Chew is all about the world of food-related superpowers. It got me thinking, what would be a good food power to actually have?
Tony's cibopathy, whichChew is all about the world of food-related superpowers. It got me thinking, what would be a good food power to actually have?
Tony's cibopathy, which lets him learn a lot about the origin of a food, its maker, all that stuff, pretty much seems like a fuckin nightmare. Olive's power seems a little better, where she can sort of absorb knowledge, skills and abilities. But what else might be out there?
Crackopathy: Ability to crack eggs, one-handed, without fucking up even a little.
Greastoppumup: Cook bacon and have all the grease remain in the pan, no splashing anything else.
Smoquotient: Mentally disable all smoke alarms while cooking.
Sommeliarity: Become an expert wine taster without being a total asshole.
Why would you want to marry someone who notices an imperfection as slight as a pea under 40 mattresses?
Does this sThis story is fundamentally stupid.
Why would you want to marry someone who notices an imperfection as slight as a pea under 40 mattresses?
Does this sound like someone who will be fine with the fact that you wore the same shirt yesterday?
Does this sound like someone who would be fine if you slightly burned a bagel?
Is there any chance that any weird sex stuff is going down?
I think not. To all of the above, if someone can't sleep because of a tiny pea slipped under 40 mattresses, I don't think it's going to work. Sometimes a small amount of weird grime builds up under the corner of my big toenail. Me and this princess would be doomed....more
To be honest, the plot here left me very, very confused. I'm not famous for interpreting things very well, and this is especially true when, in comicsTo be honest, the plot here left me very, very confused. I'm not famous for interpreting things very well, and this is especially true when, in comics, the narrator is lying to me and those lies are accomplished by telling me one thing and showing me another. I have a hard time picking up on what's real and what isn't, what the intent of the author is, what they want me to see and what they want me to see but only with difficulty.
But it's been a loooooooong time since I tried to get all high school English, 5 paragraph essay on some shit, so what I'm gonna do is take a crack at it. And along the way, I'll give all the kids some tips on stretching a lil essay into a 5-page grade grubber.
Peter Derk Eng 001 Rollins Block 6 07/07/2016 [note: the more stuff you put here, and if you double-space it, the more space you take up. Don't be afraid to include things like the time of day, current mood, student number, and anything that could be used to identify you and the paper]
Fight Club 2: The Revival Is The Burial [subtitles are crucial, and sub-subtitles are what get kids into fucking Yale and shit]
Since the dawn of time [ALWAYS start with this. Teachers hate it so much], man has loved to hate a sequel. We love to see the return of a favorite hero, such as Rocky, and we love that we get another look into the hero's world, but we hate it that a creator is reasserting control over something he created. We hate to be reminded that, without this creator, we wouldn't have the original work to which we can compare this new work.
In this essay, I will prove that Chuck Palahniuk wrote Fight Club 2 in order to bury his Fight Club work in not just a symbolic way, but in a very real way. He did this by choosing to revive his most popular work, by using obvious sexual imagery in the book [ALWAYS put some kind of sexual thing in a paper. This will either make the teacher think you're way beyond your years or make them afraid to comment on these sections (sextions) because they don't want to comment on a minor writing about sex stuff, so you get a free pass], and by including himself and his fans in the text.
Chuck Palahniuk could have chosen to write a sequel for any number of works, including Survivor (Paperback: 289 pages Publisher: W. W. Norton & Company; Reprint edition (April 5, 2010) Language: English ISBN-10: 039333807X ISBN-13: 978-0393338072 Product Dimensions: 5.6 x 0.8 x 8.3 inches Shipping Weight: 8 ounces)
[just put all shit shit in there as citation. Can you really go wrong by OVER citing something? Maybe, but whatever, screw them if they don't want too much information. Maybe they'll ask for shorter papers next time]
Choke (Paperback: 304 pages Publisher: Anchor (June 11, 2002) Language: English ISBN-10: 0385720920 ISBN-13: 978-0385720922 Product Dimensions: 5.2 x 0.6 x 7.9 inches Shipping Weight: 8 ounces)
or Rant, which was rumored to be the first part of a series anyway. Paperback: 336 pages Publisher: Anchor; Reprint edition (May 6, 2008) Language: English ISBN-10: 0307275833 ISBN-13: 978-0307275837 Product Dimensions: 5.2 x 0.7 x 8 inches Shipping Weight: 4.8 ounces
However, he chose to revisit Fight Club, his most popular and well known work.
