Let me preface this by saying that I have pneumonia. I can't do anything at all without huffing and puffing like I've jusWell... this book was weird.
Let me preface this by saying that I have pneumonia. I can't do anything at all without huffing and puffing like I've just run a marathon. That trip to the bathroom? Yeah, it took me ten minutes to catch my breath when I came back.
So, I'm not doing anything but reading and watching tv for the moment. And I'm also drugged, so maybe that's a contributing factor to this review as well. So take from it what you will.
This is a cute book that's written oddly, and there are other issues.
I've never seen a book with so many characters and so little dialog. It's all internalized thoughts, remembrance, and description. That's a little weird.
The way the tenses jump in this book makes me want to strangle cuddly animals. It was also weird. No, it was way worse than weird, it was third person present future past.
Now onto the other issues:
Men: Most importantly how no female can live happily without them, including the 13 year old girl. This made me roll my eyes. Each woman/girl has this fucked up life and it is all just magically better because penis. Eh. I wish it worked that way in real life, I really do, because penis is a dime a dozen.
Beauty: I don't even know. Women in this book are so beautiful that men just jump up and start doing crazy shit for them, like dancing the hoochiecoo in a puddle of water while angry competitive suitors throw plugged in toasters at them. (That didn't happen, but I bet it could have.) It's really important in this book to be drop dead I came in my pants beautiful. Even the old lady is described as the most beautiful Owens woman ever and at that point you wonder, "If everyone is this fucking singularly beautiful than no one can be."
Magic: Fuck that logic. We're not witches and we do no magic unless we are in which case we do but we're just normal. Got it? K.
The Aunts: They aren't named until the end and you don't know much about them and you're kept waffling between thinking they're really great people who took in two orphans to wondering if they're evil because for some reason a sweet lovesick girl deserves to have her life ruined because she's not old enough to understand yet that you can't have everything you want. I don't know. I've thought about this way too hard but I'm pretty sure I'm on team, "Fuck these bitches!" when it comes to the aunts. ...more
My first thought when I started this book was that it was going to be like Alphas, or Heroes, which got me really excited because I loved both of thosMy first thought when I started this book was that it was going to be like Alphas, or Heroes, which got me really excited because I loved both of those. But while it did have a group of people randomly found in the population with special abilities, that's where the similarities ended.
And of course you wouldn't want a story that was exactly like another story because then what's the point of writing them. But instead of taking a premise, grabbing all the good stuff, and making your own story. It took a premise, ignored all the good stuff, and made a chase thriller instead.
I feel like the percentage of action and suspense to oh shit super cool powers was way too skewed towards suspense for my tastes. And the "Brilliants" were a little boring. I think that if there had been a few moments to stop and hang out with the characters it might have been a good thing, but that just didn't happen.
And then there was the whole video thing. I facepalmed really hard when (view spoiler)[John Smith is now on the run from the government because he's public enemy number 1 all for lack of knowing that youtube exists. I mean it really really bothered me. To the point where I almost sat the book down and didn't read any more. (hide spoiler)]
I guess I'll read the next one just to see if it improves, but I wasn't all that into it. ...more
The name of this books should have been, "Things That Happen in the Daily Life of Jaime and Claire" subtitled "Brianna and Roger are in this too."
GahThe name of this books should have been, "Things That Happen in the Daily Life of Jaime and Claire" subtitled "Brianna and Roger are in this too."
Gah, 600 pages of this book were sooooo boring. Did the Jaime and Claire story line have a plot, am I missing something? Because to me it read like a settler's wife's diary:
January 18th, weather: poor Pa had to put the pig in the pantry cause she's nearin' to drop. Lost a bag of beans to mold after accidentally being left out in the rain. Hope Pa gets that extra room built soon cause I sure am tired of listening to Ian snore and violate himself nightly. Monday week Pa is gonna hunt us up some venison for the new smokehouse, right now I'm using it to hold my soap making supplies. I'll need to find a new place for all that. He would of got to the smokehouse sooner exceptin he put his back out the last time he went hunting and was feelin' poorly for a few days.
