Opening Line: " My involvement with vampires began innocently enough."
Dr. Kismit Knight is a respected Denver Psychologist who doesn't believe in theOpening Line: " My involvement with vampires began innocently enough."
Dr. Kismit Knight is a respected Denver Psychologist who doesn't believe in the paranormal. She especially doesn't believe in Vampires. Kismit's character has been written like a real person, not your average romance heroine, she could be you or me and that's what makes it so great when she stumbles into the Vampire world. It could also be you or me.
The story begins with Dr. Knight taking on a patient with a Vampire fetish. The girl frequents a Goth club and has a crush on the owner, who she claims is a Vampire. She in fact wants to become one of the undead. Kismit of course thinks she's crazy but decides that this Vampire culture would be a great idea for a book. Kismit puts an ad in the newspaper promoting herself as the "Vampire Shrink" hoping to gain valuable research material. What she doesn't count on is meeting Devereux. The 800 year old, wealthy and extremely gorgeous club owner. After a two year drought in her sex life Kismit finds herself inexplicably drawn to him even though she thinks he's delusional for indeed claiming to be a Vampire. Through a series of misadventures and blood drained bodies she also finds herself spending time with FBI profiler Alan Stevens. Enter the love triangle.
Throughout this story we get to hear Dr. Knights running internal dialogue and it's awesome, especially after she learns that Devereux can read her mind. "Yes I desire you as well" he whispered into my mind.
The climax takes place at a Vampire ball on Halloween night. With a gruesome multiple-personality antagonist named Lucifer out to kill Devereux and drain Dr. Knights blood. It also finds FBI man Alan dressed as Gary Oldman from the movie Dracula. This is a hilarious book, full of sassy sarcasm and cool wit. It is also quite sexy. With both love interests more than suitable as romance material.
Highly recommended for fans of sexy Vampires, sexy FBI men, sarcastic wit, paranormal romance and an all around good read. I'm looking forward to reading Dark Harvest next to see where the series takes us.
Excerpt from the Vampire Shrink: "I choose fictional creatures for 500$ Alex." Propping my feet up on the chair that'd been recently vacated by the firm hindquarters of the cutest FBI agent I'd ever seen, I raised my coffee cup in a solitary toast to the memory of his tight jeans exiting my kitchen and loudly vocalized the theme song from the TV game show Jeopardy. I put on my best Alex Trebek voice. "These bloodsucking undead denizens of the night have taken over the rational minds of the populace of Denver" I pretended to push an invisible button on the table. "What are vampires?" imitating Alex again "Yes our new winner is Dr Kismit Knight formally a respected psychologist now a permanent resident of Denver Psychiatric Hospital" I sang the theme song again, applauded myself and heaved a huge sigh. I definitely didn't get enough sleep." ...more
Opening Line:" It was a high-pitched scream that woke Elvi."
THE ACCIDENTAL VAMPIRE is an amusing story with great characters. It also gives a slightlOpening Line:" It was a high-pitched scream that woke Elvi."
THE ACCIDENTAL VAMPIRE is an amusing story with great characters. It also gives a slightly different take on the standard Vampire Romance, wherein the main characters are all in their 60's and the Vampires are decendents of Atlantis. This is also not a series that you need to read in order, which is great. It's nice to just pick up a book and not need a huge ammount of back story to know what's going on.
Elvie Black was accidentally turned into a Vampire while vacationing in Mexico with her best friend. Upon returning home she watches Dracula in an attempt to understand how to live like a Vampire. She runs a B&B and is the star attraction at the local resturaunt where she gives birthday bites to the townsfolk. As her friends age they fear that she will be left alone and subsequently place a personals ad in the paper. This brings several sexy Vampire suiters into town all vying for Elvie's attention. One in particular, Victor Argeneau is an enforcer. Sent to take Elvie before the counsel as she is breaking the Vampire laws by feeding on humans and not keeping her immortal status a secret.
