Well, this was fun! I actually liked I Suck at Girls a tad better, but I think it's because I read that one first. And while Halpern's father is extremWell, this was fun! I actually liked I Suck at Girls a tad better, but I think it's because I read that one first. And while Halpern's father is extremely funny, once you hear a few of his zingers the magic wears off a bit.
The gist? I think everyone already knows about this book and the Tweets that started it all. I'm pretty sure the blurb takes care of whatever curiosity most readers have, but (if you're too lazy to read the blurb) the short version is that Justin started Tweeting the shit his dad said. So, yeah.
Halpern senior is smart & funny, but I think the thing that everyone loves is the way he just says whatever he's thinking without caring about any social repercussions. And the stuff he's saying isn't racist/sexist/homophobic, it's just...honest.
Has it really become so rare for people to not sugarcoat the way they feel and think, that we find a book filled with Tweets like this amazing? Yup.
There isn't any sort of big Life Lesson here, just a humorous way to spend an afternoon. But if you're one of those readers who just has to take a moral lesson away from everything you read, then here's what I took away from this one: actions speak louder than words. Sure, Justin's dad cuts him (and everyone else) very little verbal slack. But he was always there for him, believing in him, pushing him to be better, and loving him regardless.
In the end, I hope I'm judged on my actions and not my words, because God knows my kids could easily write something like this. *shudders*...more
Small time author, Sean McQueef, does it again! And by that, I mean he forced me to read another one of his books.
In all quasi-seriousness, this was aSmall time author, Sean McQueef, does it again! And by that, I mean he forced me to read another one of his books.
In all quasi-seriousness, this was a funny fucking buddy adventure with a little bit of a Choose Your Own Adventure feel to it.
Eh, don't get too excited. You pretty much had to be there when it came out in serial form to get a say in what happened. <-- Don't feel bad, I wasn't invited, either.
Oh well. sighs Alright! So (like the title says) these are the Chronicles of Heloise. A self proclaimed gorgeous half elf, bard extraordinaire, mostly fearless adventurer for hire, and all-around badass chick.
Oh. *cough* And Grimple. Heloise and Grimple. A giant, who (in an ill-thought-out card game) lost his magical club, and managed to get himself turned into a gnome (kinda). Then, in an even more ill-thought-out attempted kidnapping, managed to get himself turned into a gross gnome hybridish looking thing with huge hands and an annoying British accent. Yeah, ouch! Bad luck.
But on the upside, the wizard they tried to abduct is interested enough in the magic it would take to return Grimple to normal, that he agrees to help them on their quest. Enter Kevil! <--does not rhyme with Evil And even without any prior adventuring experience, he has a few good ideas concerning how they should go about finding the mage that originally cursed Grimple.
Plus, he's really kick-ass at creating illusions! And this will come in handy...
Along the way, the trio will attempt to knock over a magical pawn shop, fight a group of religious zealots dressed as Scooby-Doo villains, and meet up with Heloise's longtime booty call...
And much, much more! But, in actuality, not that much more. This isn't exactly a Lord of the Rings length novel, after all...
In the interest of complete transparency, I'd like to state that I communicated with this author, using my personal email, and not a secured government server. And I've heard tell of that sort of thing getting people in trouble, so I just thought I'd mention it to be on the safe side. Loosely translated, that means that McQueef & I are friends. I know, right?
Sadly, he did not pay me to give this a good review. (view spoiler)[Coulda been 5 stars, Sean! Just sayin'... (hide spoiler)] Ugh. shudder He has that poor person smell clinging to him, if you know what I mean?
So. Yeah. This was fun! Highly recommended for all fantasy/D&D/WoW geeks out there!["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>...more
But I've been married for a bjillion years, so why the hell am I reading this? Eh. I saw my library had it,Because everyone wants to find true love...
But I've been married for a bjillion years, so why the hell am I reading this? Eh. I saw my library had it, and thought it would be fun to find out if (according to Greg Behrendt) Hubs & I had done the whole dating thing right.
First week of dating:
According to the book, my main squeeze exhibited all the correct into you behavior, so I guess it's a good thing I went ahead and married the guy. And I think, for the most part, Greg is right about some of the excuses men give when it comes to dating. I mean, when a guy falls for a woman, he really will move heaven and earth to be with her. All of the it's just a bad time, I'm busy with work, I've been hurt before, I'm not ready to commit, my parent divorce scarred me, etc. shit is exactly that...shit. What's actually being said is, I'm not sure if you're the one, and I'm keeping my options open. I mean, if you ask my husband, he's probably used every one of those excuses on some poor unsuspecting female in the past. I was surprised to learn that he had a giant laundry list of things that were no-goes for him. A list, I might add, that flew out the window once he met me. And not because I'm so awesome, but because I was his Person. For whatever reason, we clicked, and all of his I don't feel comfortable when a woman spends the entire night, turned into if you move in with me, we can turn my office into a kid's room. Yes, really.
I think this book gives pretty decent advice when it talks about how into you a man acts, is proportionate to how into he really is. If he's not calling/texting, not wanting to spend his free time with you, or has 'issues' with intimacy, then *sigh*He's Just Not That Into You. And, honestly, who wants to spend the rest of your life with someone you have to beg scraps of attention from? Marriage is hardly easy, why make it harder?
