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| # | cover | title | author | isbn | isbn13 | asin | num pages | avg rating | num ratings | date pub | date pub (ed.) | rating | my rating | review | notes | recommender | comments | votes | read count | date started | date read |
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date purchased | owned | purchase location | condition | format | ||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 0062024035
| 9780062024039
| 4.39
| 296,054
| May 03, 2011
| Feb 28, 2012
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It's times like these that I'm genuinely happy to be a part of the Goodreads community - without this site, I might never have known that Divergent ex...more
It's times like these that I'm genuinely happy to be a part of the Goodreads community - without this site, I might never have known that Divergent exists. My first exposure to this series was actually when one of my fifteen-year-old Goodreads friends tried to get me to join her Divergent roleplaying group. Thanks but no thanks, but at least the book sounded cool. I still didn't really care, but then my roommate (who works at a big chain bookstore that lets employees check out new bestsellers) brought home a copy, and I figured, well, why the hell not? For those who don't know, Divergent is a dystopian story set in the near/far future (the exact date isn't specified, although at one point the narrator informs us that a building must be "ancient" because it's built out of brick, but at the same time technology seems about the same except now they can inject a bunch of stuff into people through syringes, but I digress) when society has crumbled and been rebuilt into five distinct factions: Abnegation, which is devoted to selfless service of others; Candor, which values honesty; Dauntless, which values courage; Erudite, which values intelligence and learning; and Amity, which values peace (that's the best way I can describe it, anyway - we don't see much of this faction in this book, so as far as I can guess the Amity people hang around on farms singing Kumbaya all day). When people turn sixteen, they're given a personality evaluation and told which faction they fit into. Choosing a faction other than the one you were raised in means turning your back on your family and completely severing ties with your old life. Our heroine is Beatrice, who is raised in the Abengation faction but chooses to switch to Dauntless when she turns sixteen (and no, that is not a spoiler, because the second the narration tells us that Dauntless people are super badass and have tattoos and piercings and jump off trains and shit it's pretty obvious that Beatrice isn't going to stick with the Abnegation people). Beatrice renames herself Tris and starts Dauntless training, at which point shit hits the fan in the usual YA Dystopian way. Look guys, it's not bad. The worldbuilding is solid, the characters are pretty well fleshed out (Tris is especially good, because she's allowed to just be naturally good at being Dauntless without having to apologize for it) and the story moves along at a fast and exciting clip. And, possibly best of all, there's no love triangle. I need to repeat that in all caps, because that's how important this is: DIVERGENT, A BESTSELLING YOUNG ADULT NOVEL WITH A FEMALE PROTAGONIST, DOES NOT FEATURE A SINGLE FUCKING SCENE WHERE SAID PROTAGONIST AGONIZES OVER WHICH OF TWO BOYS SHE SHOULD MAKE OUT WITH. Thank. Sweet. Baby. Jesus. If nothing else, Veronice Roth deserves all our praise for not caving to that stupid, STUPID trope that everyone is obsessed with. For that, we salute her. BUT - lest you think I was going to leave this review without nitpicking, Divergent is not perfect. Although the writing isn't particularly bad, nor is it particularly good. There are a lot of very tired descriptions at work (at one point an uptight instructor is described as looking like he has an iron rod in place of a spine) and the dialogue leaves a lot to be desired. The "witty banter" (sarcastic quotation marks very much intended) between characters is especially cringe-inducing - often, character interactions can be summed up like this: "HERE, LET ME SET UP A WITTY RETORT FOR YOU." "THANK YOU. HERE IS MY WITTY RETORT. IT IS AMUSING." And now I have to spend a lot of space complaining about something that, really, probably wasn't Veronica Roth's idea at all. And I want to preface it by saying that I don't blame her at all for going along with it - if I wrote a bestselling young adult novel on the first try, I'd want to talk about it for as long as I could too. Blame the publishers, who severely underestimated their audiences' patience. The end of Divergent, right before the special sneak peak of Book Two, features some bonus material. This isn't unheard of, as lots of books feature book club discussion questions or author interviews. I do not have a problem with this. But Divergent takes it several steps further and gives us so much bonus material it needs a goddamn table of contents, which I will now outline here, with my accompanying comments in parentheses: "Q&A With Veronica Roth" (In which we learn the answers to such hard-hitting questions like "How do you get through a dark day" and "What thought or message would you put in a fortune cookie?") "Quotations that Inspired Divergent" (This is called an epigraph, children, and it's where you put a meaningful quote at the beginning of the book and shut up about it, leaving the reader to figure out its significance on his/her own. Unless you are Veronica Roth's publishers, in which case we do this bullshit instead.) "Veronice Roth's Divergent Playlist" (Veronica Roth really likes Flyleaf, and after all the publicity this book is getting them, they owe her a check.) "Writing Tips from Veronica Roth" (Because if anyone is qualified to give out writing advice, it's someone who just published their first book.) "Discussion Questions" (Hooray! Now your book club doesn't have to sit in awkward silence anymore!) "Veronica Roth Talks About Utopian Worlds" (In which Veronica Roth makes the groundbreaking observation that utopias are actually dystopias in disguise.) "Faction Naming with Veronica Roth" (In which Veronica Roth explains why the word "dauntless" is a synonym for "courageous.") "Faction Quiz" (The only really useful part of the bonus materials, because as soon as the different factions are introduced, you're going to wonder which faction you'd fit into. This one gets a pass from me.) "Faction Quiz Results" (I was Dauntless, with Candor in close second.) "Faction Manifestos" (Again, this is useful information and good for added worldbuilding. But it should have been introduced in the text itself, not pasted on at the end.) A sneak peek of the next book comes after that, but I didn't even read it because I was too pissed off after reading thirty goddamn pages of the publishers jacking off Veronica Roth. It wasn't worth it. Did that part of the review seem too long and self-indulgent? SHARE MY PAIN, GOODREADERS. Three and a half stars for actual story, one star for execution. (less) | Notes are private!
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| not set
| Apr 2013
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Apr 23, 2013
| Paperback
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| 0297859382
| 9780297859383
| 3.96
| 248,021
| May 24, 2012
| May 24, 2012
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I had one big concern that initially kept me away from this book: what if this was one of those Highbrow Crime Books, where the murder or kidnapping o...more
I had one big concern that initially kept me away from this book: what if this was one of those Highbrow Crime Books, where the murder or kidnapping or whatever is really just a MacGuffin that only serves to causes a lot of lengthy inner monologues and well-phrased intellectual reflections on the characters' family issues or whatever? What if this is one of those books where the crime isn't actually the point of the story, and at the end we're never given a satisfying solution to the original mystery, because "the mystery was not the point." This has happened twice to me, first with Donna Tartt's The Little Friend (where a commenter informed me that the mystery of who killed a ten-year-old boy, the mystery that starts the story, "is not the point" because that makes sense) and more recently with Tom Franklin's Crooked Letter Crooked Letter, and I was wary. There were many red flags in the plot description: on the morning of their fifth anniversary, Nick Dunne's wife Amy vanishes from their home without a trace. Nick is the prime suspect in her disappearance, and as the investigation continues, more details surface about Nick, Amy, and the true state of their marriage. Frankly, that sounds like a minefield of intellectual fakeouts. What if I started the book, wanting a good crime story, only to find out that Amy's disappearance was merely an excuse for a lot of meditations on marriage and modern relationships and other things that are not nearly as interesting as the search for a missing and possibly murdered woman? I didn't think I could handle it if Gone Girl turned out to be That Book again. But rest assured, dear readers: Gone Girl is not That Book. Gone Girl is smart, yes, and it's intricate, and yes, there are a lot of meditations on relationships (Flynn has some really interesting things to say on the myth of The Cool Girl, which I don't have enough space to quote in their entirety) and marriage, but this is a crime thriller, pure and simple. Scratch that - this is a really, really good crime thriller, pure and simple. No, scratch that - Gone Girl is the best episode of Law and Order: SVU that has never existed. It's pulpy, melodramatic, crime-thriller fun, and part of its brilliance is that even if you think you've guessed some of the plot twists, you're never quite sure if this is the sort of book that would do such things. For instance, Nick is so blatantly suspicious in the first half of the book that, were this a regular detective novel, I would immediately write him off as a suspect because no one who seems that guilty could possibly be the real culprit. But this isn't a regular detective novel, so I didn't know what direction Flynn was planning to take things. Basically I spent the entire first half thinking wildly, "But no! ...but yes?" And don't worry: you find out what really happened to Amy. Her disappearance is the actual plot, not just a catalyst. The book isn't perfect - the narration has its fair share of clunkers ("In the decade since, Tanner Bolt had become known as the Hubby Hawk - his specialty was swooping down in high-profile cases to represent men accused of murdering their wives.") and the ending wasn't quite what I wanted it to be. Without giving away spoilers, I felt that it didn't live up to the breathless, twist-a-chapter pace of the rest of the story, and I wanted something significantly more explosive to happen in the last few pages. Gone Girl ends not with a bang, but with a whimper, and while I understand that this was the more realistic choice, I'm still docking a star out of spite. I wanted a bang. (less) | Notes are private!
