Over twenty years ago, my Beehive teacher in Young Woman gave us a lesson on 'active listening' and I have never forgotten it and tried to incorporate...moreOver twenty years ago, my Beehive teacher in Young Woman gave us a lesson on 'active listening' and I have never forgotten it and tried to incorporate it into my daily life. I also learned and remebered that it really helps to avoid fierce fights to never make 'you' statements to someone...only 'I' statements. I didn't realize that these concepts came from this book. I tried the win/win method of solving conflicts with my 4 year old son, and it only sort-of worked. I taught him how to help me think of a solution to our stand-offs so now he suggests that I clean up half of the messes I ask him to clean up!! hee hee I gues I can live with that!!(less)
I love how this book offers parenting techniques and strategies that are loving and kind. It mainly offers a better understanding. It offers a better...moreI love how this book offers parenting techniques and strategies that are loving and kind. It mainly offers a better understanding. It offers a better understanding of why my child screams and kicks at the most minor and frustrating things! It suggests techniques and what to say to help an intense child calm down before emotions spin out of control and spill over into tantrums. It helps to recognize and alter the situations that could be contributing to meltdowns.
It has helped me to control my anger and frustrations when flare-ups happen. It helps me to feel better as a parent to know that I am anot at fault: research has proven that some kids are genetically more intense and sensitive. It has helped me to see where I have done things well to calm situations that would have spiraled out of control if I had not intervened in the way I did. My husband is beginning to recognize these situations and has complimented me on being able to avoid meltdowns. We both are better parents because of this book.(less)
I love to read this book before falling asleep at night. It clears my head. Her parenting style is one of love and kindness and focusing on the emotio...moreI love to read this book before falling asleep at night. It clears my head. Her parenting style is one of love and kindness and focusing on the emotional needs of kids. That style reminds me of John Gottman's Emotion Coaching. She has taken ideas from cognitive therapy and put it into other ways of looking at it, some easier and some more complicated than plain old cognitive therapy. I like her "little fear guy" that puts negative thoughts into everyone's head. I had not heard of the stages of bonding before. She credits the author of the stages. Proximity, sameness, loyalty and a few others. I want to explore that further. I liked this book, her style, and her love of all children and her hope that all situations can be helped. (less)
This will change the way I parent; not in a huge way, but in how I view children. It didn't give very many concrete methods on how to change; I will h...moreThis will change the way I parent; not in a huge way, but in how I view children. It didn't give very many concrete methods on how to change; I will have to come up with my own ways to apply the principles.
Here are a few:
Praise- I already knew to only praise specifics, not generalities. For example: say 'that was smart' rather than 'you are smart'. Praise only things they can control or they will give up and not try to accomplish things that look too hard. Reward for effort rather than talent. Effort can be controlled, raw talent cannot. Kids who rely on talent will crumble when it looks like they will fail. Kids who are praised on effort will keep trying harder and not be afraid to try what appears to be difficult.
Sleep- I already wished I could be a sleep nazi. I will try harder to be one. I am glad that the research shows that obesity is linked to lack of sleep more than it is linked to tv watching. It is not like the skinny kids are not watching any tv, or that just turning off the tv makes kids more active. Better sleep correlates with better weight almost perfectly exponentially.
TV- I will be more aware of the relational aggression shown on tv or that we witness in the world. TV does not resolve or punish relational aggression as much as it develops it.
Lying- I now know that ALL kids lie. Everyone of them. Especially teens. It is part of the process of growing up avoiding disappointment and forming a separate identity. So I will not be shocked and horrified about children and teens lying. I will try to parent in the way which minimizes the lying. I already decided I would parent that way after reading Parent Effectiveness Training or PET. I am glad it is backed up by more research.
Intelligence- I am glad I don't have to gauge a child's intelligence level until they are older. I now believe IQs change in kids until about the third grade. I can have hope that we can always improve and help development and change outcomes.
I am going to read Tools of the Mind and try to implement the strategies. I already started this morning and had a great time scripting an imaginary play fire rescue scene with my son. We have already scripted making a video with trick photography using a toy truck and a picture of my son in the truck. I look forward to learning more!!!
These are a few of the ways the book has impacted my parenting.