Downed this gem in one sitting. Kent Hill has proven that he is, beyond a shadow of a doubt, the master of underground Sword-and-Sorcery. With his infDowned this gem in one sitting. Kent Hill has proven that he is, beyond a shadow of a doubt, the master of underground Sword-and-Sorcery. With his influences passionately nodded to on every page, a reader who is familiar with a couple of forgotten eras of the genre will eat up every word as they see Corman's 1980's SnS masterpieces, as well as the long forgotten Elak stories by Henry Kuttner, so masterfully resurrected, of course with Hill's own brilliant flavor stirred into the mix for an unbeatable potion.
Make no mistake, this is not contemporary, toned-down fantasy. This is a BARBARIAN book. There are tits and cocks. There is brutality and savagery. Your heroes are not perfect prototypes who don't shit or curse. No steps are taken to quell the rage of the PC police who are ruining everything good in fiction. This is pure, balls-out, unapologetic, filthy fun. Not for the weak of heart.
Unzip your pants, let those nuts hang proudly, and read this masterpiece....more
This is not really a review of my own book. In fact, it's not a review at all. What I'm doing is telling the story of how what I believe to be my greaThis is not really a review of my own book. In fact, it's not a review at all. What I'm doing is telling the story of how what I believe to be my greatest creation came to be. Piers Anthony likes to tell these stories, and he's pretty much my hero, so I'm following in his ways like a true fanboy.
Within weeks before the release of this book, my wife and I visited a psychic in Salem, Massachusetts. This is something we have often done, merely for shits and giggles. We had visited several before, and we had walked away every time laughing at how absurdly -and obviously- phony they all were. But then there was this lady. She didn't do any awful cold-reads. She didn't say my dead grandfather whose first name begins with J was standing behind me. She cut right to the heart of the matter and told me of very specific illnesses suffered by very specific members of my family. For someone who knows nothing about me short of my name to say your "blank" suffers from "blank", and to have the knowledge be accurate, is a tad chilling. After a few more equally chilling and frighteningly specific acts of what I guess I'd call clairvoyance, she told me not to stop writing because my next book, and her exact words were, would "be the one that does it for you." And nearly two years later, she was right about that too. Yes, the sales have been modest by any standards. But it has sold more copies than all the rest of my eleven books combined, and somehow continues to garner interest, unlike the others which have either plateaued or merely become forgotten even to myself. Unfortunately she didn't say it would blast me into super-stardom, or even afford me an early retirement from cutting meat, but her words have thus far held true.
Now let's go back in time to 2002, almost ten years before I even got serious about putting pen to paper. I was a 21-year-old goofball who spent most of his time frequenting rock clubs and drinking copious amounts of cheap beer and whiskey, and smoking far too many Camel Lights (I have since quit all of those habits). I had some friends in a sort of novelty-band called Foam-n-Mesh. I was particularly taken by a song of theirs called "Bigboobins'-Time (I Only Read it for the Articles)", a song about teenage boys trying to explain their found stash of porn mags to their parents. Only, I heard the title wrong and thought it was called BigBoobenstein. I remember thinking WOW-WHAT A GENIUS TITLE. And when I publicly declared how great I thought it was, I was laughed at for so horribly mishearing the lyrics, and received sporadic ball-busting for ten years to come.
Now we come to 2013, the year in which this book came to be. My friend John Davidian (to whom the book is dedicated) saw my other titles (The Halloween Orgy Massacre, The Splatter House Rules, Vampire Dominatrices From Mars vs. The Zombies of Christ- to name a few) and jokingly told me that BigBoobenstein should be the title of my next book. I was floored! Of course it should be.
So I played around in my mind with a few ideas and the book virtually fucking wrote itself in four days of near non-stop note taking and typing. If anything is gotten out of this self indulgent, long-winded diatribe, maybe that can be a tad of inspiration to fellow writers. Look far beyond your favorite books and movies for influence. Inspiration is the most ubiquitous of the earth's elements if you merely open your eyes to it. Something stupid you said while shitfaced over a decade ago could be the catalyst behind your best work.
Now about the book itself. The title and cover will jump right out at you and tell you what to expect. It's raunchy. It's gory. It's over-the-top sexual. It's funny (or at least I hope you think so). Those attributes have always been, and will probably always be, my modus operandi, as they say on Law & Order... But I throw into that mix an underlying theme regarding what I consider to be important issues. Sexual orientation, acceptance, equality, sexual liberation, religious tyranny in the American household, and all those other super-liberal agendas. Before I wrote this book I had been working with lots of ideas about a story revolving around Body Dysmorphia, something I've suffered a little bit of in my younger days, but on a much smaller scale than what so many young girls (and boys) face and so tragically carry into their adult lives, leading to such horrible things as insecurity, addiction and failed relationships. So I put the title and the concept together, and BigBoobenstein was born. I hope you laugh at this book. I even hope you are at times repulsed by it. But I hope, above all else, that the message carries over above the smutty backdrop. I hope the issue of "imperfect" breasts can be seen as a common representation of any type of body shame, from weak ankles to trans identification to disfigurement to anything and everything else that people use to make you feel inferior, and that the concept of owning your body and making the world bow at your feet and accept how fucking awesome you are can be influenced. Because you are fucking awesome if you are you.
With love, Jeff O'Brien May 7th, 2015 11:17 pm...more
Imagine Lemon Party, but with women and vampires added to the mix. I was surprised that the story revolved more around elderly people having crazy sexImagine Lemon Party, but with women and vampires added to the mix. I was surprised that the story revolved more around elderly people having crazy sex than it did around the antagonist's ADHD. Surprised, yes. Disappointed, no. I'm pretty sure I got a boner every time there was mention of adult diapers. And believe me, there were a lot of adult diapers in this book.