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| Mar 2013
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Mar 07, 2013
| Hardcover
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| 0345476875
| 9780345476876
| 3.92
| 240,444
| 1976
| Aug 31, 2004
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Damn you straight to hell, 1001 Books You Must Read Before You Die, for what you made me do. You made me read a goddamn vampire book. Not only that, y...more
Damn you straight to hell, 1001 Books You Must Read Before You Die, for what you made me do. You made me read a goddamn vampire book. Not only that, you made me read a vampire book with a cover made entirely of shiny ostentatious material that shouted to everyone in the library as I checked this out, "Look everyone! Madeline is reading a book about vampires! SHINY SHINY SHINY LOOK AT ME! I CONTAIN SEXY BROODING VAMPIRES AND I AM SO EFFING SHINY." (I cannot stress how shiny-gold this cover is. Like, the ancient Egyptians would look at this cover and say, "That's a bit much." It was awful.) Okay, so the book itself isn't bad, really - hence my rating of two stars, which Goodreads classifies as "it was ok." That's what the book is: just okay. Maybe I would have been more thrilled by the story if I hadn't seen the movie - even though there's stuff in the book that didn't make it into the movie, none of it is particularly thrilling. At least the movie made the wise decision to keep the blatant, in-your-face-but-unacknowledged homoeroticism (seriously, this book is, and I mean this in the most literal way possible, the gayest thing I've ever read) but changed the fact that a) Claudia is only five years old in the book and b) she and Louis do everything except actually have sex with each other. They're always kissing and caressing each other and Louis is calling her his lover and his paramour and it is so fucking creepy. But, lest we forget, vampire books are supposed to be creepy. In these post-Twilight days, it's easy to forget that there was once a time where vampires fucked and killed and were a general amoral all-around good time, and if one of them chose to be all broody and sad about being a vampire he was the weird one that no one else wanted to hang out with. God, I miss those days - to the point where I considered giving this an extra star, just because I was so grateful to read a story about vampires who do actual vampire stuff and it's sexy and scary instead of boring and schmoopy. Also good was how in-depth Rice goes into the psychology of vampires, and I loved her explanation for why they haven't overrun the planet: most vampires are miserable, and end up killing themselves. Explains Armand, who I will continue to picture as Antonio Banderas and you can't stop me: "How many vampires do you think have the stamina for immortality? They have the most dismal notions of immortality to begin with. For in becoming immortal they want all the forms of their life to be fixed as they are and incorruptible...When, in fact, all things change except the vampire himself; everything except the vampire is subject to constant corruption and distortion. Soon, with an inflexible mind, and often even with the most flexible mind, this immortality becomes a penitential sentence in a madhouse of figures and forms that are hopelessly unintelligible and without value. One evening a vampire rises and realizes what he has feared perhaps for decades, that he simply wants no more of life at any cost." That part was pretty cool. But as for the rest, I'll just watch the movie, thanks. Or not, because if we're going to be honest I don't even like the movie that much. It's probably time to admit to myself that I have no interest in reading about/watching any vampires not created by Joss Whedon. Sorry, Ms. Rice, but if my vampires must be broody, I at least want them to be funny and charming too. (or Alexander Skarsgard, because god damn)(less) | Notes are private!
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| Feb 2012
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Feb 23, 2012
| Paperback
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| 0911903593
| 9780911903591
| 3.88
| 50
| Jan 01, 2004
| Sep 14, 2004
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For the Celebrity Death Match Review Tournament, The Three Musketeers vs. The Count of Monte Cristo. (with apologies to Quentin Tarantino) ONCE UPON A T...more For the Celebrity Death Match Review Tournament, The Three Musketeers vs. The Count of Monte Cristo. (with apologies to Quentin Tarantino) ONCE UPON A TIME…IN 17TH CENTURY FRANCE An empty road, at dawn. As some 70’s rock song plays, four men on horseback appear on the road. A long tracking shot follows them down the road, where they stop at a small inn and go inside. SAMUEL L. JACKSON, VOICEOVER: Athos, Porthos, Aramis, and D’Artagnan. The four most famous Musketeers in all of France. Courageous, intelligent, skilled, and dashing as all hell. They’ll do anything and go anywhere, they always get their man, and they usually end up getting the girl, too. D’ARTAGNAN pauses to wink at the camera SAMUEL L. JACKSON, VOICEOVER: But this mission is different. This time, they may not succeed. But the Musketeers are going to have a little help this time. ARAMIS: I don’t see why we need extra help at all. I mean, we kind of rock. ATHOS: Milady is not to be underestimated! She’s planning something big, and His Majesty isn’t taking any chances. We have to find her contact, and get him to tell us where to find her. Then we have to stop her. D’ARTAGNAN: Hey, speaking of Milady, did I ever tell you guys about the time she and I- ATHOS: I will seriously kill you if you say one more word. PORTHOS: Why do they think this guy can help us, exactly? ATHOS: Because… Outside, there’s the sound of a carriage stopping, and footsteps approaching the inn ATHOS: …this guy gets shit done. He’s the Count. The inn door slams open, revealing EDMOND DANTES SAMUEL L. JACKSON, VOICEOVER: The reason for the Count of Monte Cristo’s celebrity among French soldiers is simple. After being falsely imprisoned and going on a roaring rampage of revenge, he killed or ruined every single one of his enemies, all while becoming one of the richest men in France. Some say he’s a villain. Some say he’s a hero. Some say he can time-travel, since he was last heard of in the 1800’s. DANTES: Bonjour, motherfuckers. Let’s roll. Later, in a seedy and poorly-lit part of Paris DANTES: de Winter’s contact should be along any minute now. ARAMIS: What makes you so sure? DANTES: I know a guy. PORTHOS: Hey, is anyone else hungry? D’ARTAGNAN: Wait, you “know a guy”? And we’re just supposed to trust you? DANTES: Yes. Also, you’re no longer allowed to talk to me. D’ARTAGNAN: (drawing sword) How dare you! I challenge you to- Dantes punches D’Artagnan in the face and grabs him by the throat DANTES: Normally your ass would be as dead as fucking fried chicken, but you happen to pull this shit when I’m in a transitional period, so I don’t want to kill you, I want to help you. I have seen and done shit that your punk ass would not believe, and I did not come this far to deal with you and your Musketeers bullshit. Now sit down and leave me alone. ARAMIS: (sotto voce) Man, what a dick. PORTHOS: Kind of cool, though. ATHOS: Okay, listen, Count – I get it, man. Suffering, I know what that’s like. I found out that my wife was a criminal and now she’s trying to kill me and my friends! DANTES: I was framed by a man who then married my fiancée, was wrongfully imprisoned for fourteen years and escaped by hiding in the bodybag of my only friend and mentor. During my quest for revenge I ruined lives, bankrupted others, killed many men, and eventually got my revenge, but at a price you can’t even imagine. ATHOS: Um…wow. Okay, I’m just going to…sit over there, then. Suddenly, FELTON enters the alleyway, and the Musketeers corner him D’ARTAGNAN: Aha! Now we’ve got you! Where is Milady? FELTON: I’ll never tell you! She’ll kill you all! We’re going to get married! DANTES: May I? (shoots Felton in the stomach) PORTHOS: What the fuck? ATHOS: Dude! The Musketeers do not roll this way! DANTES: Felton, you have approximately ten minutes before you bleed out and die, and five minutes before I shoot you in the head. So tell me what we need to know, and don’t make me cut your ear off. From above, there is the sound of maniacal laughter, and we see MILADY standing on the roof of a building overlooking the alleyway. MILADY: Foolish Musketeers, you’ve fallen once again into my trap! I’ve rigged this entire alleyway with explosives, and once I’ve detonated them, I'll finally be done with your bullshit! ARAMIS: Wait, do we even have that technology? MILADY: Buckingham didn’t have steampunk airships either. We’re not in canon anymore, boys. MILADY is about to detonate the explosives when a katana flashes behind her, decapitating MILADY and revealing HAYDEE standing behind her. HAYDEE jumps into the alleyway HAYDEE: Bitch, you don't have a future. Ready to go, baby? DANTES: Let’s roll, kiddo. HAYDEE and DANTES jump on a motorcycle and drive off, leaving the Musketeers staring after them as a rock version of Le Marseillaise plays. ATHOS: (watching them drive off) “The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy My brothers. And you will know My name is the Lord when I lay My vengeance upon thee.” D’ARTAGNAN: Whatever. I totally could’ve beaten that guy. Roll credits. Winner: The Count of Monte Cristo (less) | Notes are private!
