Catherine: Oh, Henry, I do so love you, and I hope you don't tire of me. I'm going to do my best to be a good wife for you. I am doing well, aren't I?
Henry: You couldn't be doing better, my love. I can't imagine what I'd do without you.
Joy: Pardon me while I puke under the table.
Michael: Try not to get any on my shoes.
Waiter: Could I interest you in any appetizers?
Michael: Sure. What kind of animals are in your sausage?
Waiter: Ummm . . . I'm not sure, but I can check.
Joy: No, don't worry about it; we'll have the queso dip.
Catherine: Order for me, Henry, I want whatever we choose to please you.
Henry: Okay. We'll have two more bourbons and the chicken fingers.
Joy: *looking at Catherine, makes whipping noise, and does the accompanying arm gesture.*
Catherine: What does that mean? That thing you just did?
Joy: Thing I just did? Whatever do you mean?
Catherine: You went. . . *makes whipping noise, does the accompanying arm gesture*
Joy: I most certainly did not, and I don't know what something like that would mean.
Catherine: Well, I'm confident I saw you do it.
Joy: I had a thing on my arm. I was shaking it off. Maybe I sneezed at the same time, I can't remember.
Henry: It was good of you to invite us on this double date. I've just returned from the war, and I'm glad to be out with friends again.
Michael: Don't mention it, Henry, it's my pleasure. I always like having dinner with fictional characters. How is the war going?
Henry: Not so well. It's over, actually, and Italy lost. The two of us are living in Switzerland now, getting ready for the baby.
Michael: How long will it be?
Joy: That's what she said.
Michael: *punches Joy in the arm*
Joy: *Slaps the side of Michael's head*
Henry: Another two weeks. We can't wait.
Catherine: We're simply dying for the baby to be born.
Joy: *Whispering* Well, that was tasteless.
Catherine: What did you say?
Joy: Oh, nothing.
Catherine: *glaring at Joy* I get the feeling you truly don't like me, Joy. What on earth did I do to you?
Joy: You're just so fucking submissive, Catherine! How do you ever expect to be happy if Henry never gets to know the real you?
Catherine: What do you mean, the real me? He knows I was a nurse during the war, and that I love him . . . what else is there to know?
Michael: But don't you have any hobbies? I mean, do you like French movies? Do you like gardening?
Henry: Wait a minute. Why would you require a greater depth of character from my wife than you get from me? I'm not an especially complex person, either.
Michael: Well, not especially, but we know you have a fetish for sports, and you dig fishing and stuff. So, that lends a greater realism to your personality than Catherine has.
Catherine: *blushing* This is hardly polite conversation.
Joy: Sorry, Catherine, but you asked.
*The waiter delivers appetizers. They begin eating.*
Michael: This is good queso. Good choice, babe.
Joy: As usual.
Michael: So, you two read any good books lately?
Henry: *ignores Michael's question* I object to the way you're talking about my wife. She might not be the most complex person, but she's still admirable: like my own sacrifice--fighting in the war--Catherine is going to make a great sacrifice when. . . well, you know.
Henry: Nothing, dear.
Joy: AAAH, so YOU make a sacrifice by voluntarily going off to war. She makes a sacrifice by getting knocked up and dying during childbirth. You defend the country and come home safely, while she dies trying to poop out a baby.
Catherine: What? I die during childbirth?
Henry: I thought we weren't going to talk about that.
Michael: Well, it IS kinda the elephant at the dinner table.
Henry: We both show equal courage in the face of hopeless adversity, and neither one of us have a false sense of optimism!
Harold Bloom, from the next table over: I'm sorry, but NOBODY would say that. That's just bad dialogue.
Michael: Fuck off, Harold. Go find some Dickens to stroke off to.
Harold: Well, I never. . .
Joy: Yeah. Go pick your wick. And, in response to your unrealistic dialogue, Henry, here's what I think: she might be brave, but she only does three things, really: take care of wounded men, love a man, and have a baby. You and half the lit crits in the world can try to convince yourself that she's a 'feminist' character in some context, but it's like when Intelligent Design people try to re-explain scientific findings so they'll agree with a predetermined worldview.
Michael: THAT'S realistic dialogue.
Henry: Oh, god, do we have to talk about politics?
Catherine: Why not? We've already talked about how I'm going to f______ die!
Michael: It's the year 2010 now. You don't need to censor your swearing anymore.
Henry: Good. You two are cocksuckers.
