In the interest of staying fair to R.J.Anderson I will make it clear that Ultraviolet is a five star book.
Or, at least the first 230ish pages are fro...more In the interest of staying fair to R.J.Anderson I will make it clear that Ultraviolet is a five star book.
Or, at least the first 230ish pages are from a five star book and the remaining few chapters belong in WTF Capital City. But more on that later.
Initially, be prepared to be sucked in to the weaving vortex that is Ultraviolet. From the get go we are presented with a puzzle the likes of which I have not experienced in a long time.
There's nothing worse than when a mystery isn't, you know, mysterious as mysteries should be. Luckily, this is not the case with Ultraviolet, which is evident when we reflect on my inner monologue:
"Why is she there? What’s going to happen? WHERE ARE WE GOING? This is awesome. What is the significance of THAT I wonder? I AM SO INTREEEEEEEEGUED! Who did it? I don’t know. Any chance it was... Could it have been... was it...
I’m all for books throwing me a curve ball but that was just ridiculous. I mean, LOST ridiculous:
So there was a plane crash on an island. And then came the others along with their smoke monster and then there was a polar bear massacre and then John ate an orange and we did a bit of time travel and then there was a big stone foot and then...
I think I need to lie down.
And so I am presented with a conundrum. Because I have not been this absorbed in anything since Apollo lost his towel, if you know what I’m saying.
But on the other hand I wish I had been consulted when Anderson decided to (view spoiler)[take the party into space (hide spoiler)] because she appears to have been smoking some serious green.
But don’t let me put you off. It's still a five star book. ...even though I've only given it four. ["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>(less)
SIMONE ELKELES: WTF, Elle? You gave my first book in the series, Perfect Chemistry, only two stars? Explain yourself, Senorita.
ELLE: Well, Simone Elkeles, I just thought it was a bit...
SIMONE ELKELES: I know, I know. I hear you, cariño. It was too intensely POWERFUL a novel for your mind. I accept.
ELLE: um, actually, no... it was more that I...
SIMONE ELKELES: Si, chica. I feel you. I suspect the hot-teen-sex-on-filthy-garage-floor scene was far too EXTREME for you.
ELLE: Well no, not really. In fact I kinda’ thought it was a bit lame and...
SIMONE ELKELES: And were you not AROUSED by the Adonis I created in Alex? Did he not get your sangre going?
ELLE: Well, y’know Simone, it takes a bit more than a 17 year old boy to...
SIMONE ELKELES: And then there’s my EPIC CLEVERNESS. Because they meet in Chemistry class and I titled the book: Perfect Chemistry! DO YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE?
ELLE: Yes. Bravo Simone.
SIMONE ELKELES: And then you must have been completely PERPLEXED by all the twists and turns and UNEXPECTED occurrences throughout the journey?
ELLE: Yes well... all that nonsense aside. Can we talk about Rules of Attraction now? Because this one was so much better and I really enjoyed...
SIMONE ELKELES: Si! Indeed, my talent has no end. I will continue on until I have achieved complete Young Adult Romance world domination!
ELLE: ...right. But as I was saying, I was quite impressed with...
SIMONE ELKELES: And they will name an entire genre after my gift! It shall be called: Young Adult SIMANCE!
SIMONE ELKELES: Did you notice how I gave the heroine a stutter so that I would have a tool with which to demonstrate the IMMENSE HEART ACHE from within our little chica? Again, my cleverness is beyond all proportion. Is it not?
SIMONE ELKELES: Your silence is praise to my humble ears, Senorita. Now, I must warn you. You simply MUST prepare yourself for the third instalment of my grand trilogy of greatness. Behold: Chain Reaction
ELLE: There’s another brother?
SIMONE ELKELES: Si!
ELLE: Is it going to be the same f’king story with the same f’king characters and the same f’king outcome?
SIMONE ELKELES: ... Si!
SIMONE ELKELES: Are you telling me that you will no longer succumb to my magnetic pull?