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Oct 07, 2011
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| 0307269981
| 9780307269980
| 4.17
| 320,401
| 2006
| Jul 28, 2009
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Over a year after reading The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, Stieg Larsson has finally suckered me into continuing his series - or at least getting thro...more
Over a year after reading The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, Stieg Larsson has finally suckered me into continuing his series - or at least getting through the second book. This is mostly due to the fact that I recently saw the movie version of The Girl Who Played With Fire and got the sense that there was a lot that got cut out, but also everyone is starting to get excited about the American adaptation of these books, and I'd like to be fully informed before I start sneering at Rooney Mara's performance as Lisbeth Salander. First off, a quick note on the movie vs. the book: the book is structured differently from the movie, and goes into greater depth about nearly everything (this is sometimes a good thing, and sometimes a very, very bad thing). Entire characters and subplots are omitted, but the bare bones of the story is still intact. So I'd recommened the movie, but with the addition that you should read the book if you want to fully understand everything that goes on. Anyway, on to the book. It's been a while since I've done a review in my "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly" style (PATENT PENDING), so here we go. The Good: Lisbeth Salander is still awesome, and always will be. Especially interesting is the transformation she goes through in this book, where she stops dressing like a teenager, removes one of her tattoos and most of her piercings, buys an apartment, shops for furniture, has a somewhat stable relationship...essentially, we get to see Lisbeth becoming a grownup. But rest assured - her awesome is in no way diminished by her newfound domesticity. She still fucks everyone's shit up on a daily basis, and a disinterested sneer is still her expression of choice. Additionally, the story itself is really interesting, not in the least because we get a detailed look at Lisbeth's background and how she became who she is. Blomkvist's detective work is still fascinating to watch, although I was less thrilled to learn the details of the continuing saga entitled Mikael Blomkvist Sleeps With Everyone And It's Totally Normal. (I mean, Jesus, Micke - Harriet Vanger? Dude. DUDE.) The Bad: I don't really know what went on in the editing process for this book, or if there was any. The only explanation I can come up with is that Stieg Larsson's editors, out of respect for the recently-deceased author, decided that it would be a fitting tribute to send his books out exactly as they were in the original drafts. That has to be it, because there's no other excuse for the staggering amount of pointless details we're subjected to in this book. I thought it was bad in the first book. I had no idea. Not only do we have to wade through pages and pages of the bullshit office drama plaguing the Stockholm police department and hear about every damn detail of Blomkvist's sexual exploits, but we also, in true Larsson form, hear about what every character wears every day, what kind of computer they use (always wanted to know how much RAM Lisbeth's computer has? You're in luck!), what brand of car they drive, and what they eat for every. goddamn. meal. When Lisbeth buys her apartment and has to furnish it, she naturally goes to IKEA (that's the only store they have in Sweden, right? Besides 7-Elevens, which are aparently everywhere and a great place for an affluent businessman to have lunch). The description of her shopping trip, where we are given an inventoried list of everything she buys, lasts TWO WHOLE PAGES. *facedesk* You're killing me, Larsson. The Ugly: Stieg Larsson, as far as I can tell, wrote these books mainly as a social statement about misogyny and sexism and how women are abused and mistreated by The System. He's not just aiming to write a series of exciting detective stories, he wants to open his readers' eyes to the very real problems of sexual abuse that women go through every day. For taking on this task, I applaud him. But he might be a total hypocrite. Stick with me, and I'll explain. Early in the book, we spend a (way too long and essentially pointless) few chapters learning about what Lisbeth is doing during her vacation in Grenanda. Basically she spends her time spying on a guy who's beating his wife, sleeping with a sixteen-year-old, and reading about math. ...hang on, what was that middle one? Ah yes. During her vacation, Lisbeth seduces and then starts a relationship with a sixteen-year-old boy. This is not as creepy as it could be (it's completely consensual, there's never any doubt about that), but it's still pretty icky. I don't care that Lisbeth looks like a teenager, she isn't. She's a twenty-four-year old woman having sex with an actual teenager. I don't know, maybe the laws are different is Sweden, but in the United States it doesn't matter how consensual the relationship is, it's still called statutory rape. I think I would have less of a problem with this if Larsson and his characters didn't spend every moment of his books shouting at us, "Sexually abusing women is the worst crime a person can commit! If you rape someone, Lisbeth Salander will come after you and ruin your life because raping a woman is WRONG." I agree, but what Larsson is forgetting is that men can be sexually abused, too. What Lisbeth is doing is taking sexual advantage of a minor, and she never even takes a moment to wonder if maybe this is wrong. It simply does not cross her mind that, if she encountered an older man having a relationship with a sixteen-year-old girl, Lisbeth would make him suffer for it with no hesitation. Larsson got so caught up in making a statement about men who hate women that he completely forgot that his herione commits a similar crime. And that's not okay. Final thoughts: this was an interesting book, and I liked learning about Lisbeth's past, but I think I'm done. Thank you for your time, Miss Salander. It's been real. (less) | Notes are private!
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1
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| Jan 2011
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Jan 23, 2011
| Hardcover
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| 0448455684
| 9780448455686
| 3.68
| 218
| Aug 26, 2010
| Aug 26, 2010
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This book exists. That is all. | Notes are private!
