I liked this well enough, but not nearly as much as I wanted to. I just kept thinking, from start to finish, that it was too mild. I expected the humo...moreI liked this well enough, but not nearly as much as I wanted to. I just kept thinking, from start to finish, that it was too mild. I expected the humor to be sillier, more slapstick and absurd, and the horror to be darker, grosser, and scarier. If at least one or other of the two elements had been more outrageous and extreme I would have had much more fun with it, particularly since the cover, illustrations, graphic design, and chapter headings implied they would be. I guess these characters were just a little too mundane and real for their extraordinary circumstances.(less)
Cardboard won me over and I had an excellent time reading it in one sitting over breakfast the other morning. I have to admit I was tentative heading...moreCardboard won me over and I had an excellent time reading it in one sitting over breakfast the other morning. I have to admit I was tentative heading into the book because: I wasn't crazy about TenNapel's "critically acclaimed" effort Bad Island, couldn't get into his Ratfist and only read the first few pages, and only decided to read this one at the request of a colleague who wasn't crazy about it. So I went in not expecting to care for the book and ended up pleasantly surprised.
We have Cardboard in our teen collection and I'm not sure it belongs there, though. The protagonists are an out-of-work carpenter and his son who seems to be around ten, with the supporting characters being an adult neighbor, a neighborhood bully and peer of Cam's, and cardboard bill, another adult--so not a proper teen in sight. At least, the boys appeared preteen to me, though I don't think the book ever states their ages, and certainly works better if they are. For readers around age ten, this story works in quite a few issues with pretty good depth and complexity; for readers fifteen and up, I can see the issues feeling a bit more simplified and reduced. For younger readers, then, this is a rousing adventure with complicated characters and relationship issues.
I think the moment, very early on, that fully won me over, was Gideon's presentation of the cardboard:
"A good boy is rare indeed! . . . I have the best, most amazing, and utterly stupendous gift in the history of the universe . . . but I'm saving it for a really good kid!"
"Gideon, this is an empty box."
"Empty? It's full! Full of ideas . . . projects . . . adventure!"
"He does like to make things."
"Now you're getting it! Make a submarine, a monster, a train! It beats the heck out of some dumb ol' hundred-dollar, remote-controlled car!
"To the nakes eye, it appears to be just a plain old cardboard vessel! But this is actually a father-and-son project in disguise! Slay the giant! Kill the Nazis! Hunt for buried treasure! It's up to you!
"No, this is not just a box! It's everything mankind ever needed to accomplish pressed into a cube of corrugated pulp!"
Of course, that speech takes on a whole new meaning once Mike and Cam realize that anything they make from the cardboard comes to life, complete with existential angst and a Pandora's box of trouble.
Oh, and the artwork. Bright, vibrant, expressive, and angular, I'm not sure it would work for every story, but it suited this one excellently.(less)
Intrigue, I think, is the word for this book. Spies and international espionage. Cold war politics, plots, and double crossings. A secret society dedi...moreIntrigue, I think, is the word for this book. Spies and international espionage. Cold war politics, plots, and double crossings. A secret society dedicated to protecting scientific and alchemical magic, and to using that magic to better the world. Adults who can't be trusted. At times it feels like an unusual and unexpected mix of ingredients, but the one common element is that wherever the young teens in this story turn, whatever they get involved in, it involves intrigue.
And danger. The stakes are surprisingly high, from the opening chapter that has Janie followed by U.S. marshals and her parents deciding to flee the country under suspicion of Communist sympathies to the German and Soviet operatives murdering people in London to attempts to detonate a nuclear bomb.
The one hope lies in the Apothecary's ancient tome of magical secrets, the Pharmacopoeia, that falls into Janie's hands. At her new school she is befriended by Benjamin, who just happens to be the Apothecary's son. They are at his shop the night he is abducted, leaving the book in their hands. Neither believes in magic, but soon the directions in the book have them turning into birds and becoming invisible, among other things, in their efforts to save Benjamin's dad while avoiding capture themselves. It's quite the ride.
I wasn't as swept off my feet or as thrilled as I hoped to be, but it's quite an intriguing tale.(less)
So much fodder for the imagination, beginning with the map, illustrations, and brief descriptions of the different dragon races and their cultures rig...moreSo much fodder for the imagination, beginning with the map, illustrations, and brief descriptions of the different dragon races and their cultures right at the start of the book. Also, the prophecy of greatness, young dragons destined to end a bloody war and bring peace. Young protagonists bucking each of the restrictive parental systems they encounter and knowing for themselves what's best and what they need; these idealistic juveniles are wiser and know better than the patronizing adults who are stuck in their preconceived notions of how the world has to work. And they triumph, at least in small ways. So many things for young readers to fantasize about.