A few years down the road:
As far as some of the other advice Behrendt gives? Meh. It's not necessarily wrong, but it's definitely not Gospel Truth. At best, it's situational. I know a lot of people are pissed that he claims a woman should never ask a man out, because men like The Chase. I'm not offended by his advice, but I'm not sure how true it is anymore. What if the guy you like thinks you're waaaay out of his league? I guess you could basically throw yourself at him, but it might be easier to just invite him out for a cup of coffee, you know? Besides, I don't think men are as stupid as all that. If they like you, I sort of doubt you asking them out will change those feelings. As far as I can tell, the only good thing about waiting for the man to make the first move would be that you know he's definitely interested in you, and not just going along with it because it was easy. But. I can't say that's enough of a reason to sit of your hands. I mean, if after a few dates you notice him displaying lazy/disinterested behavior, you can always dump the guy.
The only thing in the book I agree with 100%, is that it is ALWAYS better to be alone than be with someone who makes you feel like shit. I know some of you are probably thinking, Easy for you to say, you've got someone!, and you're not wrong. But I have had my fair share of horrible relationships, so I do know how damaging to your self esteem they can be. It's not worth it, ladies (and gentlemen!). Get out, get over them, and move on to someone who truly wants to be your Person. <--worth it!
A few more years down the road: Who says romance is dead?! Look at the fear love shining in his eyes!
Oh, and, unlike a lot of my friends who read this, I didn't realize it had been made into some sort of a movie or something until after I picked it up. So, yeah, this is a self-help book, not a novel....more
Definitely not my normal cuppa, but still a cute book! I'm not a history buff (view spoiler)[I'm not actually all that smart-like, if I'm being honestDefinitely not my normal cuppa, but still a cute book! I'm not a history buff (view spoiler)[I'm not actually all that smart-like, if I'm being honest (hide spoiler)] so I had no idea (or at least no recollection) of any Lady Jane, or her short-lived reign as Queen of England. Not that I'd let a thing like that stop me...
So it turns out that this was a fictionalized (read: alternate universe) version of that story. But with the added bonus of shapeshifters & a happy ending! Oh, oh! And it's funny!
Yeah. So if you are someone who knows about this lady, or even historical stuff in general, I'm betting you'll enjoy this even more than I did.
Sexy Scottish dude, who is verra, verra good in bed, finagles his way into a fake marriage with a scrappy Englishwoman. Do I realMen in kilts, amirite?
Sexy Scottish dude, who is verra, verra good in bed, finagles his way into a fake marriage with a scrappy Englishwoman. Do I really need to go on? Is that not enough to get you to try this one out?! sigh
Ok, if the steamy scenes aren't enough for you, then maybe the promise of humor will suck you in? *clears throat*
Madeline is painfully shy (read: has panic attacks in crowds), so when she's faced with the London Season, she makes up a teeny-tiny white lie. She tells her family that she's met, and become engaged to, the perfect man...Captain Logan MacKenzie! And then she proceeds to write him hilarious fake love letters for years! Of course, she has to post the letters to make it look real, but she makes sure that the regiment she's sending them to doesn't actually exist.<--This (because the mailman will not be denied!) will come back to bite her in the ass.
Sadly, all good things must come to an end. So, with a heavy heart, Madeline kills off her imaginary beloved, and goes into mourning. And since her godfather had left her (and her betrothed) a castle, she promptly retires to a quiet life in Scotland. *BLISS* Right up till the realCaptain Logan MacKenzie shows up, determined to blackmail her into marriage.
And that's just the start of one of the best romance novels I've real in quite some time. It's got it all! It's smart, sexy, and soooo funny! Here's a bit of advice from one of MacKenzie's soldiers on how to get Madeline interested in him...
"You strip down to your skin, and then you have a dip in the loch. Wait until she comes looking for you. Because she will. They always do. But pretend not to notice when she does. And then - just when she's close enough to see and she's been watching for a while, you rise up out of the water. Like a dolphin. Or a mermaid. Shooting up through the mist and pushing your hair back with both hands"-Rabbie thrust both hands through his hair to demonstrate-"with all the little beads of water trickling down over the ridges of your shoulders and chest." He danced his fingers down his belly. "Like so." Monroe snorted. "So he's supposed to go down to the loch at half-crack o' the morning, paddle about in the frigid water for an hour or two, and then emerge? I'm finding it difficult to believe she'd see anything impressive."
Madeline is smart, talented, spunky, and now one of my favorite romance heroines of all time! Throughout the entire book she continually surprised me with her honesty, intelligence, and sense of humor. And Logan? Well...
Sure, there was some unnecessary back-and-forth at the end, but this is a romance novel, so that sort of thing gets a pass with me. I really don't want to spoil the details for you, but I will say this is going on my favorites shelf. Hmmmm. I wonder if it's too soon to do a re-read? Nah.
Oh! And I almost forgot to mention Rex & Fluffy! No, seriously, she has pet lobsters. You've gotta read it...