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| Dec 2010
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Dec 04, 2010
| Hardcover
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| 0439023491
| 9780439023498
| 4.30
| 925,457
| Sep 01, 2009
| Sep 01, 2009
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Trilogies, whether they're books or films, are always tricky to pull off because they so often fall into the same basic pattern: Part 1 introduces us...more
Trilogies, whether they're books or films, are always tricky to pull off because they so often fall into the same basic pattern: Part 1 introduces us to the characters and the conflict, then gives us a simplified version of the Big Climactic Ending that's being planned for Part 3. Part 2 might introduce some new twist or conflict, but mostly its job is to set up Part 3. Part 3 is where everything pays off and the trilogy ends in either a brilliant blaze of glory, or a godawful mess. (see: Godfather III) As we can see, Part 2 of any given trilogy is bound to be the weakest part, because it has the worst job. Think about all the trilogies and their second installments. The Empire Strikes Back is just Luke dicking around with Yoda until he learns to be a Jedi in the third movie, Attack of the Clones is just Anakin dicking around (and being a general whiny bitch) until he turns into Darth Vader in whatever the last Star Wars movie is called, and The Two Towers is just one big parade of dicking around - Frodo and Sam dick around near Mordor; Merry and Pippin dick around with the big tree; and Gimli, Legolas, and Aragorn dick around in Rohan. In all of these films/books, everyone is just biding their time until Part 3, when all the shit they've worked to build up finally hits the fan. ("Say dick again." "Dick.") In case you couldn't guess where I'm going with this, Catching Fire had a disappointing legacy to live up to, and it did this quite well. Once again, the whole book is mostly just Collins setting up the Big Important Climactic Fight that will Decide Everything Forever and generally Fuck Shit Up, and of course none of that happens until the third book. In the meantime, we get a lot of information on how Katniss basically ruined everything in the last Hunger Games and unwittingly started a rebellion so now the President wants her dead, and also her mockinjay pin is a symbol of the rebellion (o hai, Book 3 title!), and also she has to compete in the Hunger Games again due to a Very Convenient Loophole. It's all very interesting and well-paced and exciting, but no matter how good Catching Fire gets, we can't escape the sensation that Collins is just biding her time, distracting us with this second-Hunger-Games plot while she works up to the book that really matters - the third one. It's an entertaining stalling tactic, but a stalling tactic none the less. Now I understand why my roommate immediately downloaded Mockingjay on her Kindle as soon as she finished this book. We have to get to the good stuff! Okay, now I'm going to discuss two major issues I had with this book, and since they are both spoiler-riffic but I don't want to mark the whole review as a spoiler, I'm going to give you chance to exit out of this review and avoid ruining the ending. If you wish to read the spoilers, please stay on the line and scroll past the following amusing photos we have posted for your enjoyment.  see more Lolcats and funny pictures  see more dog and puppy pictures  see more Lol Celebs Okay, we still here? Excellent, let's get to the bitching. Major Issue Number One: So, as part of a sympathy ploy, right before the Games start Peeta announces to the whole friggin world that Katniss is knocked up. Everyone instantly believes him and flips out over how unfair it is that an expecting mother has to compete in the Hunger Games. Here's my problem: so, did no one ever think, "Hey, this seems very convenient for them. Why don't we just give her a quick pregnancy test, just to make sure?" I mean for God's sake this is the future. She probably wouldn't even have to pee on a stick and wait ten minutes, I bet they just have some kind of litmus paper she can suck on and it'll turn blue if she's pregnant. My point, basically, is why does no one think it's a little weird? I mean, even in Chicago they made Roxie Hart go to a doctor when she said she was knocked up. Major Issue Number Two: If you've read the book, you probably know what I'm going to talk about. That's right, Plutarch Heavensbeem aka The Man Who Was Totally A Double Agent OMG Twist! Except not. So, Katniss is talking to this guy at a party. By this point she knows a) there's an underground rebellion going on in the districts and b) the symbol of the rebellion is a mockinjay. Plutarch's talking to her, and he shows her his watch with its secret mockingjay symbol. How does our brilliant heroine interpret this gesture? "Maybe he thinks someone else will steal his idea of putting a disappearing mockingjay on a watch face." Yeah. That's totally it. It couldn't mean, oh, I don't know, he's working for the rebellion as a double agent? I mean, come on Katniss, HAVE YOU EVEN BEEN PAYING ATTENTION? That part takes place on page 82. The revelation that Plutarch is with the rebellion, which takes Katniss completely off-guard, doesn't occur until THREE HUNDRED PAGES LATER. There is one thing that frustrates me above all other things in literature, and that's when the main character is dumber than me. It's obnoxious and maddening and makes me lose all faith in the protagonist, especially when she's incapable of figuring out something so blatantly obvious. This book was, as a whole, not too bad, but Katniss Everdeen has a lot of work to do in Book 3 if she wants to win back my confidence in her abilities as the hero. Girlfriend needs to seriously step it up. One last thought, I swear: what IS IT with YA heroines and their ability to make EVERY TEENAGE BOY CHARACTER in the book fall madly in love with them with no effort? Seriously, it's getting stupid. (less) | Notes are private!
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Sep 17, 2010
| Hardcover
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| 0439023483
| 9780439023481
| 4.44
| 1,583,180
| Sep 14, 2008
| Sep 14, 2008
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Writing a review of this book seems like a particularly superfluous task, because according to Goodreads there are already over 3,000 reviews on this...more
Writing a review of this book seems like a particularly superfluous task, because according to Goodreads there are already over 3,000 reviews on this site alone. So odds are good that you already know what this book is, what it's about, and that everyone loves it. I'm not going to write a review about it because it's been done over and over. Instead... Madeline Reviews Inc. Presents The Hunger Games, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bandwagon. *all following conversations did actually take place, and have been recreated as accurately as possible. SCENE 1 - our main characters, MADELINE and her ROOMMATE, are at lunch. Because they are both English majors, both want to be writers, and ROOMMATE in particular is interested in writing young adult novels, the conversation turns to books. As it often does. MADELINE: So have you read The Hunger Games yet? Everybody's losing their shit over them and I think I might have to finally jump on the bandwagon here. ROOMMATE: Yeah, I've heard a lot about them but I haven't read them. I don't even know what they're about. MADELINE: They're sort of a futuristic dystopian allegory for reality tv, I think. ROOMMATE: Ugh, I hate dystopian novels. That's disappointing, now I don't want to read it. *bear this line in mind, as it will become very important later.* A FEW MINUTES PASS. ROOMMATE: You know, there's a Barnes and Noble just down the block... MADELINE: Let's go. SCENE 2 - Because MADELINE has a fuckton of required reading to do, ROOMMATE starts and finishes the book first, giving MADELINE almost daily updates. It goes something like this. DAY 1: MADELINE: So, how's The Hunger Games going? ROOMMATE: Not bad. The beginning was pretty slow, but it's picking up. DAY 3: MADELINE: Any better? ROOMMATE: This book is fucking amazing. DAY 4: MADELINE: You're finished already? ROOMMATE: Yes. Also I ordered Catching Fire on Amazon. It'll be here in a few days. DAY 5: ROOMMATE: MADELINE, HURRY UP AND READ THIS GODDAMN BOOK SO I HAVE SOMEONE TO TALK ABOUT IT WITH. SCENE 3- MADELINE has finished The Hunger Games, and before skipping off to write a bizarre review on Goodreads, reports to ROOMMATE that she's done. ROOMMATE has, by this point, purchased and finished both Catching Fire and Mockingjay. MADELINE: I finished it! It was awesome! ROOMMATE: Great. Hurry up and read the next two - we need to talk about Mockingjay NOW. MADELINE: Okay, let me just - ROOMMATE: NOW! READ! FASTER! MADELINE: AUGH! (less) | Notes are private!
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| Sep 2010
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Sep 14, 2010
| Hardcover
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| 0448095459
| 9780448095455
| 3.86
| 3,085
| Dec 01, 1967
| Dec 01, 1967
|
Oh yes, I'm still reading Nancy Drew novels. As an adult with far too much literary criticism classes, reading them is a very different experience for...more
Oh yes, I'm still reading Nancy Drew novels. As an adult with far too much literary criticism classes, reading them is a very different experience for me than it was as a kid. Then, reading these books was like watching action blockbusters - sure, in the back of my mind I knew they were silly and outlandish and there were better things I could be doing, but dammit I was having fun. Nowadays, the experience is a little different. Reading Nancy Drew now is like watching a Mystery Science Theater short - one of those 1950's informational ones on personal grooming or careers for ladies. Now the outlandish, outdated absurdity is brought forward into the harsh light of day, and I am suddenly aware of how stupid these books really are. But I still read them, because they're still fun. The casual sexism and racism is just a bonus. That's why I think Spider Sapphire Mystery is the ideal introductory book for initiating the innocent into the world of Nancy Drew. There's jewel thieves and rich people and lots of attempts to kill Nancy and her friends (Ned even gets kidnapped and then anything that may have remained of his masculinity is destroyed when Nancy rescues him). And the majority of the story takes place in Africa (Nancy and the gang get to go on a safari, yay!), so there's lots of great vintage racism. And at the same time, everything is just so goddamn wholesome it makes your teeth hurt: "Before long, the chattering, laughing Emerson group hurried aboard the chartered plane. When they were airborne, small groups began singing songs, some of them college numbers, others from musical comedy hits. Once in a while someone would call out a wisecrack and set everyone laughing." Doesn't that just sound swell? Safaris! Nice, grinning natives! Chartered planes! Musical comedy singalongs! WISECRACKING! Someone in this group needs to figure out that it's the 60's, and fast. Shrooms and rock music and premarital necking for everyone! (less) | Notes are private!
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| May 2010
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Jun 01, 2010
| Hardcover
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| 038073186X
| 9780380731862
| 3.99
| 54,941
| 2003
| Apr 27, 2004
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1001 Books You Must Read Before You Die be damned, every now and then I just get in the mood for a good, cheap thriller. I must have been in one of th...more
1001 Books You Must Read Before You Die be damned, every now and then I just get in the mood for a good, cheap thriller. I must have been in one of those moods, because my aunt gave me this book when I visited her recently - almost 400 pages long, and I read the entire thing in less than 24 hours. It's exciting, it's pulpy, it's violent, there's gratuitous sex and awkwardly quippy dialogue and conspiracy theories aplenty, and the book should really come included with a little speaker on the appropriate page so it can blare "dun dun DUUUUNNNNN" as you read the Big Final Twist. I even knew what the big twist was going to be before I started reading it - I haven't seen the movie version, but I was curious about it and read the plot synopsis on Wikipedia (yes I do that) - but I was still entertained and amused all the way through. I regret nothing but may wait a while before I admit in public that I actually read and enjoyed this. (less) | Notes are private!
