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Quotes About Sales

Quotes tagged as "sales" (showing 1-30 of 312)
Jarod Kintz
“Selling something only to steal it back to sell again is not only dishonest, but highly profitable.”
Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

H.G. Wells
“Advertising is legalized lying.”
H.G. Wells

Jarod Kintz
“Instead of a Lemonade Stand, I should open up a “You know what I can’t stand?” Stand. I’ll sell rants in small, medium, and large.”
Jarod Kintz, This Book Title is Invisible

Jarod Kintz
“Tomorrow I was supposed to have a meeting with a salesperson, who happened to be Orafoura. But something came up, so I called him and said, “I’m sorry to tell you this, but I have to cancel tomorrow.” To which he replied, “Cancel tomorrow! Who do you think you are, God?”
Jarod Kintz, This is the story my great-grandfather told my father, who then told my grandfather, who then told me about how The Mythical Mr. Boo, Charles Manseur Fizzlebush Grissham III, better known as Mr. Fizzlebush, and Orafoura are all in fact me...

Jarod Kintz
“She asked for the time, and I said that information is for sale—by the slice. 60 slices in a whole pie.”
Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

Jay-Z
“I'm a hustler, baby; I sell water to a well!”
Jay-Z

Jeffrey Gitomer
“Resilience is not what happens to you. It’s how you react to, respond to, and recover from what happens to you.”
Jeffrey Gitomer

Jarod Kintz
“To attract a lover, you need to craft the perfect Craigslist ad. Here’s mine: Free TV with purchase of potato chips and couch.”
Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

Jeffrey Gitomer
“Becoming well known (at least among your prospects & connections) is the most valuable element in the connection process.”
Jeffrey Gitomer

David Mamet
“Put. That coffee. Down. Coffee's for closers only.”
David Mamet, Glengarry Glen Ross
tags: sales

George Carlin
“You can take and nail two sticks together like they've never been nailed together before and some fool will buy it.”
George Carlin, Watch My Language

Jarod Kintz
“I design, manufacture, distribute, and sell elevator buttons. I specialize in the fourth floor. And I don’t mean to brag, but I’m such a good salesman that I could sell one of my fourth-floor elevator buttons to the owner of a three-story building. I’m also into jazz. I make elevator music in my free time. My motto in life: You can’t push my buttons if you don’t buy them.”
Jarod Kintz, A Story That Talks about Talking Is Like Chatter to Chattering Teeth, and Every Set of Dentures Can Attest to the Fact That No..

Jarod Kintz
“A brick could be used to increase your annual sales. But before you can sell, you’ve got to buy. For just $9.99 I’ll show you how a common brick can transform you into an uncommon salesman. 
”
Jarod Kintz, Blanket

Jarod Kintz
“I was raised in a fishing village in the middle of the desert. I sold hellos and goodbyes just to get by.”
Jarod Kintz, How to construct a coffin with six karate chops

Jarod Kintz
“If I tell you I want to be a door-to-door salesman, don’t knock it.
”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

Jarod Kintz
“Before I sold used cars, I sold used horses. Mostly to glue factories.”
Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

Jarod Kintz
“I’m a door-to-door salesman. I sell doors. If I can’t knock on yours, because you don’t have a door to knock on, I know you’ll be interested in what I’m selling.”
Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

Jarod Kintz
“The best salespeople are not salespeople, they’re people who’ve not only bought the product, but also bought into the idea of the company and the brand.”
Jarod Kintz, Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

Jarod Kintz
“Things I’ve learned the hard way: #1) When you’re making a door-to-door sales pitch, make sure your shorts aren’t so short that your dick dangles out of them.”
Jarod Kintz, The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink.

Jarod Kintz
“The prospective buyer said, “Name your price.” So I replied, “OK, how about Ralph Isaac Papov?”
Jarod Kintz, 99 Cents For Some Nonsense

Jarod Kintz
“I carry a door with me wherever I go, because one, it’s symbolic for the opportunities that’ll open up for me, and two, I want to be the best door-to-door salesman who sells doors, so I carry a sample with me everywhere.”
Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

Jarod Kintz
“I talked so much about my product that I sold myself. I bought the very thing I was selling, and I think I overpaid.”
Jarod Kintz, $3.33

Jarod Kintz
“I’ll give you money to buy what I’m selling, because I’m a savvy salesman.”
Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

Jarod Kintz
“I make love like I sell sausages to strange women. One at a time, and always covered with a condom (to keep the flies away).”
Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

Jarod Kintz
“I’m a natural salesman. I sold my soul to the devil. I’m so shrewd that I got pennies on the dollar for it. Ha! Wait, a buyer who gets pennies on the dollar is the clever one in the deal. Damn it! Lucifer tricked me!”
Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

Jarod Kintz
“50% of sales are going to come from women buying it for men, but where are the other 50% in sales going to come from? Mars. The thing I’m selling? Love. Supplies are unlimited, and free, so hurry and buy today.”
Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

Jarod Kintz
“Dreams have one-way doors—the door you enter cannot be exited from, and the door you exit from cannot be used for reentry. And I just want to sell tickets to an event people will pay to sleep through.”
Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

Jarod Kintz
“Dear Natalie,
In a recent study conducted by jarodkintz.com, nine out of ten people were more likely to say yes when the salesperson wore pants. The curious thing is that the prospective customers were being sold a foreskin, and only one out of ten people actually needed to see the product before buying it.”
Jarod Kintz, American Association for the Advancement of Aardvarks Presents: Dear Natalie

Jarod Kintz
“Couples should be able to share their dreams with one another. That’s why for just $69.69, you’ll like what I have to sell you. It’s not just one tube and two suction cups you each attach to your foreheads—it’s the Dream Tunnel.
”
Jarod Kintz, Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

Jarod Kintz
“My cat likes to wake me up by licking my armpit. Never before have I had such a romantic alarm clock. It’s true, man, I should have been born Harry Truman. He could have been a memorable deodorant salesman, if he weren’t such a forgettable President.”
Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

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