Bleh. Learning about Bhutan was interesting, but this needs a lot of editing. The author did not make me care about her. Her personal life revelationsBleh. Learning about Bhutan was interesting, but this needs a lot of editing. The author did not make me care about her. Her personal life revelations came at very odd points in the story, and she sometimes seemed on the verge of revealing things that never came out. What was the point of this book? Zzzzzz. ...more
**spoiler alert** First of all, if you are still taking this series seriously, you should probably check yourself. I did. It allowed me to actually en**spoiler alert** First of all, if you are still taking this series seriously, you should probably check yourself. I did. It allowed me to actually enjoy this fan-fictionesque fantasy of what happens in an alternate Fell's Church universe. My expectations were so low after the mish-mash of nonsense that was the previous book, this one couldn't possibly disappoint--hence two stars.
That said, there were still tons of loose ends that were never tied up, pointless diary entries that seemed to be thrown in just so we'd remember that it was The Vampire Diaries, and it was sorely lacking in the editing department. Characterizations continued to go downhill--it's like a new definition of character assassination.
I wish Meredith had been left alone, but we would never have been treated to the Spanish-language soap opera inspired scene between Meredith and her parents, a dramatic couple named Gabriella and 'Nando, who reveal that Meredith is not only a vampire slayer, but that she is also part vampire herself and has a twin brother named Cristian who was kidnapped by Klaus after he attacked Meredith's grandfather. W.h.a.t.?
There's a princess Damon uses to become a vampire; she is never heard from again.
Matt is put on trial for assaulting Caroline. He is rescued by Saber, Sage's giant canine companion, who is such an alpha wolf that Caroline and most of the courtroom morph into wolves themselves and try to befriend him. We don't see Caroline again.
There's an annoying appearance by Lady Ulma.
Mrs. Flowers becomes her younger self, "Theo," to defend the town from the evil machinations of Obaasan, who turns out to be a goddess or something. In destroying her starball on a distant, other dimensional planet, Damon dies. Only not. W-t-f-ever.
Elena is then stripped of her wings by the Guardian court or w/e. YAY NO MORE WINGS! Happy ending!
What made this fun were the out of context quotes that hinted at a dirty mind (whether both writer and reader, or just the reader, take your pick.) "Damon reared back, trying to force himself to swallow, determined not to spit. It wasn't...it wasn't *utterly* revolting." "Meredith would want to know how to make a quick escape mounting anything available." And Matt, on Stefan: "...the best tight end I've ever seen." *snicker*
This review is as slapdash as the book, only with less italics. The book is FULL of italics. Why? I do not know. The end. ...more
I'm not sure if I should count this as a book read, because I stood in the library and skimmed it for half an hour, cover to cover, simply for its OreI'm not sure if I should count this as a book read, because I stood in the library and skimmed it for half an hour, cover to cover, simply for its Oregon references. I did pick up enough beyond that to know that the main character is a middle aged, middle class, suburban woman who is dissatisfied with her life. I did not care about her; you won't, either. I was initially interested because it was set in Portland. Unfortunately, instead of truly evoking a Portland "feel", it was a series of location name-dropping (The Gorge! Mt. Hood! Cannon Beach! NW 23rd! Tryon Creek [State] Park? Ok...) and the attempts at "I really know this town" details such as the main character's ability to spot Rose Festival tourists by their umbrellas (duh?) and the coffeeshop manager named Cloud who wears socks with his sandals year round fell flat. I am curious how much time the author has spent in Portland (or if she realizes that not all of Oregon is Portland--maybe she did spend significant time in town, ha ha).
Where were the foodcarts? The music? The microbrews?! Did the main character ever spend any time east of the river? This was a love letter to Beaverton, not to Portland. ...more
Anyone who has ever has worked in retail will be able to relate to most, if not all, of the stories in this book. From douchey coworkers to so-crazy-tAnyone who has ever has worked in retail will be able to relate to most, if not all, of the stories in this book. From douchey coworkers to so-crazy-they're-fun (but mostly just plain crazy) customers, Freeman Hall has seen everything at The Big Fancy (aka Nordstrom.) My favorite chapters were "Shoposaurus Carnotaurus" (a hulking woman with a mouth like a sailor and a bottomless bank account) and "Is Deescount?" (an annoying foreigner who constantly tries to haggle). This is not a terribly well written book, but it's a very quick, entertaining read. ...more