Much hilarity ensues as all 5 suitors end up staying in the B&B over the following week, teaching Elvie how to be a Vampire. Two hilarious scenes stand out for me; one, after she learns that she can in fact eat, and makes a mad dash to the store in search of chocolate and cheesecake. (it's been 5 years) The other takes place after she's told that she doesn't have to sleep in a coffin. Elvie then takes all the men with her to purchase a new bed. The whole town becames a part of this amusing story as a comedy of errors results in someone trying to kill Elvie and Victor discovering that she might be his lifemate.
Opening line: " When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger aired in France, the French surrendered just to be on the safe side."
THE TRUTH ABOUT CHUCK NORROpening line: " When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger aired in France, the French surrendered just to be on the safe side."
THE TRUTH ABOUT CHUCK NORRIS is a hilarious collection of over 400 "facts" about the phenomenon know as Chuck Norris. (World's greatest human) I was in tears from laughing so hard while reading this although I'm still at a loss in how to explain why it's so funny? I can however tell you that if you Google Chuck Norris jokes you will get well over a million hits and that my 65 year old mother and police officer brother also found it highly amusing. So it seems the silliness appeals to all.
In this parody we get to learn all about Chuck Norris's amazing strength, his indestructible beard, his frightening sexual virility, the power of his fist, his ability to stop time by thinking about pineapples, the strength of his roundhouse kicks and much, much more. There are 400 "facts" inside and several cool, illustrated pictures.
Since my initiation into Chuck Norris's amazing world I have purchased 3 more copies of this book for family and friends and would recommend it to just about anyone plus it makes for a great piece of bathroom literature.
-Water boils faster when Chuck Norris watches it.
-Chuck Norris does not leave messages he leaves warnings.
-When Chuck Norris breaks wind, it stays broken.
-Sometimes the setting sun will linger just a few minutes on the horizon to get one last look at Chuck Norris.
-Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris Pyjamas.
-The movie Rambo was inspired by Chuck Norris's time as a boy scout.
And if you don't buy this book right now and laugh Chuck Norris will roundhouse kick you back in time so you can indeed purchase THE TRUTH ABOUT CHUCK NORRIS.
~CHELSEA'S DRUNKEN ONE NIGHT STANDS~ Chelsea isn't shy and she loves men, lots of men, Oh and top shelf vodka too (I'm not sure in which order.) In MY~CHELSEA'S DRUNKEN ONE NIGHT STANDS~ Chelsea isn't shy and she loves men, lots of men, Oh and top shelf vodka too (I'm not sure in which order.) In MY HORIZONTAL LIFE Chelsea chronicles her escapades with a Vegas stripper, a well endowed little person, a cruise ship performer, her landlord, her gynaecologist, a Washington politician with a coke habit, black men, Latino men, small penised men...you get the idea. She also tries to get `Dumb-Dumb' her virgin roommate some action and all hell breaks loose when she attends her sisters wedding with her gay friend Nathan.
I guess I expected this book to be clever and witty like the humour I've seen on Chelsea Lately or in her stand up comedy. Unfortunately its not. This book is just a mildly entertaining collection of immature stories wherein Chelsea proceeds to get as intoxicated as she can, insults everyone around her and then tries (sometimes unsuccessfully) to find a man who will have sex with her.
If you leave your politically correctness at the door and enjoy stories about drunken one night stands then you might like this book. However this is not really a memoir and her lack of compassion is at times insulting. Sure, there are a couple of amusing quips within her tales but nothing that I would really call funny.
Sleazy, aimless and disappointing I kept waiting for this book to get better or for Chelsea to be in some way redeemed by the end and find a steady man. Needless to say I won't be reading her follow-up book anytime soon. ...more
Opening Line: "I waited outside the large four-story home in Manhasset that was owned by a Mr Liam Flannery.
Gah… This was just all kinds of ways good,Opening Line: "I waited outside the large four-story home in Manhasset that was owned by a Mr Liam Flannery.
