"Hey, Vince! You're still alive! What have you been doing since the dramatic events of Linwood Barclay's breakthrough thriller, No Time for Goodbyes?""Hey, Vince! You're still alive! What have you been doing since the dramatic events of Linwood Barclay's breakthrough thriller, No Time for Goodbyes?"
"Peeing into a bag. I got shot, remember? Bullets do serious damage to your insides."
"I can see that! Woah! That must suck."
"Erm, OK! What I meant is, are you still a dangerous criminal whose actions sometimes do good?"
"Well, I am too old to hijack trucks or rob warehouses. I do alright. I have a new gig, safely storing Meh in the attics of boring, unsuspecting, middle-class law-abiding nobodies."
"Meh? You mean Crystal Meth?"
"No, you stupid freaking numbnuts. I am up-to-date with today's Internet lingo. I said, Meh! I meant Meh! The sound average Internetizens make when unimpressed or bored."
"You store Meh?"
"Yeah, this whole novel is packed with it. The beauty is that unsuspecting middle-class book-reading nobodies haven't any suspicion of that when browsing the blurb on the jacket."...more
If I ever start a rock band, I will name it Bobbins the Angry Mouse.
Our first album will be called The Incredible Journey. There will be a three minuIf I ever start a rock band, I will name it Bobbins the Angry Mouse.
Our first album will be called The Incredible Journey. There will be a three minute guitar solo that blows the minds of all the rock kiddies on every track. These kiddies- especially the five year old- will want to hear it again and again. NME will herald us to the ends if the earth and give this release four stars, losing points only because there are goats and not yaks and never once in the background does a yeti peak out. The drummer will set the beat using Zildjian pigsticks.
When we are a smashing success people will wonder, how did they do it? I will reply, "How? But of course- the Alex Milway."...more
This Reilly Steele CSI serial killer thrilla is set again a tropical backdrop of a Tampa film festival. So, here is how the Villain would haveC S Why?
This Reilly Steele CSI serial killer thrilla is set again a tropical backdrop of a Tampa film festival. So, here is how the Villain would have pitched the idea for The Watched in Hollywood:
Hey baby, loves ya! You're looking fabulous, come by my beach house and I'll do the cooking. We'll kick back some Coronas and you can call me your old mentor. Now everybody loves gory slasher stories, ami right? Of course! If you're into forensics you wanna see guts strewn everywhere in technicolor. Yeah Scorcese!! With a bit of McG. I know just the thing.
Take that up and coming blonde Reilly Steele who's getting so popular but imagine her out of gloomy provincial Ireland. Set her up for an American audience! Solves a bunch of grusome murders and gets a steamy pretty love interest off on her holiday. Maybe with some science and emotional backstory shit, you know, people love that stuff. Build some tension, throw in FBI obstacles, a redhead, an aspiring stuntbabe, lesbians. And hey! Even if it's a bomb we can write the whole trip to Florida off as an expense.
Did I mention plenty of young beautiful people in bikinis? And wacky incredibly unlikely, sophisticted killings, some involving buckets of acid and kinky costumes? A Whodunit with Microscopes. Loadsa repetition in case attention lapsed and people didn't catch something impotant. Oo! and sexual tension!? It's set in Clearwater but don't worry: there won't be a single negative reference to Scientology. Maybe Tom Cruise would-? No-? OK I haven't thrown you the best bit yet.
Time travel! Readers are ready for-? no-? Well ok I was just joking. Ha ha! We'll overlook the reality that even the simplest of successful murders or films requires a lot of groundwork and preparation. We'll throw some Reilly slo-mo ten mile jogs on beach sand, no one will notice that one bad guy can never pull off all these incredibly contrived scenes within hours of one another, getting them all perfect on the first take. Without raising any suspicion! But how? Oh erm. Give him an unusual weapon. Maybe a cattle prod? Yeah! Like that Guadalcanal Diary song! I've got a cattle prod! Got a cattle prod! Daddy I'm a man who loves his work! With scienctific shit and glamor and a love interest. Ha ha!
Hey, where are you going? You think it's a fun idea it it'll never hang together? thanks for he beer? What do you mean thanks for the laughs? No! Don't go! I was actually serious that this- grrrr.
Warning! The best character in Adam Blade's First Hero is not even in the novel.
I read this book to my nine year old, who loved the fantasy and frienWarning! The best character in Adam Blade's First Hero is not even in the novel.
I read this book to my nine year old, who loved the fantasy and friendship of the original Beast Quest series. Chronicles of Avantia rejects all that imagination and roots around in a juvenaliac mire of graphic violence, guilt and gloom. Whenever there came a description of villagers being slaughtered or people boiled alive, I would make up a bit about Sheepie, Tanner's pet superhero sheep. Now that beast had some fun and adventures!
Instead of old ladies being impaled, the First Hero I read had a heroic sheep who head-butted the stock bad guy Gor right outta town. Some inventive dialogue turned the attacking army from bland targets into comical dolts. It got a few laughs. Tanner's wary love interest had a belt full of throwing pastries instead of axes. Ridiculous, yes, but no less stupid than the original text. And don't underestimate the deadliness of a week-old donut. Rock hard, baby!
Sheepie won't be making a return. I was lucky to coax my son to the conclusion of his book- he requested reading something else rather than finish the rest of the series. If you have inadvertently picked up this pile of turgid slurry yourself, I only hope that a certain free-roaming brave and cheery sheep charges into your copy and brings along a bit of life. It's easy! All he ever says is "baaa!" It is more interesting and challenging than what "Adam Blade" filled fifteen chapters with....more
SHTMP provides excellent insights into the techniques, lives and limitations of investigators who carry neither a badge nor a gun. There are thousandsSHTMP provides excellent insights into the techniques, lives and limitations of investigators who carry neither a badge nor a gun. There are thousands of PI novels released every year, but this is the only book I have ever read about an investigator from within the corporate world. This is all new, and the fact that it is based on a true story is a definite hook.
I wish an editor had taken a red pen to the prose and turned the 400 pages into a solid, fast-moving 200. The current text is repetitive, inconsistent and confusing. Why would the CIA appear from nowhere to fly our narrator abroad, race him around with a beautiful woman in a high-powered car, have him sit shotgun while an ex-KGB giant snaps photos of the identity thief, then drop him home and never again enter the story? Why would his boss reveal Vietnam horror stories, retire from the company and then two years later be hanging around the office discussing the investigation's budget? A few axes are ground repeatedly and the bad guy never has his soapbox to offer a defence, rationale or confirmation of several looming questions.
Three stars as Snow does a great job with the content and really knows his field. ...more