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| not set
| May 2010
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May 29, 2010
| Mass Market Paperback
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| 0330413147
| 9780330413145
| unknown
| 3.86
| 4,220
| Oct 01, 2001
| unknown
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I guess I'm glad I read this, if only to satisfy a long-burning curiosity about The Queen of the South that's been in the back of my head ever since m...more
I guess I'm glad I read this, if only to satisfy a long-burning curiosity about The Queen of the South that's been in the back of my head ever since my mom hid the book from me at age fifteen so I couldn't read the dirty parts. (for the record, Mom, I probably would have been able to handle it) That said, it could have been a lot cooler than it is. And considering the book is about a woman who goes on the run after being targeted by Mexican hitmen and eventually becomes the most powerful drug lord in the Mediterranean, that's saying a lot. The story itself was really cool, and had a lot of potential - Teresa Mendoza starts out as just some low-level drug runner's girlfriend, but when he gets killed by his employers and they come after her (resulting in the single best opening line of any book, ever: "The telephone rang, and she knew she was going to die") she runs to Spain, gets involved with another smuggler, goes to prison, comes out, and then begins selling and shipping cocaine all over the place. Sex, drugs, and shooting ensues. It's good in a trashy, guilty-pleasure, living-vicariously-through-books kind of way. My problem is the format of the book - it's partially narrated by a reporter doing a story on Teresa once she's become the so-called Queen of the South, and he butts into the story every few chapters so we can watch him interviewing people Teresa interacted with during her career. They hint at what is about to happen next in the story, and then it happens. As far as I could tell, the reporter served absolutely no purpose as a second narrator and all of his chapters should have just been cut out completely. Also Perez-Reverte is really, really terrible at writing from a female mindset, but this review is already long enough so I won't bother getting into that rant. (less) | Notes are private!
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| Jan 28, 2010
| Feb 2010
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Jan 28, 2010
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| 0307269752
| 9780307269751
| 4.04
| 783,111
| Jan 01, 2000
| Sep 16, 2008
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After having leaped onto the bandwagon with the rest of everyone, I feel a certain amount of pretentious indie pride saying that I wasn't as awed by t...more
After having leaped onto the bandwagon with the rest of everyone, I feel a certain amount of pretentious indie pride saying that I wasn't as awed by this book as everyone else apparently was. Which is not to say that the book wasn't enjoyable and exciting; it just didn't knock my socks off whilst simultaneously blowing my mind and rocking my world. (that sounds like either some great song lyrics or a very complicated sexual maneuver. Let's go with the first option.) So, the good stuff: the main story - a disgraced journalist is hired by a rich old man to write a book about said man's crazy rich family, while secretly working to discover truth behind the disappearance and supposed murder of the man's granddaughter. Also in play is Lisbeth Salander, a freelance investigator who also happens to be one of the best hackers in Sweden. She also happens to be made of awesome, but I'll get to that later. The journalist is investigating a supposed murder (a body was never found, so no one even knows what happened to the girl), so violence is expected. I just wasn't quite prepared for just how intensely graphic the violence is. There's a lot of stuff dealing with assault, rape, and murder of various women. There is also a lot of sex in the book, and the stuff that gets described in the most detail is definitely not consensual and will probably make you very uncomfortable. You've been warned. The investigation itself is pretty fascinating, implausible as it is that some random guy investigating a disappearance that took place 40 years ago was able to find out completely new leads that weren't found by the police or the girl's grandfather (who's been obsessing about the case since forever), but I digress. The family itself is equal parts interesting, creepy, and frustrating. It's not until the journalist (Blomkvist) teams up with Lisbeth that things get really interesting, and they made such a fun team I wanted them to get their own detective show. The book deals mainly with crimes against women and those who commit them. Larsson obviously feels very passionately about this subject, as well as what should be done with the men who assault women. Without giving anything away, rest assured that every bad guy rapist/murderer/whatever gets a large helping of tasty justice. And now for the bad stuff: -There's a lot of nattering on about business and computers and journalism and more business stuff that either bored me or went over my head completely. -Larsson cannot seem to decide whether he wants to refer to people by their last name or their first name, so he switches back and forth and it is confusing. -A family tree is provided at the beginning of the book, since the family the journalist is investigating (the Vangers) is pretty big, but I never had much trouble keeping everyone straight. A map of the island the family compound is located on would have been much more helpful, since I never really figured out the geography of the place. -Pointless details. I don't need to know what the characters ate for every single meal, I don't need to know exactly what model of computer/motorcycle/car a character uses, and I definitely don't need to know what each character is wearing at every moment of the day. Larsson is especially guilty of this when Lisbeth is concerned - I guess he decided we wouldn't understand what a unique counterculture tough chick she is unless we know that she's always wearing leather jackets, boots, torn jeans, and black t-shirts with angry slogans. (yes, Larsson actually tells us what each of Lisbeth's t-shirts says.) Listen, Stieg: Lisbeth is awesome. She is wonderfully defined simply through her own actions and thoughts - we don't even need the other characters constantly reminding us how antisocial and tough and uncommunicative and badass she is. Believe me, we can see that. Show don't tell etc. To sum up, I'm going to give the last word to the book itself, and quote a sentence that's actually a character talking about a book featured towards the end of the story - but it could easily describe Larsson's book: "It was uneven stylistically, and in places the writing was actually rather poor - there had been no time for any fine polishing - but the book was animated by a fury that no reader could help but notice." That, in a nutshell, was how I felt about The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. UPDATE: I just watched the film version of this book (the original Swedish one, thank you verra much), and am adding this to my "the movie is better" shelf. Not that the book isn't good; it's just that the movie streamlines the story and gets rid of everything I complained about earlier in this review. In the movie, all the minor characters and business-drama babble has been eliminated, Erika and Mikael's weird three-way relationship is thankfully unmentioned, Mikael never boffs Cecilia Vanger, and Noomi Rapace is so fucking cool as Lisbeth I can't even handle it. I'm also pretty sure they took some stuff from The Girl Who Played With Fire and put it in the movie, because there's some stuff about Lisbeth's past that I don't remember from the book. UPDATE UPDATE: Having now seen the American remake, and re-watched the Swedish version, I have come to a following decision. While the American version is, in a technical sense, a better movie (Fincher is a much better director - for just one example, the scene where Henrik Vanger explains the circumstances of Harriet's disappearance is a masterful example of show-don't-tell), I dislike the changes they made to the ending, and I simply cannot accept Rooney Mara as Lisbeth. Although I'm proud of Fincher & Co. for making her look and act as weird as the character should, something about her portrayal still wasn't right. If you're interested, this article explains pretty much every complaint I have about American Lisbeth.(less) | Notes are private!
