Time Travel + Mutants + Terrigen Mist = Flaming Garbage
The whole plot is a big bag of I-Don't-Care. I mean, if you've read any X-man story in the lastTime Travel + Mutants + Terrigen Mist = Flaming Garbage
The whole plot is a big bag of I-Don't-Care. I mean, if you've read any X-man story in the last 5 years, then you've read this. The End.
I will say they did a good job making the female characters (Storm, Jean, and Magik) strong leaders without any fuss. They knew what they were doing, they were the most capable person for the job, and nobody was questioning their authority. Boom. Done. It would be nice to see more of that in the future. Of course, if we're talking about the X-men, Extraordinary or otherwise, they'll definitely be in the future...mucking it up somehow. *gags*
What was this even supposed to be? I'm guessing someone actually read the script for this and said, OK! That sounds reasonable!, but I'm finding it harWhat was this even supposed to be? I'm guessing someone actually read the script for this and said, OK! That sounds reasonable!, but I'm finding it hard to imagine why. I just don't even...what was this?! There are so many cockamamie storylines going on in New Romancer that it felt like trying to read a bowl of alphabet soup. Except instead of letters, there's little noodles made of madness floating around! MADNESS, I SAY!
Lord Byron's consciousness has somehow been downloaded into an A.I. body by a 20something named Lexi, who during her lonely teenage years fell in love with his poems. <--That does NOT even scratch the surface of the insanity that is New Romancer. But I can't really explain all the nonsense that happens without giving spoilers, so: SPOILERS AHEAD!
I'm not a fan of poetry. <--shocking, I know! And I'm not a big history buff. I mean, I'm aware of the basics, but if you asked me who was a big deal in the early 1800's, I'd be really hard-pressed to give you anything other than a blank stare. All the space in my brain that would normally hold this sort of information has already been allocated for stories about people who get bit by radioactive spiders. Sorry, my kindhearted and intelligent friends, I got no room for shit that rhymes. What I'm trying to say is that if you're going to write a story about bringing a historical figure back from the dead, especially one who writes poetry? Well, let's just say it had better be hella good to keep my interest. This? Not good. Not good at all.
Alright. So this girl works for a smalltime online dating site/app, and they've hired her to come up with a program that matches people up (somehow?) by using a bunch of dead romance/poetry writers...ideas? Or something. It's harebrained! She's stolen some sort of tech (not explained very well) from her ex-employer (they are EVIL, btw), and has used it to (again, not explained how) connect to/reanimate/clone the consciousness of her crush, Lord Byron. And for some reason, others, including Giacomo Casanova & Mati Hari. LIGHTNING STRIKES! And all these people come to life. Because? BECAUSE!
Now, Casanova is evidently a Jokeresque serial killer who's out to get both Byron and Lexi. Oh, I forgot to mention that Casanova steals life forces like a vampire. Just...sucks it right out of your mouth! And he has darts (love darts) that make you his slave. Yup. His minions shoot people with f-ed up love darts.
Mati Hari is a bit unhinged as well, and proceeds to kidnap Lexi's dad in order to force Lexi to bring her dead lover back to life. But then she falls for Daddy after she sucks cactus poison from his chubby titty. Whut?! They get married after her dad gets his prison sentence overturned with new evidence. Did I forget to mention her dad broke out of prison to tell Lexi that he and her mother had fucked with her in the embryonic stage so she'd be super smart? Well, he did. Plus, you know...her dad experimented on her. Like loving parents do. But, hey, it looks like everyone is getting a happy ending!
Honestly, I can't for the life of me figure out why Lexi had a crush on this Byron guy. He was gross! And if she didn't know any of the gross stuff ahead of time, maybe I could see it, but she did! I thought it was bad enough when she was talking about how he abandoned his infant daughter. Like, that's a MASSIVE turnoff. Ew. You're scummy! You know that guy who never wrote anything legible in his life, but stuck around for his kid? <--he's worth 100 Byrons. Then she brings up how he fucked his sister. Dude fucked his sister? What the What?! And he's gimping around on a jacked-up foot! Are you seriously crushing on that?! OhMyFuckinGodDon'tBeRidiculous!
Ok. Somewhere in the middle of all that bullshit, my head exploded. This story is held together with cheap masking tape and retarded nonsense. Ugh. Easily one of the stupidest things I've read this year....more