twilight and fallen are both really annoying, but they do have some redeeming factors (in...moreyou can read more reviews at my blog, the armchair librarian.
twilight and fallen are both really annoying, but they do have some redeeming factors (in my opinion). but imagine if the characters of twilight and fallen were in middle school.
oh, yeah. i said that. middle school.
in that case, you would get this book.
i've found myself reading a string of pretty depressing and gritty books, so when i saw my totally awkward supernatural crush, i went, "jackpot!" the title is cute, the cover is cute, and the idea of a theater-geek protagonist got me really excited!
unfortunately, the book fails to deliver on all counts.
jenna is a totally annoying and ridiculous protagonist. she refers to her family as the "communist blooms" (her last name is bloom), because her mother likes buying things in economy size.
i'm sorry, but that is the epitome of capitalism - a free-market economy dictated by competitive pricing. recently, one of my friends was telling an author about how dangerous it is to have false information in young adult books because it might get absorbed by the reader as truth.
jenna has all these dreams about luke, the angel-boy. in fact, it is in her dreams that she first meets luke. he continues to show up there, and the dreams are even more cluttered and vague than the regular narrative and really grated my cheese, mood-wise.
is there a love triangle? oh yes. between her bestfriend and the mysterious new guy.
hmmm. why does that sound familiar?
also, jenna keeps referring to his eyes as "his baby hazels." this happened about five or six times, and i only made it through about 1/3 of the book. i shudder to think of what the final count would be like.
the book is a blatant rip-off of twilight.
-he saves her with super-human speed from being crushed, and when she's like, "how did you do that so fast?" he's like, "what are you talking about? i was right beside you."
twilight much?
-when they confront the evil tracker dude, luke stands between him and jenna. the tracker dude inhales and says, evilly, "you brought a treat."
TWILIGHT, MUCH?
-jenna becomes convinced that luke is an angel and goes on google to look up angel mythology.
i think you get the point...
not only does it intrinsically copy twilight, jenna even starts referring to these events as what she calls, "twilight moments," which, to me, pretty much acknowledges that even the author knows that she is copying twilight. maybe she thinks that this is making her book relateable to young-adults, and for some this is probably true, but, again, to me, this shows lazy writing and plotting.
i was not impressed with this book at all, and if it were not attached to my laptop, i would have thrown it out the window.
I should have suggested foul play when I saw that this book was marked as "free" at the b...moreYou can read more reviews at my blog, The Armchair Librarian.
I should have suggested foul play when I saw that this book was marked as "free" at the book swap. My experience with books marked "free" at the book swap have generally been very poor.
Buuuuut, this was a sci-fi-romance, and we all know about how I feel about those. At least, we should considering that I have a special shelf devoted to that specific sub-sub-genre.
And I have yet to learn my lesson.
The Ultimatum started out promisingly enough. Our protagonist is a member of an alien race called the Endeki, in which the females physically need to have sex in order to regenerate their cells or they will die. She is working on a cure to liberate her females.
Clearly, this is a pretense for lots and lots and lots of gratuitous sex.*
*Note: it is.
Xander is a member of the Rystani, an alien race that is enemies with the Endeki people. They come from the planet Rystan, though most of them have migrated to a planet called Mystique. Xander is friends with Terrans, who are suffering from a plague that is destroying their DNA. Since the Endeki have psychic powers that can do wonders with biology, he wants Alara's help.
So what does he do? He kidnaps her, and agrees to have sex with her only if she helps him on his mission. Which is kind of like rape in reverse? Or something? It's disturbing, even if I can't put a name to it at the moment, which is a pretty adequate summation of the book actually.
I made it as far as page 150, and most of that was descriptions of Alara's nipples swelling with need, and bizarre alien anatomy "creaming with desire." I'm pretty sure the yonia is supposed to be the vagina, and the labella is the labia. Oh, and the Rystani word for penis is tavis, which means "root of man" apparently. It's also the root of me not wanting to read this book anymore.
As if this wtfuckery were not sufficient, there is also this weird subplot about two higher power beings trying to decide the fate of our universe. One wants to destroy us all because he thinks we're a bunch of hopeless morons (and if we're creaming from our yonias and talking about our rebellious nipples for 350 pages, maybe we are), and the other is like, "No! We must save them!"
I am disappoint.
P.S. Xander has potions that can heighten orgasm, reduce sexual pleasure, and make his tavis a magical pleasure wand of rainbows and magic.
