Quotes About Humor

Quotes tagged as "humor" (showing 181-210 of 3,000)
Rick Riordan
“Don't feel bad, I'm usually about to die.”
Rick Riordan, The Battle of the Labyrinth

Cassandra Clare
“Must you go? I was rather hoping you'd stay and be a ministering angel, but if you must go, you must."

"I'll stay," Will said a bit crossly, and threw himself down in the armchair Tessa had just vacated. "I can minister angelically."

"None too convincingly. And you're not as pretty to look at as Tessa is," Jem said, closing his eyes as he leaned back against the pillow.

"How rude. Many who have gazed upon me have compared the experience to gazing at the radiance of the sun."

Jem still had his eyes closed. "If they mean it gives you a headache, they aren't wrong.”
Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Angel

Cassandra Clare
“I thought I'd lie on the floor and writhe in pain for a while," he grunted, "It relaxes me."
"It does? Oh - you're being sarcastic. That's a good sign probably.”
Cassandra Clare, City of Ashes

Voltaire
“It is forbidden to kill; therefore all murderers are punished unless they kill in large numbers and to the sound of trumpets.”
Voltaire

Rick Riordan
“Dreams like a podcast,
Downloading truth in my ears.
They tell me cool stuff."
"Apollo?" I guess, because I figured nobody else could make a haiku that bad.
He put his finger to his lips. "I'm incognito. Call me Fred."
"A god named Fred?”
Rick Riordan

Orson Welles
“Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what’s for lunch.”
Orson Welles

Dr. Seuss
“I meant what I said and I said what I meant. An elephant's faithful one-hundred percent!”
Dr. Seuss, Horton Hatches the Egg

Suzanne Collins
“I'm going to wake Peeta," I say.
"No, wait," says Finnick. "Let's do it together. Put our faces right in front of his."
Well, there's so little opportunity for fun left in my life, I agree. We position ourselves on either side of Peeta, lean over until our faces are inches frim his nose, and give him a shake. "Peeta. Peeta, wake up," I say in a soft, singsong voice.
His eyelids flutter open and then he jumps like we've stabbed him. "Aa!"
Finnick and I fall back in the sand, laughing our heads off. Every time we try to stop, we look at Peeta's attempt to maintain a disdainful expression and it sets us off again.”
Suzanne Collins, Catching Fire

Cassandra Clare
“You're an idiot."
"I've never claimed to be otherwise.”
Cassandra Clare, City of Bones

Karen Marie Moning
“I love books, by the way, way more than movies. Movies tell you what to think. A good book lets you choose a few thoughts for yourself. Movies show you the pink house. A good book tells you there's a pink house and lets you paint some of the finishing touches, maybe choose the roof style,park your own car out front. My imagination has always topped anything a movie could come up with. Case in point, those darned Harry Potter movies. That was so not what that part-Veela-chick, Fleur Delacour, looked like.”
Karen Marie Moning, Darkfever

Neil Gaiman
“Most books on witchcraft will tell you that witches work naked. This is because most books on witchcraft were written by men.”
Neil Gaiman

Phyllis Diller
“A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.”
Phyllis Diller

Cassandra Clare
“Jace shook his blond head in exasperation.
"You had to make a crazy jail friend, didn't you? You couldn't just count ceiling tiles or tame a pet mouse like normal prisoners do?”
Cassandra Clare, City of Glass

Jay McInerney
“The capacity for friendship is God's way of apologizing for our families.”
Jay McInerney, The Last of the Savages

Cassandra Clare
“My rapier wit hides my inner pain.”
Cassandra Clare

Dorothy Parker
“If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.”
Dorothy Parker

George Bernard Shaw
“Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.”
George Bernard Shaw

Charles Lamb
“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.”
Charles Lamb

Eoin Colfer
“Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know.”
Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

John Green
“Headline?" he asked.
"'Swing Set Needs Home,'" I said.
"'Desperately Lonely Swing Set Needs Loving Home,'" he said.
"'Lonely, Vaguely Pedophilic Swing Set Seeks the Butts of Children,'" I said.”
John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

Nikolai Gogol
“The longer and more carefully we look at a funny story, the sadder it becomes.”
Nikolai Gogol

Lemony Snicket
“Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby- awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess.”
Lemony Snicket, Horseradish

Terry Pratchett
“Wisdom comes from experience. Experience is often a result of lack of wisdom.”
Terry Pratchett

Albert Einstein
“Black holes are where God divided by zero.”
Albert Einstein

Oscar Wilde
“I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.”
Oscar Wilde

Steve Martin
“Some people have a way with words, and other people...oh, uh, not have way.”
Steve Martin

J.K. Rowling
“Why are you worrying about YOU-KNOW-WHO, when you should be worrying about YOU-NO-POO? The constipation sensation that's gripping the nation!”
J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Cassandra Clare
“Magnus, standing by the door, snapped his fingers impatiently. "Move it along, teenagers. The only person who gets to canoodle in my bedroom is my magnificent self."
"Canoodle?" repeated Clary, never having heard the word before.
"Magnificent?" repeated Jace, who was just being nasty. Magnus growled. The growl sounded like "Get out.”
Cassandra Clare, City of Bones

J.K. Rowling
“An Unbreakable Vow?" said Ron, looking stunned. "Nah, he can’t have.... Are you sure?"
"Yes I’m sure," said Harry. "Why, what does it mean?"
"Well, you can’t break an Unbreakable Vow..."
"I’d worked that much out for myself, funnily enough.”
J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Oscar Wilde
“There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.”
Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

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