A cathartic masterpiece: Untangling the complex web of human emotion as told through complicated real life events by broken and torn individuals reachA cathartic masterpiece: Untangling the complex web of human emotion as told through complicated real life events by broken and torn individuals reaching out for hope, solace, a kind ear and a wise heart.
Dear Sugar answers many seemingly different questions that all boil down to ultimately the same questions: Why did this happen? How do I go on? What should I do? Am I crazy? Am I a terrible person? Why me? Why not me? How do I know who I am or who I'm supposed to be? What will my future look like? All questions I've asked myself a million times.
In many of the letters, I found myself wondering "How will she be able to decipher what they're really asking when their story seems to be all over the place?" "How in the world will she answer this landmine of a question without seeming too harsh or too sympathetic?" "How will her own views about morals, marriage, parenthood, and struggle guide her answer, and will that guidance come off as judgmental or helpful?"
And as each one unfolded, I was brought to tears by Sugar's ability to dance that fine line of stern advice grounded in knowledge worthy of a psychologist and the love of someone who's been through hell and landed on the other side. She's the ultimate mother, best friend, confidant, and therapist to 100's and possibly 1,000's of mere strangers. Her initial anonymity and her lack of true therapy credentials fueled her ability to write with abandon, without rules against cursing or sharing personal stories or having an opinion, leaving us with raw truths about how we're all different but all the same, how feelings are always valid even when they're shitty and selfish, how love will let you down but it doesn't mean the love was an imposter, and how life is hard and there's only one way forward, and that's taking a step.
The whole book is one big quote I'd like to carry around with me every day. Here are a few snippets that stood out.
About jealousy: "Could it be possible that the reason you feel like you swallowed a spoonful of battery acid every time someone else gets what you want is because a long time ago--way back in your own very beginnings--you were sold a bill of goods about the relationship between money and success, fame and authenticity, legitimacy and adulation?"
"There isn't a thing to eat down there in the rabbit hole of your bitterness except your own desperate heart. If you let it, your jealousy will devour you."
About how to make a decision: "I talk to Mr. Sugar and my friends. I make lists. I attempt to analyze the situation from the perspective of my "best self"--the one that's generous, reasonable, forgiving, loving, bighearted and grateful. I think really hard about what I'll wish I did a year from now. I map out the consequences of the various actions I could take. I ask what my motivations are, what my desires are, what my fears are, what I have to lose, and what I have to gain. I move toward the light, even if it's a hard direction in which to move. I trust myself. I keep the faith. I mess up sometimes."
About telling someone new about something in your past: "The whole deal about loving truly and for real and with all you've got has everything to do with letting those we love see what made us. withholding this trauma from your boyfriend makes it bigger than it needs to be. It creates a secret you're too beautiful to keep. Telling has a way of dispersing things. It will allow your lover to stand closer inside the circle of you. Let him."
About giving up on love when you don't look like everyone else: "But I do know that we are here, all of us--beasts and monsters and beauties and wallflowers alike--to do the best we can. And every last one of us can do better than give up."
About believing something great will happen, about having goals you're not sure you'll ever achieve: "That both things could be true at once--my disbelief as well as my certainty--was the unification of the ancient and the future parts of me. It was everything I intended and yet still I was surprised by what I got."
About how to do something hard, about how to get started: "Do you think (coal) miners stand around all day talking about how hard it is to mine for coal? They do not. They simply dig." ...more
Feel better! This book is all about feeling better. I knew nothing about myofascial release before I met the author Carolyn Barnes. She's opened up aFeel better! This book is all about feeling better. I knew nothing about myofascial release before I met the author Carolyn Barnes. She's opened up a whole world of possibilities through her simple instructions and easy to follow techniques. Taking 5 minutes out of my day to do even just one technique has made a huge impact on my physical well being. My muscles are less sore, my range of motion has improved, and I'm becoming flexible again. Even my massage therapist commented today that my muscles weren't as tight as usual. Best self-help tool I've found so far!...more
Amanda Palmer speaks straight from the heart and minds of all independent artists who've had moments, if not decades, of fighting back thoughts like "Amanda Palmer speaks straight from the heart and minds of all independent artists who've had moments, if not decades, of fighting back thoughts like "Who am I to say my art is worth paying for?" "Is it selfish of me to spend my life making art?" "Should I be getting a 'real' job?"
The more society questions paying for art, the more artists question themselves. Amanda gives tangible evidence to the validity of art and offers suggestions on how we can change the relationship between artist and audience to become a loving, equal exchange. Her book is a beautiful mix of storytelling and human experience with insight and guidance from years of learning how to embrace the title of artist and the necessary task of asking.