Michael: Do you wanna walk out of here or get carried out, soldier boy?
Henry: Try me. Just try me.
Distressed customer #1, from across the restuarant : Help! Help! Is there a cynic in the house?
*All four characters raise their hands.*
Michael: I've been waiting my whole life for that to happen.
*Henry rushes toward the distressed patrons, but Joy trips him and pushes him down. The other three rush over to find a customer hyperventilating on the floor.*
Dying Customer's Fiance: He just proposed to me, and when I said yes, he started hyperventillating! I think he's on the verge of dying from sheer happiness!
Michael: What is this world coming to?
Catherine: Don't be so happy. You'll inevitably give away your youth, vigor and passion as a sacrifice for the generation coming after you. And YOU *pointing at the fiance* just be careful about using birth control.
Joy: *crouches over the dying man* And, anyway, women are genetically designed to seek out other potential mates once they've found a man to take care of their children, so she'll probably cheat on you with every bad boy she meets.
Michael: Not to mention, even if things somehow work out, what do you have left? Fifty, sixty years? And that's counting all those shitty years, where one of you will be living in a nursing home and dragging around a colostomy bag, wondering why the hell your grandkids aren't visiting. And that's the LUCKY one of you who doesn't die first. Honestly, buddy, you're probably gonna die in your mid-seventies, then SHE'LL head off to the nursing home, and maybe meet some hot old guy who she had an affair with twenty years ago, get remarried, and that old fucker will inherit all your money.
This book is probably just as good as D'Aulaires' Book of Greek Myths, which I've bestowed five stars to. But the Greek myths are just inherently moreThis book is probably just as good as D'Aulaires' Book of Greek Myths, which I've bestowed five stars to. But the Greek myths are just inherently more cool than the Norse ones. The Minotaur? Hardcore. Medusa? Hardcore. Loki? Well, yes, Loki is pretty hardcore...and so is Thor...
Okay, I'll admit it, I'm just totally biased. In about 150 gorgeously illustrated pages, the D'Aulaires cover a huge number of the more important myths of Norse mythology. And what is so amazing is how concisely, yet comprehensively, they cover the most important elements of the myths. They do that, and they make it lots of fun to read.
Unfortunately, I discovered this one just a few years ago, so I wasn't as awed as I could have been. When I read their book on Greek myths in second grade, it started an obsession that lasted years. ...more
I can't say enough about this book. It is still my favorite book on Greek or Roman mythology, even though I first read it in third grade. If you loveI can't say enough about this book. It is still my favorite book on Greek or Roman mythology, even though I first read it in third grade. If you love mythology, find a copy of this book....more
This was the first fiction I'd read by Brautigan, and as I read the beginning, I became quickly sure it was a total piece-o-shite. But, as I continuedThis was the first fiction I'd read by Brautigan, and as I read the beginning, I became quickly sure it was a total piece-o-shite. But, as I continued, I totally fell in love with it. It was like 48 Hours. I was Nick Nolte, and In Watermelon Sugar was Eddie Murphy.
Very surreal, and surreal in a disorienting way at first. But, it grew in hilarity for me as I read further. Was there the point? I don't know. If I was supposed to get something deep out of this, I didn't. But it was quite entertaining and memorable.
I'd like to revisit Brautigan soon; I devoured a lot of his cannon in my first couple years of college, and haven't looked back since. ...more
The Orchard Keeper was Cormac McCarthy's first book, originally published back in 1965. It was interesting reading this one closely after reading hisThe Orchard Keeper was Cormac McCarthy's first book, originally published back in 1965. It was interesting reading this one closely after reading his most recent book, The Road.
(I read a very early copy of the book, with the original blurbs on the jacket. Random House was very sure of the book's popularity and importance, enough so to suggest McCarthy was a writer who would inevitably be recognized as a master at some point. They clearly had no idea it would take about 30 years for him to start selling gobs of books. Thank god, or he probably would've never been published.)
This is the story of three different characters living in Appalachia in the early 1900's. One is an old man who has been concealing a body that turned up on his property years ago. Another is the dead man's son, who believes his dad was a swell guy and who wants revenge on his father's killer. The final character is a bootlegger, and is the man who actually killed the guy in the pit.
The old man has no idea whose body he guards. The young boy has no idea his father abandoned him and wasn't planning on ever returning. The bootlegger has all but forgotten the dead man, who he murdered in self-defense and tossed into a bog.