M/M fiction isn't really my thing, but I'm a firm believer in the idea that if a love sto...moreYou can read more reviews at my blog, The Armchair Librarian.
M/M fiction isn't really my thing, but I'm a firm believer in the idea that if a love story is good enough, and well-written, the sexuality of the characters it's about doesn't matter. Built 4 It is like that.
The title makes it sound like it's going to be unbelievably trashy, but I was impressed by how sophisticated the storyline was. Most erotica doesn't have a plot, especially a short novella like this (only 84 pages). Or, if it does, it's wafer-thin: a mere pretense for sex.
Ben Speigel is a scientist at the Built4 facility. There, they create monsters called steins--a cross between a cyborg and a zombie--for medical research. The steins are treated badly, and Ben knows that they experience pain where they are sent since they are not considered human and have about as many rights as animals.
One day, Ben's lab gets the axe, and he knows he's going to have to kill all the steins. But Ben has a secret crush on the alpha male of the stein pack: an attraction that seems to be reciprocal. And it seems like the Alpha stein's last wish is to have a sexual encounter with Ben.
However, the ending isn't grim. I was afraid this was going to turn into a morbid rape fantasy. It didn't. Kee, the Alpha stein, was surprisingly sweet, and the mix of childlike innocence and brutish strength was endearing, rather than silly. He kind of reminded me of Disney's Tarzan.
(I guess that would make Ben Jane.)
Oh, and the subplot with the Zombie Underground was pretty cool, too. I'd definitely read more books from this series if I happened across them!
First, let me say that I am not actively religious, so this book review is being written...moreYou can read more reviews at my blog, The Armchair Librarian!
First, let me say that I am not actively religious, so this book review is being written from that perspective. I don't normally broadcast my religious views, but since christian theology plays a pretty heavy role in this book in this case I feel it is relevant.
Original Sin was an interesting book. I actually considered buying it before because of the intriguing title and cover, but ended up dismissing it after reading the back. Of course, I went home and immediately changed my mind, but when I went back to the used bookstore it was gone; it had become the Book That Got Away.
O woe! O misery!
When I went back to the used bookstore recently, I saw a copy sitting in the exact same place, mocking me. Well, I wasn't about to make the same mistake twice, no sir. I bought that bitch.
This book deals with magic in an interesting way. Our main character, Moira, is a witch, but she has been indoctrinated into a Catholic school (Olivet, I believe), to train on demon-slaying. She represses her powers, even though she could give Hermione Granger a run for her money when it comes to witchcraft, because Magic is Evil.
...Okay.
But seriously, all magic in this world is Evil. Even if you're trying to use magic for Good, since magic is Evil you will end up corrupted by it anyway, and either get your fool-ass killed or become corrupted and/or possessed by a demon. I don't really get the point of this, since it's pretty clear that their holy water and prayers don't work too well on the demons, but whatevskis.
Moira is pretty stock as far as characters come. Her mommy is the grand-high-witch equivalent of "Mommie Dearest." As if that weren't enough of a filial fuck-you, Moira's sister, Serena, is helping their mother. Oh goody. Skye, the police sheriff in the town where this story takes place, is a bit more interesting, but she's a stereotype too. Cop with Heart of Gold Willing to Break Rules for the Greater Good. She's dating this guy named Anthony who is a total douchecanoe, and for some reason has it in for Moira. (There was a lot of backstory missing. If I hadn't already looked this book up on Goodreads, I would have thought that maybe I was reading book #2. Nope.)
Bee-tee-dubs, they have a pretty interesting sex scene. Let's just say that I was beginning to wonder if Skye had gotten herself possessed by the demon Lust, because damn.
The demons themselves were pretty neat--and scary. When people in town started dying, with only mysterious marks to link their suspicious deaths, I was like, "Oh shit, things are getting real!" Even the christian stuff wasn't too over-the-top. I thought it was interesting how Brennan tied it in to Celtic folklore, and managed to create something pretty unique from an overdone genre.
My complaints are that the book was a little slow to start, and that the author could have given us more back story to work with in the beginning. I spent most of the first 100 pages shaking my head and going, "Who the hell is Rafe? Why is Fiona trying to kill Moira? Why does Anthony hate Moira so much that he's willing to get her killed? Why is everyone in this book such an asshole?" The dialogue was a little wooden in some places, and a lot of the "oh no! what's going on? witches! GASP! to the spook-mobile!" stuff was really repetitive and annoying. This wasn't a long book by any means but it took me a long time to read because the action was spread too thinly.