So never mind the clunky dialogue, cliched character types, and lack of depth or originality--this book isn't meant to reflect reality, it's meant to inspire dreams, stir imaginations, and empower dreamers. It does all of that exceedingly well and will delight young readers--one of whom recommended it to me with passion. I plan to pass that sentiment along.(less)
I'm a sucker for a flawed, unreliable narrator, love understated, deadpan humor, and believe self-delusion is an unavoidable fact of life that should...moreI'm a sucker for a flawed, unreliable narrator, love understated, deadpan humor, and believe self-delusion is an unavoidable fact of life that should be embraced by all good stories, so it would seem that Timmy Failure has a winning formula for me since it has all three of these in abundance. Unfortunately, the humor never quite connected with my funny bone. I think it had something to do with how obviously hard Pastis works to make sure readers notice Timmy's failings and feel superior in response; a bold, neon, flashing effort that overwhelmed any other aspect of the character, tale, or telling for me. I appreciate the effort and think there is a good-sized audience that will have a sense of humor that gels perfectly with the author, but I was merely mildly amused.(less)
Colorful, adventurous, and fun, but I wasn't crazy about it. I didn't really care for the particular style of the stylized artwork and found the story...moreColorful, adventurous, and fun, but I wasn't crazy about it. I didn't really care for the particular style of the stylized artwork and found the story sketchy, characters flat, and jokes groaners. I think it could have had much more substance and wit while still working for the intended young audience.(less)
The People Taker extended a friendly hand as he strolled across the parlor to say hello. He wore an apron reading PANCAKE CHEF.
This struck Fernie as t...moreThe People Taker extended a friendly hand as he strolled across the parlor to say hello. He wore an apron reading PANCAKE CHEF.
This struck Fernie as the worst thing he had done yet. Taking people and throwing them into a bottomless pit to become slaves of a guy named Lord Obsidian was evil enough, but promising them pancakes first and not giving them any added an entirely different level of cruelty.
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A fun celebration of the grim and spooky, revolving around animated, independent shadows, a haunted-looking house, and the saddest looking boy in the world.
No one knows why Gustav Gloom looks so sad, because no one in his neighborhood has ever bothered to find out. The closest they came was the time they sent a representative to his house to complain about it being an eyesore, and the representative fled in horror to spend the rest of his days in a mental institution.
Fernie is not like the other neighbors, though. She and her family have just moved in across the street from Gustav, and she and her sister think his house looks like a good adventure. She knows their dad, a "professional worrier" (safety inspector), would never approve and sees the house as unlimited potential for danger, but that doesn't stop her from barging in after her cat their first night in their new home after it is chased by its shadow into Gustav's house.
With only her flashlight for company, she finds an apparently limitless interior that defies the laws of physics and is populated by countless, ghost-like shadows that are no longer attached to their owners. She also finds two other inhabitants: Gustav Gloom, who is strange and possibly friendly, and the People Taker, who is definitely pure evil. Her adventure ends up being much scarier and more dangerous than she ever expected.
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Both girls saw the big black house behind the big black gates and started shouting in excitement: Fernie, because she loved the idea of living in a haunted house, and Pearlie because she loved the idea of living in any house that was black and mysterious, whether it was haunted or not.
Mr. What naturally assumed that the girls were screaming in terror instead of enthusiasm. "Don't worry," he said as he pulled into the driveway directly across the street. "It's not that one. It's this one, here."
Now that the girls saw which house their father had really been talking about, they gaped in scandalized horror. "What color is that?"
"Fluorescent Salmon," said Mr. What.
The little house did indeed look like the fish when it's put on a plate to eat, only more sparkly, which might be perfectly fine inside a fish, but not so good, as far as the girls were concerned, on a house.
Fluorescent Salmon, it turned out, was just the right color to give Fernie What a pounding headache. "I'd rather live in the scary house."
Mr. What looked at the big black house as if seeing it for the first time. "That broken-down old place? I'm sure all the rooms are filled with spiderwebs, all the boards in the floors have pointy nails sticking out of them, and the staircases have plenty of broken steps that will collapse under your weight and leave you hanging for you life by your fingernails."
