If you’ve been following the blog for awhile, you’ll know I suffer (seriously suffer) from Agoraphobia. I’m one of those people who would rather laughIf you’ve been following the blog for awhile, you’ll know I suffer (seriously suffer) from Agoraphobia. I’m one of those people who would rather laugh about it then cry because I’d be crying a lot. For years I’ve read books about agoraphobia and not a single one has made me laugh, their all strictly self helps. Then out of nowhere and totally random, I find Sara Benincasa.
Agoraphobia usually follows panic attacks, you start to develop fears of places usually outside your home. In both mine and Sara’s case, you end up thinking of your home as your safe place and just don’t want to leave. It’s not only that you don’t want to leave, your body starts doing all sorts of unfriendly things to make you think its safer in your home. From the shakes to rapid heart rates and to feeling like you are going to throw up everything you’ve ever eaten in your entire life. It’s no wonder we don’t want to leave the house, god only knows what will follow when you do. Hell, you might be lucky and just faint (never happens) or you’ll throw up on the first person you see. Either way, you do not want to leave your house because you know that something horrible is going to happen outside.
Sara hits it spot on with:
“So I didn’t need evidence or logic to know that something singularly terrible lay outside my door. I just needed my inner knowing, my sixth sense, the still small voice that shrieked, “YOU’RE GONNA FUCKING DIE!!” upon my awakening.”
That is exactly what an agoraphobic feels like; we’re all sorts of psychic. We just know bad shit’s gonna come, don’t tell us any different. Our bodies know more then you do. We’re all sorts of enlightened.
What Sara went through makes me cringe; I thought I had it bad. Oh no my friends, Sara takes the agoraphobia crown and sash! Imagine being terrified to use your own bathroom, so much so that you stop eating. Add depression to the mix and you have a recipe that would make most people lay down and die. But you know what, Sara survived! Sure she had set backs, but she got through it and made me laugh.
“I subscribe to the notion that if you can laugh at the shittiest moments in your life, you can transcend them. And if other people can laugh at your awful shit as well, then I guess you can officially call yourself a comedian.”
Sara shows the value of good friends and family, people you truly need when you are going through something as horrific and esteem killing as agoraphobia and depression. She keeps on trucking and ends up living, which is what all of us want to do. It starts out small and little by little you get better, slow process but big reward.
All of this isn’t as heavy as I’m making it seem, trust me. Sara is a comedian, do there are some seriously funny piss yourself moment. There’s one scene where Sara is teaching in Texas, damned if I didn’t howl really loudly. Billy had an issue, a very hard issue. And the fact that Sara hit the floor laughing IN CLASS makes her my hero.
Not only did I laugh, I cried as well. I don’t think Sara knows the true impact her book will have on someone like me. She’s shown that you can get through this bullshit mental issue, you just got to keep fighting. And a damn good sense of humor will help you through.
Thank you Sara for sharing your ups and downs, ones way similar to mine but most of all for making me laugh loudly in public. That’s right, I brough it with me outside. Nothing better then a little fresh air and the strong desire for a smoothie....more