Svidrigailov took out the revolver and cocked it. Achilles THE SAME DAY, about seven oclock in the evening, Raskolnikov was on his way to his mothers and raised his eyebrows.
sisters lodgingthe lodging in Bakaleyevs house
I say, this is not the place for such jokes!
which Razumihin had found for them. The stairs went up
Why shouldnt it be the place?
from the street. Raskolnikov walked with lagging steps, as
Because it isnt.
though still hesitating whether to go or not. But nothing
Well, brother, I dont mind that. Its a good place. When would have turned him back: his decision was taken. you are asked, you just say he was going, he said, to
Besides, it doesnt matter, they still know nothing, he America.
thought, and they are used to thinking of me as eccenHe put the revolver to his right temple. tric.
You cant do it here, its not the place, cried Achilles, He was appallingly dressed: his clothes torn and dirty, rousing himself, his eyes growing bigger and bigger. soaked with a nights rain. His face was almost distorted Svidrigailov pulled the trigger.
from fatigue, exposure, the inward conflict that had lasted for twenty-four hours. He had spent all the previous night alone, God knows where. But anyway he had reached a decision.
He knocked at the door which was opened by his mother. Dounia was not at home. Even the servant happened to be out. At first Pulcheria Alexandrovna was speechless with Crime and Punishment
joy and surprise; then she took him by the hand and drew ning to and fro as though I were crazy ? I am reading your him into the room.
article in the magazine for the third time, Rodya. Dmitri
Here you are! she began, faltering with joy. Dont be Prokofitch brought it to me. Directly I saw it I cried out to angry with me, Rodya, for welcoming you so foolishly with myself, there, foolish one, I thought, thats what he is busy tears: I am laughing not crying. Did you think I was crying?
about; thats the solution of the mystery! Learned people No, I am delighted, but Ive got into such a stupid habit of are always like that. He may have some new ideas in his shedding tears. Ive been like that ever since your fathers head just now; he is thinking them over and I worry him death. I cry for anything. Sit down, dear boy, you must be and upset him. I read it, my dear, and of course there was tired; I see you are. Ah, how muddy you are.
a great deal I did not understand; but thats only natural
I was in the rain yesterday, mother . Raskolnikov behow should I?
Show me, mother.
No, no, Pulcheria Alexandrovna hurriedly interrupted, Raskolnikov took the magazine and glanced at his article.
you thought I was going to cross-question you in the womIncongruous as it was with his mood and his circumstances, anish way I used to; dont be anxious, I understand, I unhe felt that strange and bitter sweet sensation that every derstand it all: now Ive learned the ways here an truly I see author experiences the first time he sees himself in print; for myself that they are better. Ive made up my mind once besides, he was only twenty-three. It lasted only a moment. for all: how could I understand your plans and expect you After reading a few lines he frowned and his heart throbbed to give an account of them? God knows what concerns and with anguish. He recalled all the inward conflict of the preplans you may have, or what ideas you are hatching; so its ceding months. He flung the article on the table with disnot for me to keep nudging your elbow, asking you what gust and anger.
you are thinking about. But, my goodness! why am I runBut, however foolish I may be, Rodya, I can see for Fyodor Dostoevsky
myself that you will very soon be one of the leadingif not consideration. I am not complaining. She has her ways and the leading manin the world of Russian thought. And they I have mine; she seems to have got some secrets of late and dared to think you were mad! You dont know, but they I never have any secrets from you two. Of course, I am really thought that. Ah, the despicable creatures, how could sure that Dounia has far too much sense, and besides she they understand genius! And Dounia, Dounia was all but loves you and me but I dont know what it will all lead to. believing itwhat do you say to that! Your father sent twice Youve made me so happy by coming now, Rodya, but she to magazinesthe first time poems (Ive got the manuscript has missed you by going out; when she comes in Ill tell and will show you) and the second time a whole novel (I her: your brother came in while you were out. Where have begged him to let me copy it out) and how we prayed that you been all this time? You mustnt spoil me, Rodya, you they should be takenthey werent! I was breaking my heart, know; come when you can, but if you cant, it doesnt matRodya, six or seven days ago over your food and your clothes ter, I can wait. I shall know, anyway, that you are fond of and the way you are living. But now I see again how foolish me, that will be enough for me. I shall read what you write, I was, for you can attain any position you like by your intelI shall hear about you from every one, and sometimes youll lect and talent. No doubt you dont care about that for the come yourself to see me. What could be better? Here present and you are occupied with much more important youve come now to comfort your mother, I see that.