ELLE: I haven’t really decided. I think I might just wait and see what other...
SIMONE ELKELES: Nonsense! I insist that you YEILD to my supremacy. I will be keeping my obscenely talented EYE on you, my little villano. Hasta luego!
ELLE: ... balls.
I wish to make it perfectly clear that I have not nor have I ever claimed that I have interviewed Simone Elkeles. The above dialogue is intended as humorous fiction. Simone Elkeles did not actually say any of the above (to my knowledge, o_O). Although... I bet she wishes she had thought up YOUNG ADULT SIMANCE herself, ay?
Alright Flannery. Keep your nanna knickers on. Here's your review:
So. Mind Games ay?
Ok so Janice is this outrageous...more Alright Flannery. Keep your nanna knickers on. Here's your review:
So. Mind Games ay?
Ok so Janice is this outrageous hypochondriac who....
Waitaminnit. Janice? No. Not Janice. Her name is... Janine? No, that's not right either. *looks up protagonists name*
JUSTINE. Right. It's Justine.
See, this is the problem I was having. As good as the book was, I kept forgetting who the effing chick WAS telling the story. Mostly because she had no personality and I wanted to punch her in the face for being such a whore.
Harsh, you say? Perhaps. But honestly, someone needs to vote that mole off the island and give the role to someone else because she's as dull as a bug on a biscuit.
Meanwhile, have you met Packard? I would definitely read the next installment if it began in such a way that involves Justine's head finally exploding and proceeded to follow on from Packards POV while he plots his evil mastermind plan to avenge her death, or something.
Oh and the SCHMEX! Oh the filth. I had an awesome case of the tomato-faces while reading this and I frakking love it when that happens.
Mind Games is definitely unique. I'll give it that. I will await Flannery's decision as to whether we continue on with the series. Over to you, Flan.(less)
There comes a time in every average, misunderstood, flat chested, never-been-kissed, pre-war heroin, sixteen year old girl's life when she must decide...more There comes a time in every average, misunderstood, flat chested, never-been-kissed, pre-war heroin, sixteen year old girl's life when she must decide between right and wrong.
Yes. RIGHT and WRONG.
Not Harry and Sam. Or Harry and Mike. Or, frak help us, Harry, Sam AND Mike. No no. In Divergent, Good, Evil and Tris are our love triangle. How utterly refreshing.
Now, don’t get me wrong. You will find your standard amount of PG-rated teen romance in this book. Check it:
Oh, eh... Wrong book. My bad.
But romance isn't the focus. And that makes me super-dooper shiney-whiney happy with sprinkles on top because I find my focus is easily persuaded elsewhere if there isn't enough action happeni....
... huh? Oh, right, right. The Plot.
Imagine: The population of Chicago has been divided into factions based on five standard values: bravery, intelligence, honesty, kindness and selflessness. Once you have chosen which of these virtues is most awesome of all you are placed into a community of like-minded individuals who will then become your only friends, peers, colleagues and the pool from which you will select your husband/wife. And best of all, you will never have anything do with anyone from the other evil, evil factions if you can help it. You see, this way you are safe in your tight little community cocoon and can spend your days bitching about how fucked-up those other factions are for choosing what is clearly a far less awesome way of living.
And you certainly never have to worry that your batshit-crazy intelligence-loving neighbours are keeping busy by plotting your evil demise. No no. The city carries on in a complete state of peace, love and mung beans.
Now, what I would like to know is, which facking genius came up with THAT idea? Who was it that got up and said, "Hold up peeps. I've totally got it. We'll DIVIDE the city by forcing everyone to choose ONE AND ONLY ONE principle virtue and we'll even make it obvious by getting them to wear different colours so that there will be no question whatsoever as to which group they belong. SEPARATION is the way forward."
Wait. WAIT WAAAAIT!
