Quotes About Humour

Quotes tagged as "humour" (showing 901-930 of 3,000)
Dan Abnett
“If he speaks again without me knowing who he is, I will throw him out of the window. And I won't open it first.”
Dan Abnett, Xenos

Christopher Hitchens
“Very often the test of one's allegiance to a cause or to a people is precisely the willingness to stay the course when things are boring, to run the risk of repeating an old argument just one more time, or of going one more round with a hostile or (much worse) indifferent audience. I first became involved with the Czech opposition in 1968 when it was an intoxicating and celebrated cause. Then, during the depressing 1970s and 1980s I was a member of a routine committee that tried with limited success to help the reduced forces of Czech dissent to stay nourished (and published). The most pregnant moment of that commitment was one that I managed to miss at the time: I passed an afternoon with Zdenek Mlynar, exiled former secretary of the Czech Communist Party, who in the bleak early 1950s in Moscow had formed a friendship with a young Russian militant with an evident sense of irony named Mikhail Sergeyevitch Gorbachev. In 1988 I was arrested in Prague for attending a meeting of one of Vaclav Havel's 'Charter 77' committees. That outwardly exciting experience was interesting precisely because of its almost Zen-like tedium. I had gone to Prague determined to be the first visiting writer not to make use of the name Franz Kafka, but the numbing bureaucracy got the better of me. When I asked why I was being detained, I was told that I had no need to know the reason! Totalitarianism is itself a cliché (as well as a tundra of pulverizing boredom) and it forced the cliché upon me in turn. I did have to mention Kafka in my eventual story. The regime fell not very much later, as I had slightly foreseen in that same piece that it would. (I had happened to notice that the young Czechs arrested with us were not at all frightened by the police, as their older mentors had been and still were, and also that the police themselves were almost fatigued by their job. This was totalitarianism practically yawning itself to death.) A couple of years after that I was overcome to be invited to an official reception in Prague, to thank those who had been consistent friends through the stultifying years of what 'The Party' had so perfectly termed 'normalization.' As with my tiny moment with Nelson Mandela, a whole historic stretch of nothingness and depression, combined with the long and deep insult of having to be pushed around by boring and mediocre people, could be at least partially canceled and annealed by one flash of humor and charm and generosity.”
Christopher Hitchens, Hitch-22: A Memoir

Robyn Carr
“Whew,” he said. “You clean up good. You don’t look like the same girl.”
She frowned right before she laughed. “Do women usually thank you for saying things like that?”
Robyn Carr, Wild Man Creek

Terry Pratchett
“Someone has to do it. It's all very well calling for eye of newt, but do you mean Common, Spotted or Great Crested? Which eye, anyway? Will tapioca do just as well? If we substitute egg white will the spell a) work b) fail or c) melt the bottom out of the cauldron? Goodie Whemper's curiosity about such things was huge and insatiable*.

* Nearly insatiable. It was probably satiated in her last flight to test whether a broomstick could survive having its bristles pulled out one by one in mid-air. According to the small black raven she had trained as a flight recorder, the answer was almost certainly no.”
Terry Pratchett, Wyrd Sisters

Terry Pratchett
“The dwarfs can turn lead into gold...
It reached the pointy ears of the dwarfs.
-Can we?
-Damned if I know. I can't.
-Yeah, but if you could, you wouldn't say. I wouldn't say, if I could.
-Can you?
Terry Pratchett, The Truth

Bruce Coville
“Hey, Geekoid!" yelled Duncan Dougal, "Why do you read so much? Don't you know how to watch TV?”
Bruce Coville, My Teacher is an Alien

Chetan Bhagat
“pretty girls behave better when you ignore them.”
Chetan Bhagat

Darren Shan
“Because we live in a world under siege,” I say. “Life sucks for mages and magicians- you taught me that. Bad things happen to those of us who get involved, but if we didn't fight, we'd be in an even worse state. None of it it’s your fault, any more than it’s the fault of the moon or the stars.”
Dervish nods slowly, then arches an eyebrow “The moon or the stars?
“I always get poetic when I'm dealing with self-pitying simpletons.”
Darren Shan, Wolf Island

Gwendoline Riley
“He lies down next to me.
He says, 'You know - you have a face to die for/'
'Well, don't die,' I say, "we just met.”
Gwendoline Riley, Sick Notes
tags: humour, wit

