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Quotes About Humour

Quotes tagged as "humour" (showing 61-90 of 3,000)
Terry Pratchett
“It would seem that you have no useful skill or talent whatsoever," he said. "Have you thought of going into teaching?”
Terry Pratchett, Mort

Ally Carter
“the only way Bex would miss this would be if she were unconscious. And tied up. And in a concrete bunker. In Siberia.”
Ally Carter, Don't Judge a Girl by Her Cover

Gabriel Garcí­a Márquez
“my heart has more rooms in it than a whore house”
Gabriel Garcí­a Márquez

Carl Hiaasen
“Hey. Sometimes life is a shit flavored Popsicle.”
Carl Hiaasen, Nature Girl

Douglas Adams
“We are stuck with technology when what we really want is just stuff that works.”
Douglas Adams, The Salmon of Doubt

George Carlin
“When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.”
George Carlin

Jess C. Scott
“I felt like an animal, and animals don’t know sin, do they?”
Jess C. Scott, Wicked Lovely

Simone Elkeles
“This is a team of gay dudes, isn't it?"
What gave it away? The pink shirts, or half our team drooling over you?”
Simone Elkeles, Rules of Attraction

Caitlin Moran
“We need to reclaim the word 'feminism'. We need the word 'feminism' back real bad. When statistics come in saying that only 29% of American women would describe themselves as feminist - and only 42% of British women - I used to think, What do you think feminism IS, ladies? What part of 'liberation for women' is not for you? Is it freedom to vote? The right not to be owned by the man you marry? The campaign for equal pay? 'Vogue' by Madonna? Jeans? Did all that good shit GET ON YOUR NERVES? Or were you just DRUNK AT THE TIME OF THE SURVEY?”
Caitlin Moran, How to Be a Woman

Sophie Kinsella
“Darling, when things go wrong in life, you lift your chin, put on a ravishing smile, mix yourself a little cocktail...”
Sophie Kinsella

Marian Keyes
“Failed relationships can be described as so much wasted make-up.”
Marian Keyes, Watermelon

Jess C. Scott
“V-Day…if you need this one day in a year to show everyone else you truly care for “your loved one” I think it’s quite stupid. I hate this commercialism. It’s all artificial, and has nothing to do with real love.”
Jess C. Scott, EyeLeash: A Blog Novel

George Orwell
“On the whole human beings want to be good, but not too good, and not quite all the time.”
George Orwell, All Art is Propaganda: Critical Essays

Joss Whedon
“Make it dark, make it grim, make it tough, but then, for the love of God, tell a joke.”
Joss Whedon

Mindy Kaling
“There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.”
Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

Terry Pratchett
“Over the centuries, mankind has tried many ways of combating the forces of evil... prayer, fasting, good works and so on. Up until Doom, no one seemed to have thought about the double-barrel shotgun. Eat leaden death, demon...”
Terry Pratchett

Bill Hicks
“I'm tired of this back-slappin' "isn't humanity neat" bullshit. We're a virus with shoes.”
Bill Hicks

Niels Bohr
“Prediction is very difficult, especially about the future.”
Niels Bohr

Huntley Fitzpatrick
“Is Jase already gonna marry you?”

I start coughing again. “Uh, No. No, George. I’m only seventeen.” As if that’s the only reason we’re not engaged.

“I’m this many.” George holds up four, slightly grubby fingers. “But Jase is seventeen and a half. You could. Then you could live in here with him. And have a big family.”

Jase strides back into the room, of course, midway through this proposition. “George. Beat it. Discovery Channel is on.”

George backs out of the room but not before saying, “His bed’s really comfortable. And he never pees in it.”
Huntley Fitzpatrick, My Life Next Door

Cassandra Clare
“Oh, I can never get enough. Which, incidentally, is what your sister said when--”
Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Angel

Douglas Adams
“Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the western spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun. Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-two million miles is an utterly insignificant little blue green planet whose ape-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea.”
Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Steven Moffat
“Come on, Rory! It isn't rocket science, it's just quantum physics!
-The Doctor (Matt Smith)”
Steven Moffat

Friedrich Nietzsche
“Today as always, men fall into two groups: slaves and free men. Whoever does not have two-thirds of his day for himself, is a slave, whatever he may be: a statesman, a businessman, an official, or a scholar.”
Friedrich Nietzsche

J.R.R. Tolkien
“Yes, I am here. And you are lucky to be here too after all the absurd things you've done since you left home.”
J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

Douglas Adams
“We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!”
Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Stephen Chbosky
“Patrick actually used to be popular before Sam bought him some good music.”
Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Matt Groening
“Of course I’ve gone mad with power! Have you ever tried going mad without power? It’s boring and no one listens to you!
— Russ Cargill”
Matt Groening

Robert Jordan
“A man who trusts everyone is a fool and a man who trusts no one is a fool. We are all fools if we live long enough.”
Robert Jordan

Stephen Fry
“Language is my whore, my mistress, my wife, my pen-friend, my check-out girl. Language is a complimentary moist lemon-scented cleansing square or handy freshen-up wipette. Language is the breath of God, the dew on a fresh apple, it's the soft rain of dust that falls into a shaft of morning sun when you pull from an old bookshelf a forgotten volume of erotic diaries; language is the faint scent of urine on a pair of boxer shorts, it's a half-remembered childhood birthday party, a creak on the stair, a spluttering match held to a frosted pane, the warm wet, trusting touch of a leaking nappy, the hulk of a charred Panzer, the underside of a granite boulder, the first downy growth on the upper lip of a Mediterranean girl, cobwebs long since overrun by an old Wellington boot.”
Stephen Fry

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