It's no secret that many an author has been haunted by having produced a mega hit early in his/her/their [use a lot of pronouns, triples the amount of space] career only to have that mega hit become an inescapable highlight. Indeed, rather than having his/her/their book compared to other books on the market, his/her/their book will always, always be compared to his/her/their mega hit. When the author does not reproduce the magic, brilliance, or "the exact same thing but different," the author's fans will never be satisfied.
This is why Mr. Palahniuk has re-visited his work in Fight Club. Revisiting and tarnishing it would be the only way that he could live up to his agreed-upon "best" work. He can't write something that good again because NOBODY can. It's one of the essential novels of our time, a rare crossover that appeals to college literature professors and brohams alike, an almost impossible feat for a book about men growing up without fathers. Even if he wrote a superior novel, it's essentially impossible that this novel would be canonized the way Fight Club has been. The only way to write something and have it be perceived as being as good as Fight Club in our time is to make Fight Club seem less good.
Secondly [always start with something like "Secondly" so the teacher knows which of your points you're on. Trust me, they're always drunk when they're grading. They need a road sign here and there, and they'll appreciate the favor, tip one back in your honor], the psychosexual, genderfucking, phallocentric, ergoblastocystic [a good ratio of real words to made up is 3 to 1] imagery pervades the entire book. Take, for example, the way in which pills are laid out on the page so that they seem to be real, not part of the comic panels. The way in which the borders of the pills penetrate [I don't care what you read, SOMETHING penetrates SOMETHING, and you can pretty easily throw this in, even if you have to go so far as talking about fonts] the borders of the panels is obvious innuendo, symbolizing copulation [use this word instead of "boning down"]. In addition, the symbol burned into the main character's palm is clearly an anus [anything in a book is an anus or vagina if you can make an argument in favor of it, which means that everything in a book is an anus or a vagina], while the scar on the other side of his hand represents the vagina. These two scars both represent passage into the world of Project Mayhem, and while it seemed that entering Project Mayhem, like entering the world, required a vagina, it now seems that there is a symbolic "backdoor" as well, represented by the anus. [when it comes to the sex part, just pick a thing, say it looks like a dick or a vageen, and just go fucking nuts. Stare away from your keyboard and directly into the sun and type without even knowing what your fingers are up to until you hit the end of the page. If you're really stuck, then go for the butthole as a sexual orifice. That's when you get into territory that's SUPER uncomfortable]
Thirdly, by including himself in the book and directly saying that he's a little upset about the way in which his work was interpreted, Palahniuk is attempting to alienate a segment of his fan base that he never wanted.
"[he] deceived his community into loving him. That way he didn't have to reciprocate their love. In fact, he despised them for loving him because only idiots would love something so reprehensible..." [if you pick a quote, try and take a couple lines around it too. That really rounds things out, and it makes it seem like your teacher is the lazy one for not wanting the context, but really you just wanted to use up dem lines]
Pictured along with this quote is a page of fans with quotes from Palahniuk's books tattooed on their bodies, fans who don't even know Fight Club was originally a book.
In addition, there's a comedic portion where characters attend several different clubs that have cute plays on the Fight Club name, such as Pint Club, and always start with the rules of Fight Club.
Palahniuk is showing that his work has overshadowed him, and become not only a part of popular culture, but a very mainstream part of that culture. His deeply personal novel has become everyone's property. Like he does in Fight Club 2 with one of the first book's principal characters, he has to revive Fight Club's braindead corpse time and again at the behest of fans.
However [you can use this word an unlimited number of times in an essay], by taking the actions of Fight Club 2, Palahniuk demonstrates to the world, and to himself, that he does still control these characters. If he wants to revive them and have them join a fucking carnival, he can. [you can use one swear word, usually, as long as it comes late in the essay and as long as you use it correctly]
In conclusion [ALWAYS end with this], Chuck Palahniuk wrote Fight Club 2 because it was the only way to deal with the original Fight Club.
