TV Snorted My Brain is the latest literary offering from Bradley Sands. For those not familiar with the scene, Sands is the Randolph Mantooth of BizarTV Snorted My Brain is the latest literary offering from Bradley Sands. For those not familiar with the scene, Sands is the Randolph Mantooth of Bizarro Lit. And what could be more Randolph Mantoothy than a retelling of the King Arthur legend, set in the world of TV Land? (Actually, a good bizarro tale involving firemen would probably be pretty Mantoothy too.)
“My mortal enemies are the rules that govern society.”
Our protagonist is Artie Pendragon, a teen wanna-be anarchist--like a slightly mature Tucker Max. He has to put up with a widowed mom, an ex-wrestler uncle, and an annoying younger sister.
“Extra hot mustard is not very anarchist. Extra hot mustard is the tool the overlords use to keep down the proletarians. It is what they threaten us with whenever we speak our mind.”
But upon finding that he (and he alone) can work the Excalibur 3000 to change TV channels, his life begins to change.
“He who worketh this remote control is the true king of all TV Land.”
He and his family end up in TV Land. And he’s king. Isn’t it good to be king?
“Homeless people smell really bad. I believe smelling really bad is the most anarchist scent in the universe. The second most anarchist scent in the universe is Obsession for Men.”
Not with his family, it isn’t. But once in TV Land, he meets up with magical Merlin, pretty Gwen, stylish Lance, and Gawain, one of those observation-based comedians.
“Why do zombies always want to eat people’s brains.? Brains must taste awful. If I were a zombie, I’d yell ‘General Tso’s Chiiicken!’ while I attacked people. That stuff is delicious.”
And what happens? Things get weird. Because that’s what happens in Bizarro. And it’s what happens in a Bradley Sands book. Go on, read it. Because reading Bizarro is totally anarchist! ...more
How's this for a funny idea: a comedy based on a school shooting? Yeah, okay, no way is that going to work.
But it does. At the beginning, we get to knHow's this for a funny idea: a comedy based on a school shooting? Yeah, okay, no way is that going to work.
But it does. At the beginning, we get to know the characters, and find out why they want to shoot up the school. (Okay, not really do any shooting, just scare some bullies.) When the day of the plan arrives, disaster after disaster befalls the group. And the story becomes a (funny) comedy of errors.
At this point, though, after coming to like the characters, you start to get a little uneasy. Are they really going to go through with it? But then Sungenis pulls off a clever twist to give the tale a satisfying ending.
The author says he wrote the novel to encourage conversation about the issue of school shootings. Will that happen? Probably not: people can't decide on what/whom to blame them on. But while you try to figure out what the real reason may be, here's a funny take on the issue....more
Imagine two copies of Ignatius J. Reilly, minus the arrogance, but infected with malapropism. This is Grundish and Askew, two best friends with one waImagine two copies of Ignatius J. Reilly, minus the arrogance, but infected with malapropism. This is Grundish and Askew, two best friends with one want and one don’t want. Their “want” is simple: they want to run a marijuana-dispensing brothel in international waters outside the jurisdiction of the US. Their “don’t want” is also simple: they don’t want to end up in jail. Anything--including an untimely death--but that. They hook up with Askew’s great aunt Turleen, and then spend some time in the Buttwynn residence. Why? Because the Buttwynns are on vacation, their house is empty, and it’s the perfect set-up for the “Turd Burglar”. But then Mr. Buttwynn returns early and some hell breaks loose. Grundish, Askew, Turleen, and a teen hooker go on the lamb [sick], ultimately making their final stand at Jerry Mathers’ Foreign Car Parts and Service. The tale features the kind of absurd situations that pop up in Bizarro Lit (albeit somewhat subdued—which I suspect is the first time that word has ever been applied to anything Carbuncle has ever written) and the occasional surreal characters that you find in Christopher Moore’s work. In addition to the weird plot lines, this book has probably the best set of footnotes in literary history. For example, cures for internal hemorrhoids, funny porno names, the world record for the loudest burp, and made-up words like muddlement and droopage. Has there ever been a book review asking for MORE footnotes? Well, there is now. More footnotes, please! ...more
CHRISTopher Moore addresses some of the religious issues/questions about the life of Jesus (or Joshua, if you prefer the less Greek translation; or YeCHRISTopher Moore addresses some of the religious issues/questions about the life of Jesus (or Joshua, if you prefer the less Greek translation; or Yeshua if you insist on getting all Hebrew): What happened to Joshua between the ages of 12 and 33? Did Joshua have any close friends? What if Joshua knew kung fu?
And as risky as it is, retelling the life of Christ in a comedic setting, it works. It works well. It's hilarious, but it's also some downright interesting bit of philosophy. Kudos to Moore in writing a humorous story and on doing some actual research to try to make the background accurate.
And now, some highlights.
Don't let anyone tell you that the Prince of Peace never struck anyone. In those early days, before he had become who he would be, Joshua smote me in the nose more than once.
I began improvising what I thought was a good funeral song. "La-la-la. Oh, we are really, really sad that your mom is dead. Too bad you're a Sadducee and don't believe in an afterlife and your mom is just going to be worm food, la-la. Makes you think that you might want to reconsider, huh? Fa-la-la-la-la-la-wacka-wacka." (It sounded great in Aramaic. Really. [...:] "Fa-la-la-la, don't feel bad--she was old and had no teeth left, la-la-la."