Gah… This was just all kinds of ways good, the question here is why did I leave the delicious and uber sexy Bones sitting on my TBR shelf for so long? I mean I already knew this was going to be great, I figured Cat was going to kick some major ass and I’d heard all kinds of rumours about the infamous chapter 32 So why the wait?? I just don’t have an answer. Anyways my thanks to SheSwitches who finally got me to read this second part in the Night Huntress series.
So where to begin? How about awesome, exciting, erotic, hilarious, bloody, sigh-worthy, movie-worthy, clever, romantic, thrilling, passionate, vengeful, intense, emotional, surprising, freakin fantastic and ultimately addictive. One Foot In The Grave gave me everything I could possibly want in a paranormal romance and then some.
Half Vampire Cat Crawfield is now working for an underground section of the government. She and her team help rid the world of those bad rogue Vampires. You know the ones that use humans as hors d'oeuvres. When we begin Cat hasn’t seen her beloved Bones in 4 years although she’s still using everything he taught her, still quick with a dagger and still slaying readers with witty one-liners.
One of the great parts of this book is the anticipation the reader feels waiting and wondering when and just how they’re going to get back together. And I will admit I was surprised at seeing this softer broken side of Cat that still pined for Bones (Who wouldn’t?) Ultimately their reunion is everything you’d hope for; violent, romantic, hilarious and very sexy. (It also left me craving a Gin) Bones is once more unwavering in his love for Cat, luscious to listen to and retains his title as my ultimate literary boyfriend.
With Bones back in her life Cat now has some explaining to do. Like why is he still alive? There are more pressing issues to deal with though and with her team “merely” human the only one able to protect her from the master Vampire who’s targeted her for assassination is Bones. All Cat’s got to do is train and keep her team alive, deal with that pesky hit man, do full contact Pilates with Bone’s ex and kill her father. All without losing Bones again in the process.
So as you’ve guessed I loved this and although I’m not one for the tough action heroines Cat in a brawl with the bodies piling up is just too awesome and that last battle with the 7ft Grendel is something else. My only complaint here would have to be Cat’s mother and her continued arguments with Bones which both annoyed and bored me. However we’re given a bunch of fabulous new secondary characters to drool over, who I hope to continue getting to know as the series continues. In particular the newly transformed Dave (although I adored the entire team) and a couple of charming new Vamps. And I promise I won’t keep Bones on the shelf for another year. Cheers...more
Opening Line: "This is gonna take some getting used to."
Set in the early 1980’s (which kept me visualizing Starsky and Hutch and hoping for descriptioOpening Line: "This is gonna take some getting used to."
Set in the early 1980’s (which kept me visualizing Starsky and Hutch and hoping for descriptions of Magnum-esque moustaches) THE ASSIGNMENT is a su-weet read. Just long enough at 161 pages and certainly steamy enough, I can see myself returning to this story again and again. Filled with suspense, random humour, genuine emotion and sexual tension so palpable it just about killed me, Valenti and O’Brian are a couple so deliciously hot and manly that you simply won‘t be able to get enough of them. Plus with cover art this good how can you go wrong?
Detectives Nicholas Valenti and Sean O’Brian have been best friends and partners for 6 years. Often teased because of their open affection, they’ve got each others backs on or off duty. Through danger, donuts and divorce there isn’t anything one of them wouldn’t do for the other including taking a bullet or giving the occasional back massage. That’s a good thing too because Captain Harris’s latest case is going to test the boundaries of even their tight relationship.
Nick and Sean’s assignment sees them going undercover at the infamous gay resort, Ramjack. Potentially they will be busting the notorious drug dealer who’s been flooding the cities gay bars with bad cocaine. It’s a plum job that’s going to look real good on their resumes, just as long as these hetro boys can convince everyone at the RamJack they’re really a gay couple that is. But just how far are these partners willing to go?
