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Quotes About Humour

Quotes tagged as "humour" (showing 961-990 of 3,000)
Cassandra Clare
“Is this one of those days where we all stalk out in fury? Because I simply haven't got the energy for it.”
Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Prince

David Wong
“John, let me make one thing clear,” Jim said, cutting me off in his most stern, evangelical voice. “Every man is blessed with his gifts from the Lord. One of mine happens to be a penis large enough that, if it had a penis of its own, my penis’ penis would be larger than your penis.”.....
..."Fuck all of you,” John retorted. “You don’t even exist. We’re all just a figment of my cock’s imagination.”
David Wong, John Dies at the End

Terry Pratchett
“Colon thought Carrot was simple. Carrot often struck people as simple. And he was.
Where people went wrong was thinking that simple meant the same thing as stupid.”
Terry Pratchett, Men at Arms

Cherise Sinclair
“You're very lovely, gatita."
Her brows pulled together, and she gave him a skeptical stare.
"Do not look at your master as if he's an idiot.”
Cherise Sinclair, To Command and Collar

Elizabeth Scott
“Are you reading?" I say. It's not that I don't think Finn can read or anything, but it's just - well, not what I expected to see. I figured Finn spent his time doing whatever it is guys who aren't Josh do when they aren't in school. Burping, or something.
"Try not to look so surprised," Finn says. "I read. I can count to ten. Sometimes I can even spell my own name.”
Elizabeth Scott, Something, Maybe

Kristi Cook
“What happened?" he asked brusquely, interrupting me.

"What do you mean, what happened?"

"I sensed your fear, heard you call out my name."

"I...no, I didn't." Stone Wall, I told myself. Great Wall of China, around my thoughts.

"The Great Wall of China isn't going to do it, Violet. Come on, tell me what happened.”
Kristi Cook, Haven

Robyn Carr
“Marry me. You'll learn to love me, I promise.”
Robyn Carr, Sunrise Point

Andrew McEwan
“The worst mistake a writer can make is to assume everyone has an imagination.”
Andrew McEwan

Michael J. Sullivan
“I just want to say, for the record, as far as Royal protectors go, you're not very good."
"It's my first day," Royce replied dryly.
"And already I am trapped in a timeless prison. I shudder to think what might have happened if you had a whole week.”
Michael J. Sullivan, The Crown Conspiracy

“Where's your sense of adventure?

It died under mysterious circumstances. My sense of self-preservation found the body, but assures me it has an airtight alibi.
-Captain Tagon & Captain Andreyasn”
Howard Tayler, Resident Mad Scientist

Jerome K. Jerome
“What the eye does not see, the stomach does not get upset over”
Jerome K. Jerome

Elizabeth Scott
“Okay, I guess you can come in."
"Um, Hannah, you have to, you know, open the front door so I can actually come in."
"I thought you were going to - you're standing under my window. Aren't you supposed to climb up here or something?"
"My ladder's at home. Also, you call throwing rocks at your window clichéd?”
Elizabeth Scott, Something, Maybe

Christy Reece
“Okay, babe, I'm here.”
The front door smashed opened, slamming against the wall—the man didn't know how to turn a knob?
Christy Reece, Rescue Me

“Maxim 29:
The enemy of my enemy is my enemy's enemy. No more. No less.

-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries”
Howard Tayler

Margaret Cho
“Am I gay, am I straight? No, I'm just slutty. So, where's my parade? What about slut pride.”
Margaret Cho

Sylvia Townsend Warner
“She was heavier than he expected - women always are.”
Sylvia Townsend Warner, Kingdoms of Elfin

Benny Bellamacina
“When the road ahead seems impossible, start the engine”
Benny Bellamacina, Piddly Poems for Children

Kate Beaton
“Blasted spam pigeons!”
Kate Beaton, Hark! A Vagrant

Simon R. Green
“What the hell are you doing here? You weren't on the guest list. Hell, you people aren't on anybody's guest list. If you turned up at a funeral, the corpse would walk out on you.”
Simon R. Green, Deathstalker Rebellion

Benny Bellamacina
“Free your mind from routine, keep your brain somewhere else”
Benny Bellamacina

John Patrick Lowrie
“Polysyllables obfuscate a preponderant ignorance with so much more style and panache.”
John Patrick Lowrie, Dancing With Eternity

“Judging by the sounds of general panic, I want a gun like that.”
Howard Tayler, Under New Management

Robin Mellom
“Men are scumbags until they prove they're women.”
Robin Mellom, Ditched: A Love Story

“Lentokonesuihkuturbiinimoottoriapumekaanikkoaliupseerioppilas (technical warrant officer trainee specialised in aircraft jet engines)”
Tarja Moles, Xenophobe's Guide to the Finns

Douglas Coupland
“You know what the best thing is about the end of the day? Tomorrow, it starts all over again.”
Douglas Coupland, JPod
tags: humour

Melissa F. Miller
“She was tempted to take the elevator instead of the stairs just this once. But that was how it started. Take the elevator tonight because she was tired and her feet hurt from having been trapped in three-inch stilettos all day, and then tomorrow she'd want to take it because she was running late. Then, the next thing she knew she'd be taking elevators all over the place because she got winded climbing stairs.”
Melissa F. Miller, Inadvertent Disclosure

Stewart Hennessey
“...some men say get them crying on your shoulder and you have the sheets half-unfurled already. Other fellows say get them laughing. I say get them drunk. I ordered up more Riesling...”
Stewart Hennessey, Comrade Fox: Low-living in Revolutionary Russia

Anna White
“Now I know this is going to seem counter to every instinct that you have, but I'm going to ask you to sit still, or I'll put you in the trunk.”
Anna White, The Light and Fallen

Annabel Joseph
“Oh my God. Party punch. He’d brought a woman with the social age of twelve to the Citadel. He deserved everything he got.”
Annabel Joseph, Cirque de Minuit

Agatha Christie
“Bottled, was he?" Said Colonel Bantry, with an Englishman's sympathy for alcoholic excess. "Oh, well, can't judge a fellow by what he does when he's drunk? When I was at Cambridge, I remember I put a certain utensil - well - well, nevermind.”
Agatha Christie, The Body in the Library

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