My quick explanation is a little confusing. The point is, none of the characters know much about the others, and none of them have any idea what strange connections they have with the other two.
The ironies run deep here, as the boy thinks of the man who killed his father as a hero, and the old man continues sheltering the body of a total sleeze-ball as the body decomposes. The story ends tragically, as Cormac McCarthy stories often do. Somehow, despite the low body count, I found this story much sadder than most of his works.
As a writer, I am impressed at how good this book is considering it's a first novel. It's a subtle, strange, evocative book, and all of the stylistic elements that distinguish McCarthy are already intact here. Little punctuation, incredible dialogue, a wonderful evocation of place. That said, it is quite slow, and probably isn't the best starting place for someone new to McCarthy. But it is definitely worth reading for fans of his writing. So, I'm going with four stars. Not as amazing as The Road, but very good. ...more
This is a dobby story about some young droogs (total prestoopniks), all the time dratsing and doing the ultra-violence. Alex, the leader, gets left odThis is a dobby story about some young droogs (total prestoopniks), all the time dratsing and doing the ultra-violence. Alex, the leader, gets left oddy knocky after a botched robbery and gets picked up by the millicents, and that's when things get really bezoomny.
A Clockwork Orange is really less about violence and more about the experience of no longer "being yourself," no longer having a choice in your actions . . or is it about what it means to have freedom, and how dehumanizing it is to give up freedom for the sake of safety?
*SPOILERS* It's about a lot of things. And, as a reader, you have at least a little empathy for Alex, the murdering rapist who ends up having his free will taken away via Pavlovian conditioning. You see a man who physically CAN'T choose to act badly, and you see what this does to him.
If the main character were a minor criminal and not fully evil, this book would've been something much less challenging. But Alex is an evil, remorseless sonuvabitch, which forces us to really question whether the things done to him could EVER be considered ethically permissable.
I suspect this book was inspired in part by electroshock therapy. I could be totally off, but there it is. Umm, guess that's the end of THAT thought.
AND I HAVEN'T EVEN MENTIONED THE LANGUAGE! Alex speaks with a hella lot of slang, some of it Russian-influenced, most of it simply from the strange, fucked up recesses of Burgess's brain. You read slower than usual so you can decode the language, but it is very much worth it because the slang is hilarious and brilliant.
Burgess now dismisses this book as something he knocked out in three weeks to pay the bills, but I have a hunch he's just bitter that his other books have never matched the success of this early novel. It was one of my very favorites when I was in high school, but I can't say it's still one of those books I get teary-eyed as I ponder. It is terrific, though. If you haven't read it, and you don't get nauseous easily, and you don't mind sticking with it long enough to figure out what the crap is going on with the language, this book is totally horrorshow. ...more
This is the first "soft SF" book I've read, and perhaps the softer side is what I prefer. One of my chief complaints about "hard" science fiction is tThis is the first "soft SF" book I've read, and perhaps the softer side is what I prefer. One of my chief complaints about "hard" science fiction is the lack of character development, and the intense focus on . . . well. . . the science of it. Frankly, I've always been more interested in characters. This book is about characters.
The story follows an ambassador to the planet Winter. The ambassador is human, but the people of Winter are androgynous- they are neither male nor female until Kemmer, a few days each month, wherein they become briefly either male or female. Only during this time do the people of Winter have sex, and the rest of the time, they're devoid of the urge.
Our main character, Ai, is a man's man. He often refers to things as "womanly" and struggles with coming to terms with the sexlessness of those around him. His mind is continually trying to classify those he meets as one sex or the other, and so do I as a reader. The way people act towards other people is, in so many ways, determined by one's own sex and the sex of the other. As Ai says at one point, the biggest determiner of our course in life is whether we're born a man or a woman. (This isn't a real quote, but the idea is essentially the same as Ai's statement. As usual, I'm too lazy to give you a direct quotation.)
I don't want to ruin the storyline, but I will say that the politics on Winter are very reminiscent of Earthly politics, even though the concept of war doesn't exist. Apparently the people of Winter don't have the necessary testosterone to get into wars. Assassinations, political betrayals, and other unsavory things happen in abundance, though.
(SPOILER ALERT: Mild spoils ahead) This book is definitely worth multiple reads. It wrestles with Big Ideas like duality (between man & woman, man & nature) and sexuality. Ai has some moments of sexual tension with "women," but the fact that they could just as easily have become men hovers over these experiences, and the book ends without him getting any poontang. Perhaps a modern book would've wrestled even more with the sexual ambiguity Ai faced in his time on the planet. But, this was written in the sixties, during the time when Le Guin was still writing as "an honorary man, and not as a woman" (almost a direct quote), so she probably didn't want to delve too deep into an aspect of the book that might become too weird for many of her readers.