****THERE BE SPOILERS BELOW******
And also, what the fuck Diana Gabaldon? Some of the sex nearly turned my stomach. Nobody is reading this stuff for the realism, and I hope to god this isn't realism anyway. There is literally a part where Brianna is about to go down on Roger and he's all like, "Ach no, lassie, I haven't washed me willie in at least two days!" and Brianna's all like, "YOLO! nomnomnomnomnom." Then somewhat later Roger kisses Brianna and he can tell she'd eaten onion that day. Nope, that's your skanky ass onion dick homie. Wash yo ass.
NO. Just no.
Now, I do occasionally like the scenes where things aren't so romance novel picture perfect, like in the last book where Claire walks in and Jaime is scratching his balls with a look of intense satisfaction on his face, and Claire is like, "Um, should I come back later?" I laughed out loud. These things are ok. But when it comes to the sex part, can't we leave out the sweaty balls? Please? I understand that we're in the late 1700s and not everyone's ass is going to be fresh as a summer's breeze across a wildflower field but, Jesus doing jumping jacks, let us just not go into details.
I will say I did enjoy the last 200 or say pages, where there was, you know, a purpose to the story.
This is not science fiction. This is an action/thriller/suspense adventure with some scifi elements. It's like calling Gladiator a romance.
I didn't lThis is not science fiction. This is an action/thriller/suspense adventure with some scifi elements. It's like calling Gladiator a romance.
I didn't like it, and here's why:
It was jumpy as fuck. Three page chapters? And then we're going to jump to a new scene? What?
Almost no character development. These people just walk around doing things because. And you don't care about whether a single one lives or dies.
I think it would probably physically hurt this author to give us a descriptive paragraph about setting or emotions or anything at all that doesn't involve a bomb, a gun, or some form of destruction. I can almost imagine the sweat running down his/her face as someone held a gun to his/her head and said, "Describe the room."
All that said, this would probably make a great crappy action flick. ...more
Not a romance. It's a book about witches... and not much else. Not much of a plot driving it other than this one girl finds out she's a witch and thenNot a romance. It's a book about witches... and not much else. Not much of a plot driving it other than this one girl finds out she's a witch and then learns to use her power. She doesn't have to use it for anything, like saving the world, or fighting off evil, or getting herself out of a sticky situation, she just learns to use it. That's it, the entire plot, or what passes for one.
That said, it wasn't badly written, so there's that. ...more
I don't know what this book is supposed to be. I'm not sure if the author knows either.
I purchased it from Amazon on the bestseller>romance page.I don't know what this book is supposed to be. I'm not sure if the author knows either.
I purchased it from Amazon on the bestseller>romance page. But romance it. is. not. In no way, shape, or form. The time spent on romance in this book is less than the time I spend on my make up every morning. (Hint: I don't wear make-up) I just went back to see what other categories it was listed in. Romance and horror. Nope to both. I looked to see if was listed as YA anywhere because I think that's what it was trying to be, but it failed on that as well.
Here's the thing though, I liked what this book *could* have been. It *could* have been one of the best romances I've read this year... if it had included a romance. It *could* have been a decent horror if it had taken the chance on being a darker version of itself instead of trying to pander to an audience looking for romance. It *could* have been a quirky Southern paranormal dramady (like the Sookie Stackhouse shoutout in the blurb touted) if it had had an ounce of genuine quirk or laughter thrown in. It *could* have been a YA or NA book if it had spared a moment of the action to focus on the story of a young girl coming of age in a fucked up witchy family.
Instead it tried to do all of these things at once and failed spectacularly on each front. Which makes me sad because it's NOT a bad story. The author is NOT a bad writer. It just seems like the author took what could have been wonderful and turned it into a convoluted mess.
Which, granted, a good editor could have, and should have, sorted before this ever went to print.
Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed this story! And I'm going to buy and read the next in the series because I have hopes for this author, even though this first book was what it was, I think she has the ability and skill to turn this into something better. I'm crossing my fingers!