This was far better than I thought it was going to be, but I can also see why many others found it to be a bore. If you don't mind waiting a bit for your exposition, check this out. If not, don't.
I don't know about you, but I was a nobody in high school. I was on the honor roll and wo...moreYou can read more reviews at my blog, The Armchair Librarian!
I don't know about you, but I was a nobody in high school. I was on the honor roll and won awards in community service and music, but nobody knew who I was. In my senior year, there were still some people I'd been to school with since middle school who still didn't know my name.
With my own ten year reunion approaching in a couple years, I was intrigued by this series. It's a pretty nifty idea, actually: a series based around what really happens to all those people voted "most likely to..." Is there any real correlation?
The two main characters are Kelsey and Nathan, who were lab buddies in high school. Kelsey had a crush on Nathan, but Nathan just thought of her as a friend. But now both of them are omfg! smoking hot! Dun dun dunnnnnnn.
Part of the reason I picked this up was because Carina Press recently auto-approved me. So, of course, having no idea what the word "moderation" means, I was naturally like, "READ ALL THE BOOKS!" *massive downloading spree-a-thon* Now I just have to read and review them all. o_e
Most Likely to Succeed is only about 70 pages, so since it's the shortest of the lot I started with that one first. The sex was incredibly well-written, and I was pleased that Davies made such an effort to have it be both safe and consensual. Some people argue that condoms make sex unsexy. Kate Davies is only too quick to point out just how wrong that is.
That said, I think it might have been better either a) left as a one-night stand or b) padded into a full-length novel, because the shallow characterization was...annoying. Nathan was fine, but Kelsey, I feel like the author was trying to make too many apologies for Kelsey. All she did was bitch and whine about how being self-sacrificing for her mom ruined her future omfg.
Um, no. You volunteered to give up your full scholarship to Stanford(!) to help out your mom at the florist shop. And it doesn't even sound like she was particularly grateful or in need of it, so you are not allowed to keep using that as an excuse to feed your own vanity.
Second, the way she treats Nathan when she finds out he was trying to help her get a better job was just so revolting, I actually lost a star in enjoyment because of that. Not only does she read his text message (she claims it was an accident), she's also like, "I trusted you with my secrets! How DARE you betray me by trying to fix my problem!" Ummmm, because he wants you to shut up without actually saying "shut up" because he's so freaking nice?
So yes, that was annoying. I'd consider reading another book in the series though, particularly if it featured a less repulsive female protagonist. I wouldn't mind a Nathan of my own, though. ;)
Thanks to this book, I had that Britney Spears song playing in the background of my head...moreYou can read more reviews at my blog, The Armchair Librarian!
Thanks to this book, I had that Britney Spears song playing in the background of my head with each and every page. Oh dear.
Like most people who read/want to read this book, I was most interested in the story by Julie Kagawa, but Ann Aguirre's name also caught my eye; I'm a huge fan of her Sirantha Jax series, and I was hoping for a similarly delectable sci-fi-rom story.
Dawn of Eden
It's pretty much Walking Dead with vampires. But Kagawa really brings the world to life. The Red Lung was terrifying, and oh my God, her vampires? Actually act like vampires. No sparkling anywhere to be seen. And their violent feeding frenzies have inspired those who see them to call them "Rabids."
Kylie was a really strong character. For starters, she's a doctor who happens to be immune to the Red Lung virus, so she keeps the last clinic in her city functioning with her two assistants. Ben, who we meet when he brings in his sick friend for medical help, is also a very likable character. Can I say how refreshing it is to see a male love interest in an urban fantasy setting who isn't a total asshole? Very.
Rating: 4 to 4.5 stars
Thistle & Thorne
Mari Thistle is a thief working for an evil mafioso to keep her two younger siblings safe. Thorne Goodman is one of his henchmen, but he's becoming disgusted with his boss's power-hungry ways and decides to have Mari play a part in his grand plan to take him down--permanently.
The world-building in this story was not very good. It was very interesting (massive chemical spill destroys United States; rich people have everything, poor people are starving; dystopia grand central station; mob rule), but not developed. I think T&T would be better as a full-length story.
There's also some mild instalove.
I really liked the action sequences in this one, though. Some of those fight scenes at the end were totally cinematic and I could picture everything. This is clearly her strong point; she does it well.
Rating: 3 to 3.5 stars
Sun Storm
Solar flares burn up Earth to a crispy planet chip. Some people survive, but they're mostly trapped inside where they can't be touched by the deadly solar storms. Other people mutated into Kinetics; people with the ability to predict and control the weather, and predict and control solar flares.