Anyway, I loved this book, and I expect I'll be reading a lot more of Le Guin's work in the future. A lot of science fiction revels in the foreign-ness of other planets and other life forms; in The Left Hand of Darkness, Le Guin revels in the same-ness of this other planets experience of living. I recommend this book very highly. ...more
World War II was won by the Germans. Now, most of the world is divided up between the Nazi party and Japan. American culture has been overriden by theWorld War II was won by the Germans. Now, most of the world is divided up between the Nazi party and Japan. American culture has been overriden by the cultures in power (for instance, just about everyone uses the I Ching to make decisions). There is no new American art, although there's a large demand for relics from earlier time periods, such as old American guns, Mickey Mouse watches, etc.
In this world, an author has written a book imagining what the world would be like if the Allies had won the war called The Grasshopper Lies Heavy. It's highly controversial, and in Nazi territory, it's illegal to read or to own.
I enjoyed seeing how the different characters' stories ended up interweaving by the end of the book, and it was fun seeing this reimagining of the world. Considering how short this book was and how many protagonists it has, Philip Dick has done well at making all of them complex characters.
The only critisism I have for this book is that Dick's use of language for a couple of the main characters is off-putting and hard to follow. And, for such a short book, it's rather slow. This is, in part, because you keep meeting new main characters for almost half the book's length. Everything ends up coming together, however, and the last half of the book was much more fun.
This was the first Dick book I've read (I just had to say it. I know, I'm mentally in fourth grade.), and I'm still up in the air about him. I've heard some very good things, so I'm going to keep reading him, but I'm in no hurry to jump into the next book. I think it's time for something light and goofy. Then, maybe I'll return to Bas-Lag....more
If only I'd known about this book when I was a kid. I enjoyed it as an adult, but I would've loved it back when I was devouring the Chronicles of NarnIf only I'd known about this book when I was a kid. I enjoyed it as an adult, but I would've loved it back when I was devouring the Chronicles of Narnia. It's about three children who stumble their way into an epic battle for good and evil, searching for the holy grail. The children are charming, the story moves swiftly enough, the badguys are menacing, and everything wraps up in about 200 pages. Translation: this was a fun read.
That said, there was nothing here that I found especially surprising. Events were somewhat predictable and no characters in particular stood out as especially memorable. Hence the three star rating. I'm a harsh grader.
I enjoyed this book enough that I'll definitely continue reading the series soon. ...more
I was quite skeptical of this book for the first third or so, but it ended up being pretty good. This is Irving's first novel, and is definitely the wI was quite skeptical of this book for the first third or so, but it ended up being pretty good. This is Irving's first novel, and is definitely the weakest of his books I've yet to read, but it's still a memorable book. ...more
In Cold Blood was a rare combination: it was a "page turner" that kept me wrapped in the mystery of the crime throughout, and it was also a book withIn Cold Blood was a rare combination: it was a "page turner" that kept me wrapped in the mystery of the crime throughout, and it was also a book with marvellous depth and richness. I recommend this very highly. It's the best book I've read in a long time....more
There were some elements of this book I liked quite a bit. The characters stumble through a dangerous world peopled by eccentrics who are, often as noThere were some elements of this book I liked quite a bit. The characters stumble through a dangerous world peopled by eccentrics who are, often as not, dangerous. The book builds to a surprising and dark conclusion that, in my opinion, disappointed.
I really enjoy the work of this author. But, this is an earlier and weaker offering than what I've read by him before.
A singsong story by Edward Gorey full of cheerful black and grey illustrations
each one of a kid at the moment they did meet a tragic and early terminatiA singsong story by Edward Gorey full of cheerful black and grey illustrations
each one of a kid at the moment they did meet a tragic and early termination.
By wolf maw and knife they depart from this life, by drowning, falling and decapitation
until each one is slewn and their bodies are strewn all about Gorey's morbid imagination.
The funniest aspect of this, I believe, is the way each picture shows the child right before the tragedy occurs. For instance, the girl about to die of poisoning is shown sitting down with her hand on her tummy, making a slightly worried face. The girl who gets impaled is shown tossing a big metal rod up in the air. And I just love the little boy that dies of ennui. ...more