The new problems I've found in this book are that Roth didn't summarize the events of Divergent at all - not in memories, flashbacks, etc. If I hadn't read Divergent two days ago, I would have swan-dived into this novel and not really understood who was who or how they got where or whatever.
This book cast stark light on the fact that Roth has no real sense of how to construct a plot. I think I was blinded by Divergent; it lacked a cohesive structure, but in the context of reading Insurgent, it's plain to see that Roth has written two books that read more like a well-described list of subsequent events rather than a novel with any sort of cogent plot, which made most of this book migraine-inducing for me.
I did like the closer looks at the other factions. We're invited to see deeper inside the Candor, Amity, and Erudite factions and that was fun, but again, this felt more like Roth wrote a whole bunch of separate scenes she wanted to include in her book and just threw them in there in some order, while only really fitting the meat of the story into the last few chapters.
Tris is still a pretty amazing heroine, though - she's strong and selfless and obstinate, but not in the annoying way. I don't think there was a moment in this book that I didn't like her (though Roth has a preternatural ability to write hateable characters, though - FU JEANINE/PETER/MARCUS/ERRBODY).
I found the love story between Tris and Four more bearable in this book, perhaps because it's evolved more, but I think Roth needs to invest in a thesaurus or read that one book by Laini Taylor, because every time she described them kissing, it was Four, "touching his mouth" to Tris', which really sounds like it's one credit card away from a game of suck and blow, not kissing. I didn't count, but I'd say she used this at least fourteen times and it got so annoying that I had to angrily take my dog for a walk. I like Four and I like Tris individually, I do, but I just don't buy their relationship. Sorry.
Oh, and Uriah is the best character. I think I'm envisioning him in my head as a Stephen Colletti lookalike and that makes me happy. Anyway, this review is terrible. I haven't slept in thirty-seven hours SUE ME(less)
Could it be? Is this really a zombie novel with two bad ass heroines kicking butt and taking names? Oh. No. It isn't.
I'll give Frater credit where cre...moreCould it be? Is this really a zombie novel with two bad ass heroines kicking butt and taking names? Oh. No. It isn't.
I'll give Frater credit where credit is due: this story starts off like a really awesome slap in the face. We're introduced to Jenni, who is staring at the tiny baby fingers of her toddler son reaching under a crack in her door. Why? Because her abusive and zombified husband is having him for a snack. Her other son has been bitten by her husband, too, and is trying to claw out of the house via the window to take a chunk out of mommy. Jenni is only saved when Lesbian Katie (more on this in a minute) rolls up and gets her into the truck before she becomes zombie lunchmeat. Then, I'm afraid, begins the agonizing spiral into What The Shit Is This Land.
Here are the problems with this book:
- Characterization:
Jenni, you suck. After Jenni is rescued and she and Katie find a place to hole up for a while, she offers herself up to Lesbian Katie. I get it in a way. Coming from an abusive household, one might safely assume that Jenni has been brainwashed into thinking that she's nothing but a puppet for the needs of other people. Since Katie is the one that rescued her, it might be logical for Jenni to assume that sex is the price for safety and protection, making it really easy to not see this situation for what it is, which is just the first in a long line of scenarios in which Jenni thinks with her netherparts instead of her brain. Jenni's all-consuming goal of getting laid is so overwhelming for her that she forgets that she has a stepson that she needs to rescue (which, if I'm being honest, feels like just an impetus for Frater to insert a fancy action sequence into her story because her stepson is basically pointless after his rescue) and that she's lost her two sons less than a week prior. In short: abort, abort, abort.
Katie, you don't suck as much as Jenni. You're Diet Suck. I have dubbed Katie Lesbian Katie because ninety percent of the narrative about her is about her sexuality. In fact, the parts about her read less like a zombie novel and more like shitty dialogue in a Lifetime movie about gay acceptance. No, really, it gets so bad that Lesbian Katie goes out of her way to have a completely inappropriate and, frankly, pointless conversation about her sexuality with Jenni's adolescent stepson. She entrusted a fifteen year old the secret of her bisexuality; the whole bit felt more like an unnecessary scene for Frater to explain Katie's blossoming attraction with a man, when, if it had been kept out of the book, the story would not have been lacking.
