SIMONE ELKELES: WTF, Elle? You gave my first book in the series, Perfect Chemistry, only two st
SIMONE ELKELES: Hola, Elle!
ELLE: Oh. Hi Simone Elkeles.
SIMONE ELKELES: WTF, Elle? You gave my first book in the series, Perfect Chemistry, only two stars? Explain yourself, Senorita.
ELLE: Well, Simone Elkeles, I just thought it was a bit...
SIMONE ELKELES: I know, I know. I hear you, cariño. It was too intensely POWERFUL a novel for your mind. I accept.
ELLE: um, actually, no... it was more that I...
SIMONE ELKELES: Si, chica. I feel you. I suspect the hot-teen-sex-on-filthy-garage-floor scene was far too EXTREME for you.
ELLE: Well no, not really. In fact I kinda’ thought it was a bit lame and...
SIMONE ELKELES: And were you not AROUSED by the Adonis I created in Alex? Did he not get your sangre going?
ELLE: Well, y’know Simone, it takes a bit more than a 17 year old boy to...
SIMONE ELKELES: And then there’s my EPIC CLEVERNESS. Because they meet in Chemistry class and I titled the book: Perfect Chemistry! DO YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE?
ELLE: Yes. Bravo Simone.
SIMONE ELKELES: And then you must have been completely PERPLEXED by all the twists and turns and UNEXPECTED occurrences throughout the journey?
ELLE: Yes well... all that nonsense aside. Can we talk about Rules of Attraction now? Because this one was so much better and I really enjoyed...
SIMONE ELKELES: Si! Indeed, my talent has no end. I will continue on until I have achieved complete Young Adult Romance world domination!
ELLE: ...right. But as I was saying, I was quite impressed with...
SIMONE ELKELES: And they will name an entire genre after my gift! It shall be called: Young Adult SIMANCE!
SIMONE ELKELES: Did you notice how I gave the heroine a stutter so that I would have a tool with which to demonstrate the IMMENSE HEART ACHE from within our little chica? Again, my cleverness is beyond all proportion. Is it not?
SIMONE ELKELES: Your silence is praise to my humble ears, Senorita. Now, I must warn you. You simply MUST prepare yourself for the third instalment of my grand trilogy of greatness. Behold: Chain Reaction
ELLE: There’s another brother?
SIMONE ELKELES: Si!
ELLE: Is it going to be the same f’king story with the same f’king characters and the same f’king outcome?
SIMONE ELKELES: ... Si!
SIMONE ELKELES: Are you telling me that you will no longer succumb to my magnetic pull?
ELLE: I haven’t really decided. I think I might just wait and see what other...
SIMONE ELKELES: Nonsense! I insist that you YEILD to my supremacy. I will be keeping my obscenely talented EYE on you, my little villano. Hasta luego!
ELLE: ... balls.
I wish to make it perfectly clear that I have not nor have I ever claimed that I have interviewed Simone Elkeles. The above dialogue is intended as humorous fiction. Simone Elkeles did not actually say any of the above (to my knowledge, o_O). Although... I bet she wishes she had thought up YOUNG ADULT SIMANCE herself, ay?
Well Goddamn. Had I not already purchased a copy of Shadowfever and wasn't able to read it straight away, I'm positive I would have SCREAMED when I fi Well Goddamn. Had I not already purchased a copy of Shadowfever and wasn't able to read it straight away, I'm positive I would have SCREAMED when I finished this book.
Oh Karen Marie. You saucy, saucy minx.
After reading those incredible first 50 pages I knew it would get 5 stars. Let me be clear on this: I am a major Star Nazi. I very rarely give 5 stars. (I counted. Of all the glorious books I've read I've only given nine of them 5 stars. NINE!).
I'm not quite sure what will become of me after I finish the series. I imagine I may just sit on my little chair, staring out my little window in my little house for the remainder of my days, waiting for the blessed moment the door will fling open and I hear the words, 'There you are, Ms Lane'.
I feel it only fair to warn you guys that I am involved in a one-sided fictional relationship with Cynthia Hand. In which we spend our evenings sippin I feel it only fair to warn you guys that I am involved in a one-sided fictional relationship with Cynthia Hand. In which we spend our evenings sipping martinis and laughing hysterically at the craptasticness of all the recent angel novels, while Jericho Barrons kneels at my side sporting a Galactica flight suit and feeding me chocolate-dipped cherries.
(Apparently, my fantasies have a knack for getting out of control at times. Just roll with it).
Anyhoodle, Unearthly is a delicious cheese-filled Happy Meal remaining afloat in a sea of unwashed goat carcasses, (Fallen, Hush, Hush... the list is long), and it is for this reason that the general GoodReads population (myself included) is praising its very existence.
Sure, there are far better YA novels. But what makes it unique is the WTF curve-ball she hurls at you at the end.
Oh ya’ess she did.
Having said that, give me a month or two and I will probably forget it was ever written. And I will choose a new author with whom to share my fangirl daydreams.
...and Cynthia Hand can get back to drinking the blood of virgins from the hoof of a Pterodactyl. Or whatever the hell she does to keep ahead of her game....more
I had planned to finally weed the garden today, (seriously, the situation is di Dudes...
Get on board with this one.
I was utterly absorbed in this book.
I had planned to finally weed the garden today, (seriously, the situation is dire. You could film Survivor at my house). But did I? No I did not. Instead, I spent the day sprawled out on the lounge room floor with a box of Oreos and K-Pax. Seeing as I haven't seen the movie I was able to get into the mystery of Prot's story. It really did keep me guessing the whole way through. I bounced between, ‘Aww. The poor, poor nutta’, and ‘Yep, Alien for sure’, before finally deciding that I didn’t actually care whether or not Prot was from another plant so as long as he kept making me laugh. Mostly by his fruit consumption.
I realise that this review isn’t particularly helpful to anyone wanting a summary of the plot or whatever. I even think calling this a ‘review’ is a giant stretch of the imagination. But nonetheless, I urge you to read it.
And if you happen to be in a position to set yourself up on the floor with a box or Oreos while doing it, then so much the better....more