Once engaged in their roles as the "sugar daddy" and his "boy toy" the sexual heat literally jumps off the pages. Forced to ‘fake’ their affections in public Valenti and O’Brian’s discovery of each other though soft caresses and first kisses is beautifully done. And because Sean and Nick don’t start out as gay characters watching their miscommunications, emerging feelings and unfamiliar foreplay unfold is also interesting and exciting. Because of the way most men are, when the gentle embraces carry over into their private suite they don’t talk about their feelings or what’s happening between them, they just continue to misinterpret each other and wonder… The sex scenes here are erotic, tender and very satisfying. Eventually Valenti and O’Brian are left to deal with strong emotions neither anticipated having and a very straight world to go back to.
My only real disappointment would be the abrupt resolution to their big case. Its just over. However because I was still shaking from the previous eye popping events it just didn't matter.
A bonus 26 page short story called I’LL BE HOT FOR CHRISTMAS has also been included here. This takes place a year after the RamJack case and involves Valenti suddenly pulling away and distancing himself from an increasingly sexually frustrated and pissed off O’Brian. Could it have anything to do with his new and much younger partner? Sean becomes determined to find out what’s going on even if that involves kidnapping. Cheers ...more
Many of my friends were curious about this book and asked me if Leary comes across like an a-hole in it. I assume they’re asking because he generallyMany of my friends were curious about this book and asked me if Leary comes across like an a-hole in it. I assume they’re asking because he generally has a dark, angry style of comedy and his stand up routines contain a lot of yelling and ranting. My answer is no. Providing that is, you keep an open mind, are able to laugh at yourself and check your politically correctness at the door. Leary just states it like it is and tells a little truth about the sucky side in all of us.
I laughed while reading this. I mean really laughed, out loud and then started quoting parts to everyone, including my 67 year old mother who’s now reading it (and laughing). So if you’re a fan of Denis Leary then I can’t recommend this part memoir, part self help tirade enough. Surprisingly there were even sections that helped me, specifically when it comes to understanding how men’s brains work and why they do (or don’t do) what they do. And if you ever need a recipe that calls for 6,000 potatoes he’s got you covered.
Denis starts things out by giving an overview of what he’s going to talking about in the book. These first few chapters were mostly ranting and I wasn’t all that impressed but then he seemed to calm down and possibly even sat down at his computer, gave his mum a call and started to tell a real story. It then becomes a really interesting memoir with hilarious stories about his Irish Catholic upbringing. We learn about his fear of Kung Fu and fascination with the Vulcan nerve pinch. How his older brother beat the crap out of him and why he was lucky to make it out of childhood at all. He even gives us some amusing recipes from his Ma’s special Irish collection.
The middle part of the book moves away from the bio angle and becomes more of an observations about life; raising drug free kids (or not?), sports, his love of dogs and why cats are satanic spawn, guy friends and nicknames, politicians, pop icons, double standards, racism and why he loves Oprah so damn much.
Some parts that stood out for me were his hilarious tirade about Starbucks, how to interpret guy speak and what men are really thinking when you ask the question “What are you thinking?” (You don’t want to know) This section comes complete with an image of the male and female brain, broken down into compartments for importance of thought. Theres also 8 pages of photographs which include shots from his childhood, his wife and kids, Domina Patrick the race car driver(?) And a comparism between him and Willem Dafoe. Hmmm
Like I said this made me laugh and yes at times it does come across like a comedy routine but it’s also a whole lot more. Besides anyone who’s been with the same woman for 25 years, obviously still adores her, has raised normal children and phones their mum regularly can’t really be an a-hole....more
“In the end a friendship between vampire and a human is like a friendship between a dog and a chicken nugget. Sooner or later, the nugget is going to“In the end a friendship between vampire and a human is like a friendship between a dog and a chicken nugget. Sooner or later, the nugget is going to get eaten; the only real question is how many bites it will take.”