Also, Frater's dudes sound like ladies. You know how annoying Bella Swan was in Twilight mooning over Edward? That was basically every male character in this book.
- Story:
One thing that Frater did really well was make sure that there was a lot of action. I liked that part about her writing because with the limited wriggle room available with zombie lore, stories can become dull or repetitive, which makes interpersonal relationships between characters necessary. Here is the problem. Much of the story focused on a stupid love quadrangle - Jenni loves cock (Travis', first), Travis loves Lesbian Katie, Juan loves Jenni, Katie wants to mourn her undead wife in peace - which was given far more importance than it should have. I was much more intrigued with the politics of the little community that Jenni and Katie found themselves in instead of a dumb game of elementary school Love Connection.
- General issues:
Every single character says, "Gawd" instead of "God". So it was pages of, "Oh my Gawd," and "Gawd, that's terrible," from every single character. I realize that this was a stylistic choice by Frater, but it made me want to punch puppies when every single character started to sound like an unintelligent Scarlett O'Hara.
It was super cute when Juan gave Jenni the nickname Loca. It stopped being cute around the four hundredth time he went out of his way to call her Loca. It made me wonder if Frater has ever had a conversation with a real person because every single sentence was peppered with her name, unnecessarily. Things he actually said: "You're loca, Loca." Shut up. The only redeeming quality about Juan is that I couldn't unsee him as Kevin Alejandro in my head:
Execution of the story in general was pretty bad. I had comprehension problems with the way Frater described things, but I didn't expect so much when I realized this book was a self-published deal. And it's no wonder. Gawd.(less)
It's always pathetically sad for me when I spend a couple of days hoovering down a novel and in summation the only conclusion that I can come to is th...moreIt's always pathetically sad for me when I spend a couple of days hoovering down a novel and in summation the only conclusion that I can come to is this: eh. It was so eh that it's difficult for me to review it thoroughly and I can talk about everything - so says the guy in the doctor's office waiting room the other day that went home with a skeletal outline of my entire life story.
So, there's a girl. This girl isn't particularly memorable except in the fact that her name is Remy, which reminds me of Gambit from X-Men; maybe I would have liked Amanda Hocking's Remy more if she could throw playing cards charged with kinetic energy at zombies. So, there's Remy. Without much narrative on how she got there, it's mentioned that Remy is in a government facility that's presently being overcome with a herd (Is there a proper term for a group of zombies - a herd? a flock? a school? I'm going go go with a murder, since it seems apropos for zombies.) - nay, a murder - of coordinated zombies, which is an interesting addition to the existing zombie lore, but it's not anything I haven't seen before either. Remy escapes the facility with one goal in mind - to retrieve her little brother who had already been evacuated from the facility for mysterious reasons. Oh, the mystery!
There's not really anything new to see here. It's a formulaic plot with a few surprises, but the surprises don't do much except confuse me. A big for instance: at one point, Remy and Harlow stumble upon a lioness who is being attacked by zombies. The lioness will attack any zombie within three feet of her, but throughout the course of the book, the lioness acts like a giant tamed golden retriever for Remy, which is stupid and unfeasible, no matter how well the lion has been trained.
More hilarity: at some point during a raid of a house for supplies, in stumbles a guy and a rock star. I get it. Even before the existence of Zombieland and the whole Bill Murray thing, I was like - what if Jake Gyllenhaal and I were the only two people left in the world after a massive apocalypse and we somehow stumbled upon each other in the canned vegetable aisle at my local Wal-Mart? I don't think that the existence of a rock star bothered me as much as Amanda sort of smushing them together at every corner even though for me, Remy had more chemistry with the creepy dude that was collecting little girls to rape.
The book was okay, but it was never going to be good. There was very little plot aside from Remy's mission to get her brother back and it read like a series of events, not a novel, which is only exacerbated by Hocking's uninteresting prose. The characters weren't unlikable, but they were distinctly amorphous and boring. That's all I got. 2 stars. If you want good zombie lit, read Zombicorns. John Green 4 lyfe.(less)
Eff you, book cover. Why are you so pretty? And book, why are you called Across the Universe making me think there would be some remote collation to t...moreEff you, book cover. Why are you so pretty? And book, why are you called Across the Universe making me think there would be some remote collation to the Beatles and peace and love?
