Once upon a time, in a mystical land of weirdness and wtfery, a land we'll call 2008, I was younger and dumber and easily impressed. During this time,Once upon a time, in a mystical land of weirdness and wtfery, a land we'll call 2008, I was younger and dumber and easily impressed. During this time, the series we all love to hate, Twilight, came to be in my possession. I was weak and foolish and because I didn't know better, I found myself smitten with sparkly vampires and whiny Mary Sues and it wasn't until Breaking Dawn and Pedowolf made an appearance, falling in love with a freaky hybrid infant did I shake myself awake, look around, and wonder WTF I was doing. They sparkled, for God's sake! They sucked the marrow from animals! They were not vampires. They were fairies with a penchant for house cats.
I was so ashamed.
Fast forward to 2013 and an older, more jaded Penryen. A Penryen who is rightfully disgusted with her 2008 self. The Host is being made into a movie, and while I had avoided the book lo these many years, I decided to give it a shot, because surely, surely, it would not be as bad as Twilight. Everyone insisted that it was, in fact, better. More mature. Not as rage inducing. Meyer didn't even seem to have the vendetta against free will that she did in the Twilight series. We've all grown up! I thought. We've learned from our mistakes!
But oh. Oh we have not. And I am including myself in that because there I was. doing what I said I wouldn't. Reading another Meyer book. But you didn't get me this time, SMeyer. You didn't trick me. I am better now! I am not that same girl you bamboozled in 2008. I happen to LIKE free will. In fact, I've found I'm actually a bit of a feminist. All this talk of people belonging to others doesn't fly with this girl. This violence, repeatedly, against a woman isn't quaint or cute. I am not impressed. And the length, dear God, were you paid by the word? Half of that could have been cut and it would have been a tighter, still just as horrible story.
in conclusion: never again, Meyer. Never freaking again....more
Every once in awhile, I stumble across a book with such high ratings, I become convinced I somehow ended up with the wrong one or everyone was paid ofEvery once in awhile, I stumble across a book with such high ratings, I become convinced I somehow ended up with the wrong one or everyone was paid off and my check has yet to come in the mail.
Such is the case with Inescapable.
To be fair, I didn't finish it. Because I couldn't. Try as I might, I couldn't get any further than 18% in. Right about the time that Evie and Russell started making plans as to how best to go about taking out Reed. "HE CAN ALTER YOUR MIND! BUT NOT MINE!" Seriously, homegirl? You've been at school for 10 minutes. Calm it down, Nancy Drew.
The language these kids were using was so painfully awkward it literally hurt me to read it. "Oh, he's a playa." "Yo! Sup?" "Mad cool!" It's like we're flashing back to the 90's or the entire school is a pack of Gretchen Weiners.
STOP TRYING TO MAKE FETCH HAPPEN. IT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.
Look, I know I'm old, but I'm 99% sure these young thundercats running around aren't saying these stilted, awkward things and they're acceptable. I'm pretty sure they weren't even said back when they were supposedly said. It was like reading something my 80 year old grandma wrote, trying to talk how she thinks kids these days talk. Grandma, get back to knitting and being old, okay?
Maybe the story improved at some point. Maybe I missed out because I couldn't push myself to keep reading. Maybe. Maybe there's really autobotos disguised as harmless vehicles too. Maybe, right now, Megatron & Optimus Prime are battling it out on a highway and I'm missing it by writing this review.
I'm stretching the truth by marking this as "read". Unless read means, "barely made it through 6 confusing chapters" then, okay. I read it.
Maybe I diI'm stretching the truth by marking this as "read". Unless read means, "barely made it through 6 confusing chapters" then, okay. I read it.
Maybe I didn't give it enough of a chance but there was just so much going on in such a short amount of space that it was information overload. I'm pretty sure my brain shut down at one point in an act of self-preservation....more