[note: I really don't know if I believe any of that horseshit!]...more
1. This book is by ANSON Montgomery, not R.A. (raging alcoholic, I assume). Maybe Anson is more reasonable.
2. I've decideTwo factors in my favor here.
1. This book is by ANSON Montgomery, not R.A. (raging alcoholic, I assume). Maybe Anson is more reasonable.
2. I've decided that if I die in a way that's relatively cool, ON THE MOON, I'm counting it as a victory. Explosion, mutant, SEXplosion. These sorts of things count. Impaling myself on the original moon landing flag. You get it.
Here we go!
Oh my god, the second page is about lunar politics. This is like those fucking Star Wars prequels all over again! You know what I wouldn't care about if I lived on the moon? "Lunar Politics." You know what I don't care about NOW? Lunar politics. All those moon senators are corrupt as hell anyway. And slightly irradiated.
Haha, and then it says you DO like the TV from Earth, and your parents like to mock basketball players who are hampered by stupid Earth gravity. Fools. They should come get some less gravity on the moon. Your Earth slam dunks pale in comparison to our lunar dunks.
Okay, enough with the explanation of mass v weight. We get it, Mr. Gorham, my high school science teacher.
Choice 1: This is a tough one.
One option is to work leading around a crew of diplomats. If Lethal Weapon movies have taught me anything, it's that you can do whatever you want and then yell "Diplomatic Immunity" and not get in trouble. Until one sensible person is like, "Dude, I just watched you gun a bunch of people down. I don't think you know the laws totally right, and I'm going to take my chances here."
Option two is to go on a mission to the far side of the moon. Which is like 3,300 miles away, max. That's across the U.S. and then some. It IS summer break on the moon, so a road trip feels like the right choice. I'm just praying, begging to not have to actually read a lot about this drive. Please, if there's a (moon) god, let this be a part where the book says, "And then, after a long drive we don't need to expand on, you were there."
Wait, wait, wait. There are rumors about strange beings living on the other side of the moon? This hasn't been explored EVER? And at this point, 100,000 people live on the moon? And nobody thought, hey, let's check the other side?
What the fuck. I fell asleep, but just while I was WAITING TO LEAVE. I thought the sleepy part would be the travel, but I was just outside the bus, waiting to go. Why would you even put that in there? Why did I need to take a nap right then?
Hang out with a professor or learn to use exoskeletons and a bus with bug legs? C'mon. What the hell kind of choice is that?
And I end up alive, but nothing cool happened.
Well, Anson spared my life, but was it worth it? I mean, I was on the moon in a spider bus thing, but then I was back in the colony, and I went to bed and that was it.
And, unfortunately, I did not make it within my parameters of winning, lowball as they were.
You win this round, Montgomery II. You win this round....more
"The room where you sleep is small and cramped. In one corner is stored the sacks of seeds needed for planting. There are not as many sacks as usual a"The room where you sleep is small and cramped. In one corner is stored the sacks of seeds needed for planting. There are not as many sacks as usual and your uncle and his wife are worried."
OH MY GOD SO BORING! Who starts an adventure book for kids like that? "In the struggle to feed a family, commodities like seeds had to be carefully portioned out and rationed."
This is called Chinese Dragons. I want to see some dragons. Or at the very least, martial arts masters who are referred to as dragons. I don't think that's asking a lot.
Because I needed a reason to push through, I decided to challenge myself. Not to survive or get a good ending, but to see how long this book would last. If I made it to 15 minutes, I'd count it a victory. If it was less than that, failure.
Ready. Set. Go.
56 Seconds: Well, I got out of goddamn bed. That's a start, I guess.
3 min 36 seconds: I haven't made any choices yet. And just to confirm, it sucked to be a Chinese farm kid whose parents are dead, especially if your cousins are a bunch of assholes.
4 min 10 seconds: I made a choice! Probably a bad one. I kind of had to decide if I was going to watch a battle or work in a field. I'm dying here. 5 minutes and all that's happened is I got out of bed and heard how crappy my life is? Let's cut to the chase, here. If this was one of the race car books, I would've been in a fatal but exciting crash long before now.