Alrighty, this one is for Cabot's fans of her young adult series The Princess Diaries . I am one of those aforementioned fans. Love those books! Yes, aAlrighty, this one is for Cabot's fans of her young adult series The Princess Diaries . I am one of those aforementioned fans. Love those books! Yes, all 10 of them. They're just cute, sweet, funny, and...well, what else do you need?!
So, they start out with a 14 year old Mia learning that she's heir to the Genovian throne, and then follow her through the years as she grows from a gawky girl to a beautiful princess.
Anyway, fans (like me!) were thrilled to find out that Cabot was writing another book about Mia, and especially excited to find out that this one was for adults! Wheeee! But it's not really adult-adult, because this is probably the cleanest adult novel I've read in FOREVER. As in, no cursing and no sex. Well, Mia & Michael have sex. But it's off-page, and alluded to like there are kids in the room...if you know what I mean? Which is fine, because it sort of keeps with the theme of the other books. Anyway, the romance part is very sweetly done. They're a loving couple with a good sense of humor, and I thoroughly enjoyed reading about them.
As you probably guess from the title, this one centers around her wedding to Micheal, but that's not the only BIG news! Plenty of other potentially disastrous extremely interesting things happen, and Mia handles them all with her typical flair.
It's also still told in diary form! Mia once again picks up her pen to write, only this time, it's because her doctor thinks it may help her relieve stress that's causing her eye to twitch. More than likely, twitchy eye is due to her grandmother...just sayin'. For those of you who have only watched the movies, Julie Andrews' character is NOTHING like the smoking, boozing, offensive grandmother in the books.
I love her so much!
Anyhoo, I don't want to spoil anything for anyone who wants to read this one, but I will say that all the old familiar faces do show up. Lilly, Tina, JP, & Boris to name a few. And there will be a new face that pops up, as well. So. If you've been dying to know what happens to Mia next, I really think you're gonna enjoy the hell out of this one!
Doomsday for Dummies? Sounds funny! But...no. I just didn't get the humor. At all. Maybe it's because I'm too old to think that millennial's are funny?Doomsday for Dummies? Sounds funny! But...no. I just didn't get the humor. At all. Maybe it's because I'm too old to think that millennial's are funny? No, that's not true. I laugh my ass off at those "self-entitled, self-involved, and ill equipped" whiners all the time. This should have had me in stitches. Instead?
The plot had massive potential, and there were a moments that rang true, but for the most part this was just an exercise in ridiculousness. The main problem is that Verdell isn't awful enough to be truly funny, and she isn't good enough to be anyone's idea of a heroine. She's just THERE...sucking up space on the planet. The quintessential oxygen thief.
And she's not the only one. Apparently, everyone on the planet is mouth-breather. Again, that could have been funny!
Except it wasn't! I know the author wanted to show how the world would be if it were taken over by morons, but without at least one intelligent person left on the planet, the jokes fell flat. Without anyone who had two brain cells to rub together, there was no one to play the straight man. It was nothing but stupid, petty, idiots trying to find gluten free low-carb snacks. Or getting upset about the lack of name-brand bottled water, trying to suck up to actors, and starting lame cults. And believe me, that sounds a hellava lot funnier than it was. I knew going into it that this was a tongue-in-cheek look at the apocalypse, and I was prepared for it to be somewhat corny. I took all of that into consideration, and I tried. I really tried to get the humor. I tried to get what the author was saying. I tried to laugh at the way these people flailed around like idiots, desperately grasping at their old lives, and scrabbling around for necessities like...ChapStick. What's trending? Twitter + Armageddon = Catty Post-It Notes. Har. Har. Har. Har.
This was a great idea with poor execution, but I can't bring myself to give it one star, because there were solid moments sprinkled in with all the dumbassery. Unfortunately, that's about the nicest thing I can say. However, this is a debut novel, so I'm not giving up on this author yet. Also, there were quite a few reviewers who loved this one, so check out what some of the other people thought before you make up your mind.
I received a digital copy for review from NetGalley.
So, this isn't really a humorous book about Aziz Ansari's dating experiences, it's more like a book about dating in the modern world, written by the vSo, this isn't really a humorous book about Aziz Ansari's dating experiences, it's more like a book about dating in the modern world, written by the very humorous Aziz Ansari.
I was introduced to Aziz's stand-up by my oldest son, and I've been hooked on him ever since. He's hilarious, and if you haven't seen him perform you're missing out. Which makes me wish I'd listened to this as an audio book...
Turns out, Aziz and his partner, Eric Klinenberg, did quite a bit of research for this book. Now, is it the best book out there on this subject? The most detailed investigation with the most clinical data? Probably not.
But there was waaay more research-y stuff in here than I was expecting from a book written by a stand-up comedian & actor. Between the two of them, they did focus groups, had pie charts, and looked at how people dated in a few different cultures. Not a ton, but a few! Japan (Tokyo, in particular) was interesting! I'd heard about their lack of interest in sex, but I didn't realize it was now such a big deal that the government was stepping in to help out. You'd think Tokyo would be a hopping place for singles, but evidently...not so much. Even so, it sounds like a fabulous place to visit!
They looked at Paris to see what a more laid-back culture thought about monogamy, and the results were...less surprising. More Parisians were cool with (a bit of) cheating than other countries. That's Hot!