This was a fun entry into a world where all the characters from traditional fairy tales and fantasies exist in hidden form in the modern world. It has...moreThis was a fun entry into a world where all the characters from traditional fairy tales and fantasies exist in hidden form in the modern world. It has all kinds of potential for imaginative development, and I'm interested in seeing where it goes next.(less)
A popular, athletic, impulsive young teen from a small town fights against the rules and constraints his elders place upon him. He's ready to adventur...moreA popular, athletic, impulsive young teen from a small town fights against the rules and constraints his elders place upon him. He's ready to adventure and see the larger world he hears so much about--and that he doesn't hear much about, since he feels too sheltered and much is kept secret from the young in an effort to protect them. He's always getting in trouble for pushing the boundaries and not paying attention in school.
Then, one day, his selfish rebelliousness goes too far, endangering others, and the unthinkable happens: he gets banished from his town and sent off into the wide world alone. There he finds his elders had good reason to be afraid, for the larger world is dominated by tribal warlords battling for power. His peaceful existence has been replaced by constant death and mayhem--though, to be fair, it's also pretty advanced and awesome, at times making his town seem like a backwater in comparison, with a whole new set of temptations he never imagined.
At one point he returns to his small town to find it has been destroyed, with many of his friends and loved ones killed. You can't survive alone in a world like this, so he must figure out who to side with in the power struggles and wars, all while hoping to retain some of his integrity and find his scattered friends and family that remain.
Now: imagine that scenario, except turn all of the characters into sharks swimming in the Big Blue. I mean, it's a basic story almost any kid (or anyone who's been a kid) can relate to, plus it has the huge cool factor of razor sharp teeth and powerful fins tearing enemies to shreds. What's not to like?
Granted, this is no masterpiece of great writing and complexity, but it gets the appeal factors completely right. It was suggested to me by the mother of a young man who's been devouring the series, and I can see why. By the end I had been so drawn into the character and stories that I was able to turn off my snooty adult literary critic and wanted to know what would happen to the characters in the upcoming books. A very nice effort.
(Oh, and I quite enjoyed the way Altbacker gave the shark world legends and mythology, starting with a creation myth in the prologue; particularly, the name he gave the cunning father of the scheming mako sharks: Machiakelpi.)(less)
I can see why this book has been so popular among young readers, why we've had so many requests for it at my library that there's been a pretty consis...moreI can see why this book has been so popular among young readers, why we've had so many requests for it at my library that there's been a pretty consistent waiting list, popularity that seems to be based on peer-to-peer word-of-mouth. It sucks readers into an underdog story, gives them a character they can identify with and root for, and makes them feel good about themselves for doing so. This may not be my new favorite book or have impressed me with its technical quality, but I'm all for reading experiences that encourage empathy. This is good storytelling.(less)
Unlike other textbooks, my books contain nothing but facts. Brilliant, invaluably villainous facts! And, also unlike other textbooks, mine has an extr...moreUnlike other textbooks, my books contain nothing but facts. Brilliant, invaluably villainous facts! And, also unlike other textbooks, mine has an extremely handsome author photo in the back.
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I love this series; it amuses me to no end. And one of the best things about it, in my opinion, is that each book is different enough that it hasn't felt at all formulaic or repetitive yet, so far staying fresh each time. The first one was a how-to manual and the second almost purely narrative, while this one is extra heavy on dialogue and character development, balanced nicely with plot and humor. While the thing I love the most about Vordak is the particular poetry of his boastful banter,* every element of each epic entices, engages, and entertains me.
In this tale, Vordak's file of formidable foes continues to grow, to the point that it might even include Vordak himself. Twice. Vordak decides to deflate rival archvillain the Blue Buzzard by defeating him in the Glorious Games at the Supervillain and Son Picnic. To accomplish this Vordak needs a son, so he creates a twelve-year-old clone of himself to play the part. Unfortunately, the younger Vordak fails to display Vordak's flair for evil. In fact, he seems overwhelmingly good; so much so, that he has Vordak doubting his own evilness--since the clone is identical to him, after all. All sorts of scheming, double-crossing, and destruction ensues.
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*Some choice favorites:
Ah--I see you have decided to read the back cover of my bombastically brilliant book. Which leads me to the following question: Why in Zarfloog's name are you reading the BACK COVER? Have you no idea how a book even works? All the awesome stuff is on the INSIDE.
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By the rotund rump of Ragnarok, I should be hearing screaming and crying and pleading for mercy! Something is amiss!
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Of course [magnifulous] is a word! It just happens to be one I created myself. My mind happens to be both magnificent and fabulous, so it makes sense to combine the words in order to save time. [...]