The only thing I was left wanting for was a little more backstory on Martha, a retired cyborg-spy. Otherwise, this is just one of those quick little novelettes that you can kick back and enjoy the shit out of, if you're a sick fuck like me. There is gore a plenty, and laughs to make it all go down easy. So stop being a putz and read it!...more
The editor of this book, and no doubt also the author, Marina Kushner, is a troll among the literary underground. I give this book one star because afThe editor of this book, and no doubt also the author, Marina Kushner, is a troll among the literary underground. I give this book one star because after previewing it I saw that it is mere propaganda and drivel comprised of forty anonymous contributors who all strangely write in the same exclamatory, babbling fashion. Interesting indeed. And I highly doubt this was just the editor putting her style into play.
I received a message on facebook from one of Marina's many aliases (Sally Mathews) saying she'd like to promote my work. As any struggling author would do, I messaged her back. Then she tells me that the deal is I buy this dumb ebook for 5.99 (and I love that she said included the phrase FOR LESS THAN A CUP OF COFFEE) and she would give me "unlimited shout-outs to her 4700-plus facebook friends. I blocked her right quick. I've also discovered that if you don't go along with her game, she'll write scathing reviews of your books under her many aliases.
Anyways, I hope you didn't fall for it. If you did, go drink some coffee, as that appears to be the best revenge you can get on Ms. Kushner....more
William Box’s Cook-Read-Digest is a rather enjoyable trio of short stories that fall somewhere between comedy and bizarro fiction. We start with a talWilliam Box’s Cook-Read-Digest is a rather enjoyable trio of short stories that fall somewhere between comedy and bizarro fiction. We start with a tale about a waiter and a chef, the waiter a tad inept and perhaps too literal in his performance, the chef a tad too meticulous in his approach to taking a tomato off a burger. We then move on to what I believe to be the stronger story of the three, perhaps the roast beef between the two fine slices of focaccia. This tale deals with a mannequin with a fetish for women’s ankles and lack of complacency for his station in life…perhaps a touch of paranoid schizophrenia to boot. And finally, the second slice of focaccia is a humorous tale about a picnic threesome and an ant with some severe identity issues.
What the three stories have in common is the author’s masterful ability to not over-tell a story. While descriptions are vivid and dialogue is thorough, it’s the underlying themes and messages that are not overexposed here. I find too many authors leave little to the imagination, but Box speaks just enough of his mind to make the reader think, in my opinion the best way to tell a story. This is not an easy thing for a writer to do, and is a valuable talent that I believe will help William Box etch out a name for himself in the bizarro fiction community.
I give Cook-Read-Digest a four out of five possible stars. ...more
Probably the most well written of the trilogy, but not quite as much fun as the first book: Horrorween. This one was slightly less B-Movieish than booProbably the most well written of the trilogy, but not quite as much fun as the first book: Horrorween. This one was slightly less B-Movieish than book two: Hallows Eve, returning to the more straight up horror of book one.
Sarrantonio called on some classic suspense, and pulled it off quite well, as I found myself staying up late into the night devouring every page. He even threw in a Dan Brown style surprise toward the end that added to the fun in a perfect way.
It's a bummer that these books are out of print, but it's good that I was able to find them used for less than two dollars each. They are all quick, fun reads, and I would say Halloweenland was the perfect ending to a great trilogy that any horror fan should read....more
If you haven't read a bizarro book before, do not start with this one. Why? Because it is the best one and no others will be as good. It's the best beIf you haven't read a bizarro book before, do not start with this one. Why? Because it is the best one and no others will be as good. It's the best because it is simply written by the best bizarro author there is. Not the most famous. Not the most successful. Just the best.
Danger Slater could write a book in any genre and it would still be awesome. It's seldom I read a book of prose where every single line flows like poetry. I will also note that I've read all three novellas that make up the author's book DangerRama, and all three were equal in flow and quality.
What makes a great bizarro novel? I think the answer is...a lot of different criteria. For example: A story told by a lonely guy who wears a viking helmet and gets in fist fights with the moon, and yet somehow touches and relates to a reader who isn't lonely and doesn't wear viking helmets or fight the moon. Little treasures are in here too, like references to such obscure 80's nostalgia like that robot that told kids that a peanut is neither a pea not a nut.
Usually I try to make my reviews funny, but here I'm just telling you that this book is ridiculously good, and not reading it is robbing yourself of one of the most fun and hilarious adventures that are available to the general public with eight or so bucks to spare. When you read the synopsis you're going to say "how can this be that crazy and be such a good book?" Just read it and find out....more
I'm conflicted over how to rate this one. So I won't.
This book was given to me as a gift from a friend because of my passion for the topic of UFOs anI'm conflicted over how to rate this one. So I won't.
This book was given to me as a gift from a friend because of my passion for the topic of UFOs and extra-terrestrials. I'm by no means a skeptic. I googled the author before reading this book and found that she was by far one of the greatest whackos in American history, with many failed predictions to her name, such as World War 3 breaking out in the 1980's and that Atlantis would somehow rise to the surface in 1999. The book lived up to her "aura".
What we have here is a product of such abject madness that at times it was hard not to think I was reading a great piece of satire. The reason I'm not sure how to rate it, however, is that I enjoyed it so much I hammered it down in under three hours.
If you're someone who is of reasonably sound mind, and perhaps you take pleasure in reading a good train wreck, this one is worth your time. And, if you're someone who might fall for tourist-trap psychics who know how to perform a cold read, this one might be right up your alley too. ...more