Wow! That was surprising. This book was recommended to me by my librarian friend. Baa Baa Smart Sheep is the twisted tale of a bad sheep and a QuirkyWow! That was surprising. This book was recommended to me by my librarian friend. Baa Baa Smart Sheep is the twisted tale of a bad sheep and a Quirky Turkey....more
A darkly humorous book that I read for a dysfunctional family task in the Dare to Dream Group Fall Reading Challenge 2016. There was a lot sexual encoA darkly humorous book that I read for a dysfunctional family task in the Dare to Dream Group Fall Reading Challenge 2016. There was a lot sexual encounters - perhaps more than I would have cared to have. Such as the memorable scene I can't get out of my mind near the beginning (view spoiler)[ shoving a birthday cake with candles burning up someone's ass (hide spoiler)]
I found myself enjoying the book and in some ways relating. I plan to borrow the film from the library.
If we sound like a couple of callous assholes, it's because that's how we were raised. ______
And sometimes during my waking hours I think, wouldn't it be something if this life was just a dream too? And somewhere there's a more complete and happy and slimmer version of me sleeping in his bed, next to a wife who still love him, the linens twisted up around their feet from their recent lovemaking, the sounds of their children's light snoring filling the dimly lit hallway. And that me, the one dreaming of this version, is about to shake himself awake from the nightmare of my life. I can feel his relief like it's my own. ______
They silently evaluate and pass judgement, realigning themselves in the pecking order. It's a brutal business, being a woman. ______
The parade of weathered flesh continues. Sitting in our shiva chairs, we develop a sad infatuation with the bared legs of our visitors. Some of the men wear pants, and for that we are eternally grateful. But this being late August, we get our fair share of men in shorts, showing off pale, hairless legs with withered calves and thick, raised veins like earthworms trapped beneath their flesh who died burrowing their way out....more
This is the first book I've read by David Sedaris and I find myself wondering what took me so long? The good things is I will have lots of catching upThis is the first book I've read by David Sedaris and I find myself wondering what took me so long? The good things is I will have lots of catching up to do. Sedaris sees the world as it really is. This book was a fun trip.
Some Favorite Passages: .....Wait a minute. Did I see a diploma on his wall? Could "Doctor" possibly be the man's first name? ______
.....I bypassed the freezer in the kitchen and the secondary freezer in the toolshed and went to the neglected, tundralike one in the basement. Behind the chickens bought years earlier on sale, and the roasts encased like chestnuts in blood-tinted frost, I found a tub of ice milk, vanilla-flavored, and the color of pus. It had been frozen for so long that even I, a child, was made to feel old by the price tag. "Thirty-five cents! You can't get naught for that nowadays." ______
"That's right," she said. "I want you to marry someone exactly like m, with a big beige purse and lots of veins in her legs. In fact, why don't I just divorce your father so the two of us can run off together?" "You're disgusting," I told her. "I'll NEVER marry you. NEVER!" I left the room in a great, dramatic huff, thinking, DID I JUST REFUSE TO MARRY MY MOTHER? and then, secretly I'M FREE! ______
The thing about Hawaii, at least the part that is geared toward tourists, is that it's exactly what it promises to be. Step off the plane, and someone places a lei around your neck, as if it were something you had earned - and Olympic medal for sitting on your ass. Raise a hand above your shoulder and, no matter where you are, a drink will appear: something served served in a hollowed-out pineapple, or perhaps in a coconut that's been sawed in half. JUST LIKE IN THE TIME BEFORE GLASSES! you think. ______
I remember that in the basement there were two restrooms, one marked "Men" and the other marked "Gentelmen." Inside each was a toilet, a sink, and a paper towel dispenser, meaning that which ever you chose you got pretty much the same treatment. Thus it came down to how you saw yourself: as regular or fancy. ______
I handed the rifle back to Shaun, and as he brushed the hair from his eyes and peered down the scope, I tried to see what I imagined he did: a life on the other side of this, something better, perhaps even majestic, waiting for us to grow into it. ______
After returning to London we got on the Internet and found two properties that were within our price range. The first was called Faggotts Stack and was located between the hamlets of Balls Cross and Titty Hill. Sight unseen it had everything going for it. ______
I was in London during the inauguration and watched the ceremony on the BBC, which reminded me every three seconds that Barack Obama was black and would become America's first black president. At first I thought that this was for blind people, a little reminder in case they forgot. Then it became laughable: BARACK OBAMA, WHO IS BLACK, IS ARRIVING NOW WITH HIS BLACK WIFE AND TWO BLACK CHILDREN, A GROUP THAT WILL FORM AMERICA'S FIRST BLACK FIRST FAMILY, WHICH IS TO SAY, THE FIRST GROUP OF BLACKS ELECTED TO THE WHITE HOUSE, WHICH IS WHITE AND NOT BLACK LIKE THEM. ...more
"I know that I am crazy. And that has made all the difference."