I don’t read much urban fantasy, Oh I try, because friends keep recommending “awesome” books to me but in all honesty I rarely get through them, getting confused by creatures and worlds that change on a whim and generally lack in the romance department. Anyways STAKED was another one of ‘those’ recommendations however this one turned out to be different, piquing my interest from page 1 with its dark laugh-out-loud humour, bumbling anti hero and no holds bared sex, blood and gore. Yup this was a fun ride.
Told in alternating POV’s between the likable but remorseless vampire Eric and his human (waiting to be turned) girlfriend Tabitha, Staked gives us a new take on the mainstream vampire story. And while I much preferred being in Eric’s confused head Tabitha’s journey is at the very least eye opening. With a fast paced storyline set in the unique and very cool world of Void City, this is one Urb fantasy book that I will now be recommending to others.
Eric just wants to be left alone to run his strip club, drain the occasional waitress and drive his 64 Mustang but being undead isn’t easy and ‘life’ just keeps getting in his way. Compounding things is the fact that Eric was embalmed shortly after his ‘death’ and his short term memory now resembles Swiss cheese. He can’t remember who he had for lunch yesterday much less why he’s standing in a back alley with a Master Vampires head in his hands.
Then theres the whole enchanted bullets and sunlight issues (he keeps catching on fire) the missing money and assorted business problems he’s having with the co-owner of Demon Heart, a girlfriend just begging to be turned -with a really cute younger sister and his would be wife Marilyn, who although getting up there in years still refuses to join him in undeath but won’t leave his side either. Throw in the fact that a pack of werewolves is seeking revenge for Eric killing one of their own (come on it was self defence) his girlfriend Tabitha is about to learn the unromantic version of what it means to be undead and oh, his kids are coming to visit.
So you guessed it, I recommended this bloody great ride, even to those who don’t like the urban fantasy genre. JF Lewis has created an excellent world here and I’m looking forward to more adventures with book #2 ReVamped...more
Opening Line: "At the Chrome-And-Glass Camden resturant the skinny hostess ran her purple nail down the book and muttered, "Casey, Casey where've youOpening Line: "At the Chrome-And-Glass Camden resturant the skinny hostess ran her purple nail down the book and muttered, "Casey, Casey where've you got too?"...more
Oh, I liked this one. But then again when you’ve got an uber-sexy, motorcycle riding, tortured, cowboy vampire on thOpening Line: "He needed a woman."
Oh, I liked this one. But then again when you’ve got an uber-sexy, motorcycle riding, tortured, cowboy vampire on the hunt what’s not to like? All my boxes have just been ticked. Throw in a well written story, relatable and funny heroine, scorching hot love scenes, some tender dialogue and an awesome cast of eccentric secondary characters and you’ve got yourself a winner.
Nikki Braxton has given up hope on ever finding a man without issues in her hometown of Skull Creek (the last one stole her underwear and stilettos before he left) However she doesn’t want to get a reputation like her wild and wanton Mamma either and in a town this size everybody knows your business. This leaves Nikki in a state of permanent sexual frustration, getting her highs from cotton candy, baked goods and perm solution. That is until the night Jake McCann rolls into town. This delicious cowboy is just passing through and could be the perfect solution to her little problem; a one night, no strings attached, orgasmic roll in the hay without any of the towns wagging tongues the wiser.
For Jake the down and dirty he’s just had with Nikki is about more than just sex. He’s a vampire on a mission, a mission that after decades has led him to Skull Creek and the enemy that turned him. To be able to destroy his nemesis though Jake’s going to need his batteries fully charged and this is where Nikki comes in. You see Jake doesn’t just feed on blood he feeds on sexual energy and Nikki’s got a ton to spare, so much so that one night with her simply isn’t going to be enough.
I was very curious about the idea of a cowboy vampire and thought this is either going to be really silly or super sexy. Luckily Jake (and all the characters) have been written in such multi-faceted ways that the idea works, big time. Giving you everything you could possibly want in a quickie Harlequin romance and then some. Jake is a fantastic character; self assured, intensely sexual and driven yet also vulnerable and lonely without even knowing it. Yup I fell hard for this Cowboy. Nikki is also great, completely down to earth and fun to be around. Their romance takes some surprising turns and for as steamy as it gets it was also very sweet. I will definitely be searching out more from Kimberly Raye and can’t wait to read the rest of her Scull Creek series, she made this small town and its cast of characters come alive. Cheers! ...more
Opening Line: “How long have I been awake? Is it morning yet? I feel so rough. What happened last night? God my head hurts.”