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Dec 26, 2009
| Hardcover
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| 1416563687
| 9781416563686
| 3.75
| 44,913
| Jan 01, 2008
| Aug 18, 2009
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Considering that I've now read six of her books, it pains me to say that I might be getting over Phillipa Gregory. Most of the reviews for The White Q...more
Considering that I've now read six of her books, it pains me to say that I might be getting over Phillipa Gregory. Most of the reviews for The White Queen were good, and I expected to like it. But for the most part, it was just...meh. So, plot summary: we've moved back in time from the Sexy Sexy Tudors to the Sexy Sexy Plantagenets, but unfortunately these people do a lot less fucking and a lot more plotting. Also witchcraft, which was weird. Reasons I Did Not Particularly Love This Book: -The main character, Elizabeth Woodville, apparently came from a family that actually claimed to be descended from the water goddess Melusina. Okay, I can stand by that, but then Gregory takes it a step further (several steps, actually) and decides that not only do Elizabeth and her mother regularly perform spells that actually work, but they both have the Sight. Capital S. Gregory's pulled this trick before, with the vision-having character in The Queen's Fool, but it wasn't a major plot point there, and ultimately didn't influence the story that much. The supernatural element in this one borders on the ridiculous - Elizabeth whistles in a storm to stop Henry Tudor from invading London. I am not making this up, but Gregory is. -This is a prequel, so there's lots of foreshadowing to what's going to happen in the next books. And it's very, very blatant foreshadowing. Characters are always saying things like, "Henry Tudor will never be king, none of the Tudors will" and "I trust Richard with my life, he's a great brother" and I can just see Philippa Gregory winking from behind the page, singing "I know what's gonna happen, I know what's gonna happen!" SO DO I, PHILIPPA. -Elizabeth Woodville is traditionally vilified, which seems like a good enough reason to write a book from her perspective, but even when she's telling the story she can't hide the fact that she's kind of...evil. She manipulates people to serve her own agenda, is ruthless in securing the throne for her children even after Richard takes over and her kids just want to go home, and she also holds very creepy grudges against anyone who killed a member of her family. Her dad and one of her brothers gets killed in battle, and from then on every single time she mentions the men responsible she's like, "I'm going to kill them. They are dead men. I'm going to kill them so hard with magic and then I will make necklaces out of their spines and dance naked on their graves." Tone it down, woman! -Every single man is named either Edward, Richard, George, or Henry. A family tree is provided at the beginning of the book, but since it stops at Edward IV and his brothers, it's no help at all when it comes to tracking Elizabeth's ten million siblings and children. Maybe I'm moving beyond Philippa Gregory. This makes me sad, mostly because it means I need to find a new series of trashy guilty-pleasure books to read. (less) | Notes are private!
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Dec 26, 2009
| Hardcover
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| 0399532692
| 9780399532696
| 3.83
| 689
| Jun 26, 2006
| Jun 27, 2006
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Fantastic bathroom reading. Here, have some random facts: Every time Beethoven sat down to compose music, he poured ice water over his head. Eosophobi...more Fantastic bathroom reading. Here, have some random facts: Every time Beethoven sat down to compose music, he poured ice water over his head. Eosophobia is the fear of dawn. Coca-Cola was originally green. Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously. The average woman consumes six pounds of lipstick in her lifetime. Charles de Gaulle's final words were "It hurts." The national anthem of Greece has 158 verses. If a statue of a person on a horse depicts the horse with both front legs in the air, the person died in battle; if the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle; if the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes. The Taj Mahal was scheduled to be torn down in the 1830s. Sister Boom-Boom was a transvestite nun who ran for mayor of San Francisco in 1982. He/she received more than twenty thousand votes. The youngest pope was eleven years old. The tip of a bullwhip moves so fast it breaks the sound barrier; the crack of the whip is actually a tiny sonic boom. A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate. A donkey will sink in quicksand, but a mule won't. (less) | Notes are private!
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| Jan 2008
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Nov 28, 2009
| Paperback
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| 1592402739
| 9781592401821
| 3.50
| 7,580
| Dec 29, 2005
| Jan 02, 2007
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Some books are meant to be kept in sacred spaces. Some books are so amazing, so wonderful, so full of personal meaning, that they can't even be kept o...more
Some books are meant to be kept in sacred spaces. Some books are so amazing, so wonderful, so full of personal meaning, that they can't even be kept on an ordinary bookshelf with the others, and need to occupy their own, special place. Some books deserve such honors. And some books deserve to be kept in the bathroom. Which is exactly where the copy of Candy Girl currently resides in my apartment. (I can't claim responsibility for this placement - the book actually belongs to my roommate, but as far as I'm concerned any book kept next to the toilet is pretty much communal, so I helped myself.) Don't get me wrong: the fact that Diablo Cody's memoir (I use the word only because that is how it's described on the front cover) is perfect bathroom reading isn't necessarily a criticism. Candy Girl is, in fact, probably the most perfect example of a bathroom book I've ever come across. You can read little bits at a time without having to bother following a continous plot, and if you just skip to all the dirty parts (where Cody is actually stripping or working at a peep show), you never miss anything important. She had a boyfriend at the time the book was written, and I guess we hear a lot about him, but frankly any part of the story that didn't involve stripping and/or frequent uses of the word "pussy" just bored me. So, to sum up: the book describes a year in which Diablo Cody decides to try being a stripper. She spends several pages trying to rationalize this decision, but it can really be summed up in one sentence: "for shits and giggles, and so I can get a quasi-memoir out of it." (my words) Over the course of the story, she works at three different strip joints, a peep show, and also has a brief stint as a phone-sex worker that's so brief I don't know why she bothered mentioning it at all. In between there's lots of stuff about her boyfriend, his young daughter, and Cody's boring day job, but as I said, these parts can be easily skipped. As for the writing itself, I'll just say that it's very easy to believe this woman wrote Juno. Which is by no means a critique, but it does make it a bit jarring when Cody manages to produce writing that is actually well-done, maybe even meaningful. Luckily, this doesn't happen often and we quickly resume our regularly scheduled program of pop culture references and exclamations of "shazbot!" (less) | Notes are private!
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| Sep 2009
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Sep 06, 2009
| Paperback
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| 0552151696
| 9780552151696
| 3.46
| 189,770
| Oct 01, 1995
| 2004
|
I don't even remember what this one is about. There's a CIA computer technician, and all I can remember about her is the scene where a security guard...more
I don't even remember what this one is about. There's a CIA computer technician, and all I can remember about her is the scene where a security guard is ogling her sweet, sweet ass and wondering in bafflement how a woman with a 192 IQ could be so damn fuckable. Also, I'm pretty sure she saves the world with computers, but we're not supposed to care because she does it while her shirt is partially unbuttoned. She may have gotten wet at some point, too. LITERATURE. (less) | Notes are private!
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| Jan 2006
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Aug 19, 2009
| Paperback
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| 0671027387
| 9780671027384
| 3.53
| 198,531
| 2001
| Dec 01, 2002
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This was read at the tail-end of my brief Dan Brown phase (let he who has never enjoyed an airport-bookstore novel cast the first stone), and by this...more
This was read at the tail-end of my brief Dan Brown phase (let he who has never enjoyed an airport-bookstore novel cast the first stone), and by this point I was getting a little tired of Brown's storytelling formula. And by "formula", I really mean "formula". Here it is: How To Make A Guaranteed Bestseller in Fifteen Minutes or Less -1 intelligent, bookishly handsome man who in no way is supposed to be Dan Brown of course not why do you ask -1 really intelligent, preferably foreign woman who has an IQ of like a billion but the important thing is she is hot and has very low standards as far as men go (see protagonist) -5 exotic locations, more if you prefer -25 full pages of technical/historical/whatever background information that serves only to show the audience how goddamn smart the author is -3 conspiracy theories found after 5-minute Google search -8 death-defying situations and improbable escapes -1 villain of cartoon-level evilness -3 OMG SO SCANDOLOUS revelations that will ROCK THE FUCKING WORLD Blend until well combined (or not so well combined, whatever) bake at 350 degrees until it can be adapted for the screen in five minutes or less, serve hot to adoring public on plates made of $100 bills. (less) | Notes are private!
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| Jan 2006
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Aug 19, 2009
| Mass Market Paperback
| |||||||||||||||
| 1416524797
| 9781416524793
| 3.75
| 819,930
| 2000
| Mar 28, 2006
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I should have read this before The Da Vinci Code, not because the two novels need to be read in any particular order (the plots are literally intercha...more
I should have read this before The Da Vinci Code, not because the two novels need to be read in any particular order (the plots are literally interchangeable; see order in which the movie versions were released for evidence), but because Angels and Demons is usually regarded as the better story. Unfortunately, by the time I read it I was already familiar with Dan Brown's "HISTORY! CONSPIRACIES! SMART CHICKS! MORE HISTORY! ORGANIZED RELIGION! DUN DUN DUUUUUNNNNNN!" style of plot organization, and the thrill was a little cheapened. (less)
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| Jan 2006
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Aug 19, 2009
| Paperback
| |||||||||||||||
| 0307277674
| 9780307277671
| 3.66
| 992,520
| 2003
| Mar 28, 2006
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Bestowing four stars upon this book gives me a distinctly airheaded and silly feeling, because I know that this book ranks only a few spots above chic...more
Bestowing four stars upon this book gives me a distinctly airheaded and silly feeling, because I know that this book ranks only a few spots above chick lit on the "Annoyingly Superior Quality Scale of Real Literature". Anyone seeing my rating of Dan Brown's work will immediately leap to the conclusion that the rest of the books I've read are just as poorly written/reviewed/researched/organized, and that within my "read" shelf they can find glowing summaries of the latest chick lit and Twilight reviews that consist entirely of the word "omg" repeated three hundred times. In short, I am perfectly aware of how this rating makes me look. And I am aware of the many, many problems with the book that is allowing Dan Brown to spend the rest of his life rolling around naked in a pile of dollar bills. The "research" is poorly done, almost all of the earthshattering claims made in the story are exaggerated bullshit, the characters are mostly undeveloped and unrealstic, Robert Langdon is clearly Dan Brown in a flimsy fan-fic worthy disguise, and even the minor details in the story are...well, totally made up. Despite what Professor Langdon says, I don't think Disney's The Little Mermaid is a thinly veiled Mary Magdalene allegory, you cannot simply lift a painting off a wall in the Louvre and use it as a shield, there are only twelve disciples in The Last Supper, and the Louvre does not have bars of soap in the bathrooms that one can push a tracer into and then toss out the window. Dan Brown is a silly, silly man who would like nothing more than to be the Indiana Jones of the literary world (bitch, please) and his books deserve all the derision and terrible movie adaptations they've received so far. But the fact remains that I fucking devoured this book in twenty-four hours, and the experience was sort of awesome. It is for this reason that I gave this book four stars, which according to Goodreads translates to "really liked it". Because I did. At least for a little while.(less) | Notes are private!