4 min 53 seconds: Ugh, now some asshole is offering me a job. Leave me alone! I want to get to the battle! No, I don't want security assisting some pot painter, a bright future away from my uncle's house. I want a damn battle. Where are the dragons?
6 min 31 seconds: I'm waiting in line to sign up for the army. For 45 minutes. This is ridiculous, like it was designed to torture me. The text ACTUALLY SAYS that I wait in line for 45 minutes. Wow. Choose your own adventure. How long will YOU wait in line? 45 minutes? 32 minutes? Choose and find out!
7 min 20 seconds: "You decide to stay with the army. 3 months later, you are a trained soldier.." Time is so fucking elastic in this story I can't even.
7 min 46 seconds: And as I'm walking around, having never spotted the enemy, I get shot in the chest with an arrow and die immediately.
Now, on the plus, I'm in the afterlife, and my dad makes a little joke like "You didn't even see him coming, eh?" Thanks, jerk. But like I said, on the plus, I'm in the afterlife, and my dad is pretty pumped about that.
On the minus, I made it about half the goal time.
And what the hell, R.A. Montgomery? I do almost nothing, and then an arrow hits me out of fucking nowhere and I'm just dead? That's cheap, man. I read all your nonsense about grain and farming and blah diddy blah, and then you skip right over my warrior training, which was probably awesome, and just go straight to my death. How did I not get to fight anyone? How was there no "If you swing your sword high, go to page 42. If you swing low, go to page 77"?
Death truly stalks us all in these damn books. Even with a lower standard of "Winning" I couldn't make it. Damn, Damn Damn....more
I'm not going to star rate this one because it's self-published by a teenager, and as fun as it would be for me to make hilarious jokes, that doesn'tI'm not going to star rate this one because it's self-published by a teenager, and as fun as it would be for me to make hilarious jokes, that doesn't seem very fair. Also, there's a new, revised version coming out this September, and I think that one will probably solve whatever issues I had with the book. I would recommend, if you're considering this one, waiting for the newbie in September.
Don't read this if you're contemplating your own death.
But maybe you're like me and kind of think about that all the time anyway since you were likeDon't read this if you're contemplating your own death.
But maybe you're like me and kind of think about that all the time anyway since you were like 5, so I guess you'll just have to read it on a day when you're feeling pretty alright.
It's a really great book, and I like how it mixes personal and other peoples' stories. Also, adorable animals in place of people really provides an interesting answer to the oft-discussed issues of representation in comics....more
Jeff Smith is really awesome. Time travel is not awesome. And while this isn't time travel, it has all those time travel hallmarks. Just didn't feel iJeff Smith is really awesome. Time travel is not awesome. And while this isn't time travel, it has all those time travel hallmarks. Just didn't feel it.
The art was good, like you'd expect, and Smith goes a really different direction from Bone, which is a goddamn masterpiece, and I think it's what you've gotta do after you make something huge. You can't just keep making Bone forever and be happy, artistically. But I'll be excited to see Smith's next big project and where he might find a new peak....more
I liked the first half of this quite a bit. Then...it kind of turns into advice on how to do a wedding. With drawings. Good drawings, but they're kindI liked the first half of this quite a bit. Then...it kind of turns into advice on how to do a wedding. With drawings. Good drawings, but they're kind of drawings of pins from Pinterest, to be a jerk about it.
I liked the parts early on, about her life and relationship, but when we got down to hardcore wedding planning, this almost felt like wedding-in-a-box, how to re-create this particular wedding, and the story kind of up and left.
Also, there are a lot of parts in these between-chapter sections that get repeated later in the book. Stuff about certain weird traditions. Or there's a part where she describes how she made ties for groomsmen, which includes a little text that says something like "Don't do this. Just buy ties." And then, a few pages later, the characters discuss how they made their wedding cheaper, and one of the things is making ties. Well, which one is it? Do we make the ties or not?
It felt, in the second half, less tight. Less interesting. It really, really turned into an album and a how-to, and I didn't love that part the way I enjoyed the parts that were about her relationship. I think these parts just didn't work for me, so much. I have to say that I felt like I was part of the audience for the first half, but I should have excused myself from the book somewhere in the middle. Maybe it's a better fit for people who have planned a wedding or are planning a wedding or have thought about it, at least in the abstract. People who aren't me, to make it brief.