Here Pulcheria Alexandrovna began to cry.
Dounias not at home, mother?
Here I am again! Dont mind my foolishness. My goodNo, Rodya. I often dont see her; she leaves me alone. ness, why am I sitting here? she cried, jumping up. There Dmitri Prokofitch comes to see me, its so good of him, is coffee and I dont offer you any. Ah, thats the selfishand he always talks about you. He loves you and respects ness of old age. Ill get it at once!
you, my dear. I dont say that Dounia is very wanting in
Mother, dont trouble, I am going at once. I havent Crime and Punishment
come for that. Please listen to me.
ing him to her bosom and weeping gently. Pulcheria Alexandrovna went up to him timidly.
I dont know what is wrong with you, Rodya, she said
Mother, whatever happens, whatever you hear about me, at last. Ive been thinking all this time that we were simply whatever you are told about me, will you always love me as boring you and now I see that there is a great sorrow in you do now? he asked suddenly from the fulness of his store for you, and thats why you are miserable. Ive foreheart, as though not thinking of his words and not weighing seen it a long time, Rodya. Forgive me for speaking about them.
it. I keep thinking about it and lie awake at nights. Your
Rodya, Rodya, what is the matter? How can you ask me sister lay talking in her sleep all last night, talking of nothing such a question? Why, who will tell me anything about but you. I caught something, but I couldnt make it out. I you? Besides, I shouldnt believe any one, I should refuse felt all the morning as though I were going to be hanged, to listen.
waiting for something, expecting something, and now it has
Ive come to assure you that Ive always loved you and I come! Rodya, Rodya, where are you going? You are going am glad that we are alone, even glad Dounia is out, he away somewhere?
went on with the same impulse. I have come to tell you
that though you will be unhappy, you must believe that
Thats what I thought! I can come with you, you know, your son loves you now more than himself, and that all you if you need me. And Dounia, too; she loves you, she loves thought about me, that I was cruel and didnt care about you dearlyand Sofya Semyonovna may come with us if you, was all a mistake. I shall never cease to love you . you like. You see, I am glad to look upon her as a daughter Well, thats enough: I thought I must do this and begin even Dmitri Prokofitch will help us to go together. But with this .
where are you going?
Pulcheria Alexandrovna embraced him in silence, pressGood-bye, mother.
What, to-day? she cried, as though losing him for ever. been crying lately, its that my mothers heart had a foreI cant stay, I must go now .
boding of trouble. The first time I saw you, that evening
And cant I come with you?
you remember, as soon as we arrived here, I guessed simNo, but kneel down and pray to God for me. Your prayer ply from your eyes. My heart sank at once, and to-day when perhaps will reach Him.
I opened the door and looked at you, I thought the fatal
Let me bless you and sign you with the cross. Thats hour had come. Rodya, Rodya, you are not going away toright, thats right. Oh, God, what are we doing?
Yes, he was glad, he was very glad that there was no one
there, that he was alone with his mother. For the first time
Youll come again?
after all those awful months his heart was softened. He fell
Yes Ill come.
down before her, he kissed her feet and both wept, emRodya, dont be angry, I dont dare to question you. I bracing. And she was not surprised and did not question know I mustnt. Only say two words to meis it far where him this time. For some days she had realised that someyou are going?
thing awful was happening to her son and that now some
terrible minute had come for him.