I don't know why I read this. I hate space-related stuff ever since I was a wee Andrealet and my dad told me that outer space wasn't just about floating around and playing trampoline on the moon and that you'd actually suffocate to death from the lack of oxygen. But I read it because the cover spoke made me go, "Ohhhh, pretty colors," and because I still haven't overcome this disease I have where I can't put a book down once I've started.
Anyway, the book starts with a rather graphic, horrifying description of a family of three going being cryogenically frozen (personally, I think fam nights should include DiGiorno's and movies with talking guinea pigs, but what the hell do I know) to prepare them for a three hundred year trip to another planet which they'll help repopulate and colonize. Interesting plot to start, but through the intense descriptions of the freezing process, I was CRINGING. To make matters worse, the book contains a dual perspective narration, flopping from Amy (the girl in the icebox) and Elder (future captain of the ship 250 years after she's been frozen like a fish stick), creating the impetus for about ten chapters of popsicle person nightmares. Do not want. And if it freaks me out, any novel deserves a big thumbs up on the creep factor.
Then the worst thing begins to happen. SOMEONE STARTS TO THAW PEOPLE AND LEAVE THEM TO DIE. Fortunately, Elder finds Amy just before she drowns in her own cryo-juices and she's left to wander around the ship and come to grips with the hinky way people on the ship have evolved and the fact that she might be dead before her parents are ever resuscitated.
I give Revis an A- for world-building, but maybe a C+ for execution. She definitely brings up a lot of interesting concepts - the way that people farm on the ship to create nourishment, the way that the language and the the people evolve, and mostly, she acknowledges how easy it is to go cray-cray in a ship knowing you might never see home again.
That's when it starts to get even creepier. I won't go into details because I want this whole thing to be generally spoiler-free, but a huge caveat that I have with this novel is that it was more of a series of creepy events that Beth Revis wrote, but there was not really a discernible climax. Or, there was when the perpetrator was found, but I feel like there were creepier moments in the book - like when Amy discovers who really pulled her plug. (And FYI, the scene in which she finds out is ridiculous - she's not even angry about it; why would you not beat someone to death with the closest blunt object?) I think that maybe I was expecting something more plot-based than character-fueled and I got the opposite of what I wanted. Not to mention there were waaaaay too many unanswered questions at the end. Do they ever get to the planet? Is there going to be a follow-up? Will the cover be just as pretty. THIS IS VITALLY IMPORTANT INFORMATION.
Whatevs, 2.5 starts and I'm feeling generous, so watch me round this up.(less)
**spoiler alert** Finally, I finished my first Sarah Addison Allen. Actually, I finished it days ago and have been much too lazy to write a review, bu...more**spoiler alert** Finally, I finished my first Sarah Addison Allen. Actually, I finished it days ago and have been much too lazy to write a review, but that's neither here nor there.
I picked up The Sugar Queen first because the plot of it appealed to me more than that of Garden Spells. I feel as though it's obligatory for me to read any novel that I can that's based in my home state of North Carolina (except for Nicholas Sparks - no one likes you, Nicholas Sparks), so I was tickled to learn that Allen writes most of her fiction based in this state.
What can I say? The Sugar Queen is about a girl named Josey. She is quintessentially a shut-in, seeming to exist only to do the domestic chores that her mother bids her to do. It speaks loudly of some whispers I've heard in the south - about how this state and presumably other states in the south used to be. Some people here believe that it's a biological imperative for women to marry early to an agreeable man and pop out as many children physiologically possible. Josey, sadly, is an example of what happens to the ugly ducklings; she is raised to believe she is imperfect by an insecure, unhappy mother and thereby shelters herself in her home, with the safety of hidden sweets in her closet.
It is the sweets that Josey is walking into her closet for the morning she discovers a new resident taking up space among the hanging clothes - Della Lee, a woman that is notorious in town. Della Lee becomes an instigator for Josey, ultimately becoming the impetus for her healing herself. Della Lee is responsible for Josey meeting up with a new friend, Chloe - an only friend, really.
