I have to facilitate a discussion on conflict resolution for a group I'm a part of (have no idea why as that is definitely not my background or area o...moreI have to facilitate a discussion on conflict resolution for a group I'm a part of (have no idea why as that is definitely not my background or area of expertise). Anyway, I needed to quickly find some stuff to talk about and came across this book. It does a great job, in only 100 pages or so, of laying out reasons why we argue, why arguing without resolution is unhealthy for marriages, and provides a plan for dealing with conflict. It echoes some of the other information I've found as I've been frantically attempting to pack my brain with enough details to speak 'knowledgeably' about this topic. Solutions/steps Mr. Chapman mentions like empathetic listening, re-stating what you've heard until the other person agrees that you have understood his/her viewpoint, asking clarifying questions and so on all seem to be common 'you need to do these things if you really want to resolve conflicts' across the information I've been reading.
I really liked the idea of rating an issue - on a scale of 1-10, how important is this issue to you. I think that can help you/your spouse see whether you are truly passionate about something or whether you really could just let it go. He also doesn't insist that every conflict has to be resolved through compromise - though that is presented as one of the resolution methods. (I liked his suggestion of calling it "meeting in the middle" as opposed to compromising, so that you focus on what you've gained, as opposed to what you had to give up something.)
I think every marriage can benefit from the ideas presented in this book - I know I'm planning to put them into practice in mine. Also, although the book is Christian-based (and I am as well), that doesn't detract from it at all. I think the ideas presented would work well for Christians and non-Christians, as the solutions presented don't require that one be a Christian to implement them. (less)
This is the first book I'm reading by Andy Stanley. He presents some material that I've heard already, but they way he presents it, and the new materi...moreThis is the first book I'm reading by Andy Stanley. He presents some material that I've heard already, but they way he presents it, and the new material he shares, makes for an enjoyable reading experience. We are rich. I am rich. Don't believe me? Read this book! I need to choose to make better decisions about what I do with the money God has given me, and one of the things that the "true rich" do is give - in the same way that Jesus gave to us.(less)
You totally feel for Esther in this book. You are rooting for her the whole way through and want to yell at and/or shake the people she has to interac...moreYou totally feel for Esther in this book. You are rooting for her the whole way through and want to yell at and/or shake the people she has to interact with who can't see that something is is different and she needs help. I felt a pang each time she tried to kill herself.
It's hard to dislike biographies/memoirs - how can you say you don't like someone's life. I totally admire Ms. Plath having the guts to write this book, way back when doing self-exposes wasn't in vogue. This is a haunting story that will make you appreciate the strides medicine has made in treating mental illnesses.(less)
march 17: started this yesterday while on a driving trip to JMU. am enjoying it a lot! the author uses great characters to tell about Savannah in a wa...moremarch 17: started this yesterday while on a driving trip to JMU. am enjoying it a lot! the author uses great characters to tell about Savannah in a way that is entertaining and light. i love Chablis and Joe Odom. Berendt also goes into the revitalization of the city, without being too mundane/boring (i.e., he doesn't go into the nitty gritty about what's involved in restoring old mansions and what not).
the book jacket indicated that there was going to be something about a murder, but that doesn't come up until about the middle of the book. so you know it's there, but you're not sure when it will happen and who exactly will die. once the murder does happen, things continue to stay interesting. we'll see what the end result is....
mar 18: enjoyed this. wouldn't classify it as a favorite, but it was a good read. the characters were enjoyable and lively. loved chablis and joe odom! things got a little dry coming down to the end, but overall a good read. (less)
Leslie describes how she got into a relationship with Connor, how she stayed for three years while he abused her, and what finally got her to leave.
I'...moreLeslie describes how she got into a relationship with Connor, how she stayed for three years while he abused her, and what finally got her to leave.
I've heard from abused women before that they don't stay because they're stupid or silly, and Leslie tries to bring that point home too. Near the end of the book (I listened to this, so my sense of location may be a bit off), she talks about finally identifying the chink in her self-esteem that allowed her to love dangerous men, men who couldn't love her, and learning to deal with it.
If you've never been abused, and haven't spoken to women who have been, this book may be difficult for you to read. You may think, "Why didn't she leave him?" "Why did she stick around?". Hopefully the story will help you to be a bit more empathetic to those who are in the situation, and who can't seem to muster up the courage to leave. One thing I hope people see from this book is that there are usually always signs when a marriage is going to be abusive - things happen while the couple is dating that should trigger alarms. Many times they do, and many times, like Leslie, they are rationalized away, and then things only get worse.(less)