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Quotes About Santa Claus

Quotes tagged as "santa-claus" (showing 1-30 of 30)
George Carlin
“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.”
George Carlin

Criss Jami
“The reality of loving God is loving him like he's a Superhero who actually saved you from stuff rather than a Santa Claus who merely gave you some stuff.”
Criss Jami, Killosophy

H.L. Mencken
“It is often argued that religion is valuable because it makes men good, but even if this were true it would not be a proof that religion is true. That would be an extension of pragmatism beyond endurance. Santa Claus makes children good in precisely the same way, and yet no one would argue seriously that the fact proves his existence. The defense of religion is full of such logical imbecilities. The theologians, taking one with another, are adept logicians, but every now and then they have to resort to sophistries so obvious that their whole case takes on an air of the ridiculous. Even the most logical religion starts out with patently false assumptions. It is often argued in support of this or that one that men are so devoted to it that they are willing to die for it. That, of course, is as silly as the Santa Claus proof. Other men are just as devoted to manifestly false religions, and just as willing to die for them. Every theologian spends a large part of his time and energy trying to prove that religions for which multitudes of honest men have fought and died are false, wicked, and against God.”
H.L. Mencken, Minority Report

Maggie Stiefvater
“Do you know, it's really hard to be a parent. I blame it on Santa Claus. You spend so long making sure your kid doesn't know he's fake that you can't tell when you're supposed to stop."
"Mom, I found you and Calla wrapping my presents when I was, like, six."
"It was a metaphor, Blue."
"A metaphor's supposed to clarify by providing an example. That didn't clarify."
"Do you know what I mean or not?"
"What you mean is that you're sorry you didn't tell me about Butternut."
Maura glowered at the door as if Calla stood behind it. "I wish you wouldn't call him that."
"If you'd been the one to tell me about him, then I wouldn't be using what Calla told me."
"Fair enough.”
Maggie Stiefvater, The Raven Boys

David Sedaris
“On a busy day twenty-two thousand people come to visit Santa, and I was told that it is an elf's lot to remain merry in the face of torment and adversity. I promised to keep that in mind.”
David Sedaris

Chuck Palahniuk
“By first believing in Santa Claus, then the Easter Bunny, then the Tooth Fairy, Rant Casey was recognizing that those myths are more than pretty stories and traditions to delight children. Or to modify behavior. Each of those three traditions asks a child to believe in the impossible in exchange for a reward. These are stepped-up tests to build a child's faith and imagination. The first test is to believe in a magical person, with toys as the reward. The second test is to trust in a magical animal, with candy as the reward. The last test is the most difficult, with the most abstract reward: To believe, trust in a flying fairy that will leave money.

From a man to an animal to a fairy.

From toys to candy to money. Thus, interestingly enough, transferring the magic of faith and trust from sparkling fairy-dom to clumsy, tarnished coins. From gossamer wings to nickels... dimes... and quarters.

In this way, a child is stepped up to greater feats of imagination and faith as he or she matures. Beginning with Santa in infancy, and ending with the Tooth Fairy as the child acquires adult teeth. Or, plainly put, beginning with all the possibility of childhood, and ending with an absolute trust in the national currency. ”
Chuck Palahniuk, Rant

Shirley Temple Black
“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.”
Shirley Temple Black

Andy Rooney
“We all ought to understand we're on our own. Believing in Santa Claus doesn't do kids any harm for a few years but it isn't smart for them to continue waiting all their lives for him to come down the chimney with something wonderful. Santa Claus and God are cousins.”
Andy Rooney, Sincerely, Andy Rooney

Francis Pharcellus Church
“Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies!”
Francis Pharcellus Church

Bil Keane
“God put Santa Claus on earth to remind us that Christmas is 'sposed to be a happy time.”
Bil Keane, Jeffy's Lookin' at Me

Jon Bon Jovi
“Believe in love. Believe in magic. Hell, believe in Santa Clause. Believe in others. Believe in yourself. Believe in your dreams. If you don’t, who will?”
Jon Bon Jovi

Charles M. Schulz
“You know, in a way, 'Dear Santa Claus' is rather stuffy... Perhaps something a little more intimate would be better... Something just a shade more friendly..."
"How about 'Dear Fatty'?”
Charles M. Schulz, The Complete Peanuts, Vol. 5: 1959-1960

Vera Nazarian
“Once upon a time, the Reindeer took a running leap and jumped over the Northern Lights.

But he jumped too low, and the long fur of his beautiful flowing tail got singed by the rainbow fires of the aurora.

To this day the reindeer has no tail to speak of. But he is too busy pulling the Important Sleigh to notice what is lost. And he certainly doesn’t complain.

What's your excuse?”
Vera Nazarian, The Perpetual Calendar of Inspiration

Richelle E. Goodrich
“Though I adore the idea of Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, Sandman, the Tooth Fairy, and such luminary characters—especially their altruism and devotion—I still don't believe in them.  For I know the truth.  Only one such miracle worker exists who performs magic in my life, seeing to my wants and needs without fail.  That queen is my mother.  With unwavering faith I believe in her.”
Richelle E. Goodrich, Smile Anyway: Quotes, Verse, & Grumblings for Every Day of the Year

Lemony Snicket
“The real Santa Claus is at the mall.”
Lemony Snicket, The Lump of Coal

On Christmas. "Santa Claus represents God on assistance," said Clyde.