Relatable, insightful, sweet, bold, brave, original, and so very open. <3...more
I am a chronic, life-long worrier. Many helpful tips to work through deeply engrained worrying patterns in all types of subjects (money, love, health)I am a chronic, life-long worrier. Many helpful tips to work through deeply engrained worrying patterns in all types of subjects (money, love, health). I appreciated the sympathetic, no-judgement language and the explanations behind why people worry....more
Interesting story, even more interestingly told, almost solely through written correspondences from different character's point of view. Surprising hoInteresting story, even more interestingly told, almost solely through written correspondences from different character's point of view. Surprising how many real-life details (like life in Seattle and petty bickering between moms) were woven into a fictional story. Somehow even the most unbelievable parts of the story felt believable. Especially how easy it is to go crazy when confronted by one too many setbacks on the way to achieving a dream. ...more
It's as though Rainbow Rowell is the only person who's ever been able to describe love.
All the joy and sadness, uncertainty, misunderstandings and misIt's as though Rainbow Rowell is the only person who's ever been able to describe love.
All the joy and sadness, uncertainty, misunderstandings and miscommunications. All the little moments, comments, and gestures that make you fall in love with someone over and over.
When you don't have love in your life you think you're okay without it but when you have it, you can never get enough of it. Your whole life is changed by a person. How you can't help but want them more than anything and how terrifying it is to rely on the love of someone else knowing it might not always be there.
"The world rebuilt itself into a better place around him."...more
I love this book for a million reasons, only one of them being she has my name. I will read it again and again.
"Words are very powerful. And they takeI love this book for a million reasons, only one of them being she has my name. I will read it again and again.
"Words are very powerful. And they take on more power the more that they're spoken."
"It's not wind at all. It's what we feel when time suddenly jolts forward."
"I don't want to kiss a stranger. I'm not interested in lips out of context."
"How DO you feel when I smile at you?" "Like an idiot. And like I never want it to stop."
"Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow."
"I still can't believe you work at Starbucks." "What's wrong with Starbucks?" "It's a big, faceless corporation." "So far, they've let me keep my face."
"He already thought she was a weirdo, and this was just going to make her seem that much weirder. Did the bearded lady get excited when cute guys came to her freak show?"
"How do you not like the Internet? That's like saying "I don't like things that are convenient. And easy. I don't like having access to all of mankind's recorded discoveries at my fingertips. I don't like light. And knowledge."
"I don't like thinking about her, I don't want to see her. I don't want her in this house, thinking about how it used to be her house, about how we used to be hers, too....I don't want her brain touching us."
"But when he found that idea, it almost always got killed. Either the client rejected it, or his boss rejected it. Or changed it. And then it was like someone had tapped straight into her dad's heart and was draining the sap from his soul."
"She exhaled. Then inhaled. Her chest was so tight, it hurt both ways. Levi shouldn't get to make her feel this way--he shouldn't even have access to her chest."
"She hated the way he passed out smiles to everyone he met like it didn't cost him anything, like he'd never run out."
"That's great," Cath said, trying not to let her face show how much she wanted to kiss and kill him.
"It was just a kiss." "I don't just kiss people. Kisses aren't...JUST with me."
"Back on the horse, Cath." "What's the horse? Jogging? Working too much?" "LIVING. Life is the horse."
"Too much crying, she thought. Too many kinds. She was tired of being the one who cried."
"Cath couldn't control whether she saw Levi on campus. But she could worry about it, and as long as she was worrying about it, it probably wasn't going to happen. Like some sort of anxiety vaccine. Like watching a pot to make sure it never boiled."
"Are you giving me another chance?" "I don't know." "Do you want to?" "What do you mean?" "I mean...are you rooting for me? Are you hoping I pull this off?"
"Levi's smile broke free and devoured his whole face. It started to devour her face, too. Cath had to look away."
"What's the plan?" "My plan is to do things that make you want to hang out with me again tomorrow. What's your plan?" "I'm going to try not to make an ass of myself."
"You give away nice like it doesn't cost you anything." "It DOESN'T cost me anything. It's not like smiling at strangers exhausts my overall supply." "Well, it does mine." "I'm not you. Making people happy makes me feel good. If anything, it gives me more energy for the people I care about."
"You look so blindingly cute right now, I feel like I need to make a pinhole in a piece of paper just to look at you."
You look at him "like he was the brightest thing in the room, like he cast everything else into shadow." Cath was pretty sure that Levi actually WAS the brightest thing in the room, in any room. Bright and warm and crackling--he was a human campfire."
I never expect to READ a cookbook, I usually glance at the recipes and drool over the photography. This one hooked me, and I really enjoyed it. From aI never expect to READ a cookbook, I usually glance at the recipes and drool over the photography. This one hooked me, and I really enjoyed it. From a business owner's perspective, I found it very relatable. From a creative's perspective, I thought it was brilliant. So much food innovation, things I've never heard of doing and would never have dreamt would work. I don't see myself making any of the recipes, they're advanced and I'm not much of a dessert person, but if they made a cooking show out of this book, I'd definitely watch it....more