This is a book about love and women and healing. There is a love story and it's charming without going overboard. The writing is simplistic, but superb. It's sweet without being cloying which - when taking into account the fact that each chapter is named after a sweet that somehow foreshadowed the content therein - is something that I almost anticipate.(less)
**spoiler alert** Before I start, a preamble: I find it impossible to review an anthology comprised of works written by a multitude of authors as one...more**spoiler alert** Before I start, a preamble: I find it impossible to review an anthology comprised of works written by a multitude of authors as one joint work, therefore I present to you reviews of each story in this book, okay? Okay. Firstly, allow me to say that this - I can't think of a more awesome idea for an anthology than the broad subject of geekery. No, really, as a card-carrying geek, discovering this book existed was the equivalent of some nebulous spaceship descending from the Heavens and opening its doors so that it can take me to some far-away planet where people exactly like me existed. I'm not alone! You're not alone! We're not alone!
The book begins with Once You're a Jedi, You're A Jedi All the Way, a joint effort by editors Holly Black and Cecil Castellucci. It's the story of what happens when a Trekker wakes up in a foreign bed at a hotel during a convention. Much to her chagrin, the resident of the room in which she finds herself is none other than a Jedi. This, of course, is a major no-no. Even with minimal knowledge of Star Wars and Star Trek (I've seen the movies, but I don't read the books and I've never watched the show), I found this short highly enjoyable. This story is the source of what could be my favorite line out of the whole book - "...he had a Vulcan girlfriend who was watching us both like she wanted to have some kind of pon-farr excuse to kick my ass." The rivalry between canons culminates into a Trekker on Star Warsian battle - master Jedi and their padawans versus Starfleet cadets and Klingons. What can I say? Awesome.
One of Us by Tracy Lynn was okay. It was about a 'popular' girl named Montgomery that decided to nerdify herself in order to relate to her boyfriend. I love the concept of her taking classes in geek - Trek, Star Wars, LOTR, comics, etc. I found it mildly annoying how the author kept defaulting to the epithet 'the cheerleader' whenever describing Montgomery's thoughts or actions - and she does it a lot. Still, I liked the overall cast of characters in the story; I particularly liked that Montgomery formed a friendship with the girl of the geek squad, Ellen.
Definitional Choas by Scott Westerfeld was one of my least favorites, sorry. It started off okay - a trip on a train to deliver a suitcase full of money so that a ton of people could have their hotel rooms secured for a convention. Then it delved into super-irritating territory. The narrator's ex-girlfriend is elected to go on this trip, too. She, in a word, is a bitch. At first it seems kind of stupid that the reason they broke up is because the ex is responsible for offing an RPG character of the narrator's. But then this chick essentially poisons the narrator via a bottle of vodka spiked presumably with some kind of narcotic, implying that when she wakes first - and she will, because she's had less of the spiked hooch - she's going to take the money. No, really. I want to punch her. Well-written as it was, this story just wasn't palatable for me.
Because I know a bit about her internet history, it's difficult for me to be objective in reviewing anything that Cassandra Clare has ever written, so I don't know if this a fair review or not. It's my first piece of hers and will likely be my last. I Never tells the tale of people from an online RPG meeting up and partying. It seemed really unlikely to me and the whole story was filled with moments that just plain embarrassed me - a girl hooking up with the Supernatural boys? Shut up, Cassandra Clare. Sure, there was a cutesy little love story, but it doesn't take more than a cursory look to decide that the story is just recycled Cyrano de Bergerac which has already been reincarnated a thousand times already. One of my least favorites in the book.
M. T. Anderson's The King of Pelinesse was creepy. It had weird oedipal tones - a boy reconstructs a letter his mother ripped up that was addressed to her by a favorite fantasy writer/graphic novelist. The letter is flowery porn. The kid goes to see his hero to ask him about this affair with his mother, ruminating more than once on "the gem of her womanhood". Gross.
The Wrath of Dawn by Cynthia and Greg Leitich Smith wasn't bad, but it wasn't memorable, either. It's about a girl going out to see Buffy: the Musical. Her name is Dawn. People hurl insults at Dawn when she's onstage. Narrator Dawn steals a mike and takes the name back. It was like it should have been powerful, but it was really just kind of forgettable.