I found this book on the shelf at the local library. I wanted to read it because of the"I know that I am crazy. And that has made all the difference."
I found this book on the shelf at the local library. I wanted to read it because of the happy raccoon on the cover. When I opened the book, inside the cover, I found more pictures of the raccoon riding an orange cat and a sign saying "This Way To The Midnight Cat Rodeo!" - I immediately took the book to the checkout counter and held out my library card.
Reading this book is finding someone who understands. Everything she is saying is exactly what I've been thinking for years. This book will be helpful for many people. This book is amazing, beautiful and speaks to me on a level that I can't simply mention any favorite passages because it's one of those books where I love every word. Jenny Lawson is my hero now. I must read her previous book and anything she writes in the future.
What a rare book that makes me laugh out loud so much. This was a real trip!...more
For me, this wasn't good for much - other than a laugh :-) I picked up the book at the library and started laughing when I opened the book. OriginallyFor me, this wasn't good for much - other than a laugh :-) I picked up the book at the library and started laughing when I opened the book. Originally published as an ebook, the whole book is a bunch of memes and pictures (some of them repeated). Each picture has a paragraph or less of text explaining the picture. A good collection of common sense and nonsense.
This book should serve as an inspiration to aspiring authors everywhere that anyone can get published....more
Grumpy Cat is actually a female adorable cat named Tardar Sauce who was born with a perpetual frown. My favorite Grumpy Wisdoms from this book includeGrumpy Cat is actually a female adorable cat named Tardar Sauce who was born with a perpetual frown. My favorite Grumpy Wisdoms from this book include: (view spoiler)[ "Practice NEGATIVE Thinking."
"Encourage others to keep trying even when hope is lost. It's not that they'll succeed in the end, BUT IT SURE IS FUN TO WATCH THEM STRUGGLE."
"QUIT WHILE YOU'RE AHEAD. Quit while you're behind. The important thing to remember is this: QUIT."
"ALWAYS SAY NEVER."
"Don't be afraid to break a few eggs. PREFERABLY ON SOMEONE's HEAD."
"STRANGERS ARE JUST ENEMIES YOU HAVEN'T MET YET."
"NEXT TIME YOU THINK YOU'VE HIT BOTTOM, GIVE ME A CALL. I'll hand you a shovel so you can keep going."
"WHEN WRITING YOUR OWN LIFE STORY, BE THE VILLAIN."
"WHY PUT OFF UNTIL TOMORROW WHAT YOU CAN DO NEVER?"
"When things are looking bright, TRY CLOSING THE BLINDS."
"LOOK AT THINGS FROM A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE. My favorite one is "with my eyes closed."
"IT'S IMPORTANT TO BE FLEXIBLE. It makes it easier to hide from people that are looking for you."
"FALL IS MY FAVORITE SEASON. Wait, no. I got that wrong. It's my favorite thing to watch people do." (hide spoiler)] ...more
This book is all about farting and passing gas. I have never been a big fan of potty humor, but this is kinda funny. The back of the book promises : "This book is all about farting and passing gas. I have never been a big fan of potty humor, but this is kinda funny. The back of the book promises : "This book is a gas!" I guess the book delivers on the promise....more
super-indelible-never-come-off-till-you're-dead-and-maybe-even-later colouring markers. This is really great. Like many kids, I enjoyed coloring on myssuper-indelible-never-come-off-till-you're-dead-and-maybe-even-later colouring markers. This is really great. Like many kids, I enjoyed coloring on myself with magic markers. Now that I have gotten tattoos, I can see the correlations:
(view spoiler)[ "Oh No," yelled her mother. "You can't go to school if you're invisible.
"You can' go to university if you're invisible.
"You'll never get a job if you're invisible.
"Brigid, you've wrecked your life!" -Purple, Green and Yellow (hide spoiler)]
"The monster's wife said she couldn't eat sweets because her bottom was too big. Everyone told her she was crazy."
This is a short & simple book abo"The monster's wife said she couldn't eat sweets because her bottom was too big. Everyone told her she was crazy."
This is a short & simple book about the various ways whiny children can be fed to monsters, (view spoiler)[but the monsters take so long in deciding what dish to make, that the children get away (hide spoiler)]
Borrowed this from the library and someone must have spilled some perfume all over it because there are these brown smelly spots throughout the book. ...more