How could you, at thirteen, know anything? I'm eighty-four and I don't know shit.
"I think Lao-tzu is correct. Kindness precedes justice. As long as you seek justice by punishment you can only cause more suffering. How can that be right? This is a revelation!" "I learned how to boil down goat urine to make explosives today," I said. "That's good too," said Joshua.
It's very difficult to stay angry when a room full of bald guys in orange robes start giggling. Buddhism.
"It's a yeti," said Gaspar from behind me, obciously having been roused from his trance. "An abominable snowman." "This is what happens when you fuck a sheep!?" I exclaimed. "Not an abomination," Josh said, "abominable."
The Kama Sutra sayeth: When a woman winds her small toes into the armpit hair of a man, and the man hops upon one foot, while supporting the woman on his lingam and a butter churn, then the achieved position is called "Rhinoceros Balancing a Jelly Donut."
"Blessed are the meek, for to them we shall say, 'attaboy.'"
Meanwhile the chief priest droned on: "A man dies and leaves no sons, but his wife marries his brother, who has three sons by his first wife...[and on:] The three of them leave Jericho and head south, going three point three furlongs per hour, but they are leading two donkeys, which can carry two...[and on:] So the Sabbath ends, and they are able to resume, adding on the thousand steps allowed under the law...and the wind is blowing southwest at two furlongs per hour...[and on:] How much water will be required for the journey? Give your answer in firkins." "Five," Joshua said, as soon as they stopped speaking. And all were amazed. The crowd roared. A woman shouted, "Surely he is the Messiah." "The Son of God has come," said another. "You guys aren't helping," I shouted back at them. "You didn't show your work, you didn't show your work," chanted the youngest of the priests. ...more
Christopher Moore's take on King Lear, from the point of view of the fool, who now has a name: Pocket. Is it funny? Of course it's funny--it's ChristoChristopher Moore's take on King Lear, from the point of view of the fool, who now has a name: Pocket. Is it funny? Of course it's funny--it's Christopher Moore. Hell, even the footnotes are funny! ...more
This is a Christopher Moore book. Therefore it is funny. You don't even need to know what the plot is; the book is funny. But if you insist on knowingThis is a Christopher Moore book. Therefore it is funny. You don't even need to know what the plot is; the book is funny. But if you insist on knowing something about the plot, here goes. It's a sequel to Blood Sucking Fiends. Jodi turns Tommy into a vampire and hilarity continues. Vampires, a blue prostitute, turkey bowling...it's the great American novel.
Here are some lines to convince you:
“Oh, crap, there’s burrito spooge all over my new sneakers.”
So they loaded him into the ambulance, and just as they were shutting the doors, he reached out his hand, like he was a drowning man reaching for the last spark of his mortality before the inky waves of death swept him away--so I flashed my boobs for him, just a quick lift of my bra and top at the same time, because I don't think we do enough to help the homeless, and I wanted him to die a happy man. And besides, they're small and I don't get that many requests.
I am really liking Christoper Moore's work! This novel tells the tale of a disgraced pilot and his adventures with a shark-hunting cargo cult locatedI am really liking Christoper Moore's work! This novel tells the tale of a disgraced pilot and his adventures with a shark-hunting cargo cult located on a dinky island in the Pacific. How can you not laugh. The scene where the male warriors read about Prince Charles wanting to be a tampon...pure comedy gold!...more
If you're a fan of movies that are so bad, they're good, then you've probably heard of Ed Wood. I didn't care much for the way this book was written:If you're a fan of movies that are so bad, they're good, then you've probably heard of Ed Wood. I didn't care much for the way this book was written: much of it is a collection of quotes/reminisences thrown together. I like the fact that the book gives a detailed filmography of Wood's "oeuvre" but I would have preferred more prose throughout. ...more
I love Miller's rants. These are collected from his HBO show Dennis Miller Live. And they're funny--IF you like Dennis and his "referencia obscura" scI love Miller's rants. These are collected from his HBO show Dennis Miller Live. And they're funny--IF you like Dennis and his "referencia obscura" schtick. If not, then this book is probably not for you....more
I thought this would be a funny book. I saw the author on television recently and thought, "Hey, she's funny." No wait, that was his sister, Amy SedarI thought this would be a funny book. I saw the author on television recently and thought, "Hey, she's funny." No wait, that was his sister, Amy Sedaris. I haven't read anything of hers, just saw her on tv. So anyway, I read a few chapters and then stopped. If I had more time to read, I might have kept going, but this book just wasn't that funny. ...more
A funny book--though not as funny as, say, P. J. O'Rourke. However, this is the only one of Hiaasen's books that I've read, so maybe I'll try one moreA funny book--though not as funny as, say, P. J. O'Rourke. However, this is the only one of Hiaasen's books that I've read, so maybe I'll try one more. The 911 call at the end though...that was a laugh-out-loud moment....more
This is the first Christopher Moore book I've read. I liked it. I liked it a lot! I've read books by Tom Robbins and Carl Hiaasen, but this book wasThis is the first Christopher Moore book I've read. I liked it. I liked it a lot! I've read books by Tom Robbins and Carl Hiaasen, but this book was funnier than what I've read from Robbins and Hiaasen. It reminded me of P. J. O'Rourke and Douglas Adams. The humor is somewhat absurd at times (which I personally prefer) but there is still a decent story being told....more