“None of us like to think we are silly. But all must acknowledge that they are capable of silliness, from time to time”
Jude Morgan, Indiscretion

“Hello, IT... Have you tried turning it off and on again?... OK, well, the button on the side. Is it glowing?... Yeah, you need to turn it on.... Err, the button turns it on.... Yeah, you do know how a button works, don't you?... No, not on clothes... I'm sorry, are you from the past?”
Graham Linehan

“Steven Fry on The Da Vinci Code-
"It is complete loose stoolwater. It is arse-gravy of the worst kind.”
Steven Fry
tags: humour

Philip Larkin
“I'd like to think...that people in pubs would talk about my poems”
Philip Larkin
tags: humour

Paulo Coelho
“It's the oasis," said the camel driver.
"Well, why don't we go there right now?" the boy asked.
"Because we have to sleep.”
Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

A.A. Bell
“I don't need to travel back in time to cause trouble. Seeing back through time finds me trouble enough!”
A.A. Bell, Diamond Eyes

Elisa Paige
“The world is not full of crazy ninja perfume ladies!”
Elisa Paige, Shadowplay

Dan Brown
“Langdon turned to Sophie. "Who is that? What... happened?"
Teabing hobbled over. "You were rescued by a knight brandishing an Excalibur made by Acme Orthopedic.”
Dan Brown, The Da Vinci Code
tags: humour

“Staring at my smoldering hot date, her husband stands tall for the first time in a decade, adjusting his toupee while flashing a horrid green toothy grin that looks more like a Steven Hawkins muscle spasm. In his hands, a frightened beer bottle is choked with the steel grip of a sexually repressed Preacher.”
Brett Tate

Agatha Christie
“Oh! Do not excite yourself. Shall I say that he interested me because he was trying to grow a mustache and as yet the result is poor." Poirot stroked his own magnificent mustache tenderly. "It is an art," he murmured, "the growing of the mustache! I have sympathy for all who attempt it.”
Agatha Christie, Surprise Surprise

Robert Clark
“I was very surprised when last I bought a packet of cigarettes and had to request a refund as I read a warning that told me "smoking can cause fatal lung cancer".”
Robert Clark

“The past is truly an inoperable tumor that spreads to the present.”
― Steve Tolz

Melina Marchetta
“Mercy', Finnikin said, grinning from ear to ear. 'We're going to have a bed full of children and I'll have to holler out to my wife, "Hello there! It's been a long time since we last spoke!”
Melina Marchetta, Froi of the Exiles

Kingsley Amis
“When the bishop farted we were amused to hear about it. Should the ploughboy find treasure we must be told. But when the ploughboy farts... er... keep it to yourself.”
Kingsley Amis, Jake's Thing

Shannon K. Butcher
“Brooke?" he finally found the sense to ask. "What are you doing here?"
"I need a gun."
This was not how his dream was supposed to go.”
Shannon K. Butcher, The Mammoth Book of Special Ops Romance

Margaret Mitchell
“You're Ma's own blood son, but did she take on that time Tony Fontaine shot you in the leg? No, she just sent for old Doc Fontaine to dress it and asked the doctor what ailed Tony's aim. Said she guessed the licker was spoiling his marksmanship.”
Margaret Mitchell, Gone with the Wind

“I'm thinking that I shouldn't have filed my nails last night.”
Dara Torres

“Cider was my drink because I liked the taste and it made me stupid.”
Frank Skinner, Frank Skinner Autobiography
tags: humour

Clive Blake
“Please Note:
Although it is true that some have
been captured; we would like to
assure you that no thoughts, or
images, have been harmed during
the making of this book.”
Clive Blake, View Points and Points of View: A 'Phoetry Book' from Cornwall
tags: humour

“Kind of wonder.....if all dogs go to heaven, and cat's have 9 lives, is this god's way of toning down the chaos?”
― C.H. Hamel
tags: humour

Nick Hornby
“When someone uses the phrase ‘the prick one’, and you know immediately that this is a synonym for the word ‘metaphorically’, you are entitled to wonder whether you know the speaker too well. You are even entitled to wonder whether you should know her at all.”
Nick Hornby, A Long Way Down
tags: humour

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