Sorry, wrong Paris. They also looked at Buenos Aries, which is (supposedly) a more aggressive city for dating. As in, the guys are aggressive and take catcalling to a whole new level. Or maybe it's a game both genders play in that culture? Either way, catcalling is gross, disrespectful, and not the way to meet your soul mate. <--just my opinion.
Now, if you've ever seen Ansari's stand-up, you've probably seen him get someone out of the audience and scroll through their texts. This is like Aziz scrolling through thousands of personal texts to see what people are saying to each other. What's dating like for singles when there are so many ways to communicate? When everything is instantaneous? When you can swipe a face to connect, or send out mass generic messages on a dating site? How do you connect without being a needy dork or a creeper? What is the correct etiquette?
Can you break up via text? Or ask someone to the prom in an IM? Are those, in fact, preferred methods of communications?! Oh my God, I'm so old!
Is love in the digital age easier or harder? Are singles making rookie mistakes that knock them out of them out of the game, or is the game itself a tad more full of potential landmines than it was when I was single? I'm looking at you, dick pics! As Aziz points out, these stupid blunders just couldn't have happened 20 years ago.
The point he makes is that the landscape for dating has changed...again. And I'm sure it will continue to morph and alter into something unrecognizable in another 20 years. That's not necessarily a bad thing, at all. In fact, there are upsides (searching for someone you connect with on a deep level, instead of settling) and downsides (expecting too much from one person, and not being satisfied) when it comes to Modern Romance.
Admittedly, I had no real reason to want to read a book about dating. I'm not looking for love, because I already had my very Unmodern Romance. We met at work, and talked on landline phones for hours! I simply wanted to take a peek at how the other half lives. And it was pretty enlightening! No, I don't feel sorry for the singles out there today. I don't think it's any harder, but it's definitely different for them than it was for me. Every era has its own pitfalls, but in the end I think we all want the same thing.
This is my kind of fantasy. It's got that unputdownable thing going for it that just KILLS my ability to function as a normal person, with normal persoThis is my kind of fantasy. It's got that unputdownable thing going for it that just KILLS my ability to function as a normal person, with normal person things to do. I made deals with myself for a few days while I was reading this. Bad deals, but deals, nonetheless. Deals like: I will feed the kids nutritious (yet delicious!) meals once I finish Prophecy Con. Tonight, though, I can throw a frozen pizza in the oven for them, and we'll call pepperoni a vegetable! Because that's what books like this do to me. They force me to malnourish my children. Sorry, kids.
This picks up not very long after the first book, The Palace Job leaves off. So, Loch gets to be a reputable law-abiding citizen for about 10 pages in this one, and then all hell just breaks loose. Somebody has set Loch up to take the blame for a political snafu...of sorts. Plan A was to kill her on the spot, and leave no witnesses. Alas, for them, no. Naturally, Loch and Kail escape, because they're AWESOME! Duh. And, also, if they died in the first ten pages this would have been a hard book to sell... Still, in order to avoid a war they need to find something that will appease the wronged party. Something that is preferably not Loch's head. Enter the elven poems...that no one can even read. What about the rest of the crazy-but-lovable crew, you ask? Well, the whole gang (eventually) gets back together to help clear Loch's name, and the race to find the ancient relic thing is on!
Like the last book, this has a hyper-twisty storyline, and there never seems to be enough of a break in the action to be able to comfortably put this down. *see starving children* It's one double cross after another, and then a few side cons just to keep things interesting. I thought I wouldn't get bamboozled by the Whodunnit this time around, but even after I found out who was responsible for everything, I still couldn't believe it. Damn! You're a sneaky man, Mr. Weekes!
Cliffhanger? Why, yes. Yes, there is. And not just any old cliffhanger! One that's so freakin' big, I don't even have to ask if there's going to be a third book. Was I shocked? Um...yes. A bit.
The less I say about the actual plot the better, but if you're a fan of fantasy, humor, & heist-like stories, then this a series to check out!
Important Edit, People! It turns out the reason I found the ending to be so shocking and cliffhangery, was because I read the Kindle version of this, and the Post-Script (epilogue) was after the Acknowledgements. If you have a Kindle, then you already know that Amazon likes to kick you out of the book when you finish, and into their How Would You Rate This...thing. It's annoying to say the least, because in order to rate it, you actually have to write a review. And, I personally write enough reviews as it is. So, no thank you. This time around it caused me to miss some pertinent information! *glares at Amazon* Anyway, if you buy the Kindle version, don't forget to look for the epilogue.
I'm having such a hard time with how I feel about this book! I was looking for another fantasy/heist book like The Palace Jo2.5 stars...maybe a full 3?
I'm having such a hard time with how I feel about this book! I was looking for another fantasy/heist book like The Palace Job, and The Lies of Locke Lamora has so many great reviews that I thought it would be an easy win for me. Ehhh. Yes and no. But mostly no.
Let me be the first to admit that the problems I had with this one? Well, they might be exactly why every other reader loved it.