Also, people who aren't kinetics who get touched by solar flares get Sun Fever go mad. I'm a little confused too.
Are the governmental officials interested in this? Yes. Are the Kinetics shunned by normal people despite their usefulness to society? Of course!
I didn't like Sarah Daggot or Ian Matthews. Sarah is very whiny and stupid, and Ian is about as predictable as future Earth's weather--without the translation of a Kinetic. His emotions were all over the map, and he went from being a murderous psycho one minute to butter-wouldn't-melt-in-my-mouth the next. Also, they decide they love each other after one day.
You know, I think, for once, Twilight was the better love story. And that scares me. I couldn't finish this one. I was too bored and confused and irritated. Which is kind of a shame, as I've never read anything by Karen Duvall before and this pretty much turned me off her work.
1.5 to 2 stars
Overall, this book had some interesting concepts and ideas, but the disparity in quality was unfortunate--especially since they moved from strongest to weakness, setting the readers' expectations very high very early on in the book.
Sometimes you read a book's blurb and can't help but ask yourself, "Did we read the same...moreYou can read more reviews at my blog, The Armchair Librarian.
Sometimes you read a book's blurb and can't help but ask yourself, "Did we read the same book?" The title should have clued me in. Any romance named after a song about a creepy stalker is...sketchy.
Every Breath You Take started out strongly and quickly deteriorated with the introduction of our bland protagonist, Kate Donovan, a woman so beautiful that a bunch of rich teenagers keep buying her rounds of drinks until she tells them to stop.
Kate is vacationing in the Caribbean while waiting for her flaky rich lawyer boyfriend to show. There, she meets Mitchell Wyatt, the bastard son of the multi-millionaire Wyatt family. Until recently, he was a tightly kept family secret, and was raised by various European families while attending private school. He's in a spot of trouble at the moment because his half-brother's gone missing and he's a suspect. Dun dun dun.
Mitchell falls in lust at first sight with Kate and is determined to sleep with her. He makes a point of telling her so several times. There's a lot of will we, won't we? In fact, it goes on for almost 150 pages (keep in mind the book is 300 pages long soooo). We're supposed to be impressed by the fact that despite the fact that Mitchell has slept with loads of women, we're supposed to respect him for being attracted to the fact Kate isn't "easy", and that he has some scruples over sleeping with a women in a relationship who he has known for all of two days.
Um, no. Actually, that gives me even more reason to dislike him.
What finally made me put the book down in disgust is their second date where Mitchell once again attempts to put the moves on Kate. Kate refuses because he "doesn't believe in magic." Mitchell refuses to let her leave, despite the fact that she tells him "no," even going so far as to say that the only words he will accept from her are "yes," and "please."
THIS IS NOT OKAY.
When she protests, he COVERS HER MOUTH WITH HIS HAND, and tells her that it is too late to change her mind. I beg to differ, Mssr. Asshole. It is NEVER too late for a woman to change her mind. To do otherwise is a phenomenon known as rape.
Of course, Kate, being the dunce that she is, immediately agrees and melts into his arms. You know, instead of what she should be doing, which is siccing her large dog on his privates and RUNNING THE HELL AWAY.
Oh, yes, there's a dog. Mitchell calls an ambulance for the dog. An ambulance. In order to make sure they actually service the dog, he tips everyone involved $100.
What the actual fuck.
I don't mind animals in fiction, but I do mind when they are used in twee unrealistic ways that serve as a pretense to remind us how the two main characters are meant to be. Kind of like when little children are in a book to say, "Are you X's girlfriend/boyfriend? You should get married!"
Also, Kate has magic animal powers, and animals just magically love her.
The John Green-esque title says it all. Flimsy Little Plastic Miraclesis Green's adolesce...moreYou can read more reviews at my blog, The Armchair Librarian.
The John Green-esque title says it all. Flimsy Little Plastic Miracles is Green's adolescent existentialists post-midlife-crisis.
Told in pseudo-autobiography format, the main character and self-proclaimed narrator of this story is...Ron Currie. Same as the author! I know, duh, right? Sadly, it took me 300 pages to pick up on that, because I am a fail. So if you don't/didn't pick up on this from the get-go, join the club. It's where all the cool kids are at. Trust me.