Also, one of the big problems in her relationship earlier on was that she really wanted to have children, and her boyfriend didn't. And he kind of talked her out of it, or said rational things that made her sort of talk herself out of it, I don't know, it was confusing. Not in a bad way. I think the author herself would say she was confused by what she wanted and how that differed from what her partner wanted. But then they get married, and it's like that issue was just sort of...resolved.
It's a weird thing to me because, hey, if you don't want to talk about a personal issue in your book, that's cool, but then I think you can just leave it out of your memoir entirely. If you do want to talk about it, that's awesome, but I think I want to hear the resolution. Because it's not like a thing of picking colors for a wedding. If they fought about that and then everything was blue, I'd be like, "Oh, I guess they settled on blue." Getting married when the partners disagree on having kids, that's a big deal. And how they overcome, skirt, ignore, whatever the issue, was something I was really interested in. But it just wasn't there. Unless I missed something.
Everyone's got the right to include what they want in their memoir. It's their right as a creator. I think it's also my right as a reader to be disappointed that a big issue, which caused a lot of distance early on, isn't resolved. This wasn't like a throwaway or something. It changes the whole course of the relationship. And then it's just like, Whatever.
I'll be honest, I was also a bit chapped whenever it came up that the patriarchy wants weddings and brides to be this or that way.
There are traditions with weddings that seem patriarchal to me. Ask anyone I've been to a wedding with, they'll tell you my feelings on the daddy/daughter dance (summary: gross. Or sexy. Depends on how open that open bar has been up to that point and how deeply sad I'm feeling). I don't think the dad really has to give the daughter away. I also usually find the religious readings to be pretty off-putting. I feel like you have to work pretty hard and maybe do a little creative editing to get a 3-minute readaloud of a super old book that doesn't include smiting OR something about subservience. Shit, it's hard to read Huckleberry Finn without hitting an N-word, which is just about the worst thing you're going to hear anymore. And that book is like, I don't know, HUNDREDS of years newer than the Bible. Good luck with that.
As far as the patriarchy ruling the realm of weddings, I'm kinda unconvinced.
Let me say, my ring of choice, for me, is cheapass silicone, and for $60 bucks I could get 10 of them, which is perfect because I can guarantee you I won't be able to hang onto a ring for 40 years, which is hopefully how long a marriage would last for me. When I'm in my 70's, marriage is off, by the way. That's when I could go at any time, and it's time for a fuck spiral that ends in the grave (I'm sure my partner would feel the same, but we're still in the honeymoon phase, so phrases like "fuck spiral to the grave" still have a bubbly, romance-y quality to them).
I guess I feel like there is pressure for brides to be thinner than they are normally, prettier, dressed a certain way, that everything goes right at the wedding, and to sport some expensive jewelry and throw a garter out into the crowd and all that business.
I'm struggling to say this, so fuck it, I'm just going to say it: I think these traditions, in 2016, are choices perpetuated by women. I'm NOT talking about relationship choices, not dating choices, I'm talking about wedding choices.
I don't see men reading bridal magazines. I don't see a lot of Pinterest wedding boards made by men. I think centerpieces are silly and suspect most men agree. I don't think grooms have a ton of concern for the hairstyle of choice the bride sports. I don't know a groom who told his bride a target weight for wedding day. In fact, I think that idea is fucking crazy. Sure, I want my body to be pretty cut on my wedding day. I WILL be getting married in a TuxSpeedo, after all. It's only fair to the guests who came so far to get the very best.
But my bride, whatever. I don't think I would marry someone and expect them to look totally different when we got married. I didn't want to marry this person but, you know, a couple notches more fancy and made-up and thin. I wanted to marry this person I wanted to marry.
If there's a patriarchal thing going on with weddings today, I don't think it's anything to do with rings and dresses and dollars. I think the patriarchal thing is that men feel like they don't have to be involved. It's not an expectation.
I guess that we're really straying outside the territory of the book, so here's what I want to end on.