I'm not ENTIRELY convinced that the dystopian element makes all that much sense. Much in the same way that Delirium was all 'Love is the vicious cause of all our problems'. But that doesn't really bother me all that much. Me? I'm still cheering over the fact that we don't have to sit through another love triangle. Yeeeeehaaaawww!
And that's not even the best news! Nuh uh. That's not EVEN what I came here to say! The absolute BEST thing about Divergent is that Tris rates a high BADASS on the awesome-o-meter. Seriously. She's a moody, self indulgent, gun firing, cliff jumping, ass kicking little bitch-faced mole. AND I JUST LAP THAT SHIT UP, YO!(less)
I feel it only fair to warn you guys that I am involved in a one-sided fictional relationship with Cynthia Hand. In which we spend our evenings sippin...more I feel it only fair to warn you guys that I am involved in a one-sided fictional relationship with Cynthia Hand. In which we spend our evenings sipping martinis and laughing hysterically at the craptasticness of all the recent angel novels, while Jericho Barrons kneels at my side sporting a Galactica flight suit and feeding me chocolate-dipped cherries.
(Apparently, my fantasies have a knack for getting out of control at times. Just roll with it).
Anyhoodle, Unearthly is a delicious cheese-filled Happy Meal remaining afloat in a sea of unwashed goat carcasses, (Fallen, Hush, Hush... the list is long), and it is for this reason that the general GoodReads population (myself included) is praising its very existence.
Sure, there are far better YA novels. But what makes it unique is the WTF curve-ball she hurls at you at the end.
Oh ya’ess she did.
Having said that, give me a month or two and I will probably forget it was ever written. And I will choose a new author with whom to share my fangirl daydreams.
...and Cynthia Hand can get back to drinking the blood of virgins from the hoof of a Pterodactyl. Or whatever the hell she does to keep ahead of her game.(less)
And if these statements are true, then the characters are the amoebas that are aggressively attacking the patient and the plot is the brain tumour that will bring it to its tragic end.
Because let's be honest, this book was a bad idea.
It would be as if I woke up tomorrow and decided it was a terrific stroke of genius to wear my purple sombrero to the office. (Yes I do have one)
I am willing to let this one slide, however. Because I'm a forgiving individual and I want Lauren Oliver to succeed and make embarrassing amounts of money. I want this for her because I adored Before I Fall and I suspect she has a few more of the likes of those left in her back pocket before she generates any more of this garbage. Right Dr. Oliver?
And with that promise in mind, I am GENEROUSLY awarding 2 stars: one for the writing, and one for the... uh... because that's just how I roll, bitches.
I read somewhere that Forbidden is to become required reading for high school students somewhere or other in Canada.
Well, in my day, (because I...more I read somewhere that Forbidden is to become required reading for high school students somewhere or other in Canada.
Well, in my day, (because I went to high school back when dinosaurs roamed the planet...
... Ok, ok. Granted. I am a spry thing of only 26 but I work in the wedding industry which is a cesspool of embryos who tipe lyk ths and don’t know who the Addams Family are, so you understand my attitude and why I feel like a geriatric after a day at the office).
So, as I was saying before I boorishly interrupted myself, in MY day there was certainly no talk of incest allowed within 50,000 feet of the sanctity of our precious education system. In fact, had anyone ever suggested a book with a plot based solely around the hot, developing romance between siblings as reading for my sociology class I am certain that person would have been beaten with a cafeteria chair and treated to an exorcism out behind the pool shed.
Therefore, what I would like to say is, BRAVO Canada. Bravo. If I ever get around to popping out a few rugrats I plan to ship them off to boarding school to party with the Canadians. Because I am POSITIVELY DELIGHTED by the idea that schools are preparing to give their kids a topic to think about and DEBATE that isn’t related to war, religion, or fat kids trapped on an island.
Let me explain.
Forbidden has balls. Big ones. Its balls are so big that all the other smaller balls want to orbit them.
I can not begin to imagine what it would have been like for Suzuma to write this book. If I ever happen to run into her at Kmart I will ask her and let you know. (less)