You know what? I'm not even going to unleash my fabled fury upon you for that comment. I'm not going to call you a dimwitted doofus or a ham-headed halfwit or even a great galloping goober. And I'm not going to say that I've seen bowling balls that were sharper than you. No, I'm not going to do any of that because I have more important things on my mind. [...]
THAT'S IT, YOU . . . YOU . . . YOU . . . ACK!! I used up all my best insults in that last paragraph! Nevertheless, your ridiculous rambling is giving me a headache. So I'm going to use my shrink ray to reduce your comments down to a size that is unreadable. [...]
Ah, that's much better.
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EVILOSITY
In all your bookly reading, I know you'll never see Another rogue with my amount Of Evilosity.
Not Voldemort or Olaf, Not Wicked Witch of West. When it comes to Evilosity I, Vordak, am the best!
That Grinch can be a mean one At least until Whos sing But I am awful all the time That's just my evil thing.
Captain Hook is quite the villain Just go ask Peter Pan But I am far more evil And I still have my left hand.
So put those other tomes aside My books are all you'll need To learn of Evilosity . . . Assuming you can read.
I read a good but short review of this that got me to check it out, then let it sit around for a while since the cover and packaging didn't get me ver...moreI read a good but short review of this that got me to check it out, then let it sit around for a while since the cover and packaging didn't get me very excited. I should have trusted the review and dove right in, because it was much better than I expected; not just better, it was good.
The first third of this volume is a single, complete story, with the rest being a series of shorter (and mini) stories about the same characters. G-Man lives a world where everyone has superpowers. In that sense, this is a mild send-up of superhero comics, with plenty of jokes about the conventions of the genre. Since everyone is super-powered, though, situations and interpersonal dynamics end up being very relatable and realistic. G-Man enjoys hanging out with his group of friends and constantly fights with his older brother. They deal with bullies, a demanding dad, crushes, celebrity worship, summer camp, and more. Entertaining and engaging.(less)
I read the first two volumes a while back and liked them, but now that I've revisited the story with volumes three through f...moreI really love this series.
I read the first two volumes a while back and liked them, but now that I've revisited the story with volumes three through five I like them even more. The characters continue to develop, the same jokes and gags carry through without getting stale, and the whole enterprise is witty, funny, and smart. The little educational bits at the end of each book are actually interesting and enlightening without feeling either dry or patronizing. And the art is stellar. If only all detective stories could be so entertaining.
I read the first two volumes a while back and liked them, but now that I've revisited the story with volumes three through f...moreI really love this series.
I read the first two volumes a while back and liked them, but now that I've revisited the story with volumes three through five I like them even more. The characters continue to develop, the same jokes and gags carry through without getting stale, and the whole enterprise is witty, funny, and smart. The little educational bits at the end of each book are actually interesting and enlightening without feeling either dry or patronizing. And the art is stellar. If only all detective stories could be so entertaining.
I read the first two volumes a while back and liked them, but now that I've revisited the story with volumes three through f...moreI really love this series.
I read the first two volumes a while back and liked them, but now that I've revisited the story with volumes three through five I like them even more. The characters continue to develop, the same jokes and gags carry through without getting stale, and the whole enterprise is witty, funny, and smart. The little educational bits at the end of each book are actually interesting and enlightening without feeling either dry or patronizing. And the art is stellar. If only all detective stories could be so entertaining.
A lighthearted mystery about two sixth graders reluctantly drawn into an 80-year-old treasure hunt at their odd school. I enjoyed it, but it didn't bl...moreA lighthearted mystery about two sixth graders reluctantly drawn into an 80-year-old treasure hunt at their odd school. I enjoyed it, but it didn't blow me away.(less)
Simple and approachable while at the same time subtle and complex.
Intelligent, compassionate, honest, sad, dramatic, fantastical, gritty, and hopeful...moreSimple and approachable while at the same time subtle and complex.
Intelligent, compassionate, honest, sad, dramatic, fantastical, gritty, and hopeful in all the right amounts.
Predictable yet still suspenseful.
About a small cast of animals. About humanity.
Entertaining.
Insightful.
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In my new life as a human, I was well tended. I ate lettuce leaves with Thousand Island dressing, and caramel apples, and popcorn with butter. My belly ballooned.
But hunger, like food, comes in many shapes and colors. At night, lying alone in my Pooh pajamas, I felt hungry for the skilled touch of a grooming friend, for the cheerful grunts of a play fight, for the easy safety of my nearby troop, foraging through shadows. . . .