It took me forever to get through this. It felt like years went by while I tried to get to The Good Stuff. I know that a lot of you love books that give detailed descriptions of the character's surroundings. I know, I know, I know! Please, for the love of God, don't spam my review thread with your comments on how I just don't understand the beauty of the lush world Lynch built. I most certainly do understand, but I don't enjoy reading about what material a character's coat is made out of unless it will somehow be relevant later on in the story. Here's my rule on this sort of thing: Unless the fact that the gently swaying purple flower's fragrance made WhoTheFuckEver do/say/remember something important that will move the plot forward? Well, then I don't even need to know that there was a fucking purple flower! And, yes, I do like the world I'm reading about to feel complete and real, but there's only so much I can (personally) take. This book tested my patience. There was so much...just irrelevant crap on every page that I started skimming in earnest by the 50% mark. I hate skimming, because I always think I'm going to miss something, but I had to do it, or I never would have finished.
Another thing that bothered me were all the fucking flashbacks. Because EVERY TIME shit would start to get interesting, you'd have to go back and read about their childhoods. That would have been fine, if all of these flashbacks were interesting. They weren't. It was a 50/50 split between relevant stories of their past, and boring bullshit filler that had a speck of pertinent information.
So. The core of story is clever, funny, charming, heart-wrenching, and fun...once you scrape away about half of the words. I mean, the plot would easily have made this a 5 star book for me. EASILY! It's well-written, it's lovely, it made me feel things! But when I went to request the next book, I found myself sort of shuddering at the thought of slogging through any more of these guys' adventures.
I'm not the kind of reader who can truly enjoy this kind of book, but maybe you are? There are lots of glowing reviews for this one, so take my opinion with a grain of salt. ...more
I haven't read Sh*t My Dad Says yet, so I have yet to decide for myself if that one is funnier than this. However, my 16 year old son read this one anI haven't read Sh*t My Dad Says yet, so I have yet to decide for myself if that one is funnier than this. However, my 16 year old son read this one and loved it, begged me to get Halpern's first book, and then said it was boring & DNF'd it.
I'm thinking that may be because no matter what age a guy is, he can relate to girls and the suckage that follows in their wake. Sorry, fellas...
If it makes you fellas feel better, we ladies have just as hard a time trying to figure out what the hell to do about men. You're complex creatures, and we spend a lot of time trying to decipher the subtle clues you leave for us. Really. Ok, maybe not...
Yeah. Anyway. This book had several things going for it, and one of them was that it was short. And I mean that in the very best sense! Sometimes authors who are writing humorous books based on their own experiences tend to get too in depth, too wordy. I don't pick up stuff like this to learn about every facet of some dude's life, I just want a few laughs at the expense of another human being.
And that's what you get with this one. A condensed version of his life, highlighting the moments that helped define his relationships with women. From his first (very iffy) anatomy lesson from a childhood pal: That's were you stick your dick. They pee out of that, and sometimes shit out of it if their butt's clogged.
To his first time stealing porn from hobos: There, hightailing it out of the canyon, came two bearded homeless men, each of whom looked like Nick Nolte rendered in beef jerky. I had never seen homeless guys move so fast and with such a sense of purpose.
To his dad's talk on masturbation: But there's two things I need you to know: one, I'm going to be doing the laundry for the next few months because your mom's studying for the bar exam: and two, I'll be goddamned if I'm gonna reach down into the laundry basket and pick up a towel that's crunchy like a fucking Dorito 'cause you did you did your business in it, okay?
I'm not sure if this will be anyone else's cuppa, but I thought the majority of it was very relatable and quite funny. I've been having a hard time sitting down lately and reading anything without pictures, but this was pretty easy to get into and enjoy.
If you don't have kids will you think this is funny? Hard to say. It's basically the companion to Go the Fuck to Sleep, which is a tongue-in-cheek bedtiIf you don't have kids will you think this is funny? Hard to say. It's basically the companion to Go the Fuck to Sleep, which is a tongue-in-cheek bedtime story for parents who are dealing with young children. Thankfully, all of mine are now old enough that I can actually just tell them to get the hell in bed and stay there...Or else. I no longer have to screw around and be nice about it. *insert evil laugh here* As far as getting them to eat? Been there. Done that. And this book brought back all the memories and frustrations beautifully! I (like the parent in the book) was convinced that if the child in question didn't eat, they'd...well, shrivel up and die, I guess. Until you're so sleep deprived (see: Go the Fuck to Sleep) that you can't see straight, you can't possibly understand the mindset that would allow you to imagine starvation as the outcome of a kid who is just a picky eater. A picky eater who doesn't actually need that many calories to survive. Seriously. It doesn't matter that your pediatrician has already told your stupid ass that if the kid gets hungry...they'll eat. I've done the Food Dance, and it ain't pretty. Most days, none of this MOM crap is very pretty. In fact, this is much closer to the reality of parenting than any of the What to Expect When You're...Whatever books. But. Children are worth it. *cough* Really. I mean it...
Fanfuckingtastic! I could totally slap myself for not reading this sooner.
The premise of this story is that Andy Dahl and a group of his fr4.5 stars
Fanfuckingtastic! I could totally slap myself for not reading this sooner.
The premise of this story is that Andy Dahl and a group of his friends, who all work aboard the starship Intrepid, start to notice a troubling pattern happening on the Away Missions. And they aren't the only ones who've noticed...