David Levithan's Quiz Bowl Antichrist is one of my favorites of this anthology. I don't care what Levithan writes, I love his writing style and I love his ability to make his characters three dimensional when allowed only the smallest amount of space. The story follows a ragtag team of Quiz Bowl members. As the sole expert on literature, the narrator is an outcast in his own group, but chooses to stay in the group for his crush - Damien. It's a nice little story that's pure Levithan - about a boy that's in the midst of discovering something about himself and it's funny. It's so funny. It's the only story out of the book that I've managed to read twice.
The Quiet Knight by Garth Nix is a sweet little fairytale. It follows a kid with a certain problem with his speech - a result of swallowing a household cleaner when he was younger, hence the 'quiet'. He seeks solace in LARPing as a knight. It is implied that he plays this specific character because it's the kind of person that he wants to be and, of course, so that the story had some kind of symmetry - he becomes a knight in school the day following one of his LARPING adventures by rescuing the girl that played the Bard. It's sweet. It's not the greatest story in the book, but it's one of the better ones.
One of my least favorite shorts in this book is Lisa Yee's Everyone But You. It tells the story of a baton-twirler whose life is upended when she has to move to Hawaii. The shocker - the school doesn't have much of an athletic program and the kids are unfriendly. I fail to see how twirling a baton makes you a geek. Additionally, the story was really fleshy to start, but three or four pages in, it was like Lisa Yee realized she had a deadline and threw the rest together in a hurry. It was a story that wasn't really relevant to the anthology and it was very poorly written.
Secret Identity by Kelly Link is tied for first on my favorites list. It's the origin story of a girl, written in the format of a letter to a person she was supposed to meet up with in a hotel - Paul Zell. I don't even know how to describe it. It was written like a comic book and it was real and I loved it. Best scene of the book, hands down - a tertiary character whose name escapes me has a talent for butter sculptures of famous supervillains (and, FYI, Hellalujah is an awesome name for a villain). And at one point, there is a BUTTER FIGHT. I love it.
The story for which I bought this anthology was Freak the Geek by John Green. That said, it was the single most disappointing story in this anthology. Really. This is the second time in a row that John Green has disappointed me and I wish that I had read this and his story from Let It Snow first and then read Paper Towns. It's about two geeky girls that get 'freaked' because it's a school tradition - the popular girls pick a couple of geeks to torture every year. They choose to do it by launching a volley of paintballs at them, which makes me wonder if this is a made-up school where there is no staff, because if this happened in any other school, these kids would probably be arrested for bring a gun - any kind of gun - on campus. Also, as tired as I am of all John Green's stories being about a pseudo-geeky guy crushing on a quirky girl, he needs to stick with what he knows. It was evident in what exists of this story (and there's not much of it at all; it's like he asked what the minimum word count was and just barely made it) that he cannot write girl to save his life. There are no quirky one-liners, the writing is so boring that I feel like an eighth-grader could have come up with something more interesting. I'm ashamed of you, John Green.
You know, The Truth About Dino Girl by Barry Lyga started out awesome. What's not to love - a likable character who sprouts dinosaur facts in order to describe her feelings for a dude? I love it. I love dinosaurs. What's not to love. Here's the irritating part. The boy she loves has a girlfriend who Katie likes right up until said girlfriend discovers Katie's crush. The girlfriend is horrible to her. But not horrible to warrant the punishment that she receives - really, Katie? Taking a nude picture of an underage girl in a locker room and posting it around school with her phone number? And then the fact that she's unapologetic about it? It made me instantly hate this short.
This Is My Audition Monologue by Sara Zarr is another one that I could care less about. It's written in the perspective of a girl who gets overlooked for parts in drama and always put on the backstage crew. Maybe it's because I never got the appeal of drama, maybe it's because I don't really see what's so nerdy about being in drama. It was just kind of a pointless, boring story.