I was initially reluctant to read Flimsy Little Plastic Miracles because books like these invariably do one of two things. One: they annoy me; Two: they force me to think--and I hate that! Not in the sense that I hate burgeoning ideas while reading, but because it forces me to keep track of what's going on so I have some hope of writing a cohesive and comprehensible review.
Flimsy Little Plastic Miracles did not annoy me. It was annoying in parts, especially towards the end (more on that later), but the story was told with too much honesty to be completely annoying as a gestalt. It also helps that each "chapter" is about one to two pages long--sometimes only a sentence!--which is like what Kurt Vonnegut did.
Like Kurt Vonnegut's, some of the chapters are non-sequiturs, and the overall story follows a nonlinear timeline. However, while the book skips around a lot, there are four main timelines:
The death of Ron's father.
Ron's unrequited love for Emma.
His journeys Before.
His journeys After.
The Before and After timelines (which I just made up on the spot, by the way, probably influenced by all those freaking Looking for Alaska ads on Goodreads), refer to Ron's (failed) suicide attempts, the impact it had on his book, and the consequences.
One thing I didn't like, which was probably why I rated this book three stars instead of four, was how scattered the story was. It worked for the beginning, because we want to know what the hell Fictional Ron is talking about. Death? Coming back to life? Huh? Buh? But its presence at the end, when I desired a concrete conclusion, was...dare I say it? Annoying.
I also didn't get why freaking Emma and Ron couldn't just get together. The will we/won't we thing was so irritating. I don't think I've read a more irritating and wishy-washy couple since Masoch's Venus in Furs. It's totally obvious Ron is crazy about Emma, and it's also just as obvious that she's using him, and abusing his affections because she can, and maybe out of some perverse curiosity to see just how far he'll let her go.
Maybe the end is supposed to be about realizing when you're in a destructive relationship, no matter how much pleasure you get from it, and learning how to let go. But it seemed to me like they could have been happy together if one--or both--of them had gotten over themselves.
I received a free copy of this book for review. The author is my friend, but that doesn't...moreYou can read more reviews at my blog, The Armchair Librarian!
I received a free copy of this book for review. The author is my friend, but that doesn't impact my opinion. (No, seriously; I'm such a bitch, I give some of my friends 1- and 2-star ratings. I'm not sure why they keep coming back for more....)
The Athena Effect was a pleasant surprise for me: the story is polished, features some remarkable character development, and manages what I always thought impossible for YA fics: it features a heroine who is naive without being TSTL.
I know right?
Caledonia is the daughter of two very intelligent but mysterious individuals. Her parents are brilliant but have severe psychological problems that result in seizures and paranoid delusions. The three of them live off the land in the wilderness, because they are afraid that someone will steal their daughter.
This isn't as unreasonable a fear as it sounds: Caledonia has psychic powers that manifest themselves in synesthesia. She can see and taste auras, and is learning how to project her own emotions onto other living creatures in order to manipulate them--usually for the good.
When Cal's parents die in a car crash, she is sent to live with her aunt and her aunt's boyfriend Phil in California. Her aunt is a nice but easily swayed woman, who is rather too quick to believe her pedo-boyfriend's lies. Cal is instantly miserable.
Meanwhile, down the street is a house always surrounded by motorcycles. One day, when walking around at night to avoid Phil, Caledonia encounters a boy in the middle of some trouble. She fights off his attackers with a knife. That boy is Calvin (Cal and Cal!), our womanizing love interest.
One thing I really loved about this story was how hard Calvin had to change before Caledonia would accept him. His "you're not like the other girls," and "I don't like it when you dress like them," don't work on Caledonia. She doesn't let herself love-love him until it's quite clear that he's learned how wrong it is to use women the way he does. I really appreciated that.
I also love how bad-ass Caledonia was. A lot of stories, it seems like only bitchy women can be self-sufficient. But Cal is a sweetheart, and she knows how to compartmentalize. She can be girly and sweet, but when it's time to kick-ass she takes no prisoners. I really liked that a lot.
Nice girls don't have to finish last!
Add to that witty dialogue, a really believable and sweet romance, and a very evil villain, and you've got a pretty wonderful story. I'm surprised this doesn't have way more reviews than it does.
"What is it with this chick? Does she have beer-flavored nipples?"
-Ten Things I Hate About You
Historical fiction is a very frustrating genre for me. On the one hand, it's fascinating to learn about ancient empires and the nigh barbaric customs of bygone ages. On the other hand, the treatment of women from ancient times until, well, about a century from today, was downright awful, and it's hard to read about and not think, "Holy shit, this could have been me."