What is awaiting you there? Some post or career for
Rodya, my darling, my first born, she said sobbing, now you?
you are just as when you were little. You would run like
What God sends only pray for me. Raskolnikov went this to me and hug me and kiss me. When your father was to the door, but she clutched him and gazed despairingly living and we were poor, you comforted us simply by being into his eyes. Her face worked with terror. with us and when I buried your father, how often we wept
Enough, mother, said Raskolnikov, deeply regretting together at his grave and embraced, as now. And if Ive that he had come.
Crime and Punishment
Not for ever, its not yet for ever? Youll come, youll
I feel weak, Dounia, I am very tired; and I should have come to-morrow?
liked at this moment to be able to control myself.
I will, I will, good-bye. He tore himself away at last. He glanced at her mistrustfully.
It was a warm, fresh, bright evening; it had cleared up in
Where were you all night?
the morning. Raskolnikov went to his lodgings; he made
I dont remember clearly. You see, sister, I wanted to haste. He wanted to finish all before sunset. He did not make up my mind once for all, and several times I walked want to meet any one till then. Going up the stairs he noby the Neva, I remember that I wanted to end it all there, ticed that Nastasya rushed from the samovar to watch him but I couldnt make up my mind, he whispered, lookintently. Can any one have come to see me? he woning at her mistrustfully again. dered. He had a disgusted vision of Porfiry. But opening
Thank God! That was just what we were afraid of, Sofya his door he saw Dounia. She was sitting alone, plunged in Semyonovna and I. Then you still have faith in life? Thank deep thought, and looked as though she had been waiting God, thank God!
a long time. He stopped short in the doorway. She rose Raskolnikov smiled bitterly.
from the sofa in dismay and stood up facing him. Her eyes
I havent faith, but I have just been weeping in mothers fixed upon him, betrayed horror and infinite grief. And arms; I havent faith, but I have just asked her to pray for from those eyes alone he saw at once that she knew. me. I dont know how it is, Dounia, I dont understand it.
Am I to come in or go away? he asked uncertainly.
Have you been at mothers? Have you told her? cried
Ive been all day with Sofya Semyonovna. We were both waitDounia, horror-stricken. Surely you havent done that?
ing for you. We thought that you would be sure to come there.
No, I didnt tell her in words; but she understood a Raskolnikov went into the room and sank exhausted on great deal. She heard you talking in your sleep. I am sure a chair.
she half understands it already. Perhaps I did wrong in go-Fyodor Dostoevsky ing to see her. I dont know why I did go. I am a contemptYou are crying, sister, but can you hold out your hand ible person, Dounia.
A contemptible person, but ready to face suffering! You
You doubted it?
are, arent you?
She threw her arms round him.
Yes, I am going. At once. Yes, to escape the disgrace I
Arent you half expiating your crime by facing the sufthought of drowning myself, Dounia, but as I looked into fering! she cried, holding him close and kissing him. the water, I thought that if I had considered myself strong
Crime? What crime? he cried in sudden fury. That I till now Id better not be afraid of disgrace, he said, hurrykilled a vile noxious insect, an old pawnbroker woman, of ing on. Its pride, Dounia.
use to no one! Killing her was atonement for forty sins.
She was sucking the life out of poor people. Was that a There was a gleam of fire in his lustreless eyes; he seemed crime? I am not thinking of it and I am not thinking of to be glad to think that he was still proud. expiating it, and why are you all rubbing it in on all sides?
You dont think, sister, that I was simply afraid of the
A crime! a crime! Only now I see clearly the imbecility of water? he asked, looking into her face with a sinister smile. my cowardice, now that I have decided to face this superOh, Rodya, hush! cried Dounia bitterly. Silence lasted fluous disgrace. Its simply because I am contemptible and for two minutes. He sat with his eyes fixed on the floor; have nothing in me that I have decided to, perhaps too for Dounia stood at the other end of the table and looked at my advantage, as that Porfiry suggested!
him with anguish. Suddenly he got up.
Brother, brother, what are you saying! Why, you have
Its late, its time to go! I am going at once to give myself shed blood! cried Dounia in despair.
up. But I dont know why I am going to give myself up.