This was a super fun readOpening Line: “How long have I been awake? Is it morning yet? I feel so rough. What happened last night? God my head hurts.”
This was a super fun read as all of Kinsella’s books are. Not too much brain-power needed, just a good time so if you’re in the mood for chick-lit it doesn’t get much better than this.
REMEMBER ME was addictively hard to put down as well as LOL funny in places and I got sucked right into the chaos of the heroine’s life and the double romance. Imagine not remembering that you’re having an affair.
Lexi Smart is having a crappy night, in her words “On a scale of one to ten we’re talking …a minus six. And it’s not like I even have very high standards.”
Standing in the rain after a night out clubbing with friends, Lexi just wants to find a taxi, get home and kick off her agonizing boots. Yup, it’s been a crap day all right, her boyfriend (Loser Dave) stood her up and her second-rate job managed to screw her out of the Christmas bonus on a technicality. Tomorrow promises to be even worse though, it’s her father’s funeral. Before she can moan about the state of her life any further Lexi tops the night off by slipping on the wet street and tumbling down a flight of stairs.
When Lexi wakes up she’s in a London hospital, but hold on something’s a little off…she’s in a private room and her nails are manicured, her teeth are perfect (guess they can’t call her Snaggletooth anymore) her body is toned and thin (squeal) and her handbag is Vuitton.
The nurse also mentioned that she was in a car accident (in a Mercedes no less) but Lexi can’t drive and she definitely can’t afford that car or that purse. When her Mother and sister show up Lexi starts to panic because her mother looks strange and damn, what’s happened to her little sister, she’s all grown up?
As the Doctors explain it Lexi is suffering from amnesia and is missing the last 3 years of her life which would mean she’s now…28 (sob) but it’s not all bad because somehow in that time she’s married a hunky multimillionaire and become a cooperate big shot. Apparently she now lives in a Kensington loft and has a personal assistant and a trainer and new puffy lips and a carb free diet and glamorous new friends (what about her old friends and toast?)
Lexi’s got a ton of catching up to do if she’s going to make this exciting new life work and she might just pull it off. But she misses her friends (they won’t even talk to her anymore) and toast (sigh) and can’t understand how she become that bitch “The Cobra” at the office and this is all before Jon the architect shows up. Yeah Jon, the guy she’s supposedly having an affair with and is going to leave her husband for.
Opening Line: “The last time I talked to my dad was on a sweltering April evening in 2004.It was a lopsided conversation. He had died of a heart attacOpening Line: “The last time I talked to my dad was on a sweltering April evening in 2004.It was a lopsided conversation. He had died of a heart attack almost thirty years earlier.”
Paradise General is the gripping personal account of Dr. Dave Hnida, an ordinary civilian doctor from Colorado who spent four months as a trauma chief at one of the busiest combat hospitals in Iraq.
Staffed by reservist medics this modern day M.A.S.H unit consisted of a series of rundown buildings connected by tents, cement blocks and sandbags in the middle of the desert. For this forty-eight year old volunteer soldier the working conditions may have been sparse, but he and his fellow doctors managed to maintain a 98% survival rate. Using a form of fast-food surgery, they put the mangled bodies back together in a “get em’ in get em’ out” method that then saw them being airlifted out of Iraq for more extensive repairs. Their wounded often including the very insurgents that placed the American soldiers within their OR and the Hippocratic Oath was common place. If you made it into Paradise General his team would take care of you.