"Santa Claus is a negative-idealed god, the pagan god of material worship," Leon stated. "Christmas means the rebirth, regeneration. Some people have Christmas every day. The Christmas tree stands up and either the wife trims it or they trim it together with righteous-idealed sexual intercourse. Or the husband prays to God through his Christmas tree and trims his bodily Christmas tree. Christ-mast; the mast of Christ, the upstanding penis—that's what it means to me."

"Santa Claus is a good symbolization for Christmas," said Joseph. "Department stores, shopping, the coming of the New Year. Christmas means better business in the stores.”
Milton Rokeach, The Three Christs of Ypsilanti: A Psychological Study

Laura Ingalls Wilder
“Ma!" she cried. "There is a Santa Claus, isn't there?"

"Of course there's a Santa Claus," said Ma.

"The older you are, the more you know about Santa Claus," she said. "You are so big now, you know he can't be just one man, don't you? You know he is everywhere on Christmas Eve. He is in the Big Woods, and in Indian Territory, and far away in York State, and here. He comes down all the chimneys at the same time. You know that, don't you?"

"Yes, Ma," said Mary and Laura.

"Well," said Ma. "Then you see--"

"I guess he is like angels," Mary said, slowly. And Laura could see that, just as well as Mary could.

Then Ma told them something else about Santa Claus. He was everywhere, and besides that, he was all the time.

Whenever anyone was unselfish, that was Santa Claus.

Christmas Eve was the time when everybody was unselfish. On that one night, Santa Claus was everywhere, because everybody, all together, stopped being selfish and wanted other people to be happy. And in the morning you saw what that had done.

"If everybody wanted everybody else to be happy all the time, then would it be Christmas all the time?" Laura asked, and Ma said, "Yes, Laura.”
Laura Ingalls Wilder

Soraya Diase Coffelt
“I discovered that the real meaning of Christmas has nothing to do with you at all. It is about a very special gift. I want to you tell you about this gift.”
Soraya Diase Coffelt, It's Not about You Mr. Santa Claus: A Love Letter about the True Meaning of Christmas

“Santa Claus is a lie but if you think that's bad, check out what 'fuck' really means.”
Andrew Smith, Moondust: In Search of the Men Who Fell to Earth

Thomm Quackenbush
“The whole concept of some stranger making his way down our chimney - not that we had one - suggested burglary more readily than generosity. Any Santa who tried it would have gotten a bullet in his holly, jolly keister.”
Thomm Quackenbush, Of Christmas Present

Jarod Kintz
“The tickets are north of 50 dollars. Santa Claus is also north.”
Jarod Kintz, Sleepwalking is restercise

Michael Diack
“Nonsense, this is my home and I must defend it. It’s time for Santa to get serious.”
Michael Diack, The Super Spud Trilogy

Thomm Quackenbush
“We half-eat cookies and drink the milk, we leave notes, all so kids will believe in something that isn’t true. Kids try their best to scientifically determine whether Santa's real and our whole culture feeds them false evidence. We dupe them.”
Thomm Quackenbush, Of Christmas Present

“Oh, and you must not forget the Kris Kringle. The child must believe in him until she reaches the age of six."

" I KNOW there is not Santa Claus."

"Yet you must teach the child that these things are so."

"Why? When I, myself, do not believe?"

"Because...the child must have a valuable things which is called imagination. The child must have a secret world in which [to] live things that never were. It is necessary that she BELIEVE. She must start out believing in things not of this world. Then when the world becomes too ugly for living in, the child can reach back and live in her imagination.”
Betty Smith, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn

Hillary DePiano
“MURRY: I believe in a lot of things. Santa Claus, magic, vampires, and even ghosts but I don't believe in luck. Good or bad.”
Hillary DePiano, New Year's Thieve

Thomm Quackenbush
“I have never tried to walk through a mall in the Christmas season dressed like a jolly old elf. You might as well dress up like a pork chop and walk into an alley full of starving dogs.”
Thomm Quackenbush, Of Christmas Present

“Why thanks", Santa said. "you're awfully kind... (Though they are a bit snug ... on my ample behind."
"Don't worry," I told him, "you'll be all right...
Besides you'll need them Christmas Eve night."
So laying a finger aside of his nose
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose.
But I heard him exclaim ere he drove out of sight...
"They've RIPPED!
I knew these pants were too tight!”
Jim Harris, Dinosaur's Night Before Christmas

Soraya Diase Coffelt
“[It's Not About You, Mr. Santa Claus,] is a fun read and a twist on Christmas, because it does involve Santa Claus and Jesus, and it doesn’t say that Santa Claus is bad, but it’s the child explaining to Santa Claus the true reason for the season is Jesus.”
Soraya Diase Coffelt, It's Not about You Mr. Santa Claus: A Love Letter about the True Meaning of Christmas

“The three phases of Santa belief:
(1) Santa is real.
(2) Santa isn't real.
(3) Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.”
Alton Thompson

“Notice that your judgments of what exists are the same kind of judgments you make about how to live your life. There aren't two kinds of things we do: judge what exists and decide what we want to do about it. Fundamentally, there is one kind of thing we do: live our lives. And we can reflect on this activity more or less abstractly.”
Eric Kaplan, Does Santa Exist?: A Philosophical Investigation

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