Quotes About Humour

Quotes tagged as "humour" (showing 361-390 of 3,000)
Derek Landy
“I love you all, even those I don’t
particularly like. That’s you, Beryl.”
Derek Landy, Skulduggery Pleasant

J.K. Rowling
“Who's Kreacher?"
"The house-elf who lives here," said Ron. "Nutter. Never met one like him."
"He is not a nutter," said Hermione.
"His life's ambition is to have his head cut off and stuck up on a plaque like his mother", said Ron. "Is that normal, Hermione?”
J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Terry Pratchett
“If I were you, I'd sue my face for slander.”
Terry Pratchett, The Color of Magic

Kresley Cole
“You dress her in a wet T-shirt and make her carry the bags? Damn, Cade, I like how you roll" - Rok”
Kresley Cole, Dark Desires After Dusk

Jordan Castillo Price
“I'd blow someone for a valium," I said in Jacob's ear.
"Maybe he's got one... but try offering a hand-job first so you retain some leverage.”
Jordan Castillo Price, GhosTV

Mark Twain
“Most writers regard the truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are economical in its use.”
Mark Twain

Oscar Wilde
“Well I won't argue about the matter. You always want to argue about things.
That is exactly what things were originally made for.”
Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest

Richard Armour
“That money talks, I'll not deny, I heard it once: it said, 'goodbye”
Richard Armour

P.G. Wodehouse
“Love is a delicate plant that needs constant tending and nurturing, and this cannot be done by snorting at the adored object like a gas explosion and calling her friends lice.”
P.G. Wodehouse, Jeeves and the Feudal Spirit

Oscar Wilde
“He is really not so ugly after all, provided, of course, that one shuts one's eyes, and does not look at him.”
Oscar Wilde, A House of Pomegranates

Robert Clark
“When asked why I don't believe in God I reply, quite simply, "vaginas".”
Robert Clark

Carrie Fisher
“Actually,I am a failed anorexic. I have anorexic thinking, but I can't seem to muster the behavoir”
Carrie Fisher, Postcards from the Edge

Nick Hornby
“One day, maybe not in the next few weeks, but certainly in the conceivable future, someone will be able to refer to me without using the word 'arse' somewhere in the sentence. ”
Nick Hornby, High Fidelity

Sarah Rees Brennan
“Sometimes I feel better around you. I kind of like your face' -Nick”
Sarah Rees Brennan, The Demon's Covenant

Jennifer L. Armentrout
“I shot him a look. "That bouncer was really big."
His lips quirked. "Oh, Kitten, see, I try not to say bad things."
The grin spread. "I would say size doesn't matter but it does. I would know." he winked, and I let out a disgusted groan. He laughed.”
Jennifer L. Armentrout, Opal

Shirley Temple Black
“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.”
Shirley Temple Black

“As for butter versus margarine, I trust cows more than chemists.”
Joan Dye Gussow

Flann O'Brien
“You mean that because I have no name I cannot die and that you cannot be held answerable for death even if you kill me?"

"That is about the size of it," said the Sergeant.

I felt so sad and so entirely disappointed that tears came into my eyes and a lump of incommunicable poignancy swelled tragically in my throat. I began to feel intensely every fragment of my equal humanity. The life that was bubbling at the end of my fingers was real and nearly painful in intensity and so was the beauty of my warm face and the loose humanity of my limbs and the racy health of my red rich blood. To leave it all without good reason and to smash the little empire into small fragments was a thing too pitiful even to refuse to think about.”
Flann O'Brien, The Third Policeman

Diana Abu-Jaber
“Marry, don't marry,' Auntie Aya says as we unfold layers of dough to make an apple strudel.

Just don't have your babies unless it's absolutely necessary.'

How do I know if it's necessary?'

She stops and stares ahead, her hands gloved in flour. 'Ask yourself, Do I want a baby or do I want to make a cake? The answer will come to you like bells ringing.' She flickers her fingers in the air by her ear. 'For me, almost always, the answer was cake.”
Diana Abu-Jaber, The Language of Baklava: A Memoir

Eoin Colfer
“Doobie always wanted to see the badge. It was shiny, and he was eight.”
Eoin Colfer, Half Moon Investigations

J.K. Rowling
“But I don’t think I’ve ever known such a natural at Potions!” said Slughorn. “Instinctive, you know — like his mother! I’ve only ever taught a few with this kind of ability, I can tell you that, Sybill — why even Severus —”
And to Harry’s horror, Slughorn threw out an arm and seemed to scoop Snape out of thin air toward them.”
J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Quentin Crisp
“I am unable to believe in a God susceptible to prayer. I simply haven't the nerve to imagine a being, a force, a cause which keeps the planets revolving in their orbits, and then suddenly stops in order to give me a bicycle with three speeds.”
Quentin Crisp

Lindsay Buroker
“You can only fight one man at a time with a sword, but, with a pen, you can compose a lecture to bore legions of enemy troops to death.”
Lindsay Buroker, Blood and Betrayal

Rob Grant
“Step up to red alert."
Sir, are you absolutely sure? It does mean changing the bulb."
- Rimmer & Kryten, "Red Dwarf”
Rob Grant

Sachin Tendulkar
“People throw stones at you and you convert them into milestones.”
Sachin Tendulkar

Robert Clark
“Always buy pornographic books in hardback because they're easier to hold with one hand.”
Robert Clark

Huntley Fitzpatrick
“This is Sailor Supergirl,” George says. “She knows all about black holes.”
Huntley Fitzpatrick, My Life Next Door

Meg Cabot
“Cal: “Yesterday I was stuck in a car with you for eight hours.”
Bastard. I didn’t even sing along with the radio. Much.
Me: “Yeah. And?”
Cal: “Something happened.”
Me: “If you’re referring to my driving skills, may I just say I didn’t TOUCH that truck. What you felt was just the wind. We were going pretty fast. And there wasn’t even a scratch. I checked.”
Every Boy's Got One”
Meg Cabot

Michael Bassey Johnson
“Stupid religion makes stupid beliefs, stupid leaders make stupid rules, stupid environment makes stupid health, stupid companions makes stupid behaviour, stupid movies makes stupid acts, stupid food makes stupid skin, stupid bed makes stupid sleep, stupid ideas makes stupid decisions, stupid clothes makes stupid appearance. Lets get rid of stupidity from our stupid short lives.”
Michael Bassey Johnson

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