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| Jan 2006
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Aug 19, 2009
| Paperback
| |||||||||||||||
| 0156032872
| 9780965818674
| 3.90
| 692,363
| Jul 05, 2003
| 2003
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Just in time for the movie release, I finally got around to reading this after it'd been sitting on my bookshelf for months. There's a lot of hype sur...more
Just in time for the movie release, I finally got around to reading this after it'd been sitting on my bookshelf for months. There's a lot of hype surrounding this book, which automatically makes me want to hate it in a very superior way. But I can't hate it because, frankly, I liked reading this. Not loved, just liked. The simplest thing I can say about this story is that it's nice. But just for fun, I'm going to do this review in a style I call The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly. Because then I get to complain and nitpick more. The Good: Niffenegger (say that five times fast) gets maximum points for originality, plus ten bonus points for writing a book centered on time travel that never makes the readers go cross-eyed from confusion. Yes, the time travel aspect takes a little getting used to, but it didn't leave me nearly as mystified as plot devices like that usually do. And while I wish she hadn't felt the need to come up with a scientific explanation as to why Henry time travels (genes? really?) I understand why she wanted to make the story as plausible and realistic as possible. The Bad: the book is a romantic story first and foremost, and you have to be in the right mood for that. Since I possess a level of cynicism and disillusionment usually reserved for ninety-year-old war veterans, schmoopy romances like this are rarely my cup of tea. But for the most part, it was okay. The next thing is a minor nitpick, but it's still bugging me: at one point in the story, Henry describes his former girlfriend as "looking like her usual Bond Girl self." I wonder, how many Bond movies has this author actually seen? I'd guess the answer is "not many", but maybe I've just seen too many. Is it just me, or does describing someone as looking like a Bond Girl seem way too unspecific? I mean, think about all the different Bond Girls - they don't all fit into one specific mold. Pussy Galore vs. Vesper Lynd, for instance. The Ugly: To be perfectly frank, I got a little tired of constantly hearing about how mind-blowingly fantastic Henry and Clare's sex life was. It seemed like every five pages they were fucking again. (and Niffenegger almost never says "having sex" or "making love", it is always "fucking." Classy.) Really, Niffenegger: we don't need to know all of this stuff. You say Clare goes crazy for oral sex? How fascinating, can we move on now? Oh good, now Clare is fucking someone else. I hope we get a blow-by-blow description and then a tasteful, far overdue fade-to-black! The author gets credit for keeping Henry and Clare's early relationship relatively not-creepy (this was when he was in his forties and time traveling to Clare's childhood), but that goes out the window when Clare turns eighteen and Henry visits her as a 41-year-old. This, incendentally, is the point at which Clare discovers just how much she loves having cunnilingus performed on her. Excuse me while I go stand in the corner doing the cootie dance. (less) | Notes are private!
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Aug 13, 2009
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| 0811825558
| 9780811825559
| 3.61
| 1,697
| Jan 01, 1999
| Oct 01, 1999
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"How To Fend Off A Shark: 1. Hit back. If a shark is coming toward you or attacks you, use anything you have in your possession - a camera, probe, harp...more "How To Fend Off A Shark: 1. Hit back. If a shark is coming toward you or attacks you, use anything you have in your possession - a camera, probe, harpoon gun, your fist - to hit the shark's eyes or gills, which are the areas most sensitive to pain. 2. Make quick, sharp, repeated jabs in these areas. Sharks are predators and will usually only follow through on an attack if they have the advantage, so making the shark unsure of its advantage in any way possible will increase your chances of survival. Contrary to popular opinion, the shark's nose is not the area to attack, unless you cannot reach the eyes or gills. Hitting the shark simply tells it that you are not defenseless." (less) | Notes are private!
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Jul 12, 2009
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| 0060759968
| 9780060759964
| 3.48
| 19,019
| Jan 01, 1992
| Feb 15, 2005
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I don't care if it's fluffy chick lit/"look at my dysfunctional family" memoir trash, I still love these characters. "You can't go anywhere with Mama...more I don't care if it's fluffy chick lit/"look at my dysfunctional family" memoir trash, I still love these characters. "You can't go anywhere with Mama without things getting nuts. If it's going along too smooth she will invent something just to stir things up. Sometimes we'll be downtown shopping and everything's going normal, and Mama will put her fingers in her mouth and let out the loudest, most piercing whistle you ever heard in your life. Then everyone gets startled and drops what they're doing and looks around to see where the noise came from. And Mama, she'll just bend over and pretend to be looking at a pair of shoes." "Buggy is terrified of big organizations. She says they're all in cahoots with each other. For instance, she thinks the Communists have infiltrated the NASA space program to ruin the weather so they can destroy the Catholic church. Every time we have a hurricane, she says, See, what did Buggy tell yall?" (less) | Notes are private!
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Jul 12, 2009
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| 0316488399
| 9780316488396
| 3.61
| 132
| Jan 15, 1999
| Jan 15, 1999
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Purchased during my Wicca phase in high school, this book is actually very nice, and I still refer to it occasionally. The spells are all taken from t...more
Purchased during my Wicca phase in high school, this book is actually very nice, and I still refer to it occasionally. The spells are all taken from traditional Romany lore and remedies, and even if you don't believe in them the extra information about Romany culture and beliefs is still very interesting. All of the spells are simple and not at all creepy - the most exotic ingredient you'll find here is essential oils and incense. The spells are divided into five groups: love, health, pets, wealth, and happiness. I recently tried one of them, under the "health" chapter, to get rid of two little warts on the bottom of my big toe. The book offers several methods, and here's the one I used: "To charm warts away, use a piece of string: tie as many knots as there are warts, then bury the string. The warts will decay along with the string." (less) | Notes are private!
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Jul 12, 2009
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| 1413900003
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| 4.19
| 2,413
| Feb 2000
| Sep 30, 2003
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Very cute, and considering that the main characters are a bunch of giggly Japanese schoolgirls, the plots are quite innocent. I'd recommend this serie...more
Very cute, and considering that the main characters are a bunch of giggly Japanese schoolgirls, the plots are quite innocent. I'd recommend this series to someone just starting to read manga, since it's mostly normal and never features naked people or fighting robots. (less)
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Jul 09, 2009
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| 193151450X
| 9781931514507
| 4.12
| 2,050
| Apr 1995
| Jun 11, 2002
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Typical stormy romance between a TV star and a delinquent. The fact that both characters are eleven is apparently not as unsettling in Japan. Whatever...more
Typical stormy romance between a TV star and a delinquent. The fact that both characters are eleven is apparently not as unsettling in Japan. Whatever, it's a fun series. (less)
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Jul 09, 2009
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| 193151447X
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| 3.74
| 810
| Jun 1999
| Jun 25, 2002
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Apparently this was an anime series originaly. I think they should have just kept it as a TV show; mini-mind-controlled-robot battles don't translate...more
Apparently this was an anime series originaly. I think they should have just kept it as a TV show; mini-mind-controlled-robot battles don't translate well into manga. (less)
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Jul 09, 2009
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| 1931514925
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| 4.01
| 14,546
| Feb 01, 2001
| Apr 23, 2002
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Eight volumes total, read all of them several times in high school during my manga phase. The plot is your basic "We Designed Robots That Look Like Su...more Eight volumes total, read all of them several times in high school during my manga phase. The plot is your basic "We Designed Robots That Look Like Super Hot Underage Girls Because This Is The Creepy Future" featuring an awkward 20 year old guy finding a previously-mentioned robot in the trash. Hilarity and much inappropriate content ensues. (less) | Notes are private!