Avoiding any political judgements "Dr. Dave" instead focuses on the care of his patients, his dislike of most things military and the diverse group of surgeons who become his new family. Told with a whole lot of self-deprecating humour we witness his frozen fear during his first shift and follow him through round-the-clock on call chaos, and inspiring dark hours. Throughout he manages to provide a level of humour and comedic relief to overcome the stress of putting IED maimed bodies back together, 130 degree heat, “foo-foo” coffee, threat of attack, and military madness that surrounds him. Hnida doesn’t shy away from the blood and gore here and in doing so the reality of war and death is brought home.
This book has been heavily compared to the TV series M.A.S.H and for good reason, as Hnida and his fellow surgeons use pranks and childlike misbehaviour as a prescription for sanity. His disdain for military acronyms and authority is another obvious comparison. Although (as another reviewer pointed out) it’s more like the final seasons of M.A.S.H, when the comedy held a dark edge and Hawkeye’s despairing introspection showed the true absurdities of war.
Often told on a case by case basis a couple of chapters really stood out for me; “Anatomy Of A Trauma” which takes the reader through a hurry up and wait timeline… “09:12:00 the radio crackles. A firefight has taken place after an IED attack. Estimate two urgent casualties -arrival by helicopter in 25 minutes. Condition unknown –so we prepare for four patients and arrival in 10 minutes. Information is often muddled from a thundering helicopter.“
And “Blursday” which parallels Dr.Hnida’s day in trauma with that of the missing “fifth guy” from a routine patrol, presumed dead after an IED blast took out their Humvee. Hnida finds him outside the OR smoking a cigarette in the moonlight without a scratch on him.
I also appreciated the personal look we get into why Dave volunteered and the relationship he had with his veteran father, who only in death (and combat) was he beginning to understand.
I honestly had a lot of trouble putting this book down; told with candor and boyish humour Dr. Dave manages to deposit you right into the heart of the 399th CSH and the hell that war creates and leaves behind. It will be a long time before I can forget what I’ve read here. 394jb5...more
Opening Line: "I am a fisherman, an Alaskan fisherman, and a Bering Sea crab fisherman with thirty-seven years on commercial boats."
As a long time fanOpening Line: "I am a fisherman, an Alaskan fisherman, and a Bering Sea crab fisherman with thirty-seven years on commercial boats."
As a long time fan of TV’s The Deadliest Catch and an avid biography reader it was a given that I’d read Time Bandit, I just didn’t expect to enjoy it as much as I did or be given such candour into Johnathan and Andy Hillstrand’s lives. Now thanks to the boys I also know just about everything I’d ever want to about; Alaskan weather, rogue waves, hypothermia, what happens when you party naked, ice flows, never quitting, how many groceries you need to feed 7 hungry men for two weeks, the coast guard (coasties), eagles, seagulls, the Bering sea, red gold, flares, silly string wars, crab pots, survival suits, cod, salmon, the fishing industry in general and how to get out of jail in Mexico.
If you’re a fan of The Deadliest Catch then you’ll love this even though you will have already seen some of the stories played out on TV. However all the behind the scenes details and the intimate look into Andy and Johnathon’s lives really make this worthwhile. Exhilarating, anguished and often hilarious these modern day pirates give a first hand account on what its like to face death on the Bering Sea with stories that are in turn riotous and often sadly reflective. They talk here just like they do on TV too so expect the F-bombs, a general feeling of unruliness and a hell of a lot of fun.
Ghost written by Malcolm Macpherson, he cleverly takes an assortment of the Hillstrand brother’s tales, adds some facts and then layers them all within a gripping adventure. Starting with Johnathan drifting alone in his 38 foot fishing vessel 'Fishing Fever'. He has lost power, doesn’t have a radio and is quickly running out of cigarettes however by the end theres still 1 flare left and he hasn’t cracked the Crown Royal.