I agree that a lot of weird wedding shit started with patriarchy, began as that. But where we differ is in who's perpetuating it. But hey, this is opinion, and I didn't rate the book poorly because of this difference in opinion. I rated this book poorly because I felt like it was half a book I enjoyed, half a book that has a specific audience of which I'm not a part.
And for the record, if someone tells you to spend a certain amount on a ring or tells you to weigh a certain amount, you're marrying a monster.
And if they tell you No TuxSpeedo, you're marrying a true monster, one who feeds on the lack of fun being had at a party....more
I think the art was my favorite part. It was kind of fun and cartoon-y, but the depictions still had weight and looked likeFine? Okay? Pretty alright?
I think the art was my favorite part. It was kind of fun and cartoon-y, but the depictions still had weight and looked like people. Even out of costume, they worked. Nice to see a JJJ who's not a complete dickhead too.
But again, it all feels pretty...Peter Parker.
Cindy Moon has nearly identical powers, works at the Daily Bugle, and is a crime-fighter who has some personal problems as well. There are differences that could have been expanded and exploited, but I don't think they were, so much.
I think this complaint just goes in the category of being a long-time Spider-Man reader and having already seen a lot of what I see here. I think a lot of people who haven't read WAY too much Spider-Man might enjoy this more, and maybe people who never connected with the character or are looking for a different angle. It's not really a complaint about this book, more of an issue where I think it'd be tough for me to enjoy this one simply because there's nothing new under the sun. Or, wait, under the MOON! Because she's Cindy Moon! YES! I DID IT!...more
I don't know what it was about this book, but I just did not give two fucks.
Okay, I kinda know what it was.
I'm kinda over the whole thing where we havI don't know what it was about this book, but I just did not give two fucks.
Okay, I kinda know what it was.
I'm kinda over the whole thing where we have an alternate Earth where everything is different...but not.
Wha? Gwen Stacy is Spider-Man instead of Peter Parker? And she, essentially, behaves exactly like Peter Parker and is Peter Parker's soul in Gwen Stacy's body?
No way! Captain America is a black woman whose origin seems nearly identical and whose story is the same?
In fact, let's talk a little more about this Cap.
She's a black woman who was subjected to a super soldier process of some kind. Then got displaced from her time or dimension or whatever for 75 years, after which she returned to her Earth without having aged and with society having moved forward 75 years. So instead of being frozen in a block of ice, she was off on dino world or something.
The thing is, I feel like books that take place on alternate Earths sometimes bend over backwards to make things different while also maintaining the same status quo. Which I find boring. I don't see the purpose of it. Why create a Captain America backstory where it seems the bookends and end are the same and the middle part is different but with the same result? It's not so much an alternate universe as a universe that took a different path to arrive at the same place.
By the way, I don't mean this in a "Steve Rogers is MY Captain America kind of way." I mean this in a way where if I'm going to read a "new" Captain America story, then give me a new story. It's totes rad (I put that slang in there for the kids) to make a black Spider-Man, and what they didn't do was remake Amazing Fantasy 15 using different colors and the exact same story. It's totes #bazinga (I'm out of slang now) to make a black female Captain America, but if she's going to be very much the same kind of person as Steve Rogers, from what I can tell, then I need you to tell me a new story. A new character AND a new story would be nice, but a new character OR a new story is the minimum I'm looking for.
Take it outside the Captain America thing, in this book Punisher is basically the same dude except he has a 401k. What the hell is the point of that? He's a big, intimidating asshole who has a brutal vision of law. Which one am I talking about? This alternate Earth or the regular one we're used to? Haha, you'll never know!
Also, assuming history of a different Earth is different, I have no idea what black history might be there, I have no idea about women's history. So is having a black female Captain America a thing on this Earth, or is it status quo? Again, I have no idea. I don't get any of THAT backstory.
What it comes down to is that sometimes these alternate worlds feel like cheating to me. If you read this having never read stories from Earth-616 (that's the standard Earth for you non-comics people) then it would be a bunch of insane, meaningless gobblidiegook. Yoosaplatz. Gilgamoosh. But this alternate world uses our familiarity with Earth-616 to basically shortcut the need to make characters distinct. I know nothing about the new Captain America, but she seems to behave and talk and occupy the space of Earth-616 Cap. In fact, the fistfight between Spider-Gwen and Cap seems to be almost an exact mirror of the fistfight between Spidey and Cap during Civil War. Maybe this is cute fan service or something, I don't know, but I also just don't really care.