Sometimes I lay awake, wishing for the warmth of another just like me, asleep in a night nest of tender prayer-plant leaves.
I liked having sips of soda poured into my mouth like a bubbling waterfall. But every now and then, I longed to search for a tender stalk of arrowroot, to feel the tease of a mango, just out of reach.
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Bob, who has been chewing his tail, pauses, tilting his head. "Is that a true story?"
"I always tell the truth," Stella replies. "Although I sometimes confuse the facts."(less)
A very easy beginning chapter book for beginning readers with a real setting and dilemma. I just wish it could have achieved the simple writing withou...moreA very easy beginning chapter book for beginning readers with a real setting and dilemma. I just wish it could have achieved the simple writing without such simplistic plotting and characterizations.(less)
A ton has already been written and said about this title, so I won't go into much detail.
I love the message and thought the strongest parts were those...moreA ton has already been written and said about this title, so I won't go into much detail.
I love the message and thought the strongest parts were those not from Auggie's perspective/voice. It's a good book with a lot to say.
Overall, though, people were just a little too good and things a little too easy for it to be an accurate reflection of reality in my book. It suffered from terminal earnestness and unrealistic warm fuzzies.(less)
Uh oh. Binky passed his annual evaluation with flying colors and received a promotion, which means he now gets to train new recruits. But with his rec...moreUh oh. Binky passed his annual evaluation with flying colors and received a promotion, which means he now gets to train new recruits. But with his recruit arrives the announcement that F.U.R.S.T. is now P.U.R.S.T. (Felines Pets of the Universe Ready for Space Travel). His trainee isn't a kitty, but a hopeless puppy. What's a Space Cat to do?
For an introduction to Binky and his adventures, check out my review of his first book (which includes a link to my review of book two).(less)
Holy Fuzzbutt! It's more Binky fun. This time, he has to pass a surprise annual evaluation by an outsider to maintain his status as a F.U.R.S.T. (Feli...moreHoly Fuzzbutt! It's more Binky fun. This time, he has to pass a surprise annual evaluation by an outsider to maintain his status as a F.U.R.S.T. (Felines of the Universe Ready for Space Travel) agent Space Cat.
For an introduction to Binky and his adventures, check out my review of his first book (which includes a link to my review of book two).(less)
And now I've closed the circle in a most satisfactory way--I stumbled across volume 3 and read that first, then went back to read volume 1 and then th...moreAnd now I've closed the circle in a most satisfactory way--I stumbled across volume 3 and read that first, then went back to read volume 1 and then this volume 2. It's nice seeing the characters as they develop over time to get from point A back to point C, where I first met them. Strong characters, humorous, and poignant. For more detail, see my reviews of Down in the Dumps and Secret Diary.(less)
This tenth epic Captain Underpants novel jumps in right where the ninth one left off, with a time-traveling Tippy Tinkletrousers having apparently and...moreThis tenth epic Captain Underpants novel jumps in right where the ninth one left off, with a time-traveling Tippy Tinkletrousers having apparently and inadvertently vanquished our hero for all time. Fortunately, both the good guys and the bad guys in the story have access to time travel machines, so the action picks up with a complicated, convoluted quest to restore things to their rightful order.
Over the course of the wacky adventure, we get two versions of Captain Underpants fighting side by side, three versions of Tippy working together against George and Harold at the same time, and the true stories behind: the big bang at the creation of the universe, the extinction of the dinosaurs, the start of the last ice age, the first caveman paintings on cave walls (in France), the world's first comic, and more.
And, of course, the book has plenty of patented Flip-O-Rama, action, humor, graphic novel sections, and ridiculous fun.
"Wow!" said George. "You mean it's that easy? All you have to do is make up your mind and stick to it, and you can change the future?"
Did you ever notice how grown-ups hate it when kids are having fun? Seriously, when was the last time you were doing something fun and some adult came over and made you stop? If you're like most kids, you're probably reading this very book because some adult wanted you to quit playing video games or watching TV.
If you don't believe me, try this experiment: Grab a few of your friends, go into the corner of a room, and start goofing around. Make some noise! Start laughing and cheering and maybe shout out a "Woo-hoo!" or two. It's been scientifically proven that 89.4 percent of all grown-ups will drop whatever they're doing and rush over to put a stop to whatever "nonsense" you're up to.
You have to wonder, why are most grown-ups like this? Weren't they ever kids themselves? Didn't they enjoy laughing and cheering and goofing around when they were young? If so, when did they stop? And why?
