At first it was just a website (www.subversivecrossstitch.com) where you could buy the pattern and material to cross stitch sayings like "Happy Fuckin...moreAt first it was just a website (www.subversivecrossstitch.com) where you could buy the pattern and material to cross stitch sayings like "Happy Fucking Holidays" and "People are Cattle."
For anyone who, like me, lost their pattern - you could be sent another. But now thanks to this book if you have a late night desire to create, rather than wait for your threadless kit to arrive you can.
Also provides great resources in the back for creating your own patterns using websites known to do so.(less)
This New York Times best seller is just that for very good reason. Belly Laughs, subtitled: The Naked Truth About Pregnancy and Childbirth - is to tr...more This New York Times best seller is just that for very good reason. Belly Laughs, subtitled: The Naked Truth About Pregnancy and Childbirth - is to true to it's title.
Jenny McCarthy, former playboy playmate (which she now regrets doing after seeing her husband drool over playmates on television while sitting next to her now gargantuan frame) and co-star of the MTV show "Singled Out" from the mid-90's, truly does tell you the naked truth. Out of the many pregnancy books this definitely tops my list of recommendations.
For those of you who are not familiar with Jenny McCarthy she is a wild, upfront, and more than often insulting woman who thinks that all to often she comes off as the stereotypical blond (as she will make reference to that many times over.)
I've never really considered myself a fan of this womans, as a matter of fact I picked this out without ever realizing who had written it. Reading it however gave me a newfound appreciation for this loud-mouthed, formerly obnoxious (to me at least) woman.
McCarthy takes you through many of the moments and fears during her own pregnancy. Trying so very hard to conceive and finding not as easy to get "knocked-up" as she'd assumed, from the day she found out all the way (and had to wait ten hours for her husband to arrive home to tell him the good news) to the table she was so very afraid she would "poo" on (I don't know about you but I had no idea that this was a common occurrence during birth.)
Although I doubt many of you out there have the celebrity pull to make reservations anywhere you please merely because a friend of yours gave high kudos to a steak at a particular place or fear that the public will figure out that your formerly sized four behind is now a fourteen do to pregnancy - You barely notice or resent those facts.
I walked away from this book feeling more enlightened that I'd have ever expected. When you do find a book that mentions the increased urgency in your need to urinate - not many will tell you how long your pregnant self will be able to hold it (fifteen seconds said McCarthy)
Looking for a great laugh? This isn't for you. The title belly laughs refers closer to being able to look back at all the bodily functions and the situations that bloomed because of them - and laugh. However, I must admit the thought of any woman in her ninth month teetering on the side of her SUV to urinate down the road from her destination because of a fight with her husband that caused him to stop the care - is indeed humorous. But that's my sense of humor, not yours - you may find more of this book laugh-out-loud funny than I did. I'm not particularly a laugh-out-loud kinda gal.
Whether you choose this book to begin your preparations for pregnancy, know nothing about childbirth, or are in the middle of your self-assigned reading this is a must-have. Between the covers on this book are everything you have yet to find one book address and with such frank honesty to boot.
I sat down his morning to read this cover to cover and was done by the afternoon. It was only 165 pages with a blank page in between almost every chapter that counts as a page that aids in making that 165 seem like even less. The chapters are delightfully short so that if you have cause to get up to do other things frequently your read will barely if at all be disturbed.
In fact, just start buying it for everyone you know whether they have kids or are planning to have kids.
Honey, Your Sperm Really Do Work! (Pregnancy Tests)
Barf-O-Rama (Morning Sickness)
Niagra in My Pants (Vaginal Discharge)
Psycho Chick (Hormonal Rage)
Holy S***, I Think I Hard-boiled My Baby! (Taking Hot Baths)
Granny Panties (Letting go of the G-String)
I Can Either Pee on You or You Can Get the Hell Out of My Way! (Frequent Pee Breaks)
Passing Stonehenge (Constipation)
Is it a Penis or Vagina (Finding out the sex)
Can I Have a Mustard Sandwich with Pickles, Anchovies, Peanut Butter, and a Little Cottage Cheese? ... Oh, and Throw a Few Fish Sticks on There! (Cravings)
Where the Hell Can I Find a Mummu? (Nothing to Wear)
Freddy Krueger Ain't Got Nothing on Me! (Dreams)
Is That an Apple on Your Rectum, or Are You Just Happy to See Me? (Hemorrhoids)
Hi, Porn Star! (Engorged breasts)
Ready and Squeeze ... Your Kegals (An Excercise for the Vagina)
Well, It's Not 1972 Anymore! (Baby Boomers Explaining How it Was in Their Day)
Did a Sewer Tank Just Explode or Did you Just Fart? (Gas)
Hands off Dude! (Strangers Touching your Belly)
I cant see! I'm Bleeding! I Can't Stand it! (Weird and Painful Bits and Pieces)
www. i have to stop buying baby sh*t .com (On-line Baby Stores)
Is it Hot in Here or is it Just Me? ... It's Just Me? (Hot Flashed and Fainting Spells)
Oh, oh, oh, oh, ooooooohhhhhhh!... I'll Take Another of Those Please (Orgasms in Pregnancy)
The Crying game (Hormonal Blues)
So, Anyway like I Was Saying ... Wait, What Was I Saying? (Wandering Mind)
Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, Who's the Prettiest Pregnant Lady of Them All? Clearly Not You, Lady! (Face Acne and Rashes)
It's a bird! it's a plane! ... No, it's a Really Swollen Pregnant Lady! (Water Retention)
The McRib Sandwich (Back Pain)
Headaches (Headaches ... Duh)
That Ain't My A*s! (Cellulite Gain)
No, Not Yet! I'm Not Ready for This Yet! (Premature Labor)
Poopin' on the Table (The Dark Side of Delivery)
The Blue Twinkies (Your Swollen Vagina)
Die, Model B*tch, Die! (Hating Skinny People)
OOOOH! I Think I felt the Baby Move ... of Maybe it's Just Gas (Baby Kicks)
Organizing Freak (Your Nesting Instinct)
Breathing for Dummies (Lamaze)
What the Fu*ck are These? (Stretch Marks)
I Just Need to Lay Down for, Like, Five Minutes ... Okay, Maybe Three Months (Sleepiness)
Pig in the Pasture (Sex in the Ninth Month)
The Moment of Truth (Labor and Delivery)
Let Me Repeat (Husband No-No's) ____________________________________________________________ Back of the book:
"Jenny McCarthy on ...
Mood Swings: If I had been offered a movie role when I was pregnant, I could've played an amazing Psycho Chick .... The thing is, you know what you're saying is crazy. You are very aware that you're screaming and the veins on your face are pulsating, and it's all over something as stupid as running out of mayonnaise. But knowing that you're crazy and doing anything to stop yourself are two very different things.
Morning Sickness: Strangers gawked at me as they saw me going in Aisle 3 holding up some cheese. It's hard having these symptoms in public when you don't look pregnant. If I were nine months along they would look at me like 'oh look, poor little pregnant lady doesn't feel so good.' Instead they looked at me as if to say, 'Don't bulimics puke after they eat?'
Weight Gain: My breasts became so out-of-control huge and heavy that I actually weighed them. I have a food scale, and I just had to know how they'd compare to a meal, so I plopped a breast up on the metal tray. Each breast: five pounds. That's ten pounds of breast.... Though there are guys in this world who might disagree, to me that's totally insane!"(less)