Does everyone know what a Redshirt is? On the off-chance you aren't a Star Trek fan, and maybe haven't been exposed to the term before, let me explain where it came from. On every mission, Captain Kirk, Spock, Bones, etc. would get beamed to some uncharted planet to discover...something. But, of course, our main characters never beamed anywhere by themselves. Not really . They always took Ensign So-n-So (wearing his red shirt) with them. And, inevitably, Ensign Redshirt ended up as cannon fodder.
Death by exploding rock!
So, after watching the show for any length of time, you knew what was going to eventually happen to anyone who happened to be wearing the wrong color in an uncharted area of space.
Death by zappy-beam!
Which is hilarious when you're watching re-runs and playing a drinking game! But maybe it wouldn't quite so funny if the Redshirts were real characters? Although, I laughed my ass off at Andy and his friends the entire time I was reading this, so that blows that theory right out of the water.
I wasn't all that surprised that I thought this was funny, but I was really surprised that I was totally invested in the plot. And there is a plot! A really good one! And the ENDING! I did not see that twist coming, Mr. Scalzi. Well done, sir! Alright, so what happens is...(view spoiler)[hahahahahahahaha. No. I'm not telling you anything. Go get this book if you wanna find out what makes this story so special. (hide spoiler)]
I've been in the mood for fun books lately, and this one certainly fit the bill. But. I feel the need to address this awful cover.
Now maybe you3.5 stars
I've been in the mood for fun books lately, and this one certainly fit the bill. But. I feel the need to address this awful cover.
Now maybe you can't see it very well, so I've taken the liberty of blowing it up for you just a bit. Although, I have to say, even blowing it up to that size doesn't do it justice. The picture below actually looks much cooler than the book I'm staring at right now. For one thing, when you're holding the book, it looks like the dude's eyes are crossed. I even went so far as to try and look up alternate editions online, to try and get the bad taste out of my mouth, but this is apparently the Cover of Choice. *shudder*
Whyyyyyyy?! I had the paperback version, so that visual was what greeted me every time I started to read. And, at first, I thought that maybe it was published 20 years ago or something...but, no! 2013! It's like some straight guy who still listens to a lot of Bon Jovi on the weekend designed this. Because in his mind, this is an attractive and/or badass look that would lure in the female readers. Ugh. P.S. Jon said he wanted his jacket back when you're done, Charming. (view spoiler)[ (hide spoiler)]
Well, whoever you are...Great Job!
Alright, fine. I'm a cover whore, and I'll admit I've spent too much time ranting about this one. But in my defense, the cover so ugly it made me slightly crazy(er).
And here's where the saying Don't Judge a Book By It's Cover comes into play. The actual story wasn't anything incredibly new, but I loved the tone of the book. It's a fast-paced urban fantasy with an extremely likable lead character, and the dialogue had me smiling for the entire book. And John Charming's inner monologue was surprisingly funny! Now I always hate it when reviewers rave about how funny a book was, and then when I read it, I feel totally betrayed. As in: How the fuck could someone think drunk chicks giggling over a dildo like 12 year old girls is all that funny? Well, we all have different ideas about what makes something humorous, right? So in an effort to help others avoid making a mistake, I'll add in the first paragraph of the prelude below. Then you can decide for yourself if it makes you giggle.
There's a reason that we refer to being in love as being enchanted. Think back to the worst relationship you've ever been in: the one where your family and friends tried to warn you that the person you were with was cheating on you, or partying a little too much, or a control freak, or secretly gay, or whatever. Remember how you were convinced that no one but you could see the real person beneath that endearingly flawed surface? And then later, after the relationship reached that scorched-earth-policy stage where letters were being burned and photos were being cropped, did you find yourself looking back and being amazed at how obvious the truth had been all along? Did it feel as if you were waking up from some kind of spell?
Now, see, that paragraph made me do this:
But maybe you felt more like this:
Well, now the decision is in your hands! My only recommendation is to either get the digital version, or perhaps tape brown paper over the cover of the book. Bonus points if you have an especially crafty grandmother who like to crochet!
She put her free hand to her face to rub her eyes in exasperation, but she smelled her scent on her fingers again. Dammit. Masturba5% into the book...
She put her free hand to her face to rub her eyes in exasperation, but she smelled her scent on her fingers again. Dammit. Masturbating in her sleep again.
Um. I'm going to put this one down now.
And I did... But I'm not quitter, dammit! So I re-downloaded this sucker from the library a few days ago and finished it. Why? Well, it was recommended to me by my good pal, Sara, so I wanted to give it a fair shake. In her defense, she recommended the series to me, because I enjoyed Laurenston's Dragon Kin stuff that she writes under the name G A Aiken. But since I'm an ass, I'm also going to have to point out that some of the descriptions of the sexy stuff kind of made my nose wrinkle and my gag reflex kick in just a bit. Now, I'm not blaming you, Sara, but I'm going to have to toss out an example here. *clears throat*
"He needed to know this was what she really wanted. She ran her small hand across his jaw and down his neck."
I know what you're thinking. This doesn't sound so bad, right? Wait for it...