Now, I certainly can't speak for all adults, but I'm going to anyway.
I think it's a lot easier for adults to stomp out someone else's fun than it is for them to reflect on their own lives and figure out where it all went so miserably wrong. It's just too depressing for grown-ups to ponder all the decades of compromises, failures, laziness, fear, and regrettable choices that slowly transformed them from running, jumping, laughing, fun-loving kids into grumpy, complaining, calorie-counting, easily offended, peace-and-quiet-demanding grouches.
In other words, it's harder to look within yourself than it is to shout, "HEY, YOU KIDS, CUT THAT OUT!"
Keeping this in mind, you might not want to smile or laugh while reading this book. And when you get to the Flip-O-Rama parts, I suggest you flip with a bored, disinterested look on your face or some adult will probably take this book away from you and make you read Sarah, Plain and Tall instead.
Don't say I didn't warn you.
[Book titles pictured in the illustrations: Lose Weight While Blaming Others and 7 Steps to Living a Marginally Less Unfulfilled Life]
An enjoyable tale combining two traditions: the Irish fairy tales of the small folk and the American wild west.
Young teen Louisa lives on a Colorado p...moreAn enjoyable tale combining two traditions: the Irish fairy tales of the small folk and the American wild west.
Young teen Louisa lives on a Colorado prairie farmstead with just her dad, her mom having died years ago when she was young. And now she's losing her dad, as their only neighbors have accused him of stealing their things and he's been arrested, taken into the nearest town by the sheriff. Now she's staying with those same neighbors until the trial, and it's not a happy situation. Louisa can't imagine that her dad is actually guilty, but the missing things were indeed in her family's old dug-out house. Something strange is going on, and Louisa's going to get to the bottom of it in time to save her dad.(less)
A note was siting on the kitchen counter, illuminated by moonlight. Steve strained to read it:
Steve, The police say you are in trouble. I am with Rick
...moreA note was siting on the kitchen counter, illuminated by moonlight. Steve strained to read it:
Steve, The police say you are in trouble. I am with Rick looking for you. If you're reading this, call my cell phone. The police can help you. I love you. Love, Mom
Steve grabbed a pen from the top of the microwave and turned the paper over. He wrote:
Dear Mom, I won't be home this weekend because I'm wanted for treason and I have to clear my name. Also, I took the last Sprite from the fridge. Love, Steve
Steve put the note on the counter, took the last Sprite from the fridge, and tiptoed to the bottom of the stairs. Everything he did, he did quietly--the Librarians could have the place bugged.
Steve was very good at moving silently through his house. He was always sneaking around at home, practicing the Bailey Brothers' methods of stealthy sleuthing.
Steve has read every book in the Bailey Brothers mystery series and constantly studies The Bailey Brothers' Detective Handbook, practicing all the skills that will make him a detective. He's very smart and capable. It's just that the books are very old, which mean his tools and methods are very out of date and that Steve calls his best friend his "chum" and uses other old-fashioned terms and language.
No one notices or cares, though, since much more ludicrous things are afoot. When Steve checks out a library book for his school research assignment, he is arrested by a secret operations team of librarians who accuse him of treason. They say he is working for Mr. E and want to know all of his secrets. Steve has no secrets, but now he's on the run, trying to find Mr. E for the cops and librarians to clear his name.
The height of silly hilariousness, this is a mystery book that has a ton of fun not making much sense. And how could I not rate it well, with this over-the-top pander?
"You see, Steven, Librarians are the most elite, best trained secret force in the United States of America. Probably in the world."
"No way."
"Yes way."
"What about the FBI?"
"Featherweights."
"The CIA?"
Mackintosh snorted. "Don't make me laugh. Those guys can't even dunk a basketball and read a book at the same time. Every Librarian is a highly trained agent. An expert in intelligence, counterintelligence, Boolean searching, and hand-to-hand combat. . . .
"Listen, Steven: Librarians are the guardians of knowledge. And yes, we make sure knowledge is available, gratis, to everyone. 'Just loaning them books,' as you so crudely put it, is an important job." He paused and looked right at Steve. "But it's not the reason we're proficient in seven different kinds of martial arts."
Steve shifted in his seat.
"You see, Steven, some information is so secret that only a highly trained secret-keeper can keep it. United States Librarians make sure America's secrets don't fall in front of the wrong eyes. Trust me, Steven: Librarians are just about the only thing holding this country together."(less)
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