Another cute little love story is The Stars at the Finish Line by Wendy Mass. It's the story of a boy and girl in competition since they were kids. They both want to be astronauts until the boy grows up and realizes that it's not the astronaut career that he wants, it's the girl that wants the astronaut career. So they come together for an all-night Messier Marathon - a competition to see over a hundred space anomalies, etc. before the sun rises. Lots of detail about constellations and nebulae and a lot of other stuff that went totally over my head, here, but it makes me want to pick up an astronomy book. Yep. It's that good.
Lastly, It's Just a Jump to the Left by Libba Bray. Eh. It's a coming-of-age story about a girl and while I'll grant you it's a little meatier than most of the stories in the anthology, I didn't really care for it. Maybe because I've never seen Rocky Horror Picture Show (and I won't ever; it's not my thing) or maybe it's because various things irritated me - the unresolved story with the boy that Leta kisses, her teacher smoking weed in front of her, etc. I don't know. Forgettable.
After each story was a little comic, which I'm going to say were the most enjoyable parts of the book for me. I really did need to know how to ask where the bathroom is in Klingon! I wanted to know what kind of geek I am! These comics might be worth the purchase of the book alone, truthfully. But despite some of my less-than-positive reviews of certain stories in the anthology, I think the whole thing is overall awesome and definitely worth the read.(less)
Katie Ellison is a moron. And that's the nicest thing that I can say about the so-called 'heroine' of this steaming load of crap.
The story is based ar...moreKatie Ellison is a moron. And that's the nicest thing that I can say about the so-called 'heroine' of this steaming load of crap.
The story is based around the lies and life of one girl that I can find no redeeming qualities in, even after her transition into truth-telling after living a life weaving stories for her own nefarious purposes. The entirety of the book reads like a thirteen year old girl's diary, evoking the me, me, me mindset of a spoiled brat for whom enough is never enough. Additionally, Katie is surrounded by a hive of like-minded, vapid friends who on more than one occasion justify her bad behavior and facilitate their own.
The resolution isn't much better. In true fashion of a person who truly believes that the world revolves around them, Katie comes out as a liar publicly, causing the ruin of a community event because she's too selfish to make peace with the people she's hurt privately, thus nullifying this bullshit martyr act of hers.
The love story. What can I say about the love story? Which love story are we talking about? In addition to being a liar, Katie is also a cheater. She cheats on the boyfriend that she lied to get, she cheats on the boyfriend that she's cheating on boyfriend number one with, which makes her transformation into a seemingly monogamous being for this new-old guy in her life totally unbelievable, essentially ruining any possible reason for anyone wanting to read this book.
If Meg Cabot had killed off every character in this book in a massive bus accident, I might have given it more than one star. Thanks, Meg, for teaching young girls that you can lie, cheat, and manipulate people and you can still have a perfect, happy ending.(less)
**spoiler alert** In all honesty, if this hadn't been a free book (my friend runs a used bookstore and is forever refusing to allow me to pay for tran...more**spoiler alert** In all honesty, if this hadn't been a free book (my friend runs a used bookstore and is forever refusing to allow me to pay for transactions; I pay her in cake), I'd have been upset that I paid money for it.
I'd been thinking about snagging this book forever. Like almost everyone else I know, I love John Green. I love John Green so much that after I finish this review, I'm shelling out a twenty-five dollar donation to read his self-proclaimed 'terrible' novella entitled Zombicorn. Therefore, reading this book was a no-brainer, though I wasn't familiar with either of the other writers involved. Additionally, I'm a sucker for a good holiday romance. Good holiday romances these were not, though.
Maureen Johnson's story is first - "The Jubilee Express". It wasn't entirely memorable. I remember the basic premise was a girl traveling because her parents were incarcerated for not leaving a line in which they had been waiting for a collectible winter figurine thingum. I remember that the train stopped and the girl inexplicably got off the train and headed to Waffle House where she met a stranger who she goes home with. Overall forgettable. Sorry, Maureen Johnson.
Next was John Green's "A Cheertastic Christmas Miracle". As I suspected when I first picked up the book, it was my favorite of the three stories. What was likeable about this story for me was that it departed from John Green's usual schtick of geeky-awkward boy falling in love with a quirky girl filled with wanderlust. I can't say that I enjoyed it better than I did, say, Paper Towns, but it was an interesting peek outside of John's niche. He should try it again sometime.