"Then, slowly, leaned forward and began to lick her juices off his mouth and chin."
I guess I'm just a prude, but I don't wanna read a sentence like that ever again. Ewwww! Ewwww! Who does that?! Licks her juices off his mouth and chin... GAK! GAK! GAAAAAK!
Ok. I'm in my Happy Place now, and everything is all better. And really, other than a few really squicky lines like that, I actually liked this book. In fact, I'm kind of interested in reading the rest of the series. Apparently, these Packs and Prides are all fighting over something, and it got pretty interesting there before big showdown. Also, I like the OCD wolf-guy that we meet toward the end of this book, so I'm thinking I may go back and read book one to find out what the story is between him and his wife. So, yeah, believe it or not, I had fun reading this one. I'm not going to go out on a limb and recommend Go Fetch! to any of my friends like Juicy-Chin-Sara (as she will now forever be known) did, but I'm probably going to read this rest of these. It was an overall fun and fluffyish PNR!
Not quite as super-funny as some of the other installments, but still excellent!
M'kay. Not to poop on the parade, but I had to do some mental editingNot quite as super-funny as some of the other installments, but still excellent!
M'kay. Not to poop on the parade, but I had to do some mental editing when it came to our hero. Let me explain why.. Gwenvael has long blonde hair. Now, when I think of long blonde hair on men my mind wanders into two distinctly different directions.
B) I Can't Believe It's Not Butter
Alrighty, it's not just long blonde hair, though. Gwenvael is described as having blonde hair that comes below his knees. To me, this isn't sexy.
So. I very quickly pulled out my 'mental scissors' and gave that boy a trim. You're welcome.
And now that I had my Gwenvael, I could let the lust-fest begin. Oh, and also focus on the person that I really wanted to read about, Dagamr Reinholdt. Dagmar has always been one of my favorite characters in the other books, so finally getting a chance to read her backstory was awesome! She was just as impressively devilish as I thought she'd be, and seeing how Gwenvael the Handsome won her over was pretty entertaining. Dagmar (for those of you who don't know) is usually referred to as The Beast, and considered one of the most dangerous people to cross in the Dragon Kin series. Even the dragons are afraid of her, but not because she's the least bit physically frightening. Nope. She's one of those cold, calculating schemers that topples kingdoms (and evil sister-in-laws) without ever breaking a sweat.
So how does an apparently air-headed pretty boy win over a lady like that? Well, you've gotta read the book! Duh....more
LOVED THIS! LOVED IT! I laughed, and laughed, and laughed, and then I laughed some more. Sooooo good! I have to say that I understand why some people foLOVED THIS! LOVED IT! I laughed, and laughed, and laughed, and then I laughed some more. Sooooo good! I have to say that I understand why some people found this book (Drew's voice in particular) offensive, rude, and obnoxious. He's a self-centered man-whore, and his inner thoughts are not even slightly redeeming. We first meet him while he's getting a BJ from a random redhead in a bathroom, and his immediate thoughts are only how quickly he can extract himself from her, and move on to the next good time. Because why in the world would he have sex with the same woman twice? Hang on. Did she just say she had a twin? Aaaaand we're back in business! Is Drew honest, or is he just a horrible person? Maybe a little bit of both. Thing is, I married a guy who sounds just like Drew. 14 years later, I'm used to that particular brand of honesty, so it cracked me up on several different levels. However, if you don't like leading men who aren't PC, then you'll want to steer clear of this one, because this guy is guaranteed to offend you. I get it, I do. It's just that my husband has used the excuse 'because I'm not a giant vagina' to get out of doing so many things with me, that I'm desensitized to it. At any rate, I loved Drew and Kate's story, and I can see myself coming back and revisiting this book over and over again.
This a typical romance in that Drew is unbelievably sexy, unbelievably rich, and unbelievably skilled with women. I should be annoyed with his lack of Real-World issues, but this was funny enough that I managed to over look his...lack of flaws, I guess? Tangled is one of those stories that I just chalked up to complete fantasy, and decided not to let my sensible side squish the fun.
Mild Spoilers Ahead:
Here's what I thought the author did right: First, when Drew realizes he's in love, he doesn't run off and deny it. It doesn't make sense when they have characters do that, you know? If you're in love, you act the fool. You do the whole embarrassing PDA stuff, you talk about them until your friends want to strangle you, and you otherwise just act all goofy and stupid. You don't run off. Not even relationship-shy dudes. I think that's something certain people tell themselves when their love interest runs for the hills. Oh, they're just scared of their feelings! Ehhh. I think they just don't like you. Maybe I'm wrong. I'm not. Second, it takes Kate a reasonable amount of convincing to take Drew back at the end. I know that some of you are probably thinking she took him back too soon, but let's face it, she was crazy about him. If you already want to believe someone, then it doesn't usually take much for them to convince you of something. She hung in there longer than I would have...
I'm not sure how I missed out on this little gem, but I'm sure glad I found it. If you haven't read this one yet, you need to check it out!
