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Quotes About Humor

Quotes tagged as "humor" (showing 181-210 of 3,000)
Suzanne Collins
“I'm going to wake Peeta," I say.
"No, wait," says Finnick. "Let's do it together. Put our faces right in front of his."
Well, there's so little opportunity for fun left in my life, I agree. We position ourselves on either side of Peeta, lean over until our faces are inches frim his nose, and give him a shake. "Peeta. Peeta, wake up," I say in a soft, singsong voice.
His eyelids flutter open and then he jumps like we've stabbed him. "Aa!"
Finnick and I fall back in the sand, laughing our heads off. Every time we try to stop, we look at Peeta's attempt to maintain a disdainful expression and it sets us off again.”
Suzanne Collins, Catching Fire

Bette Midler
“The worst part of success is trying to find someone who is happy for you.”
Bette Midler

Cassandra Clare
“I don't want tea," said Clary, with muffled force. "I want to find my mother. And then I want to find out who took her in the first place, and I want to kill them."
"Unfortunately," said Hodge, "we're all out of bitter revenge at the moment, so it's either tea or nothing.”
Cassandra Clare, City of Bones

Charles Lamb
“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.”
Charles Lamb

Cassandra Clare
“Jace shook his blond head in exasperation.
"You had to make a crazy jail friend, didn't you? You couldn't just count ceiling tiles or tame a pet mouse like normal prisoners do?”
Cassandra Clare, City of Glass

Karen Marie Moning
“I love books, by the way, way more than movies. Movies tell you what to think. A good book lets you choose a few thoughts for yourself. Movies show you the pink house. A good book tells you there's a pink house and lets you paint some of the finishing touches, maybe choose the roof style,park your own car out front. My imagination has always topped anything a movie could come up with. Case in point, those darned Harry Potter movies. That was so not what that part-Veela-chick, Fleur Delacour, looked like.”
Karen Marie Moning, Darkfever

J.R.R. Tolkien
“Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not; or that you feel good this morning; or that it is a morning to be good on?”
J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit

Rick Riordan
“Dreams like a podcast,
Downloading truth in my ears.
They tell me cool stuff."
"Apollo?" I guess, because I figured nobody else could make a haiku that bad.
He put his finger to his lips. "I'm incognito. Call me Fred."
"A god named Fred?”
Rick Riordan

Cassandra Clare
“You're an idiot."
"I've never claimed to be otherwise.”
Cassandra Clare, City of Bones

Douglas Adams
“Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.”
Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

George Bernard Shaw
“Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.”
George Bernard Shaw

Albert Einstein
“Black holes are where God divided by zero.”
Albert Einstein

John Green
“Headline?" he asked.
"'Swing Set Needs Home,'" I said.
"'Desperately Lonely Swing Set Needs Loving Home,'" he said.
"'Lonely, Vaguely Pedophilic Swing Set Seeks the Butts of Children,'" I said.”
John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

Dorothy Parker
“If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.”
Dorothy Parker

Dave Barry
“You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.”
Dave Barry

Rick Riordan
“Don't feel bad, I'm usually about to die.”
Rick Riordan, The Battle of the Labyrinth

Steve Martin
“Some people have a way with words, and other people...oh, uh, not have way.”
Steve Martin

Nikolai Gogol
“The longer and more carefully we look at a funny story, the sadder it becomes.”
Nikolai Gogol

J.K. Rowling
“Ginny!" said Mr. Weasley, flabbergasted. "Haven't I taught you anything? What have I always told you? Never trust anything that can think for itself if you can't see where it keeps its brain?”
J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Neil Gaiman
“Most books on witchcraft will tell you that witches work naked. This is because most books on witchcraft were written by men.”
Neil Gaiman

Richelle Mead
“What's up?" I asked.

You tell me," he said. "You were the one about ready to start making out with Adrian."

It was an experiment," I said. "It was part of my therapy."

What the hell kind of therapy are you in?”
Richelle Mead, Shadow Kiss

Voltaire
“It is forbidden to kill; therefore all murderers are punished unless they kill in large numbers and to the sound of trumpets.”
Voltaire

Eoin Colfer
“Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know.”
Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

Cassandra Clare
“Magnus, standing by the door, snapped his fingers impatiently. "Move it along, teenagers. The only person who gets to canoodle in my bedroom is my magnificent self."
"Canoodle?" repeated Clary, never having heard the word before.
"Magnificent?" repeated Jace, who was just being nasty. Magnus growled. The growl sounded like "Get out.”
Cassandra Clare, City of Bones

J.K. Rowling
“Why are you worrying about YOU-KNOW-WHO, when you should be worrying about YOU-NO-POO? The constipation sensation that's gripping the nation!”
J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Oscar Wilde
“I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.”
Oscar Wilde

Terry Pratchett
“Wisdom comes from experience. Experience is often a result of lack of wisdom.”
Terry Pratchett

Oscar Wilde
“I have nothing to declare except my genius.”
Oscar Wilde

Mark Twain
“I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.”
Mark Twain

Terry Pratchett
“In the beginning there was nothing, which exploded.”
Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies

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