"The Patron Saint of Pigs" by Lauren Myracle was last, thank god, because if it hadn't been, I sincerely doubt that I would have been able to plow through the rest of the book. Like John Green, based on this novella, Lauren Myracle seems to have a niche, too - cultivating extremely annoying characters. The main character, Addie, was narcissistic, whiny, and a total bitchtaco. She cheated on her boyfriend and whined and cried because her friends tried to approach the subject of getting her boyfriend back realistically - guess what, bitchtaco? Boys don't want you back if you cheat on them. If I ever met a person like Addie in real life, I think I'd find a gun and shoot her. Needless to say, I will not be reading anything else by Lauren Myracle.(less)
I either read an interview or saw one with Stephenie Meyer who remarked that she got her plot to Twilight from a dream that she once had. After having...moreI either read an interview or saw one with Stephenie Meyer who remarked that she got her plot to Twilight from a dream that she once had. After having read this, I can say in all certainty that if she got the idea from a dream, it was at some point after reading this series. Look no further for her source material, here it is.
Just a few of the parallels that I noticed: Stefan (Edward) can read minds. Stefan and Elena fall splendidly and exquisitely in love with each other despite the fact that there's little narrative to their love story. Stefan wants to stay away from Elena because he's a killer, and so on, ad nauseum. Credit L.J. Smith here, though, considering that she was the one that did it first and she did it better (although I'd say not much, since I'm being honest).
Particularly in the first novel, "The Awakening", I found the main character - Elena - to be selfish, spoiled, and revolting. Perhaps it's because the popular, pretty girl foil is simply something that I can't related to, or perhaps it's because the idea of making my friends swear in blood that they won't stop until they 'get me' a boy is totally and completely absurd.
In the second book, Elena is a touch more palatable, but that might have been because the story as a whole got marginally better, leaving less time (but still ample, believe me) for Elena to wax poetic about the unexplainable love for Stefan that seemingly flourished after one kiss.
I'll give this three stars because it did get better in the end, but a more realistic rating would have been two or two and a half.(less)
**spoiler alert** You know, I read this book about five years ago and I loved it. Flat-out loved it. The book was recently handed back to me by a frie...more**spoiler alert** You know, I read this book about five years ago and I loved it. Flat-out loved it. The book was recently handed back to me by a friend (we trade bags of books as we finish; it beats having to go to the library or spending heaps on buying something new) and I thought hey, I'll reread this! I'll see if it's as awesome as I remember!
This was my reaction as I finished the book up today: lol.
I mean, I'm all for size-acceptance in fiction. I'm not what anyone would call Kate Hudson skinny and I would rather have a finger removed than give up my lifelong love for cheeseburgers. Therefore, size-acceptance in fiction is awesome because it tends to make you feel positive about the things you believe to be your 'flaws'. Let me make this really clear, though: this book is not a book about size-acceptance.
Jemima J is about a woman named, duh, Jemima J. She lives in London and she likes chocolate. She describes herself as overweight. She's unhappy about it. She's also in love with a hotter-than-god-and-the-sun office dreamboat who pays virtually no attention to her. One e-boyfriend later, Jemima is well on her way to Kate Hudson proportions much to the chagrin of her evil roommates (seriously - who the hell would live with bitches like that?) in preparation of a trip to LA.
Lo and behold, LA boyfriend is not all he's cracked up to be! He closets his love for larger ladies and cheats on his present buxom beauty with a newly-thin Jemima. This is not the first time you will say WTF, mate.
Naturally, things end with office crush encountering Jemima and only seeing her for who she is after she shrinks down to a size zero.
If this doesn't all put you off, please be informed that in one hilariously insulting scene, a coworker takes a picture of Jemima to an in-office photoshop guru to have her face planted on that of a thin woman. Yeah, it went there.
The only thing that keeps this book from blowing like a blowing thing is, perhaps, Jane Green's writing. That is if you can get past her bizarre writing - Green inexplicably shifts into narration in the middle of Jemima's headvoice. I don't get it, either. But guess who's going to have twinkies for dinner?(less)
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