Jonathans narrative takes us through the Hillstrand brothers rough and tumble childhood, the tempestuous relationship they had with their father and onto the Time Bandit into 2008. He provides a great deal of humour throughout, none of which I can repeat here but sure made me laugh and is without a doubt the “bad boy of the Bering Sea” A couple of chapters in we switch to Andy’s POV on his horse farm in Indiana. He has just received the call that his brother’s gone missing while salmon fishing. Andy’s narrative is less personal and places a lot of emphasis on family, marriage and having a life away from fishing. And although the more reserved of the pair make no mistake Andy has a wild streak too
Macpherson takes us back and forth between the two brothers with Andy waiting and worrying at the ranch and Jonathan drifting into Shelikof Strait, eating raw salmon and rationing cigarettes. The ending of this true life adventure is well…just another day in the life of a Hillstrand.
Opening Line: "David and I became warriors in the zombie plague on the first day, but I don't think that means we were front line soldiers or somethinOpening Line: "David and I became warriors in the zombie plague on the first day, but I don't think that means we were front line soldiers or something."
Touted as “romantic comedy with…brains.” this was a fantastic, super fun read that had me laughing from page 1 and just didn’t stop. Alongside all the gore and zombie mayhem there’s also a well written, action filled, story here which I think anyone who’s been in a long term relationship or seen Sean of the Dead will be able to relate to. Following average Seattle couple, Sarah and David as they try to save not only their crumbling marriage but struggle through the first few days of a zombie apocalypse. With only each other to rely on it becomes as much of a struggle not to kill the other as it does to battle the rising undead.
I loved the way this was written, I loved that Sarah and David live in the real world, they talk like we do, they bicker, they swear at each other, they drive a crappy car, they figure out how to kill zombies from plotlines they’ve seen in movies. And the chapter headings are hilarious too, consisting of *helpful relationship advice quotes*, altered to take into account the whole zombie issue. Married With Zombies takes a light hearted look at marriage while kicking major zombie ass and it was a blast.
Sarah and David are on the verge of divorce so it’s no wonder they don’t notice a few strange sightings on their way to couples counselling. However when they find Dr Kelly eating the previous clients it gets their attention. Suddenly which radio station to listen to, or how much time David spends playing video games is the least of their concerns. Which piece of office equipment best disables a zombie is the new normal. As it turns out a letter opener, high heeled shoe or even a well aimed Dr Phil book will work in a pinch.
Learning as they go Sarah and David return home only to find their undead neighbour in their bathroom, -turns out you can also kill a zombie by crushing his head with a toilet seat, however this does make things a little awkward when his girlfriend shows up. Luckily she’s got a stockpile of guns and ammunition (never can tell about ones neighbours can you) Because Sarah and David are about to leave the city, I mean things have got to better in the suburbs, right?
You’ll be cheering this dysfunctional couple along as they stumble across plagues of the undead, religious cults, a visit to a zombie casino, looting (another new normal) first drives in luxury cars, broken limbs and a visit to the country fair (zombies on ferris wheel anyone) Through all the arguing, when it comes right down to it theres no one else Sarah or David would rather go through a zombie apocalypse with than each other. Cheers
Thankfully this is only the first instalment from the Living With The Dead Series, Flip this Zombie is next.
*Men are from mars zombies are from hell. *Balance the workload in your relationship. No one person should be responsible for killing all the zombies. *Make requests, not demands “please” kill that zombie honey, I’m out of bullets. *Support your partner in their interests. You never know when batting practice, kung fu movies or even poker night might come in handy during a zombie infestation. *Never go to bed angry, terrified is okay. *Give each other compliments every day. Even when the undead attack, its nice to feel pretty or badass. *Address one issue at a time. You can’t load gasoline, pick up food and kill 15 zombies all at once.
"I should have know that having "end of the world" sex wouldn't solve our problems. Though it was pretty great and I highly recommend it. Its one of the big benefits of an apocalypse that no one tells you about. It just makes everything...better, because you know it might be the last time every time."
"Have you ever wanted to smash a car? or break a television? Or maybe burn a big fire in the middle of a city square? If the answer is yes, then you'd have some fun during a zombie infestation. Its the little moments, you know?"...more