Mistress to the Crown was especially trying on my patience because it's about a mistress, and as with any book about a mistress, has a lot--and I mean a lot--of slut-shaming.
Elizabeth Lombard was forced to marry a man named Shore at fourteen to settle her father's debts and pay for her brothers' business ventures, dowry, tuition. He even lets the man sneak a peek at her privates(!) while she's sleeping to inspect the merchandise. Classy man, Mr. Lombard.
Mr. Shore is an asshole and is convinced that his wife is sleeping with every man who comes into her shop. Because apparently Elizabeth is just so gorgeous men just can't help themselves. One day, a man named Hastings comes in and Elizabeth eventually ends up saying that her husband can't get it up anymore and that she would just love to get with a real man. He takes her on as his mistress and the two of them make the beast with two backs in a private inn for such ventures.
One day, Hastings has a friend with him, and the friend rather likes the way she looks in the nude. The next time Elizabeth comes to their love nest, the friend comes in Hastings's place, and insists on having his turn. Elizabeth is offended--she's not that kind of girl unless she wants to be--and after making several threats, the friend reviews that he's--gasp!--King Edward IV!
Elizabeth is shocked and horrified but refuses to sleep with him in sin. In a tradition followed by Anne Boleyn and countless other seductresses, this intrigues the king and he pursues her, even going so far as to help her procure a divorce on the grounds that her husband is grossly impotent. They have several wenches of the loose type massage his man-sausage, to prove before the court that he is, in fact, impotent. Boooo, impotence! You're only half a man! Eventually she becomes his official mistress, much to the disgust of his wife, Elizabeth Woodville, and her family.
That's right. Her brothers call her whore! She gets spat on at her brother's wedding, and they kick her out of the ceremony! She's the king's freaking mistress, but she takes it because she thinks she deserves it. Um, okay? But it's okay because he gives her shiny rocks and she has power. What does she use her power to do? Help the poor! Oh, how kind and wonderful is Elizabeth Lombard.
But oh noes! Edward IV dies! And then Hastings figures that he's inherited back Elizabeth! Elizabeth is offended (I told you, I'm not that kind of girl dammit!) but ends up sleeping with him anyway. Except--oh noes! Hastings is beheaded for treason! And Elizabeth is too! And then people decide that she's a witch! And all her prison guards threaten to rape her! And the townspeople threaten to rape her! And spit on her! And call her whore! But they change their minds, and decide to stone her for adultery instead! And the townspeople call her whore! And spit on her! And threaten to rape her! But then Elizabeth jokes about it! (I'd take you for a goat--no seriously, that's what she says!) And the townspeople like her for being a good sport about it! And because she's beautiful! Because beauty = purity! SO THEY LET HER OFF WITH HER LIFE BECAUSE SHE'S PERDY AND HAS NICE HOOTERS.
(Seriously, men literally cannot keep their eyes off her bosoms. They are ogled so much I am surprised that they did not just burst into flame from the friction of all those eyeballs.)
Oh, but the King's Crown Solicitor Lymon gets all her house and her stuff. He visits her in prison, and accuses her of being a whore. He threatens her and makes her sad. Then he threatens her some more. The prison guards still threaten to rape her. Elizabeth cries to Lymon. Lymon has her cell guarded and tells them no one is to rape her. Lymon accuses her of being a whore and an adulteress and names several men he thinks she did the deed with. Elizabeth cries and acts offended (DAMMIT HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU? I'M NOT THAT KIND OF GIRL), and Lymon reluctantly believes her. Elizabeth decides that she is in love with Lymon and has sex with him the next time he comes to her cell. Lymon decides he is in love with Elizabeth because she told him he was good at sex. He proposes marriage. He writes to the king asking for permission. Richard III says, "Fine, marry the skank." They get married.
The end.
I have...no words.
I actually read the afterword for this story because I wanted to know if this was true. Apparently, no, a lot of this is fabricated or speculation. Not a lot is known about Elizabeth Lombard/Shore, and since people were pretty much shit at spelling back then, her name is written in about as many ways as you can think of. She did marry Lymon, though. Hopefully not under those precise circumstances. In this book, he reminded me of Frollo, from Hunchback of Notre Dame.
If you like Philippa Gregory or Alison Weir, you will probably like this book. It's got the same amount of questionable sex scenes and female stupidity. While this is not a bad book by any means, and the writing is quite good in places, there were too many things that galled me about this book to enjoy it in any real sense (although I did manage, with effort, to finish it).
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