Several things bothered me about this book. It uses discipline and spanking as synonyms. in the section about depression it implies that with the righSeveral things bothered me about this book. It uses discipline and spanking as synonyms. in the section about depression it implies that with the right faith and lifestyle you can avoid depression. that is a dangerous message for women suffering from clinical depression. She goes do far as to suggest that buying a scarf or hiring a cleaner might help. So clearly not suggestions for the poor mother, and trivilized depression. the mentor / mentee setup came off as trite. as a mom who needs to take a deep breath books on mindfulness are much more helpful....more
This was the first, and last, book by Diane Chamberlain I will read. The writing itself is mediocre, but I had hoped the plot would carry it. Rather tThis was the first, and last, book by Diane Chamberlain I will read. The writing itself is mediocre, but I had hoped the plot would carry it. Rather than doing something interesting with the plot it takes an extraordinary story and makes into maudlin nonesense.
I finished it in the hopes that it would redeem itself---but it didn't. The package gets neatly wrapped up with a very unrealistic bow. The characters remain flat and whiny throughout. Neither CeeCee/Eve or the kidnapped child she raises are compelling characters.
As someone who is adopted---I find the emotions that Corrine experienced as being superficial and pandering to the notion that nurture trumps nature. No where does the book acknowledge the trauma that infant Corrine would have experienced being separated from her mother. Nor does the book attribute any characteristics of Corrine with her biological mother. She is, in all ways, the making of her adoptive mother. ...more
I read this book after finding more recent "adoption experience" guides to be less applicable. I didn't find out I was adopted until my 30's and it isI read this book after finding more recent "adoption experience" guides to be less applicable. I didn't find out I was adopted until my 30's and it is still an issue cloaked in strangeness with my adoptive parents. I am in communication with my biological family, and this book address an earlier era in adoption that I fall into by circumstance.
I found this book very helpful and informative in many ways. It depicts some of the difficulties adoptees have when information is kept from there, treated as shameful, or irrelevant. It also discusses the reality that most birth parents do desire contact a some point.
The only area I found problematic was the dated presentation regarding homosexuality. However, this was not offensive---simply out of date assumptions. ...more
I read this book looking for some insight into my birth mother's situation. Though I was born several years after Roe V. Wade the social environment sI read this book looking for some insight into my birth mother's situation. Though I was born several years after Roe V. Wade the social environment she lived in was not much different than that portrayed in Fessler's book.
From a literary standpoint it is excellently written and describes the societal pressure, shame, and disempowerment so prevalent in that era. While I don't think the chore societal attitude has gone away since Roe V. Wade (it you're pregnant its your fault and responsibility).
It gives a lot of insight into the true lack of choice women had when surrendering their children as well as the pervasive lies told to all parties in the adoption triad. I suspect it would be very helpful for any birth mother to read---if for no other reason to realize that she is not alone. ...more
A very interesting read and illuminating on the topic of early loss. It's basic premise is that an infant remembers on an emotional and visceral levelA very interesting read and illuminating on the topic of early loss. It's basic premise is that an infant remembers on an emotional and visceral level the loss of their first mother. As the mother of a two year old I have seen how she remembers traumatic events in her young life (surgery) and its continued impact.
I imagine this would be a very hard book for a birth mother to read, but for an adoptee (myself) it was very helpful in identifying some of my own issues of loss, attachment, and trauma.
Like most books on adoption it does not do much to address those of us who didn't know we were adopted growing up. However, it does help to underline the essential "knowing" that an adopted person often has about their origins. It feels like pop psychology, but it resonates at a gut level as a core truth of the adoption experience. I feel like it could use an update to include current understandings and research of attachment theory.
I do think Verrier jumps the shark when she says that children in daycare will likely suffer the same experience as adopted children. This dismisses the cultural and social reality of most cultures---children while bonded with their mothers are raised with the help of various blood relatives. A single child having 24/7 access to their biological mother is not how nature intended beyond the first few months of life. And I say that as a mother who DOES stay home with her children. ...more
Very useful discussion of how adoptees go through the stages of development. However, it does assume that people are told as children and are able toVery useful discussion of how adoptees go through the stages of development. However, it does assume that people are told as children and are able to integrate their adoptee status into their lives as they grow.
As someone who found out in her 30's she was adopted it didn't help me process my situation---only a realization of what I missed.
From a parental perspective I think it will be very useful to review if/when we adopt children ourselves. Adoption adds layers to the typical developmental steps and I think its very useful for parents to be aware of this so they can be supportive of these added elements.
It was published in 1992 and so is somewhat dated, especially in regards to some small point about attachment issues.