I LOVE THESE BOOKS! Love them! Violent characters, funny dialogue, and silly situations...what's not to like? But first, you've gotta forget that you reaI LOVE THESE BOOKS! Love them! Violent characters, funny dialogue, and silly situations...what's not to like? But first, you've gotta forget that you read that blurb. It's a somewhat accurate description of a teeny tiny bit of the book. Celyn and Elina are the romantic lead in this one, but there is so much more going on between the pages! And all of our favorite characters from the past books are back! ALL OF THEM! I think I'm already going a little crazy with the exclamation points. Maybe? Just a bit?
ATTENTION! This is a Big Deal: You've really gotta read these in order. This may seem like PNR about some hot dragon shape-shifters, but these aren't just self-contained lurve stories that happen to be set in the same world. There's stuff! Important battles, plots, and stuff that you've got to already know about. Or, at least, you'll wish you knew about. There's more than just raunchy sex with a lizard between these pages, ladies! Evil witches, poisonous princesses, and children who plot to kill their parents... And then there's also the bad guys! If you've had the pleasure of reading any of these books, then you know that the heroes and heroines are all kind of morally iffy. This book is no exception. In fact, there's a scene that involves Elina's evil mother, an axe, and the Mad Queen Annwyl that I simply can't get out of my mind. *winces...crosses legs* But there's a lot of humor to go with all blood, gore, and sex. I had forgotten how funny these books were until I found myself giggle-snorting through the majority of this one. I don't want to spoil anything for fans of the series, but it looks like there are some BIG changes on the horizon, and quite a few of them involve those crazy Abominations. *flails wildly* As I mentioned, everyone shows up in this one...including the children! *deep breath* Obviously, this isn't going to be something that everyone is going to love, but if you like PNR that doesn't take it'self too seriously, then this is a series you might like. And if you like mean, self-centered, obnoxious, violent, characters, as well? Then you need to check these out. Now.
Light My Fire was another hilarious installment in Aiken's Dragon Kin world, and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. Seriously! Go get it!
Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for a digital arc, in exchange for an honest review.
Surprisingly good book, especially considering I don't normally tend to like Chick-Lit! In fact, all of the problems I normally have with this genre...aren't there. There's no obnoxious friend that I want the heroine to kick to the curb. But normally the MC just listens to their horrible advice and smiles... There's no awful passive-aggressive family that needs to be put in their place. But normally the MC just coasts through the story oblivious... Miss Spelled features a likable heroine, an awesome I'll-Help-You-Hide-The-Body best friend, and a family who (although not perfect) are supportive and loving.
Bonus? It's funny! And not in that stupid 'Tee-Hee! Let's get drunk and talk about vibrators!' kind of way. This one actually made me laugh out loud (or as the kids say...LOL) a few times.
The best part was that I was totally wrong about how the story would play out. Read the blurb, and then tell me if this isn't what you would assume is going to happen: Aidan isn't really Mr. Perfect, and Lou finds out that maybe Hunter is the man she was supposed to end up with. At the end, Lou finds a way to reverse the spell and win Aidan back...only to realize that what she REALLY wants isn't so clear-cut. 'Cause that's The Formula that I've come to count on when I read these books. I'm not going to even hint around at what actually happens in this one, because half of the reason I liked this so much was due to the way it unfolded. But. The premise (while maybe not terribly original) is this: What if you went back and erased your biggest mistake? In Lou's case, it's the relationship she had with a philandering asshole, who turns out to be her fiancee's worst enemy. She tries to convince Hunter not to reveal their past relationship, but the visit turns into a debacle that could ruin her relationship with Aidan. Desperate, and low on options, she follows the advice of her best friend and buys a magic spell off of the internet. The spell is supposed to erase her from Hunter's mind, but by not following the instructions that came with the spell, she ends up doing more than that.
Alright. I'm sure I'm not the only person who's thought that things would be better if only I hadn't done that One Thing. And, of course, if I had a time machine, I could change it! Except. When I really think about it, if I hadn't done A, I wouldn't have ended up at the corner of B, which led to C Street. When I tried to cross C street, I got hit by a semi. That sorta sucked, and I had to go to D for extensive rehab on my legs. I stayed at D until I could walk again, and when I could, I found a job at E. The job at E was almost as bad as the rehab, but I met a nice guy named F there. He was blown away by my sheer awesomeness, and 13 years later... F, G, H, J, K, and I are quite happy together. Ok, you see my point. It's not just the things you did right, that led you to the things you couldn't live without. And that's what Lou finds out, too.
It's a fun, funny, light-hearted romance...with just a hint of magic. Ladies and gentlemen, Anne has found a Chick-Lit WINNER!
I received a digital arc from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review....more
I had to read this one to my 6 year old in the library the other day. Which was kind of embarrassing, since she requires me to do the voices when I reaI had to read this one to my 6 year old in the library the other day. Which was kind of embarrassing, since she requires me to do the voices when I read. But it's all for the Greater Good, right? Right?
Anyhoo, Monster Mash was a riveting addition to the Babymouse library. Really.
Our intrepid hero must decide if it's better to Be Yourself or to be one of the cool kids. In the end, she decides she's rather be cool. Kidding! She finds out that it's not much fun pretending to like stuff that you don't, and she kicks the Mean Girls to the curb.
We clapped at the end! Well, we made quiet clappy hands. After all, we were at the library!...more