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Jul 09, 2009
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| 0743496728
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| 4.02
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| 2007
| Mar 05, 2007
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When I read this book a few years ago, I had already gotten through four other Jodi Picoult - My Sister's Keeper, The Tenth Circle, Vanishing Acts, an...more
When I read this book a few years ago, I had already gotten through four other Jodi Picoult - My Sister's Keeper, The Tenth Circle, Vanishing Acts, and The Plain Truth, in case anyone cares. I feel that we had a good relationship. Sure, after the first exciting fling things got predictable pretty fast ("gee, I wonder if this one will have dramatic courtroom scenes?"), but Jodi was still able to keep me hooked. Then I read Nineteen Minutes, and decided it was time to call it off. One big problem with the book is that I was expected to think - or at least consider - that a kid being bullied for years is an excuse to shoot up a high school, killing not only the cliche popular jerks but also several innocent bystanders. No. I'm sorry, no. It didn't help that the bullied kid in question was utterly unlikable, as was his tragic friend with the abusive jock asshole boyfriend - every high school-related convention and cliche is used and run into the goddamned ground here, and it is unpleasant. But here's the real reason the book gets one star, and I don't consider this a spoiler because I think people deserve to be warned about this: the morbid fascination of school shootings stems from, I believe, the mystery of why any kid would go to such an extreme. Since most of the people who commit this crime end up killing themselves, we never really know how or if they justified their actions. With this in mind, pretend you're a writer working on a book about a school shooting, where the killer narrates some of the story. Wouldn't it be a good idea to have a chapter where the reader gets to be inside the killer's head during the actual shooting, so they could understand his thought process and logic? If you answered "well, duh," then congratulations, you are not Jodi Picoult. Throughout the entire book, we never, ever get to see the shooting through the bullied kid's eyes. Why did he shoot the people who never harmed him, including a teacher who was kind to him and some random girl just walking in his line of fire? Did he feel any remorse during the shooting? What was he thinking? Why did he stop in the middle of his spree to sit down in the cafeteria and eat a bowl of cereal? We never find out, and this infuriated me so much Picoult might as well have ended the book with, "I'm Jodi Picoult and I get paid thousands of dollars to print out crap they sell in airport bookstores! I do what I want, so fuck you!" Yeah, you know what? Fuck you, Jodi. People are only buying your damn book so they can get into the killer's head in the exact way I've described, and you're just screwing with them. Not cool. (less) | Notes are private!
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Jul 03, 2009
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| 1594743347
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| 3.25
| 52,170
| May 01, 2009
| May 01, 2009
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I tried to resist. When everyone starting losing their shit over this book and pre-ordering it, I told myself that this was a literary bandwagon I wou...more
I tried to resist. When everyone starting losing their shit over this book and pre-ordering it, I told myself that this was a literary bandwagon I wouldn't jump on. I read the reviews posted here, and saw that for the most part the consensus was that this book was grossly overrated. All the parts that Grahame-Smith wrote (and there aren't many) weren't very well done, the zombie device got old quickly, and the whole thing could have been much better. It was with all this evidence in mind that I went into a bookstore a week ago and bought a copy. All of the previously mentioned criticisms are true. But you know what I decided? Criticism be damned, go ahead and revoke my Intelligent Reader membership card, I don't care. Because this book fucking rocked, and was the most fun I've had reading a book in a long time. It's the exact same plot as the original story, except it takes place in an alternate universe where England has been overrun with zombies for "five and fifty years". Why did this happen? It doesn't matter. All you need to know is that zombies are cool, and the Bennett sisters (thanks to their Shaolin training) are the best zombie slayers in Hertfordshire. Enter Mr. Darcy, who "drew the attention of the room by his fine, tall person, handsome features, noble mien - and the report which was in general circulation withing five minutes after his entrance, of his having slaughtered more than a thousand unmentionables since the fall of Cambridge." I don't really know what else to say about this that hasn't been said already in the 1,000+ reviews already posted on this site. If you enjoy zombie movies, either genuinely or ironically, you will like this book. If you're a Jane Austen fan, you'll either think this book is brilliant or are already setting fire to Seth Grahame-Smith's lawn. We now present our closing arguments in support of the awesomeness of this book: -The story appears exactly as it does in the original, but with infinitely more general badassery. The scene where Darcy first confesses his love for Elizabeth becomes much more interesting when the entire converstation occurs while Elizabeth is beating the shit out of Darcy. -"'It is your turn to say something now, Mr. Darcy. I talked about the dance, and you ought to make some sort of remark on the size of the room, or the number of couples.' He smiled, and assured her that whatever she wished him to say would be said. 'Very well. That reply will do for the present. Perhaps by and by I may observe that private balls are much pleasanter than public ones.' 'On the contrary, I find that balls are much more enjoyable when they cease to remain private.'" -Lady Catherine de Bourgh is a famous zombie killer, and has a personal army of ninjas. NINJAS. -"The entertainment of dining at Rosings was repeated about twice a week; and, allowing for the loss of Sir William, and there being only one card-table in the evening, every such entertainment was the couterpart of the first. On one such occasion, Elizabeth was solicited to spar with several of her ladyship's ninjas for the amusement of the party. The demonstration took place in Lady Catherine's grand dojo, which she had paid to have carried from Kyoto, brick by brick, on the backs of peasants. The ninjas wore their traditional black clothing, masks, and Tabbi boots; Elizabeth wore her sparring gown, and her trusted Katana sword. As Lady Catherine rose to signal the beginning of the match, Elizabeth, in a show of defiance, blindfolded herself." PS: Austen Austen AUSTEN. (less) | Notes are private!
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Jun 06, 2009
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| 0761147039
| 9780761147039
| 3.27
| 75
| Jun 19, 2008
| Jun 19, 2008
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It's interesting - the more time I spend at college, the more I become convinced that the best career move I could ever make would be to marry a Russi...more
It's interesting - the more time I spend at college, the more I become convinced that the best career move I could ever make would be to marry a Russian billionaire and live out the rest of my days as a well-educated trophy wife. One of my friends, knowing this about me, gave me this book for my birthday with the advice to study it religiously. Amusing and eye-opening, this little book induces eye-rolls and disgusted head-shaking more often than genuine laughs (the section on childrearing was particulary effective in bringing out the latent bourgeouis-hating Marxist in me - did you know you can buy a silver pacifier accented with 278 diamonds for only $17,000? Your toddler will be thrilled!). Reading this was a fun way to waste an afternoon, but I'm glad I got it as a gift instead of buying it myself. Some of my favorite bits from the book: -The advice on choosing and then dealing with an interior decorator. "Realize that he hates your horrifically pedestrian taste. The sooner you internalize this and bow to his will, the sooner he will allow you to speak." -The flowchart explaining "who reports to whom" in your squadron of hired help. (essentially everyone reports to the majordomo except the personal assistant) -Anecdotes about historical filthy-rich figures, like this description of a banquet the Roman emperor Nero supposedly held: "highlights included slaves showering guests with snow water and then having sex with the host. The menu: a roast boar which - when carved - released live birds; sweetmeats molded to resemble piglets; 12 dishes representing every sign in the zodiac; fish spouting pepper sauce; and rabbits fitted with wings." -The "How to Buy an Island" chapter. -"It's no accident that the kid picked last in dodge ball...is often the one who scales the Forbes 400. It's for this reason that plutocrats so often enjoy golf, a genteel game that doesn't involve breaking a sweat and involves a suitable amount of expensive equipment." -"When he kicked it in 1950, Irish playwright George Bernard Shaw bequeathed a portion of his wealth to whomever could invent a new English alphabet. He specified that it had to have at least 40 letters and be easier to use than the current one." (less) | Notes are private!
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Apr 18, 2009
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