I mean, I didn't throw it at the window and rage at it, but... the characters were flat for me and the two who were supposedly falling in love just kiI mean, I didn't throw it at the window and rage at it, but... the characters were flat for me and the two who were supposedly falling in love just kind of meandered through the story together without much in the way of "romance". The paranormal bit was hokey and very... um, what is the word I'm looking for... I dunno, cartoony?
BUT it wasn't horribly written, and after the romances I've been reading that earns it an extra star!...more
This series was pretty dry. Not at all the usual from Robin Hobb. I feel like the story could have been interesting but it got bogged down in the MC,This series was pretty dry. Not at all the usual from Robin Hobb. I feel like the story could have been interesting but it got bogged down in the MC, who narrated it, and he was... boring. Meh. ...more
Very very very anticlimactic. The author spent the whole book building up to this big scene of carnage, revenge, and mayhem and then when "the thing"Very very very anticlimactic. The author spent the whole book building up to this big scene of carnage, revenge, and mayhem and then when "the thing" happens it's very boring and not satisfying in the least.
This isn't so much a retelling of Sleeping Beauty as it is a story about a girl who works her way up through the hierarchy of castle society and even her story isn't very satisfying. ...more
It wasn't a bad story but it wasn't a romance by any stretch of the imagination. The two characters who were supposed to be falling in love just kindIt wasn't a bad story but it wasn't a romance by any stretch of the imagination. The two characters who were supposed to be falling in love just kind of meandered through the story and then we were told they were in love. All of the secondary characters were more interesting to me than the two MCs.
It also seemed very similar to one of her previous trilogies I've read, though I can't remember the name of them now. ...more
This is a short story that got word fluffed into a book length manuscript. There's really nothing exciting about this book. It's the story of an abuseThis is a short story that got word fluffed into a book length manuscript. There's really nothing exciting about this book. It's the story of an abused wife who runs away (from the circus) and joins a theater. And there's magic, such as it is. Even the bossfight at the end was a disappointment. ...more
The writing isn't horrible, the plot is actually pretty interesting, and I like the concept.
The names of stuff, however... is not ok. It's like the aThe writing isn't horrible, the plot is actually pretty interesting, and I like the concept.
The names of stuff, however... is not ok. It's like the author let his preschooler name the crap in his book.
Author: So now that you know what the story is about, what do you think the names of the towns should be sweetie? Kid: Um... Oh I know I know. New Pwettytown! And Uglyville! Author: Those are great! And how about where the older people live? Kid: Well when you get old you start complaining about stuff, like your body is all crumbly. Crumblyville sounds right, cause you're old and crumbly. Author: You're so smart. Kid: I know. Author: And all the people are going to be different classes, what should we call them? Kid: Well all little kids are cwute, like me, so call them Littles. That's cwute. And the middle kids who haven't had their swurgery yet are ugly right? So call them Uglies. And after they get their swurgery they're pwetty, so let's call them Pwetties! Author: You're a genius. Kid: I know. Author: There are also older Pretties who take care of everything. They need a name too. Kid: Middle Pwetties! Author: And the special Pretties who guard stuff... Kid: Specials! Anyways, I drawed you a picture. It's a cucumber pirate with a dog balloon.
Let me add on top of these names, the slang that the "New Pretties" use, makes me want to commit genocide. I would happily take out all the Pretties and not feel bad about leaving the world to the evil folks who watch them if I could just not ever hear the following slang phrases again in my life: Pretty-making, Bubbly, Rusty, Bogus, Dizzying.
Now, the girl who is the main character, Tally... she sucks. I could tell you how she sucks but it'd be full of spoilers. Let's just say that she's shallow and her heroine status is forced through extenuating circumstances and through no actual redeeming qualities of her own. Like if Spiderman just happened to be on top of a burning building because he was checking out the view then he realized the building was on fire and was about to jump off and save himself but someone threw a child at him right before he jumped, forcing him to take the child down with him to safety. YAY hero?
All that said, I checked out all four books in this series and they're fast reads so I'm going to read them no matter how much tooth loss occurs from clenching my teeth through the lingo and the crappy protag.
I wish more mother fooping adults would write more mother fooping adult post apocalyptic dystopian fiction. The shit I have to put up with to get my end of the world fix is ridiculous. ...more