Which all men shed, he put in almost frantically, which Big tears fell down her cheeks.
flows and has always flowed in streams, which is spilt like Crime and Punishment
champagne, and for which men are crowned in the Capitol clearly than now, and I am further than ever from seeing and are called afterwards benefactors of mankind. Look that what I did was a crime. Ive never, never been stronger into it more carefully and understand it! I too wanted to do and more convinced than now.
good to men and would have done hundreds, thousands The colour had rushed into his pale exhausted face, but of good deeds to make up for that one piece of stupidity, as he uttered his last explanation, he happened to meet not stupidity even, simply clumsiness, for the idea was by Dounias eyes and he saw such anguish in them that he no means so stupid as it seems now that it has failed . could not help being checked. He felt that he had any way (Everything seems stupid when it fails.) By that stupidity I made these two poor women miserable, that he was any only wanted to put myself into an independent position, to way the cause
take the first step, to obtain means, and then everything
Dounia darling, if I am guilty forgive me (though I canwould have been smoothed over by benefits immeasurnot be forgiven if I am guilty). Good-bye! We wont disable in comparison . But I I couldnt carry out even the pute. Its time, high time to go. Dont follow me, I beseech first step, because I am contemptible, thats whats the you, I have somewhere else to go . But you go at once matter! And yet I wont look at it as you do. If I had sucand sit with mother. I entreat you to! Its my last request of ceeded I should have been crowned with glory, but now you. Dont leave her at all; I left her in a state of anxiety, Im trapped.
that she is not fit to bear; she will die or go out of her mind.
But thats not so, not so! Brother, what are you saying.
Be with her! Razumihin will be with you. Ive been talking
Ah, its not picturesque, not aesthetically attractive! I fail to him . Dont cry about me: Ill try to be honest and to understand why bombarding people by regular siege is manly all my life, even if I am a murderer. Perhaps I shall more honourable. The fear of appearances is the first sympsome day make a name. I wont disgrace you, you will see; tom of impotence. Ive never, never recognised this more Ill still show . Now good-bye for the present, he con-Fyodor Dostoevsky cluded hurriedly, noticing again a strange expression in any better what they are for, when I am crushed by hardDounias eyes at his last words and promises. Why are ships and idiocy, and weak as an old man after twenty years
you crying? Dont cry, dont cry: we are not parting for penal servitude? And what shall I have to live for then?
ever! Ah, yes! Wait a minute, Id forgotten!
Why am I consenting to that life now? Oh, I knew I was He went to the table, took up a thick dusty book, opened contemptible when I stood looking at the Neva at daybreak it and took from between the pages a little water-colour to-day!
portrait on ivory. It was the portrait of his landladys daughAt last they both went out. It was hard for Dounia, but ter, who had died of fever, that strange girl who had wanted she loved him. She walked away, but after going fifty paces to be a nun. For a minute he gazed at the delicate expresshe turned round to look at him again. He was still in sight. sive face of his betrothed, kissed the portrait and gave it to At the corner he too turned and for the last time their eyes Dounia.
met; but noticing that she was looking at him, he motioned
I used to talk a great deal about it to her, only to her, he her away with impatience and even vexation, and turned said thoughtfully. To her heart I confided much of what the corner abruptly.
has since been so hideously realised. Dont be uneasy, he
I am wicked, I see that, he thought to himself, feeling returned to Dounia, she was as much opposed to it as ashamed a moment later of his angry gesture to Dounia. you, and I am glad that she is gone. The great point is that
But why are they so fond of me if I dont deserve it? Oh, everything now is going to be different, is going to be broif only I were alone and no one loved me and I too had ken in two, he cried, suddenly returning to his dejection. never loved any one! Nothing of all this would have hapEverything, everything, and am I prepared for it? Do I pened. But I wonder shall I in those fifteen or twenty years want it myself? They say it is necessary for me to suffer!
grow so meek that I shall humble myself before people Whats the object of these senseless sufferings? shall I know and whimper at every word that I am a criminal. Yes, thats Crime and Punishment
it, thats it, thats what they are sending me there for, thats