All of it begs the question, why am I reading the same story again?
So I quit.
Rather than offering something brand new, I felt like we were re-treading everything Spider-Man. And I've read those stories already. I'm ready for something new and fresh. I think there are some interesting What If? elements going on here, but it's not enough.
Some might say that this is fine because, hey, some people want to grow up with Spider-Gwen as their primary Spider-Man, so why not just do a more diverse remake? I can dig it, but the problem is that there's almost no story here that makes any sense, really.
There's that old saying that goes like "Any comic book could be someone's first." If this was your first comic book, I can't fathom what you'd derive from it. I just don't see this book accomplishing and establishing an existence that's outside of and independent of Earth-616 Spidey. There's virtually no discussion of her powers, there's really no explanation of who the hell these side characters are. It wouldn't mean anything to you that Uncle Ben was alive or that some guy named Peter Parker was the Lizard.
Also, why in the fuck does Spider-Gwen need to be in a rock band? Seriously. There are a couple things I generally have a problem with in comics. One of them is music. I can't hear it. I have no idea what it sounds like. It doesn't move me in any way. This is true of books of pure text too. My god did I flip past the songs in Lord of the Rings. My kingdom for a version with the songs redacted. Or Dio lyrics in there instead. At least I can imagine the song that way.
The other thing that kills me is food. There are some exceptions, but again, I can't taste it, I can't smell it. I can't feel the temperature or texture. The only information I get is visual, which is possibly the least important information regarding food. It matters, but not as much as those other senses. Notably, CHEW does a great job with food stuff because it doesn't really talk about flavor so much as narrative. Imagine that. In a narrative form, we use something like food to unlock narrative.
I guess what I wanted was simple.
What I wanted was new characters in a new story.
What I would have settled for would have been new characters in an old story OR old characters in a new story.
What I got was the same characters in a story that didn't feel particularly new to me.
And perhaps I didn't read far enough. I didn't finish the book. I honestly was so confused and bored at the same time that I just wasn't having a good time reading it. So maybe the book finds its spider legs (ew) and things improve quickly. But I just couldn't hang....more
Me and my brother waded in again, did a second issue of our digital magazine about videogames with a title that is a not-Wow, we wrote a second issue!
Me and my brother waded in again, did a second issue of our digital magazine about videogames with a title that is a not-at-all-whatsoever-clever pun for masturbation, and here it is!
And look at that beautiful cover. Headless, pink bubble gum men. I spent hours staring at those torsos, which might not seem too bad based on your proclivities, but trust me, you can't stare at shredded abs like that too long without feeling at least a little shitty about yourself.
So do me a favor, give us a read. If for no other reason than to help pay for the blow to my body image, which will require therapy and/or possibly some donuts so I can just accept reality and really get that gut pooched out....more
I love East of West, and also it feels like each trade has about 15 minutes of reading in it, and everything is ABOUT to happen all the time. It's likI love East of West, and also it feels like each trade has about 15 minutes of reading in it, and everything is ABOUT to happen all the time. It's like when they played Dragonball Z on Cartoon Network. You'd watch that shit for weeks, and all that happened was a couple dudes clenched and unclenched their fists, and maybe you'd get some internal dialogue like:
"I can't defeat him. His power level is off the charts!"
And then the villain would chuckle a little bit like he could hear what the main character was saying in his head and he was like "Totally right, dude."
But I kept watching because it always seemed like something totally rad was ABOUT to happen. It's like that show was the best show ever and you could feel it, but you never actually SAW any of the awesome shit. There was just constant travel between things that should be awesome. Hell, it took forever for this dude to run down a really long trail in the clouds because he died and that's how you come back to life. And then he figured out he could fly, which cut down time, but he still followed this curvy-ass path instead of going straight! Just to kill time! I assume!
I ask you, what the hell kind of awesome punching and kicking show has a sequence where a dude runs down a really long road? You do that in montage, goddamnit!...more